Finding Your V.O.I.C.E.

The Word

2012-02-10T07:32:00.000-05:00

One of the phrases that often comes to my mind is from a book by Miguel Ruiz titled The Four Agreements. It is a book I recommend frequently. The phrase is “Be impeccable with your Word.” In this phrase I note the capitalization of “Word”. Word is used here as a proper noun which indicates that the writer intends for us to see this as the name of a person or thing. Ruiz calls this the first agreement and suggests that this singular agreement can change your life.

I had an opportunity to think about this concept yesterday. Oddly, the thoughts came during a run. Lately I have not found myself thinking while running but rather just focusing on completing my run which has not left room for many other thoughts. Yet, this thought came to me powerfully and would not go away. It occurred to me that the Word that I had been using during my runs was limiting my capacity. I had been focusing on just getting through the run, often times telling myself that perhaps I could not run as far or as hard as I had planned. The result of using the Word in this way was that it limited my ability and made many of these runs seem long and difficult. However, during yesterday’s run the focus shifted. It seemed that my Word was about strength and speed. The result was an effortless run that seemed to go by quickly.

How often do we find ourselves telling ourselves limiting thoughts? Thoughts like “I will never have enough money”, or “I don’t know how I am going to get through this”, or “I could never do that”. The results of these limiting thoughts, or limiting words expressed as thoughts rarely produce positive results. Rather, they produce fear, anxiety and often times anger. These emotions of course rarely serve us well.

When we examine the phrase “Be impeccable with your Word” we begin to understand that Ruiz wants us to use words in a way that do not turn those words against ourselves. He writes in his book that impeccable is a word derived from a combination of two words. A Latin word “peccare” which means “to sin”, and the Latin prefix “in” meaning “not”. The combination of these words means means not capable of sinning.

It is fairly easy to see how we might commit a sin with our words and certainly greater minds than mine could discuss this at length. But there is another approach that I would like to explore. While we know clearly about the sins we can commit against others with our words, I want to explore the sins we commit against ourselves with our words. As I indicated above, when I was running I was frequently thinking limiting thoughts. The results of these thoughts were in fact limiting my abilities. The result was that I was using my Word against myself. How often do we do that? We use words against ourselves to limit, discourage, or promote fear. We use words to cause ourselves pain. Is that not a sin against ourselves?

I trust that as you read this you don’t dismiss this as some sort of theological or religious rant. Rather, I am proposing that we begin to examine our words and the power they hold. Words are real. They can be used in powerful ways. Just turn on your television and watch the national discourse and the words being chosen by all sides of the political spectrum. Watch a political debate or 30 minutes of what we now call “News”. You will experience a well of emotions ranging from fear, anger, joy, and excitement. You will align yourself with certain words. Particularly those that come from people that you perceive to be just like you. You will become angry at the words used by those that you see as different from you. Yet, stepping back we must remember that these are their words. We don’t know if they are being impeccable when they use them. We don’t know if they are using the words with an intent to be delivered without harm or pain to another. We can’t blindly trust the words of those we do not really know because we do not really know their intent.

I don’t have a sufficient audience to begin to change the national discourse. I don’t have a soapbox to speak from that would permit me to cause us as a nation to become impeccable with our words. But I can be one voice that begins to say and repeat over and over again “Be Impeccable with your Word.” Maybe it does not need to start on a national level. Maybe you can just start in your own head. Take the time to examine the words you are using right now with just yourself. Let’s get control over the limiting, painful, and untrue words we permit there. Once we gain control of our inner world we can begin to have an impact on our outer world.

I would like to ask anyone reading this today to take a moment before you leave this to just examine the words that you are aware of right now. Are they advancing you or holding you back? Are your words hurting another or limiting their potential? Are your words making you smile or frown?

Your Word is magical. When your Word is free from fault or blame watch what happens first in your own mind and then in the world around you.

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD!

Taking Time to Ponder

2012-01-20T11:13:00.000-05:00

Of course this post must start with the phrase “I was thinking recently about taking time to think”. Many of our written words quite naturally come from the thoughts and observations we have about ourselves and our daily lives. But in all actuality, this post comes from the thought about my own overwhelming data obsession.

My personal observation is that I am without question obsessed with data. I am not alone in this obsession. When talking to a close friend yesterday about the weather her comment to me was that she did not have access to “good meteorological data”. As I watch the habits of my family I notice how in mid conversation we go searching for data. While talking to one of my sons about a new digital device that tracks our levels of activity during the day (a whole different gadget obsession I have) I noticed that within seconds of our conversation he was pulling up the device on his iPhone, and watching a video about the device. This was an instantaneous response and of course while doing this he was still talking with me and at the same time consuming data.

This week I read about the price increase from AT&T for new data plans. The price increase while talked about in absolute numbers being around $5.00 is really a 25% increase in their price for a data plan. While I have a grandfathered data plan from said provider and as a result did not really consider this much, it points out to me that for the most part we are so obsessed with data that I doubt that there will be little hue and cry over this hefty price increase. After all, we need our data!

I write this from my home office on a day when there is snow on the ground, and I have no appointments. My children are at school and my spouse is otherwise preoccupied somewhere in our home far from my office. I have what we might call a moment of peace and quiet. We all seek these moments. Yet in my office there are three laptop computers, my iPad, my iPhone, my television and radio, and of course my BlackBerry. Stop shaking your head I already admitted my data obsession. But the real point is that in order to write this I had to shut down everything except my Mac. I wanted time to ponder this idea without interruption. I wanted space from the data for just enough time to really think this idea through. What is interesting as I write is that I found myself needing data even in the middle of this piece as I wanted to be sure of my usage of the term “hue and cry” above and so I did a quick Google search on my second screen. I laughed out loud at myself right after I did that.

Pondering an idea for me means to write out my thoughts to explore what I am thinking about a thing. This is the way I think and has been the way I have thought for many years. When I was much younger I would do this with a notepad in front of me or at least a piece of paper. I have found myself in restaurants alone doing this on a napkin and I can even recall the number of times I thought thorough an idea with friends while writing something down. I ponder on paper (or at least the electronic equivalent). But something very interesting happens when I remove myself from the data and actually ponder an idea. I realize that I have real thoughts. Lots of them in fact and they flow out quickly and in a fairly coherent fashion. I have to fight off the temptation to go off on a tangent from time to time but I find that with just a bit of quiet focus I can really think. It feels good. It feels rewarding.

I find that I have a tendency to worry, project into the future or be regretful about a prior thought word or action. If I really think about it much of what I call thinking has really been one of these. I call these stories. I will tell myself all kinds of stories if I am not careful. But this form of thinking, this pondering, is quite different. It is just focused on the subject at hand. It is about doing something vastly different and arriving at a conclusion or a sense of direction. It is fun.

In our very busy world filled with so much data, so much information, and so many interruptions, pondering will be difficult at best. But I highly recommend it to anyone that just needs to take time away from the crowd, and escape the data for a few moments. Try disconnecting and just ponder. I am making a list. There are a number of things now that I want to ponder in the coming days. I can only wonder how many of those will be translated to a post here.

UBU

iOS 5 for Moms and Dads

2011-10-11T14:35:00.001-04:00

For starters here is why you want to read this post. Your world is likely divided into three neat little groups. These are those that don't own a smartphone, those that own an iPhone competitor smartphone (Android/BlackBerry), and then there are those that own an iPhone or are getting one this week. I recognize that this is over simplifying the point but this pretty much gets at the heart of the matter. These three groups are going to be impacted in the coming week as a result of the new iPhone 4S and/or the release of iOS 5. This post will get you ready for that release. Now I already know that some of you are thinking that this will have no impact on me. However, I will argue that you are wrong which of course I have to believe or I would not have written this post.

iOS 5 is going to impact your life if you fall into any of the three above groups. If you own an iPhone then your operating system is about to change for the better. If you encounter those that don't own and don't like the iPhone you are going to have to listen to them tell you this week why their device of choice is so much better than the current and new iPhone, and finally since you are likely to talk with people this week this will serve as a grown up primer for the iPhone part of the discussion (and trust me on this you will be somewhere in the next week where someone will either show you how they can talk to their new phone, or you will observe/overhear a discussion about all the new reasons to own an iPhone).

So what follows is what you need to know. First the new iOS is a radical leap for an already radical device. You care about this because it is about to change yet again the way we work and live with mobile devices. This new operating system (save this term to be used sparingly at a party this weekend) brings real voice commands to mobile devices in a way that will seem very futuristic. Or alternatively it will make texting and walking/driving seem like so last week. Your phone is about to become really smart through a software application called Siri (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are much smarter than we all knew). Additionally, the iPhone will now have location based reminder capability. This means that it will know when you are near the grocery store and it will remind you that you need to buy soy milk and tofu (or Oreos if that is more your style). Your calendar is about to become more intuitive, and you will have the exclusive ability to send iMessages to other iPhone users without paying for text messaging (this is bigger than you think given that wireless carriers charge us more for text messages than any other form of data) and this will put pressure on reducing texting fees I hope. Then there is iCloud which will revolutionize device synchronization for those of us that don't work in a corporate office. Add to these improved notifications, draggable email addresses, keyboard shortcuts and computer free updating and you have a whole new bag of tricks.

This likely all sounds very "techie" and I am sure that there are those that are reading this (mostly family friends) that are saying "so what?" So here is the big idea. You don't want to listen all night to that really boring person at your next social gathering talking about how really cool he is with his new phone. You want to be able to shut down that conversation and move on to more relevant and popular topics like Chaz Bono's chances on Dancing with the Stars. So I will equip you with the What and So What of the new iPhone operating system and arm you with the right sounding pithy responses.

Let's start with Siri. Siri is not a new innovation. The application that preceded this was available for iPhone users earlier in the year. What makes this version radical is that it will allow you to use normal voice commands to search and to complete various telephone functions. This will make devices easier to use, more accessible for the elderly and disabled, and is flat out cool. Your party answer to this one is "the technology is not really new, though while very cool it will likely not change telephone users habits in the near term unless we actually begin to use mobile devices in quiet locations where talking to your telephone will not really seem weird." This will surely switch the conversation.

Location Based Reminders. This function is a really significant productivity booster. The backbone of any productivity system is to have a way to keep track of all of the things you need to do. Reminders on the iPhone will give you a place to keep track of all of these things. The added bonus is that now your phone will not only hold your list but it will also know when is the best time to remind you of the items on the list. Think of it like your significant other yelling to you as you go out the door "remember to pick up milk and cookies while you are out" except that this will be more gentle and remind you when you really are near the store. Now that you know this you will sound profound when you say "I am encouraged that smartphones are utilizing the gps capability to do more than check-in on Foursquare."

iMessage is a feature that BlackBerry users have had in a variety of forms for a number of years. This is not so radical except that now the users of the number one selling device will have it too. This feature more likely will serve as yet another nail in RIM's (the maker of the BlackBerry) coffin giving both corporate users and consumers another reason to move to the iPhone.

Keyboard shortcuts is another feature that was available to BlackBerry users for a long time even though most never knew that the feature existed (here you might say that this feature while not new is becoming widely known to the less technical among us and will serve to boost their productivity). Imagine typing OMG on your phone and having the phone convert that to Oh My God. It seems that you will be able to create a series of messages and perhaps even lines of text with just a few key strokes. This will be most useful for messages you send frequently or for those customized responses you will want to create like "Go Away. If I actually wanted to talk to you I would answer the phone." Sorry I just had to get that off my chest.

Notifications are a vast improvement but I am not sure that they will make you more productive. The iPhone will now have options for special sounds and alerts for different types of notifications. This will include everything from email alerts to alarms and reminders. The useful feature here is that notifications will not necessarily distract you when you are using the phone, but my fear is that all the new notifications will actually distract you more when you are not using the phone. You will want to wait and see on this one. Still, here is how you can retort when someone talks about the virtues of notifications "the statistics tell us that we receive an electronic interruption of some kind roughly every eleven minutes. I can't imagine how increasing the probability of receiving even more of these distractions could be deemed to be helpful or productive but then again I am not very technical about these things."

Finally, we have iCloud. This is a significant event. You will now have the ability to have all of your important things in all of your important places. Cloud synchronization will allow non-corporate users to have wireless synchronization of information from your calendar, to your notes, to your tasks. It will be like having the information on the family refrigerator available to everyone no matter where they are located. This will dramatically reduce the chance that you and those closest to you will not be able to stay up to date with the family schedule. It will allow you to put an appointment on your iPhone and have it immediately show up on your laptop or iPad. This is not just cool. Synchronization of information is the key to maintaining your productivity as it moves information as you move. On this one just look up to the heavens when you here someone talk about this and simply raise your hands and say "thank you Steve, I knew you were a genius."

There you have it. You now know in a far less technical way what all of these new iPhone features are about. More importantly, you now have a way to shut down the boring snob that wants to appear to be eloquent about their brand new iPhone. The people at your next social gathering will thank you for turning the conversation to those things we all care about. So how is Chaz really going to win?

My Grandmother Never Sent a Tweet

2011-08-20T08:42:00.001-04:00

As I was registering online for a free program this morning I thought it was clever that the organization required that I send a tweet as a part of the registration process. First of all let me admit right here that the program I registered for is Oprah Winfrey’s Life Class. I figured I might as well get that out of the way and it can’t hurt to give Oprah a shameless plug on my blog. What Oprah and her team have long ago figured out is the real power of social media to advance a program, product, or an idea. That alone was powerful for me. But somehow right after completing my registration and hoping I would win the sweepstakes prize of attending the live show (I plan to give the prize to my Mom and Mother-In-Law if I win) I began to think of my maternal grandmother. My first thought was that even though she died in the fall of 1989 she never had an email address. That was not so unusual in 1989 but I wonder if she were alive today would she have one.

My grandmother was a writer. She never had her words published but she wrote poetry and stories. She reached the status in the church I grew up in to be considered a Mother of the church which is a position of status given to older members that were faithful and spiritual. As a Mother she had many opportunities to speak before the church. Every time I heard her speak at church she would recite or read one of her poems or stories. I don’t know if she ever saved her writings and if she did I don’t know what became of them after her death. Her poems always rhymed and her stories almost always shared an important life lesson and biblical advice. She loved to share these writings with the public and she referred to them as “pieces.” She even wrote pieces for me as a child and therein provided my earliest opportunities to speak in public as my pieces were written for me to memorize and read in front of the church on special occasions or during children’s programs. I learned to speak in the church and I learned the power of story there too.

In addition to writing stories and poems my grandmother wrote letters. I first became the beneficiary of her letters during my early years in the military. Later, when I moved away from Philadelphia for work she wrote much more frequently. I also wrote letters to her. In fact each year I would buy the best stationary I could find for her so that she could write her letters on “good” paper which was important to her. She liked to make a good impression on people.

When I read my grandmother’s letters I always hear her voice. I have become convinced over the years that her purpose in writing was to pass along lessons and advice that would endure beyond her lifetime. If that was her purpose she was right as I have read her letters during some of my difficult as well as happy times in my life. Letters have an enduring power somewhat like the power of a favorite book. You go back to them to re-read to find a nugget of information, advice or to reinforce something you learned long ago.

So I have already said that my grandmother did not have an email address and of course she never sent a tweet. In fact I can imagine that she would have considered the idea to be weird to tweet the sometimes personal details of our lives to complete strangers. Plus, I don’t think my grandmother would have done well with the 140 character limitation of a tweet. Although I get a laugh when I imagine grandma writing “Just finished watching General Hospital LMFAO.” Of course she was a lady that would never have used the term LMFAO but just the thought brought back images for me.

Today so many of us tweet our thoughts, post intimate details of our lives on Face Book, blog about our success, failures, thoughts and ideas. Yet, I wonder how often we just take the time to write a letter. My experience over these past thirty years is that letters have an enduring power. Maybe someday we will read email messages posted 30 years ago but somehow I doubt it. I can’t imagine someone outside of the government keeping an archive of our tweets and saving them for posterity. I fear my blog post someday will fade into an archive after I die that can’t be accessed without my password thus causing them to be lost forever. But letters, these won’t just fade away. When we write a letter I imagine that the reader will save it. Perhaps they will take the time to read it again and again. Letters, provide an opportunity for clarity that you can’t have in a tweet, or most email messages. Letters take far more time than other means of communication. You write, read, and rewrite to make sure the points are made perfectly. Some people even hand write their letters then rewrite the handwritten version to make it perfect. There is something about this process that gives greater depth to a letter. Our letters will usually be saved and we know that so we try to give our best efforts when we write one.

Next week is my mother’s 75th birthday. I will call her on her birthday, but today I am going to write a letter to her. I plan to ask my sons to do the same. While my mom has a preference for birthday cards I want her to read and to hear the words that we say. I want her to be able to retain the thoughts so that she can read them years from now. I want her to hear our separate voices and I want her to connect with the fact that this took time and attention which reflects that we love her.

If this post impresses you at all would you also write a letter this weekend? Maybe you have a friend that has not heard from you in a while and a letter would be a welcome surprise. Perhaps a letter of apology to a damaged relationship or a letter of encouragement to someone that is struggling will make all the difference. You could also write a love letter this weekend as surely there is someone in the world you love. It does not need to be very long or even elegant, but you can not beat the power of your words put on paper for just one person to see. That is probably why my grandmother never sent a tweet.

Push The Green Button

2011-08-12T08:44:00.003-04:00

We live in a world where we are exposed to new technology almost daily. Many of us wait with great expectation (sometimes in long lines that include the Mayor of Philadelphia sitting in a lawn chair) to be among the first to possess that next thing that is going to dramatically change our lives and solve all of our problems that are right now keeping us from getting things done. After shelling out hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars we finally have that shiny new and ever smaller device in our hands. This is a very cool moment and yet it is also the moment when your overall productivity just plummeted.

Have you ever noticed that most devices that we buy today don’t come with an owners manual in the packaging? Actually, there usually is something of a set of User instructions but of course those are accessible on the internet (which by the way you can’t get to because you don’t know how to configure your new device to get you there). So instead you just jump in and try to figure out the device. I mean just how hard can this be? You have owned other phones, tablets or computers, how different is this? Actually, you make it through this stage and ultimately (OK many hours later) you have your new device configured, you can access your email and your other files and if you are very lucky someone helped you synchronize your information from your last device and you my friend are back in business. Here lies the problem. You acquired this device to make you more productive. It has all of these new features that you thought were going to be great and this is so much better than anything you have ever had before. Except you don’t really know how to use the device.

I was recently working with a colleague and helping him to make a few configuration changes to his smartphone. This was not a new device and in fact because it had been around for a while he was having a couple of problems and most importantly he could not gain access to our company email system. The IT people told him he had an unsupported device (this really means we don’t know how to work that one). I was happy to help so while we were together at a three day meeting we got together one night after dinner. I was able to make a few changes to his phone, get his email working and solved the problem he was having with moving his trackpad. This took less than half an hour and I was really happy to do that. But I did not realize until well after the fact that I was actually quite tired when I set his phone up and I made a mistake in one of the configurations. The next morning he begins using his newly configured phone and he realizes that there is a problem in that I had configured his email to reflect that the sender was named Password. All of his email messages that he sent out reflected to the recipient that they had just received an email from an unknown source. Imagine the inconvenience in a world where we are suspicious of odd email messages and the potential for viruses. I felt terribly when he sent an email to me telling me about the problem and to make matters worse I was about to catch a plane for a 4 hour flight and would be unable to correct the mistake I made in his email. As a quick fix I shot off an email with instructions to fix the problem at least in case he had to solve that before I got on the ground again. In his message to me he mentioned another problem. He said that when he attempted to dial his phone all he got were letters instead of numbers for every button he pushed. That one stumped me. I had configured his phone to use several keyboard shortcuts but did not recall doing anything there that would have turned his phone dialer into gibberish. I thought for a moment and realized that in my haste the night before I told him that after the changes I made that to make phone calls he had to push the green button then dial as normal. My colleague and new friend now was stranded and could make phone calls only to those people in his address book.

As I was boarding my aircraft I realized that the phone dialing problem was a minor one and that he had likely forgotten to push the green button prior to initiating a telephone call. I sent a quick text message reminding him of those instructions and expected that this would solve his problem.

When my plane landed and I had a free moment I gave my colleague a call. He said that he had looked and looked but could not find the green button that I wrote about and therefore still had the dialing problem. I pointed out that this button was literally on the lower left hand corner of his telephone. From his uttered response I know that at that moment he felt a bit foolish. However, what I realized at that moment was that prior to the changes I made in his telephone he had likely never had a reason use that green button and he was expecting something special and as a result this rather ordinary button had become invisible to him.

My friend’s challenges are not unlike what many of us face when we really don’t know how to use the technology we purchase or that is provided to us. While we so often appreciate the cool factor of having something new, most of us don’t take the time to learn how to use our tools. While this is fine if you just like cool stuff, it is not acceptable for those of us that need and use the devices to help us become more productive at work. Our technology often rules us or at least confuses the heck out of us. Or as I am so often reminded by the words of Stephen Covey “Technology and tools are helpful and useful when they are your servant and not your master.”

It is worth the investment in time and sometimes money to really understand how you can rule your technology. I have spent countless hours personally learning to master the tools I have all around me. While this serves my friends and neighbors well, most importantly it has served me well as I can use my technology to make my life simpler, my work faster, and reduce technology overload. While it might sound trivial to have trouble finding the green button, think about the frustration, loss of energy and loss of productivity that my friend experienced and that you experience when you can’t do something with your new phone, tablet, or computer. It is time folks to really understand exactly what that little button does when you hit it.

What Do You Do

2011-08-10T19:55:00.002-04:00

While listening to an interview recently with actor and singer Harry Connick Jr. the interviewer asked him why he took some of the risks that he took. He said that he took those risks to do different things to serve his art. His specific comment was "I am an artist." Connick has gained fame with his live and recorded music, his appearances in movies and on stage in Broadway plays. He has considerable range and easily could choose to be called an actor or a singer or a musician. When asked though he calls himself an artist and he relates what he does to serving his art.

I have noticed that when asked the question "What do you do?" most people give a long answer. Few seem to be satisfied (this could be the person asking or the person responding) with simple roles such as I am a Dad, or Mom. Even those with significant titles in the corporate world don't just respond by saying I am an executive or a C.O.O. Rather they go on to tell you what type of executive or the name of their company and what the company does. It is almost as though the one word answer is never enough and that perhaps it does not cause them to seem significant.

I also find it interesting that this question of what do you do comes up frequently in social settings where it appears, at least to me, that what you do does not really matter at the time. While attending a picnic this past weekend at the home of a friend I was asked several times by people that I had just met what I did. I decided to try out a number of different answers to see how they would go over. To one person I said I am Max and Alex's dad. To another person while holding a fishing rod in my hand I was very tempted to say "I fish" but felt that the answer would seem like I was being a jerk. This particular person really wanted to know what my job was and in particular I realized that he really wanted to know what I did for the host of the party as many people there were employees of my friend's company. I finally answered his question by saying that I am a consultant. I quickly added that I was a consultant for FranklinCovey which caused him to have a knowing look on his face and he responded as do so many "oh so you work for the planner people." This conversation became even more interesting when he asked my wife what she did. There was a moment of awkwardness until I responded "she is in transition." This answer was accurate from my viewpoint as I believe that Tonyia is at the stage in life where she is transitioning from being a stay at home mother to our twin sons, to a place where she once again finds her independent place in the world doing something that matters to her.

Going back to the Harry Connick interview, at one point Connick was asked what he thought about one of the characters from the reality television show Jersey Shore. He was asking about Snookie. Connick replied with the question "What does she do?" The interviewer was stumped. After fumbling for a while he replied that she "makes a spectacle of herself." Connick pressed further and asked but what does she do? The point he was making was that sometimes people gain fame and even fortune for essentially doing nothing. Harry Connick said that to perform his art he works very hard, studies and rehearses to perfect the art. He seemed to be wondering while admitting that he does not know Snookie, whether or not she had to work at making a spectacle of herself. He was wondering whether or not getting drunk and into fights required rehearsing. I began to think in that moment that the question what do you do is far more important than we have ever thought.

The answer to the question what do you do is intended to define you. While I admit that often times it is used to rank people and determine your status I would like to think that the answer is more important to you than it is to the person asking. What do you do? The answer permits us to tell others about what matters most in our lives. What do you do? The answer tells me what I am willing to sacrifice for, commit to, and to dedicate my finest energies to achieving.

There is a wonderful opportunity when someone asks us what we do. We should take the time to really know what we do because in knowing what we do we know what matters to us. The answer to what you do is the answer to who you really are. Perhaps the answer requires more than one word. Or maybe your answer is that you are "in transition."

You know as I think about it I think I know what Snookie does. She is Snookie.

If Time Were No Obstacle

2011-08-09T18:28:00.000-04:00

We have moments in our lives when we think of things we want to do or wish that we had done. These moments sometimes come to us after major events. I experienced one of these moments yesterday after a busy but otherwise normal day my flight home took off down the runway as usual. However, after gaining speed and just prior to take-off the pilot aborted and quickly brought the plane to a stop. Apparently there were problems with the instruments and he believed it was prudent to abort the flight. As the event was happening I really did not think about all of the possible scenarios and ways that this seemingly small event could have played out. But later as I sat in my seat on the plane we were moved to it occurred to me that this was really a close call. My gratitude at that moment was overwhelming and remains so even now.

For me last night made me wonder about what would happen if the pilot was perhaps lesser skilled and did not effectively manage the abort. Or worse what if we had actually gotten off of the ground and then experienced a problem. While I don’t have a fear of flying this event brought to mind a host of possibilities that could have had a significant impact in my life and in the lives of those I love so dearly.

So today after processing all of the the things that happened last night I thought of this question that we once posed to our Time Management program participants. The question is “If time were no obstacle some day I would..” The purpose of the question was to get the participants to think about all of the things that they would do someday if they had more time. I would collect the answers on 3 x 5 cards from the participants as they left for lunch. At the end of the day I would read the anonymous answers aloud to the class. I saved quite a few of the answers that I collected from the participants over the years and while many of the answers were things like I would spend less time at the office, many more were poignant and thought provoking. Looking through those cards today I realized that I have never completed a card answering the question for myself. So what follows are a few of my answers.

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Spend a full day talking to each of the people that have touched my life and let them know how much I appreciate their time and attention

Visit with every one of my old friends and offer my apologies were I may have wronged them

Been kinder to that special friend that really needed me longer than I knew

Listen just a bit longer to hear what my children, my wife, my mother and siblings were really saying to me

Play more often, sleep more than 6 hours per night, and laugh a lot

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Have spent more time listening to my grandmother tell stories while cooking in the kitchen

Write more letters

Talk to my father about what he thought when he was in his 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and early 60s

Relax my shoulders, loosen my jaw move my head back and smile more

Talk to that person that had the look in their eyes needing some attention

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Sit with my family, in an electronic free zone learning to just be together

Stand up to the injustices I see rather than walking quickly by trying not to get involved

Give more of my time to those that could use it well and spend less time with those that waste my time

Experience time by watching what is happening around me

Write lots of books because I had read lots of books

Eat really well and live a more balanced and healthy life

Own less, give away more, and experience the present without worrying about the future

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Be kinder, gentler and more forgiving of myself and others

I would actually make the apologies I need to make for never really having enough time

After reading all of these things I remind myself that time is not and has never been an obstacle in my life. The only obstacle is and has always been me. The choices I make about how I spend my time have always been in my control. In fact we have copious amounts of time given to us just as it is given to everyone. What we choose to do with that time is really where the power of living well exists.

Converting Energy

2011-08-06T04:01:00.001-04:00

I have often thought that people touch the lives of other people in such a way that when the encounters ensue there is a transference of energy. This transference can be reflected in emotions we feel in the presence of another. Often times it comes just by being in proximity to another person, or sometimes it comes when we make physical contact such as a high five, a handshake, hug or a gentle touch. At times it even comes when people are far apart simply when we think of another. I believe that once we enter into relationships with people that the transference is always there ebbing and flowing much like currents of electricity. Make no mistake this transference is not always positive. There are people that do literally ignite us in positive ways with their presence and of course there are those that promote an equal and opposite response. I think that it is also true that the same person can give us both positive and negative energy depending on the interaction. The positive interactions can cause us to do so many wonderful things and aids in creating positive connections among people. However, those negative interactions and the negative transference of energy that at times may accompany those interactions can be quite destructive.

I want to focus for this post on the negative transference of energy. I have seen in many people what can happen when there is a negative transference of energy. I have seen stress, sleeplessness, agitation and even depression as an outcome of these interactions. I have also seen first hand how the negative transference can distract, debilitate and even destroy a person. This causes me to wonder whether or not it is possible to use negative energy for positive purposes. That is to say could we take the negative and literally convert the current to create something positive from those very same feelings.

A quick look through some of the famous persons in history suggest that perhaps it is not only possible to change the way the energy is used but it might well be that for more than a few of those persons the negative energy in fact inspired their greatness. One example I often think of is that of Ernest Hemingway. It is well known that he was a heavy drinker (that is putting it mildly) yet it is also believed that he did some of his best writing if not the majority of his writing while under the influence of alcohol. Andy Warhol while incredibly creative also lived what some view as a tortured life. Vincent van Gogh created some of his greatest masterpieces in his dark period succeeding the death of his father and during periods of intense loneliness. And finally, Albert Einstein discovered and even worked through some of his most challenging thoughts and ideas while estranged from and corresponding with his soon to be ex-wife.

Each of these people I believe managed to harness the energy that was negative in their lives and channel that energy to some positive result. While a closer look at these individuals might also suggest that at some point their behaviors were ultimately destructive, we can perhaps see at least for a period of time that they were able to harness those energies and turn them in to something positive, productive and even beautiful.

It seems to me that perhaps how we experience those negative emotions in our lives is subject to what we choose to do. We can choose to hold the negative and suffer or use what is pure energy and convert that to something which drives a positive result. Can we take something that on its face seems not to serve us well and use it to inspire our greatness. Or, like so many do we take the hurts and pains of life and allow them to drag us down. In so doing perhaps we also then take our own pain and inflict pain upon others. I think we can make a choice to use the negative to create the positive. We can take our own pains and create joy. We can choose not to suffer and instead share light. To my thinking this would seem like an ideal way to use something that could be harmful and yet create something wonderful. Like all things in life I believe that it all comes down to the choices we make.

Choose well.

Choosing the Hard Right

2011-08-01T13:19:00.000-04:00

While checking my Facebook page this morning I saw a message from a close friend. I was pleased to see her taking the time to catch up with me and once again I reminded myself that I too needed to be better at that. Her note quickly caught me up with the big events going on in her life such as her daughter’s wedding this coming weekend. She also wrote about a leadership course she had taken recently and how a lesson I taught her quite a few years ago proved useful in that class as she talked about her ability to prioritize the priorities in her life. She recalled a discussion we had over lunch one day that helped her to understand the importance of choosing to spend time and energy on those things that are most important.

I remember during that lunch that I did something that many of us do when discussing an idea. To illustrate a point I grabbed a small paper napkin and began to scribble an illustration containing four boxes. The boxes were an illustration of something I often teach at FranklinCovey about the four dimensions of our lives. Those dimensions are the Physical, Social/Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual. We talked about how important it is to have regular focus in each of these dimensions and even how sometimes people in our lives have a clear role in some or all of those dimensions. We also talked about how sometimes our choices keep us from really spending time in those dimensions. That discussion provided a moment of clarity for me and for my friend as we began to understand how sometimes certain choices, roles and even relationships can be placed at a higher priority than the most important roles we play in our own life and in the lives of others. I now recall that we coined the phrase Choosing the Hard Right as a way of describing what we must do to make the best or right choice.

The idea here is that in order to make the optimal choices in our lives we must consider at times things that are really hard to choose. This could be as fundamental as choosing to actually get up when your alarm goes off in the morning rather than snoozing for “just 10 more minutes.” Or choosing to give your best to a relationship that is struggling rather than surrendering to the many ways and choices we make in modern society to emotionally or physically abandon someone. In their own way each of these are hard choices and generally we also know which of the choices in each circumstance is likely right for you at the time. The difficulty is in making the harder choice.

There are several ways that you can use this idea to help you to consistently make more optimal choices in your life. First it is important to remember that everything starts with a choice. Even when we fail to choose we are in fact making a choice. Second, always remember to protect what really matters to you. Block time to do the things that you perceive as being the most important or having the highest payoff. Third, start by making optimal choices with the small things such as fruit over pastry or a salad vs “fries with that.” And finally, try to limit the distracting noises that can compete with your ability to make good choices. Your brain really can not effectively handle too many things at once. When choosing remember to put people first then things. This small piece of advice has served me well over the years.

Newton’s laws of motion are very helpful here. He said “to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. The ideal action is to choose the hard thing that you know to be right. The equal and opposite reaction will be better health, improved relationships and greater clarity as you free yourself from fear, worry and doubt.

A final thought: Sometimes we have already made a choice without really thinking. Pause for just a moment longer and try to better understand why you made the choice. In that moment you may find great clarity in ways to make more optimal choices in the future and also to benefit from improved results.

I Love You But We Need to See Less of Each Other

2011-07-14T08:50:00.001-04:00

I admit to having had an on again and off again love affair with coffee for over 35 years. The cabinets and closets in our home reflect the many devices or methods that have gone in and out of vogue that have allowed me to enjoy my morning coffee. So of course today it was not really unusual to begin the morning preparing my daily cup. Except I became fully aware today about a shift that has been happening for the better part of this year.

At the beginning of this year I began doing research about the ways in which we do things that reduce our overall effectiveness. This of course led to my becoming aware of the many legal ways we effectively damage our bodies and our brains. We all know about many of these things such as smoking, alcohol abuse bad foods, too much sun, and yes even too much caffeine. Yet, honestly so many of us still do many of these things despite evidence of the damage they can cause. My new understanding of the damage done by the things I was doing in due course led me to work to further improve what I perceived to be a fairly healthy diet and lifestyle. I reduced my sugar intake even further, tried and failed to reduce my potato chip consumption (still a real problem for me) and even worked harder to consistently get 7 hours of sleep each night. I went back and forth about caffeine for a few months even experiencing a brief period when I swore off the drink completely. My daily habits have changed and will continue to get better as I remain focused on these things. But coffee still maintains a fairly central role in my daily routine.

This week as I began my re-entry to my work routine following our vacation a couple of things about Europe have continued to stay with me. Most people know about the experience of sitting in a cafe in France, or Italy. Usually when you speak to people that have spent time there almost everyone will talk about the wonderful experience of sitting in a cafe having their favorite beverage. Like most people I too visited a number of cafes during our trip. When I was able to do that in the morning I would have my morning coffee which of course meant an espresso. In fact most mornings it actually meant having two or perhaps three espressos. Today it struck me that perhaps I have had this whole thing wrong. I simply took my American habits overseas with me. While my home routine typically involves having enough coffee (meaning at least one large cup) to accompany my breakfast, what I saw in Europe was many people having just one espresso (with bread at times) and then going on their way.

For many years when I made coffee I made a pot. This despite the fact that I am the only person in my home that drinks coffee. Over time I have reduced this to smaller amounts for my personal consumption but usually I have made no less than four cups (as measured by the coffee maker meaning 32 ounces) even though more often than not I have thrown much of this away. This year I moved back to making coffee in my Bialetti (remember I have all sorts of coffee making devices). This is a simple coffee making device used in Italy to make coffee in relatively small amounts. Still, my own Bialetti is large enough to make about one 12 ounces of coffee at once. The coffee is quite strong when made in the Bialetti since the device is actually designed to make espresso. I found myself sometimes pouring more than half of my cup away each day.

Now I get it. I think that people in some parts of the world have learned that sometimes we enjoy something best when we enjoy less of that thing. Espresso cups are small not just because they are cute or sophisticated, but they are small because the suggestion is that you don’t need a lot of espresso (OK sometimes I admit to being slow). Having two cups in the morning is perhaps more than you need and if you really do need more than one cup it suggests that what you really need is more sleep not more coffee.

So as my ever evolving relationship with coffee continues we are now at a place where It will be just one espresso for me each morning (I love you coffee but I think we need to see less of each other). I know that my body will function better with this reduced amount and perhaps I will grow to really enjoy that brief morning interlude. After all, I do recall that sometimes the briefest of encounters are often times the greatest. And so it goes for me and my morning drink. Now if I could just balance out the rest of my day in this manner but I guess that is for yet another post.

Living The Dream

2011-04-19T17:20:00.000-04:00

I have a client who when asked how he is doing always responds “I am living the dream.” This has become a popular response and I hear it often particularly in business circles. Often times I hear the response a bit sarcastically. However, I know that this client really means it when he says that he is living the dream. At least from all outward appearances he is successful financially and has a good family life and healthy productive children. For most of us I believe that would qualify as living the dream.

As I was thinking of this phrase this morning I found myself responding to a different client with my client’s response. When asked how I was doing I responded, “I am living the dream.” My client laughed and I could tell from their laugh that they thought I was responding in the sarcastic manner I hear so often. However, the reality is that I was serious. I really am “Living The Dream.”

Last night I read something that I wrote six years ago on April 20, 2005. I found the document under a pile of magazines that I was filing. I was writing about the need to understand who we are and who we want to be. What I wrote then was that I wanted to be a person that read more, listened to others, and continually practiced self-examination. I also wrote that I wanted to learn more so that I could positively impact the lives of others. Finally, I wrote that I recognized that I was not “finished yet” and that I could see myself as a work in progress. That was what I imagined six years ago and that is what I was dreaming I would become. Last week as I worked with of small group of just under 20 people I recognized that I was impacting the lives of people almost every day. The thought caused me to write the following as my revised mission statement: To give to those whose lives I touch the best that I can be. This is the shortest version of my personal mission statement that I have written in about seventeen years. Yet, it really reflects what I was dreaming about six years ago.

Living the dream for me is not a financial measure. Neither is it a measure of business success. Rather, it reflects that every day I have the chance to do something that really does impact the lives of the people closest to me, and that impacts the lives of my colleagues and clients. It reflects that I have the opportunity to learn new things constantly, and I am learning to really listen to people. While this last one has not been mastered just yet, I am getting better and I can see that in my interactions.

What I am learning is that living the dream is by no means easy. Yet, those that are doing just that are living fulfilled lives. They are vibrant, they work hard, and they are happy. One example is another colleague that yesterday completed the Boston Marathon. He is 46 years old, a lifetime runner and he had a goal to qualify for and complete the Boston Marathon. He is living the dream. My colleague will not earn any sponsorship as a result of his performance yesterday. He won’t make any more money at work as a result of the race, and today he is likely quite sore. But I can bet with a high degree of certainty that yesterday he managed a smile and perhaps even a sigh of relief as he accomplished something that he hoped for and that a relative few will ever do. I think this is really what living the dream is all about. It is about doing what you dream of. It is about accomplishing goals that you set in your life and doing what really matters.

So many of us have dreams that we are waiting to begin. We tell ourselves that we will do it when the time is right. The fact is that now is the right time. In fact there may never be a better time. We need to start living the dream not tomorrow, but we need to start today. My colleague that ran Boston yesterday began living the dream long before he ran in Boston. He likely began living the dream before he ran his Boston qualifying time last fall. I believe that every day that my colleague got up to go out for a run he was living the dream. When he spent time talking to his son he was living the dream. While he was doing his job each day he was living the dream. I am willing to bet that my colleague has been living the dream perhaps even longer than he knows.

If we are waiting to start living the dream we run a tremendous risk. We risk reaching the day when we look back at our lives and we say we did not do the things that were important to us. Or we wish that we had done things differently, like take more time for those we love, or pursue a dream that we had when we were younger.

Commit today to start living the dream. You will need to say no to some things that have been standing in your way. You may even need to say no to some of the things that impact those closest to you. But in saying no you will be saying yes to your dreams. Start now I mean literally right now. Put this down and start living your dream. If you don’t do it now you may some day have to say, “I wish I had lived my dream.”

Traveling Without Moving

2011-01-31T10:45:00.002-05:00

In the 1984 Sci-Fi classic movie Dune a planet is at war over the “Spice.” The Spice enables a person to “Travel Without Moving.” I have always had trouble just getting my head around that concept and I find myself thinking of it often. Seems like a really cool idea. Well today I get to experience something pretty close. I am traveling to Atlanta later today and with my crutches moving is challenging. I could really use the Spice right now.

I am by any definition a frequent traveler. Marie (BTW she prefers her other name, FL) says I am a High Roller. I have all the perks that come with a job like mine including premium status on airlines and with hotels. These perks are really quite nice and they make travel a bit less stressful as you stand in shorter lines, board planes first, get the best seats, and preferred rooms. But none of these really matter much when you have trouble walking. No matter how short the line standing on one foot is a challenge. Today is going to be interesting. While I am a very good planner, this trip is going to challenge those skills. While I am admittedly anxious, a part of me welcomes the challenge.

When you are dependent on crutches you cannot walk through the screening device at the airport. The TSA personnel require that you put your crutches through the scanner which in my case will render me helpless. The result is that I am going to get my first ride in a wheel chair today. This also means holding a conversation with a complete stranger to whom I will probably have to explain my situation. You likely know just how much I am looking forward to that. I do think that there is a short line for wheel chair bound travelers so I guess that for me that part will be familiar. However, that is the least of my concerns. I typically travel with carryon luggage. It is rare for me to check a bag as the risks of losing your luggage are great and I have calculated that checked luggage adds at least an hour each way. This accounts for the time it takes to check the bag and to get it back from baggage claim. Last year I flew over 150 segments. If I had to check a bag each time I would be giving up nearly a week of my life to baggage. Additionally, checking luggage significantly shortens the life expectancy of your suitcase. I anticipate that when my foot heals I will also require a new bag. This whole broken foot thing is getting expensive.

The boot I am wearing is likely to qualify me for my first pat down by the TSA. This thought reminds me of a Friends episode where Chandler talks about the Tailor that “Makes an adjustment for you as he measures your trouser inseam.” You would have to have seen that one to get my point here. Let’s just say that I am not looking forward to “getting the adjustment” from some guy at the airport.

The cool news is that I have arranged for a car service to pick me up in Atlanta. Mostafa will meet me at baggage claim and that means that someone will actually get my bag for me. I can’t imagine how else I could move my bag. Even catching a cab requires that you get your bag out to the curb and I can’t manage that with the crutches. I spent some time thinking about this expense and it seems like it is not significantly greater than renting a car. I am going to have to start collecting information about this for all my trips.

I am flying to Atlanta through Charlotte. Both airports are huge. There are multiple escalators, moving walkways and great distances to travel. I am hoping to catch a ride on one of those annoying carts where the driver is doing their best to run over people as they attempt to navigate a strange place while pulling or carrying too much luggage and their frappuccino. I think I am going to get a different view of airports today.

I am asked constantly how I broke my foot. The story is boring. I was just running on a treadmill one morning. I have now concocted a new story. When asked how I broke my foot my new answer is as follows: “I think that discretion is quite important so let me just say that at a certain hotel recently I managed one morning to do something amazing that I had never done before. The experience left me soaking wet and with a broken foot. It will be six weeks before the doctors will permit me to try it again but I can’t wait.” I do hope you like the new version. But let me know if it needs improvement.

This is Day 5 of 42. There is so much more to come.

It Only Hurts When I Walk

2011-01-29T11:31:00.001-05:00

At 5:30 in the morning in many hotel gyms the silence is wonderful. Occasionally, there might be one other ambitious traveler getting their morning workout in at this time of day but more often than not it is just me. Like most mornings I put on my earphones, started my playlist and began what I thought was going to be a 4 mile run. Despite my schedule of late I wanted to keep pace with my plan to run about 25 miles this week and I was already behind. The impact of snow and flight cancellations was also setting my running behind. I have a meeting beginning at 8:00 and I will need to arrive by 7:45 to get ready so I don’t have much time. I think I will kick up the pace a notch as this is a short run.

About 2.5 miles in to the run I hear an audible pop or snap sound. I can hear it through my earphones but it sounds like it was far away. That is until the pain arrives. Suddenly I can’t run. I get off the treadmill and try to walk but I can’t do that either. The pain is getting worse. I immediately think I have broken my foot and all I can think about is that I may not be able to run for a while. Seems strange that this is my first thought. There are many other things that should occur to me at this moment. First of all I am in Rochester, NY and this is not home. I am alone and may need help to get to my hotel room. I need to drive the car home and this will take at least 5 hours, and finally, I have a meeting with a client that we have been working for months to arrange. Yet, despite this, at the moment I am thinking of running. I realize in this instant just how important running has become in my life and I am experiencing fear of not being able to do it soon or perhaps ever again.

In life things change very quickly. The first change begins as I hobble back to my room. My foot hurts, I am sweating more than usual and it is too early to call anyone. Besides, what do I say? I am in Rochester and there isn’t anyone that is going to be able to come and help. I also need to get to my meeting. I shower and shave and conclude that the best thing I can do is to get my shoes on, tie them tightly, and get going so that is what I do. My foot feels pretty good once I actually get my shoe on so I drive to the client and I am only a few minutes later than I had planned. I encounter my first obstacle when I enter the building. The meeting is on the second floor of an older building and I am not aware of an elevator to get there. I am carrying my briefcase which weighs a ton and I am now learning that limping while carrying heavy objects is really hard to do. I make it to the board room where we will meet and I see the pleasant face of my colleague Tom. After I say hello I tell him that I think my foot is broken.

Our meeting requires a bit of facilitation, and presentation. I am wondering how much time I can stand on my feet. My colleague recognizes this without a word exchanged and he fills in as much as possible. I gamely limp to stand when necessary to make a point, or write a note on the flip chart. All in all the day goes very well but my brain is gradually giving in to pain and I am distracted. I will learn later that night that my foot is broken but for now the unknown and level of pain as I move about is making me just pray for the day to end. It does at around 3:00. Now I need to get down that flight of stairs to get to my car. Seven hours ago getting up the stairs was challenging. Now, getting down is excruciating and a difficult combination of balance and strength while reassuring my host that all is well. All is not well. I limp to the car, get inside and feel a rush of emotion. Not tears but a sense of fear. I need to get home and I need to do this without delay.

It is amazing how focused you can become when you are in pain. I make the drive home only stopping once for gas, protein bars and getting food from a drive through. I over buy but I don’t plan to stop again. Tonyia has made an appointment for me to have my foot looked at but I need to get there before 8:00 to be seen tonight. I need to get there because I need to know what I might be facing. I make it to the Doctor's by 7:40.

It does not take long at the Doctor’s to confirm with an x-ray that I have a stress fracture of the second metatarsal (my vocabulary is growing as I learn about my foot). The prognosis which is confirmed by the Orthopedic Doctor the next morning is 6 weeks no weight on the foot and an air cast. I can’t drive, I need crutches and I am now totally dependent on others for things I took for granted. I need doors opened for me, I can’t carry food and I take my messenger bag with me everywhere as my third pair of hands to hold things. I even need trousers that fit my current waist size with pant legs wide enough to go over the boot. I really am not in to the whole Pirate look of tucking my pants in to the boot and besides I think that would be uncomfortable. A shopping trip to the mall is required on the way home.

Yesterday I considered myself fit. At least with both my feet working well moving around the mall was never given a second thought. Now, I have to navigate the mall with crutches and I realize just how far it is to Banana Republic where I want to go to buy Khaki pants. I pass J. Crew and consider going in there but I just can’t imagine paying their prices for trousers. I forge ahead stopping to rest a couple of times and feeling awkward as people are staring at the guy with the crutches who is actually in the way. Yesterday I was just like them so I don’t get angry but I make a mental note to be more patient with people in the future. You just don’t know what they might be experiencing. I buy two pairs of trousers and begin planning my work wardrobe around my new casual look. You can’t really be fashionable when wearing a huge gray boot on your right foot. People tend to notice. I also decide that I need to wear a running shoe on my good foot after slipping a couple of times in my shoes. There goes a Harvey Young maxim. I used to say I only wear sneakers when I exercise. A lot of what I used to do is going to have to change.

Today is only day two of my 42 day journey. I have to fly to Atlanta on Monday and I expect that many lessons will be learned as I depend on porters and bellmen to move my luggage, face my first TSA pat down at the airport, and travel through the airport in a wheelchair since I can’t imagine making it through that distance on the crutches. Alex said that at least now you get on the plane first. I was actually grateful for that since I do not move quickly. I wonder can you get down the airplane isle with crutches.

I will blog about my experiences over these next 42 days. By the way, I am not writing to garner any sympathy, but I just think it will be helpful to share my experiences. I close today with a few notes to those of you in good health. If you are not exercising, despite my injury please begin immediately. I don’t think I could manage all of this if my balance was off, if I did not have good upper body strength, and if I were not aerobically fit. Despite all of that this is still very hard. For my friends my own age I also recommend you take your vitamins especially vitamin D and Calcium.

My final thought is a line I heard from Wille Jolley years ago “A setback is just a setup for a comeback.”

Ending the Pursuit of Busyness

2010-11-30T15:01:00.001-05:00

I spend a considerable amount of my time thinking about the subject of productivity. Much of this has to do with the work I do with my clients but even on a personal level I think often about this subject. What I have come to believe is that rather than trying to be productive, many of us are lost in the pursuit of busyness. We have allowed digital tools to allow us to be busier than ever before. Just think about it. If you have a laptop, smartphone, instant messaging service and at least one social networking login (perhaps like the one that led you to this article) you could be totally busy all day but it is doubtful that at the end of the day you would find yourself to be truly productive. Yet, by all outward indications you would certainly appear to be busy as you check email, respond to text/instant messages, tweet, post, check-in and yammer all day. Now before you see this as a rant against technology and tools, let me admit that right now on my desk I have within easy reach a BlackBerry Torch, an iPhone 4 and an iPad, and believe it or not an old school notebook which is a ruled Moleskine. I looked at Twitter this morning, posted on Yammer, and have read and written a number of email messages. I think that all of these tools are wonderful when they are placed in the proper perspective and when we apply disciplines that lead to productive habits.

I was listening to a podcast yesterday where the founders of Twitter were being interviewed. One of them said that while he looks at Twitter throughout the day he only tweets about twice daily. I thought to myself, now that is cool. It reminded me of the Stephen Covey quote I so often find myself sharing with others “Technology and tools are helpful and useful when they are your servant and not your master.” The technology and the tools are not what gets in the way of our becoming more productive. Rather, as the old Walt Kelly Pogo cartoon reminds us “We have met the enemy and he is us.” While this might be very old advice written in a book dating back to 1951 and coming from a possum talking to an alligator and an owl, this is perhaps even more relevant today than ever. We are the reason that we are not productive. It is not our job, it is not our tools, it is not our boss. We are responsible for deploying the principles, tools, and disciplines that we need to be and to become more productive. We are the answer to winning the war against our reactionary nature and what has become a reactionary workflow that gets less done and takes more time than ever before.

I have already admitted that I am by no means a minimalist especially when it comes to technology. I greatly admire those that have such discipline. I admit to owning and using multiple digital tools, social networking sites, cloud storage, a host of blogs and podcasts. While I can attribute some of this to my work (I am a consultant that helps organizations create a culture that is Productive and Executes) it is also true that these are things that I enjoy. What I have learned in my work and on a more personal level is that in order to be truly productive and to ultimately be happy and less stressed we must make a number of choices and employ a set of disciplines that actually help us to execute with the minimal amount of distraction and with the greatest level of efficiency. In the end we must spend our time doing what is truly most important to us.

I think of this in the way I think of hiring a craftsman to work in my home. The really good ones have far more tools in their bag than they are likely to use when in my home. Yet, when they need a particular tool to do a particular job not only do they have the right tool, but they are expert in its use. I meet many professionals that have many of the same tools that I have but few actually have considered how their tools work together and even fewer still have any real idea about the capacity of their tools. While this has greatly increased the work of my consulting practice, I believe that what I get paid to do would also be beneficial for those that might not have an opportunity to work with me. What follows are my thoughts about ways that you can integrate your tools to combat reactionary work flow and develop effective productivity systems. For this article I will focus on just one of my systems but it is important to understand that there are really four vital systems that can improve work flow.

Most of us have multiple email accounts, and some sort of calendar system and to do or task list. In addition we likely attend meetings (the greatest loss of productivity of all time, but I digress) and have both face to face and telephone conversations during the day. I describe this often as places to be, things to do, and things to keep track of. Add to this the people you know and you can imagine the complications we all face in just managing information. In order to filter these most effectively I see these as fitting into one of four integral systems. These systems are our Capture Systems, our Processing Systems, our Synchronization System and our Storage System. For now let us explore the first of these which I call the Capture System.

Capture Systems are the tools you use to capture information. Generally these come down to electronic information (think email) or non-electronic (think meetings and conversations). Your capture system must contemplate capturing information when you are at your desk and when you are mobile if this applies to your work flow. The key to having an effective capture system is to make sure that the system does not place you in a reactionary workflow position. Reactionary workflow happens when we allow our systems to interrupt us at will. These constant interruptions are distracting and result in a loss of productivity. Studies have shown that as we experience these interruptions we lose between two and six minutes of productivity. When we multiply the number of interruptions we might experience in a particular day we can quickly imagine that the loss of productivity could quickly add up to several hours each day. So the solution is that we must combat this sense of reactionary workflow. Here are a couple of tips to accomplish this.

Turn off all notifications – Notifications are anything that makes you aware of incoming information at the moment it arrives. This can include anything from a pop-up window on your email to a buzz, beep or even a flashing light on your Smartphone. While it might seem radical for many to contemplate turning off these notifications, the productivity impact of increasing your focused attention is dramatic. I also recognize that many will argue that they are unable due to the nature of their work to turn off such notifications. However, it is my belief that this is just a point of view that requires a bit of examination. Perhaps just a personal examination will suffice. However, if there are issues of culture in your workplace a much larger examination is in order. Perhaps there is a need to establish operating guidelines as to expectations for responding to email, SMS, instant messaging, and voicemail. Once the expectations are clear everyone can then work more effectively. I think that with some examination we might find that instantaneous response is not required, necessary, or even expected. This is really a matter of culture and when an increase in productivity is desired adjustments can and must be made to the organizational culture. The result will be apparent as productivity goes up when interruptions go down.

Decide how you will capture information – Make a decision about how you intend to work. As I sit at my desk I have within easy reach both of my cell phones and an external monitor with which I can choose to see my email server. Yet, for the time that I am writing this article I have turned off the ringer on my cell phones (the flashing light was turned off over a year ago) and minimized the screen showing my email. I want to focus on the completion of this work and I know that being distracted by any of my capture systems would result in less not more productivity as I don’t imagine that any of my colleagues or friends will be sending timely advice or information for this article. In deciding how you will work you create disciplines around how you will capture information at your desk and how you will capture information when mobile. As an example when at my desk Outlook is my preferred method for receiving and responding to work email. For my personal email and for many mobile functions I use Gmail. When I am away from my desk I prefer my BlackBerry Torch with its combined qwerty keyboard and touch screen for managing and processing email (I will write another article about Processing Systems). Each of these enables me to read messages and to respond fully. I don’t make a distinction between mobile email and desktop email in terms of reading responding. In fact I try to make email transparent to the recipient (there is not message indicating that my response is coming from my BlackBerry). For information that comes to me by way of direct interaction either in the form of a conversation or a meeting I keep all of my notes in my Moleskine (I even find myself pasting a post-it onto a page if I captured information when my book was not handy which is rare but does happen). I have a simple dating, numbering and indexing system that helps me to keep notes chronologically, sequentially, and makes them searchable. The key discipline here is to write down everything without filtering and to keep it in one place. Finally, I capture my thoughts, ideas or just ramblings in my notebook usually on the left side of the page. I add to these the use of Voice Notes on my BlackBerry to capture ideas when driving or otherwise engaged and I use Evernote to capture pictures and video or ideas that I want to work on electronically. I arrived at these processes through what I heard someone refer to as “enlightened trial and error” and I am certain that they will evolve as technology and tools evolve.

I recommend that you think about the tools you use to capture information. Make adjustments that allow you to reduce the number of distractions you experience during the day. Develop your own set of disciplines with regard to response times or at least have a conversation within your organization about the culture and expectations for responses.

I have benefited from the wisdom and experiences of a number of thoughtful and innovative colleagues over the years. It is my hope in writing this that it provides a source of ideas and perhaps stimulates discussion for you and your organization. If you would like more information please don’t hesitate to contact me at harveywyoung@gmail.com.

How Smart is Your Phone?

2009-08-31T12:44:00.002-04:00

Devices that we now call Smartphones have been around for more than ten years. These once bulky and heavy devices were designed to simplify our lives and help us to become untethered. Certainly in the beginning that is what they did. When combined with mobile email and mobile telephone service it was as though we were free to roam as far away from our desk and offices as our needs or desires would take us. This new found freedom would allow us to be in touch with the office while also being out and about. Smartphones opened up a world of possibilities that had never before been imagined by the knowledge worker.

Today Smartphones are ubiquitous. They are not just in the hands of busy corporate executives, but they are carried by soccer moms, college students and the very fortunate High School students that are lucky enough to have an iPhone or a BlackBerry. With such an explosion of these devices, one would believe that the masses have been finally released to fulfill their potential. Having been freed from their desk and offices, people could live their dreams, and perhaps achieve their highest priorities. Unfortunately, this is not how the story goes.

Smartphones have actually become invasive. Families have set up rules for when the devices may be used in the home; couples have worked through major misunderstandings when their BlackBerry has been closer than a lover. Traffic laws have been created to prevent drivers from typing while driving and rarely a day goes by that you don’t see someone walking the street while reading or texting on a device but not paying attention as they walk. There is little wonder that BlackBerry devices are also referred to as “CrackBerries”.

It seems that Smartphones are not living up to their intended purpose which was to free our lives. These devices were intended to help us to become more productive and to save us time. Today the average user is actually less productive as a result of falling victim to excessive multi-tasking and responding to the many distractions that the devices bring into their day. One could argue that our Smartphones are not making us any smarter, and perhaps are even making us dumber. We are not achieving our full potential with these devices and we are not maximizing the potential of these powerful tools as they were intended.

We must begin to see our Smartphones as productivity tools. These are modern versions of the paper datebook or planner. Those wonderful tools that were extremely popular in the 70s and 80s really did work effectively. As we have moved to a more electronic society we have moved away from paper seeing it as outdated and inefficient. Despite this many Smartphone users also use paper tools in a variety of ways many of which are redundant thereby further reducing their intended productivity. The solution in my opinion is to maximize the use of our electronic tools and use paper in a way that blends the best of both worlds. I often reflect on one of Stephen Covey’s quotes “Technology and tools are useful and powerful when they are your servant and not your master”. I have learned that too many of us are spending time serving our technology and tools rather than having those tools serve us. Most Smartphones today come with minimal instructions beyond how to set up the device to send and receive messages. The result of this limited information is that most people have minimal knowledge about how to effectively use their device. There is certainly a need for further instruction.

Smartphones today have the capacity to access useful tools beyond email. There are GPS functions, Instant Messaging capacity, web browsing, social networking, and RSS feeds to name just a few. Add to these advanced voice mail functionality and online access to your email, and the devices we carry around are really portals to a vast world of greater productivity. How do we learn to really use these devices? You could access any number of web pages which demonstrate the many tips and tricks available, but a more comprehensive solution seems to be missing.

Last year I began to wonder how I could use my BlackBerry Bold in a powerful and more productive way. I recognized that even though I considered myself a “techie” I was probably only using my BlackBerry in limited ways. I tinkered with what a few of my colleagues now refer to as the “Harvey System” which combines paper planning tools with my BlackBerry in a way that was not redundant. But even that seemed not to really address my needs as a mobile professional. As I observed others and began asking questions I found that most people were having similar experiences. This led to the development of a program that we now call Time Management for BlackBerry. This program uses FranklinCovey’s LiveClicks portal to teach BlackBerry users to use their BlackBerry as their primary tool for Time Management. The program is designed for those that own the BlackBerry Curve, Bold, 8900 Curve, Storm, and even the new BlackBerry Tour. The concepts are simple yet in less than two hours users learn how to maximize the functionality of their devices and build systems that can save up to two hours each day.

There is little question that Smartphones are an important part of everyday life. However, they tend to generate more distraction rather than lend themselves to increased productivity. In order to effectively harness the full power of your BlackBerry you must learn to combine proven concepts for effectively managing tasks, processing messages, and planning your weeks and days. It is a worthwhile investment of less than two hours of your time to learn to be more productive using your BlackBerry. For further information go to: http://www.franklincovey.com/tc/events/liveclicks

2009-05-10T08:20:00.000-04:00

The Red Card

One of the great joys of my job is that I often have the opportunity to speak with leaders both one-on-one and sometimes in large groups. A few weeks ago I was making a presentation on the subject of leadership to a group of leaders in Virginia. The company I was working with that day is a science and applications company that does a great deal of work for the United States military. The group I was meeting with had been identified as high potential future leaders of the organization. I was their speaker for the final day of a one year program to develop their leadership skills. The majority of the people in my audience had prior military experience and had graduated from some of the finest institutions in the country. I was honored to have been chosen to present to this group on the last day of their program.

As I do most days I arrived early to set up for my presentation. Typically this allows me about an hour to meet the participants as they arrive and to engage in small conversations. I observed that this group was a bit older than typical groups of this type that I meet. It is not uncommon in my business when someone says “High Potential” that is usually synonymous with “Young.” This is was not exclusively the case with this group. While there were some younger men and women in the audience, many were in their late 30’s and perhaps 40’s.

One of the great things about working in the Leadership Practice with FranklinCovey is that I have instant credibility with most groups. This is by no means due to my own work but rather to the great work that was done before by Dr. Stephen Covey. As a Consultant, I have the privilege of presenting his work to groups around the world and that is truly an honor. It is not at all uncommon to meet someone that is an admirer of Stephen’s work and often times just their admiration of him creates some connection with me. When presenting to large groups this connection is most helpful. On this day there were a couple of people that I met before my program began that held Stephen Covey in high regard.

Just prior to beginning the day I met a man named James Cole. He mentioned to me that he had read several of the books written by Stephen and that he had been looking forward to the program. James indicated that he had served in the Marine Corps and was now in his civilian work still working with Marines. His job is that he trains Marines to recognize and reduce the threat of Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs). He said that he feels that he continues to serve our country by serving and working with Marines every day. In our brief conversation we also talked about things like faith and family and I knew from that brief conversation that he was sincere and committed.

The program I presented to the group is a one-day overview of what we refer to as the Four Imperatives of Great Leaders. I enjoy this work because the concepts really resonate with me at a deeper level. The Four Imperatives are: Clarify Purpose, Align Systems, Unleash Talent, and Inspire Trust. In this program I share one of my favorite quotes by Stephen Covey which is “Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves.” This quote for me sums up the overall responsibility of every leader at every level. This is true whether you are leading a company, a family, or a squad of Marines in a combat zone.

At the end of my day as participants were heading out the door to attend a ceremony celebrating their completion of the program, James Cole stepped up to thank me for the day. He indicated that he found the information that I presented both helpful and immediately useful. I love to hear that from participants as it means that they view their time as having been well spent. We shook hands and James turned to leave the room. Seconds later he turned back and pulled out his wallet and said “I feel led to give you this.” He handed to me a red card that had the words Honor, Courage, and Commitment on the front. Each word had a definition for the actions a Marine should carry out to honor the words. The words were written over the symbol of the United States Marine Corps. The back of the card which was signed by James reflected eight things that Marines do. When I looked at the card it appeared worn and in fact had a small crack near the middle. James told me that he had been carrying that card for eleven years and that it was given to him when he was commissioned as an officer. He had carried this card in Iraq during his tour of duty there and though when we met he was no longer serving on active duty he continued to carry that card as he said that he will always be a Marine. Although he knew that I was not a Marine, James said that he felt that I should now have this card.

When James Cole handed the card to me I fought back tears. As I write this and every time I tell this story I fight back tears. I was then and continue to be overwhelmed by his gift. To entrust me with something so personal means a great deal to me. I immediately began to wonder how I could ever thank him for such a powerful gift. It took some time but just this past week I realized what I could do to thank James Cole.

On a bookshelf in my office I had a copy of Stephen Covey’s book The 8^th Habit. I had mentioned this book to James when we met and he indicated that he had not read it yet. The copy on my bookshelf was signed by Stephen Covey and given to me by one of my work colleagues. This copy is pristine, it is not at all like the copy I have previously read which is worn, marked up and highlighted. But the fact that Stephen Covey had signed my copy made it valuable to me. I realized that this might be valuable to James.

On Friday I sent my signed copy of The 8^th Habit to James Cole. I sent along a letter to thank him for his wonderful gift. He won’t get the book before Monday but I believe that this book will be as valuable to him as it is to me. Yet, I also recognize that my gift to James Cole really does pale in comparison to the gift that he has given to me.

I have told the story of James Cole and his red card to friends, family members and to a number of the leaders that I have the privilege of working with. I will continue to tell the story many times I am certain. Yet, I write this story here because the card has been placed among pictures and certain important memories from my life. Years from now it is possible that no one will know why the card is there. I write this to make sure that someone perhaps in the future my own sons, will recognize both the significance of this gift, but also that someone will remember that the greatest gifts that we give to others are not always fancy cards, or expensive presents. The greatest gifts we can give are the gifts that reflect our sacrifices, our commitment, and our sincerity. That is the gift that James Cole gave to me on April 23^rd, 2009.

2009-05-03T09:32:00.003-04:00

Energy Transference

A very good friend of mine is in Pittsburgh this weekend to run in the Pittsburgh Marathon. Because he is someone I care about I committed to stand at a location in the race just to cheer him on. My home is located right along the race route so I was able to tell him precisely where I would be standing. My house is one block away from the six mile marker. As I waited for Howard to run past my location I saw a number of faces that I knew well and others that I merely recognized. As either they saw me or I saw them I shouted out encouragement and usually they shouted back. I saw Tom Hardiman, the father of my son’s classmate as he ran by participating in a relay race, I saw Shannah Tharp-Taylor as she participated as a walker in the half-marathon, and I saw a local newscaster that I recognized but could not quite place (turned out it was Andy Sheehan). There were lots of faces in the crowd. Finally, I saw Howard. He was dressed in black, and had his ever present smile.

As I saw Howard approaching I was impressed with how fit and strong he looked. Certainly not the image of a gaunt runner but rather the image of a man that is taking excellent care of his body, but if you knew Howard you would also know that he is taking care of his mind and spirit as well. As he passed by me I felt emotion welling up in me as I thought about the effort he was putting forth today. I thought of the physical commitment to run the 26 miles, and the mental commitment to complete the race fighting off fatigue and all sorts of emotions. This is not Howard’s first Marathon, but it is his first in Pittsburgh. I can only wonder what he must feel as he runs through the streets in the area near where he grew up.

As Howard passed me he raised his hand in a high five. I raised mine and we slapped as hard as we could. That is when I felt it. When I touched Howard’s hand there was an energy transference that was instantaneous. I felt in that moment his strength and my intention was to pass along mine. I don’t think he needed it. He seemed to posses all the power necessary to complete his race. I know this because Howard is a runner and like runners do, he was running.

Runners run. This inspired me to remember that writers write, teachers teach, coaches coach, and leaders lead. The point is that what you are should be reflected in what you do. When we do what we do best we experience energy and that energy is transferable. Right now as I write this Howard is still running. He is approaching the 14.7 mile mark. I am almost finished writing, but I will always remember that moment when we slapped our hands together. It will be one of my favorite memories and I am certain it will be the precursor to a great day for Howard and his family. Run Howard because that is what runners do.

Inner Work Q.E.D.

2008-06-02T16:14:00.002-04:00

From time to time I need to remind myself that the “I” in VOICE stands for “Inner Work.” Inner Work is the stuff that we do that generally others can’t see. Inner Work is usually hard work and in some sense we could perceive that the payoff is low. Rarely will you get a compliment from a co-worker saying that you seem in balance. Rather, they will compliment you on your outfit, hair style, or the fact that you appear to be losing weight. Yet, it is the Inner Work which must be done first. You can’t reverse the process and expect lasting results.

We see warnings and admonitions all around us that remind us of the importance of doing the Inner Work. When we take on an exercise regimen whether it is through joining a health club or purchasing a piece of exercise equipment we get the warning “always consult your physician before beginning any exercise program.” That warning reminds us to check our Inner Work first before attempting to work on the outside.

I have observed that many people ignore such warnings. For them, achieving the outer results is more important than Inner Work. Watching guys in my local gym I see any number of men lifting weights for bulk, but failing to stretch for flexibility or run for a healthy heart. At the hair salon where my children get their haircut I watch the women on Saturday getting the incredible beauty treatments on the outside while discussing how they are “just not going to eat” in order to wear a particular outfit. In each case they are ignoring the Inner Work.

I don’t want to go too far here and appear that I have somehow mastered the Inner Work. In fact I even bring it up today as it remains a struggle for me to be consistent in my Inner Work. In this regard I can do better, and it is likely that you can too.

Like all other self improvement efforts we want to start small with Inner Work. My formula for starting small is what I call Inner Work Q.E.D. This stands for Quiet, Exercise, and Diet.

Quieting your mind is the first step in doing the Inner Work. I find that quieting our minds is an excellent place to start. I often speak with clients about the amount of noise we endure in the course of a typical day. Our lives are filled with buzzers, radios, televisions, beeps, dings, bells and even the occasional whistle. Taking some time away from these distractions is a great place to start.

There are enormous benefits to spending some period of time each day in silence. Perhaps for many of us that might mean just spending time not listening to anything and not talking. For others that might mean time spent in silent prayer or meditation. You can adjust this based upon your own preferences and beliefs. Yet, the key here is to find time every day to quiet your mind. Start by spending ten minutes each morning being intentionally still and quiet. I am not talking about driving without the radio playing. I mean sitting still and quietly for ten minutes. If the morning does not work for your schedule then do it at lunch or before going to bed at night but find the time to just get quiet. My hope is that you can get that time up to as much as thirty to sixty minutes each day but like all things you want to start with moderation.

Once you have developed a habit of quiet time you can begin to work on the next two key areas. The first is exercise and the second is diet. Here again the Inner Work is hard. Let’s talk about exercise.

Regular exercise is essential to our well being. However, many of us exercise for looks rather than doing the Inner Work. Exercise should include strength training, aerobic activity, and flexibility. You don’t need a gym membership to get all three. For strength training I do push-ups and abdominal work three times each week two sets each time. For aerobic activity I like to run three days each week and ride my bike two to three times a week. For flexibility, I do yoga every morning practicing a few simple poses and stretching. Today I have better balance and flexibility than I have had at any time in my life even though I am now well past 50. In fact I regret that I am more flexible than my nearly 13 year old sons.

Finally, we get to diet. With regard to diet I am not talking about dieting for the purpose of getting thinner. Rather, I am speaking of diet in terms of improving overall health.

I often quote Stephen Covey who says that we must learn to subordinate taste to nutrition. Those words have resonated with me for years. I use them to remind me of the things that I know serve me best nutritionally.

You can do the Inner Work of diet with a few simple changes. A great place to begin is with breakfast. Our lives have become so busy that we hardly have time to eat a healthy breakfast. I recommend starting the day with a simple yet nutritional and portable breakfast. For me that is a morning fruit smoothie. This can be made in a blender and takes less than ten minutes including clean up. Here are my ingredients:

One cup of plain or vanilla soy milk (I like WestSoy and Eden Soy as these seem to be highest in protein)

One banana or ½ banana and 5 strawberries

Six ice cubes

Two scoops of protein powder (soy protein is best here)

Mix all of these ingredients in a blender (putting the protein powder in last after the blender is moving) for about two minutes. These ingredients will make about 16 ounces.

My morning smoothie eliminates the temptation to eat any of the various fast foods we often eat on the run. You can carry your smoothie out the door by purchasing a tall plastic container with a top. You can drink this during your commute as long as you remember that the drink can leave a “milk mustache.” Now here is where we get to taste. While I like the taste of my smoothie, many people would not describe this as “good.” Yet, this is a high protein breakfast that will get you through to about 10:00 in the morning feeling energetic (and after your morning exercise you need the protein). I also plan a morning snack which I sometimes pack to take with me when I can or I can pick it up at most hotels when I am on the road. My morning snack is a bagel with peanut butter. Sometimes I toast the bagel, but here again, it is about the nutrition. My bagel will get me through to lunch.

As often as possible my lunch consists of a salad, and perhaps a piece of fish or chicken. As an afternoon snack I carry a protein bar, or an apple or banana and you will usually find almonds in my briefcase. Dinner is my final meal. I try to eat dinner as early as possible but rarely after 8:00. This sets up my digestive system to be switched off before I go to bed which assures me of a restful night’s sleep, with no interruptions due to going to the bathroom, or indigestion. With a good night’s sleep, I am ready early the next morning (work days as early as 4:30) for my quiet time and then on to exercise to begin my routine once again.

Give Inner work Q.E.D. a try for about a month. What I provide here is really just an overview but I would be happy to share more expanded information including sleeping tips, fasting tips and specific exercises if you write to me. The three steps to Inner Work Q.E.D. will bring your life more into balance. It will make you stronger physically, and improve your overall health. By the way, regular Inner Work does also improve what others see on the outside and let's be honest, we all want that too.

Getting New Glasses

2008-05-18T22:55:00.001-04:00

About a week ago I picked up a pair of new eye glasses. This was necessary because I managed to lose my glasses about a month and a half ago. That is a long story in and of itself, but not the purpose of this post.

The glasses came to mind because of what I realized during the period that I did not have my preferred pair to wear every day.

Because I travel extensively for work last year I decided to purchase a back-up pair of glasses in event that something ever happened to my glasses. It would really be a disaster to be on the road and to break or lose my glasses and not have a back-up pair. Because I had two pairs of glasses, I sometimes would switch my glasses wearing the back-up pair so that I would not feel like I wasted money having two pairs of glasses when no emergency had struck. The back-up pair of glasses look and feel great, but I am one of those people that has worn the same frame for a very long time. The result is that I have become quite accustomed to the look and feel of my old glasses. Even though I have changed prescriptions twice in past seven years, and once I broke my frames playing basketball with my sons, I have still consistently gone back to the same glasses, one time having to hunt down the frames from a distributor.

Wearing my new glasses for about a month caused me to step out of my typical routine and even caused me to appear differently to others. My old glasses were truly inconspicuous. Over the years more than one person has noticed me cleaning or removing my glasses and remarked that they did not know that I wore glasses. I think that this has been much of the appeal of the old glasses. The new glasses as I have said are quite nice but in contrast to the old pair they have evoked a number of comments like “nice eyewear”, or “your glasses look great.” In each case I have thanked the person giving the compliment, but I realize every time that I really don’t want people seeing my glasses as a fashion statement or somehow signifying that I am interested in a particular look. I also noticed that while my two prescriptions are the same, my back-up pair of glasses caused me to see things differently. The shape of the frame caused me to move my head a certain way when reading and to make adjustments to use the progressive bi-focal say while I was driving or watching television. This took some getting used to doing and I yearned just to get my old glasses back.

When I did pick up my replacements to my original pair of glasses I was happy to be able to look and feel the same once again. In the week that I have been wearing them I have not had one comment on my glasses. I am back to being inconspicuous.

This morning as I was packing for a trip I was putting the back-up glasses in my suitcase and I was struck by my recollection of how they had changed the way I saw things over the past month. I was also thinking about how they caused others to see me differently. People noticed something about me that was different, and they attributed those differences to the glasses that I was wearing. I too noticed something different so I made adjustments in the way I looked at things so that while wearing the new glasses I would still be able to see clearly. I wondered just how often in our lives we could stand to take a moment to put on new glasses.

While my experience was with new glasses without a change of prescription, how many times in our lives do we find ourselves changing our prescription (the way we actually see things) and being amazed as to how we now see? How often do we realize that we need new glasses (knowing that we are not seeing things quite so clearly) but we ignore that and just go on seeing things just a bit out of focus. Or worse, we find ourselves only able to see those things that are right in front of our eyes not really able to see the big picture.

We all would do well from time to time if we changed our glasses. Author Stephen M.R. Covey in his book The Speed of Trust, suggest that we can see the pervasive impact of “the speed of trust” when we put on our “Trust Glasses.” I love this idea as the metaphor certainly fits my experiences of the past month. Wearing the other glasses caused me to see things differently, and it also caused others to see me differently. Can you just imagine what would be the impact on your life, your business, and your relationships if you were wearing different glasses that caused you to trust more? What if those same glasses caused you to act in a way that was consistently trustworthy? This is not to suggest that any of us are behaving in a morally bankrupt way, but rather looking at a refinement in our behaviors. Each of us could stand to really be more precise in our speech, or to apologize when we are wrong, or to stand up for what is right, and to avoid hidden agendas. We could all improve in speaking the truth even when it is not convenient. As Stephen M.R. Covey says, acting in these ways causes others to trust us more.

I read a book two years ago titled “The Four Agreements” which was written by Miguel Ruiz. While the book impacted me in a number of ways, I am always reminded of the first agreement. The first agreement is “be impeccable with your word.” This is what came to me this morning while packing. The back-up glasses caused me to look in a way that people noticed. Not long ago when a man was well dressed people noticed. We used words like natty, sharp, or pressed. To me all of these add up to being impeccable. People notice when we are impeccable. When we are impeccable with our words people notice that too. When we speak and behave consistently, and when we are transparent we get the attention of those around us.

I think that it is time that more of us experience the impact of putting on new glasses. As we see things differently we will act differently. I know that impeccable is not a word that is very common in our vocabulary these days, but I think it is time to bring the word back. Let’s start by being impeccable with our words. Let’s truly say exactly what we mean. No spin, no double talk, no straddling the fence. Let’s do what we say we will do and not leave things open to interpretation. Let’s speak honestly with each other balancing that honesty with a genuine concern and avoiding just “speaking our mind.”

Losing my glasses cost me a great deal financially. But the value of having my eyes truly open once again is well as they say Priceless!

2008-05-04T12:52:00.002-04:00

Today while listening to Joel Osteen's program I was finally able to get my thoughts organized around the subject of change. I think that Joel's message today was titled Embracing Change.

After listening to Joel My thoughts about my Green Apple story (which I had promised to get to the people at Rogers a while ago) became very clear. I was able to write the story in a matter of minutes and sent if off to Rogers. But what is most interesting about this today is that with this clarity about the Green Apple story, I am also feeling more clear about my book subject. What is most amazing to me today though is that this was exactly my prayer last night. I asked God for greater clarity around my subject so that I could get the project unstuck.

The book has always been about change, it was jut how do I tell the story without making it the story of my own life. I wanted this to be a fictionalized account that helped people with the message that they could change their lives from where they are to where they want to be. With this clarity of thought I even became more clear about the process that would work best for me for documenting my daily thoughts. I am more comfortable with typing than I am with writing on paper. My words become more clear to me and I can capture the thoughts quickly and make changes as I go. This too is something with which I have struggled these past few weeks, and perhaps something with which I have struggled for years.

Yet another confirmation? I just paused for a moment and looked at the quote at the top of this page (I am using Franklin Covey's PlanPlus for Windows for documenting notes). The quote is from Leo Tolstoy. "The change in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience... Not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life."

This quote reminds me of one of the points that I realize about the change process. It is not just a matter of the systems we use to affect change or reach a goal, but also an understanding of our purpose or underlying values that prompts the need for the change itself. This is much more than simply deciding that we are going to make a change. In order to have sustainable and meaningful change we must have a compelling reason linked to something we value to carry out the change. Yet another quote related to this subject is from Herbert Spencer - "A living thing is distinguished from a dead thing by the multiplicity of the changes at any moment taking place in it."

Finally, I am unstuck! So what follows is the Green Apple story. This is a story that I used as a metaphor for how we might perceive change and react earlier to the changes that are already present in our lives. I first told this story back in February as an introduction to a Managing Matters workshop at Rogers Communications on Managing and Influencing Change.

The Green Apple

This morning as I was leaving my hotel to head to class I picked up this wonderful green apple. In doing so I thought this would be great for me to have as a mid-morning snack and would be helpful in keeping me from eating the pastries we have in class. While walking to class this morning carrying this apple, another thought occurred to me. You see looking at this apple you likely think that it is just a shiny green apple. After all, it does look like just a green apple doesn’t it? I realized this morning that this is not just another green apple. Rather, this is an example of the impact of change in our lives.

When we look at this apple what we see on the outside is the shiny exterior of the apple. Looking at the exterior we can appreciate just how wonderful and healthy the apple looks to us. In fact, sometimes when we have a shiny apple we just want to polish it and sit it on the table to really enjoy the beauty of the apple. But what we don’t realize in our casual observation is the impact of what is really going on inside the apple. While the exterior looks magnificent and beautiful to us, what is really happening on the inside? On the inside the apple is in a state of change. We can’t perceive the levels of change on the outside just yet. In fact because we can’t perceive the change we might be tempted to just hold on to the apple while we enjoy the beauty a little while longer. But even though we can’t see it, the apple is changing, and these changes are going to become apparent very soon. In fact, if we don’t act right now, biting the apple and enjoying what we have today what is going to happen tomorrow? If we wait until tomorrow this apple is not going to look quite as good. In fact, if we wait several days it may be likely that we will have missed our opportunity all together, and that shiny apple will not only be unappealing, but will have changed so much that we will have missed the wonderful opportunity to enjoy the apple when it was still fresh and crisp.

This apple helped me to see change differently. When we sometimes have something so wonderful to look at we are tempted to just hold on to it wanting to retain the beauty of the current situation. Certainly we might all understand doing that. But you see this apple taught me that we also at times need to take a closer look. It is likely that upon close examination we might see the subtle signs of change that are evident in this apple. We might see that there is a soft spot or two that suggest that things are really changing on the inside that we just can’t see yet. If we fail to act now what appears to be something we should just hold on to will become that lost opportunity to really embrace and enjoy something wonderful. That is how change really works. We must embrace the possibility for change when it is most subtle. Recognizing the possibility that failing to act today will cause us to be left with the lost opportunity of really enjoying the apple by taking our bite now before it is too late.

Each One Reach One

2006-03-22T12:22:00.000-05:00

Last week I had the opportunity to observe a training program that was being conducted by another trainer. The subject of the class is one with which I am fairly familiar, but I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to see someone highly skilled in the course content going through her paces. The instructor was marvelous. She seamlessly conducted the day long session with minimal reference to notes or slides and kept the entire class engaged throughout the day. I sat in the back of the room with a colleague who has observed this particular training session many times. During points when our attention was not required, my colleague and I began to talk about a networking site that he uses as a means of developing business contacts. The site is called LinkedIn. If you would like to check it out, you may do so by following this link.

The idea of business networking is hardly new. Most of us in business for any length of time have participated in networking events, or spent time networking. We attend conferences where our primary purpose at times is to network and make new contacts. We do lunches and dinners to network, and we attend a myriad of other functions for this purpose. There are those that are particularly skilled at networking. Those people are always ready with a business card, are proficient at schmoosing, and can really work a room. They have great contact management systems that they use, and send timely follow-up messages to new contacts. I have tried for most of my career to develop those skills, but I find them difficult to master. At my best I am mediocre at networking.

My work as an independent consultant causes me to spend the majority of my working hours alone in my home office. During the winter months, I am not inclined to spend much time outdoors and as such my contact with people that are not members of my family is limited. Even though my home is located in a city neighborhood, many of my neighbors function similarly. We hibernate in our homes and generally only see each other at neighborhood functions during the winter. As such I don’t get the opportunity to engage many people face to face for about 3 or 4 months out of the year.

Over this past weekend I attended a memorial service for my stepfather. As is often the case these occasions bring together people that have fallen out of touch. I had the opportunity to see relatives and family friends that I have not seen for many years. We shared stories of our youth, showed pictures of our children and families, and caught up on where life has taken us. I will also admit that I spent some time with a critical eye, observing how life has changed the people I knew growing up. Some people really do age well, yet most of us do not.

My stepfather lived in the Philadelphia area. His memorial was held there and so I had plenty of time to think about the weekend as I drove back to Pittsburgh on Sunday afternoon. I had many thoughts about the general fragility of life. I reminded my self about how time passes so quickly and I reflected on those days growing up with my stepfather and my stepbrother and sisters. Recognizing that time distorts many of our memories, I try not to place too much meaning on events in the past. However, one thing kept coming back to me. I wondered why we are so conscious about networking in our professional lives, while we seem to generally not focus on networking in our personal lives. Some of our best contacts are the people we have known for most of our lives. I am not talking about keeping in touch with our brothers and sisters, but making sure that you also keep track of old neighbors and childhood friends. We should keep an updated contact list of the telephone numbers and addresses of cousins, and aunts and uncles. Isn’t it strange that we willingly accept the business card of complete strangers and put them in our contact system as people we want to know, but we probably don’t have the current phone number for a friend’s child that is attending college 30 minutes from your home?

I have dedicated about an hour every day for the next few weeks to working on developing my professional and business contacts. I have vowed to become better at business networking as a means of expanding my business opportunities. I think this is a prudent thing to do. However, I am going to amend that commitment to include becoming much more aggressive about developing and maintaining my personal contacts. I think that each of us should devote time to expand our circle of influence in our personal lives. For me that means calling old friends, cousins, aunts and uncles. For those that like to write you can easily send an email message as a means of keeping in touch. For older friends and relatives that don’t use email, then take a minute to send a short note. You don’t need to buy an expensive greeting card just a note on a sheet of paper would be greatly appreciated.

When I thought about all of this I imagined what it would be like if each one of us reached out to one of us every day. We could reduce the loneliness experienced by people that don’t have friends to talk to. We would no longer find ourselves at funerals promising to “stay in touch.” We would likely enrich the lives of the many people that have touched our lives and in doing so, we might just make a connection that is just as beneficial as those business cards that you keep in your desk drawer just in case you need to reach that guy some day.

Changing the Lens of Our Perspective

2006-03-14T13:44:00.000-05:00

There is a Wendy’s restaurant located less than two blocks from my home. Given the standardization of the fast food industry, I would be willing to bet that my neighborhood Wendy’s is much like the one in your neighborhood. In our Wendy’s when you enter by way of one of the side doors, you come face to face with a picture showing a Wendy’s environment. However, as you continue through the doorway and come closer to the picture, you realize that the picture is actually made up of smaller pictures of Wendy’s employees. The point of the photo is to remind people that Wendy’s is made up of Wendy’s people.

I have always been intrigued by photos of this type. They remind me of jigsaw puzzles. Like a puzzle, what you see is impacted by your proximity. Close up a puzzle is just hundreds of distinct pieces. Moving further back, a puzzle is a picture that is clear in its detail. We have all experienced the challenge of putting together the pieces of an intricate puzzle. Up close it is difficult to know where to put each piece. Some pieces can only be placed after an entire section comes together. Other pieces, like the outer edges can be easily placed as they depend very little on the pieces in the middle. I am told by puzzle enthusiasts that they usually start the completion of a puzzle by framing out the edges. Once the edges are formed then they work piece by piece to put together the whole picture.

As a person over 50 I know a great deal more about the impact of changing your perspective. As I have observed the changes in my own eyesight over these past 10 years, I am very aware of how the subtleties of just changing the point of your nose, or squinting, or moving closer to an object can vastly change what you see. Eight or nine years ago when I got my first pair of bifocals, I realized how much my vision had deteriorated. Now I know for certain that what I see through my glasses and what I see without my glasses are two completely different things. When I am aware of the need to make a shift, I can put on or remove my glasses in order to see what is in front of me. However, this only works when I know that I need to change the lens.

As we approach the day-to-day circumstances of our lives there are many times when we are so close to something that we can’t really see it. The problem is that we don’t recognize that we are not really seeing. Rather, we move forward assuming that we are truly seeing things as they are. Our decisions, reactions, and attitude are all impacted by what we believe we see. To our immediate thinking there is no reason to change lenses. We see the path, and we perceive the situation. Now, based on what we see from up close we move forward. Yet I am reminded of a quote by Stephen Covey. He says that “we see the world not as it is, but we see the world as we are.” We need to change the lens of our perspective.

We have all heard the sage advice we often get when we face a problem or difficult challenge. We are told to take a break, put it aside for a moment, or take a step back. That advice is rooted in the perspective that being too close limits your view. When we step away or step back we see the challenge from a whole new perspective. Solutions that did not appear before become clear from a different perspective. We know that this is a prudent way to deal with challenges. We know that when we are too close that we are not seeing clearly.

What do we do however when we don’t know that we are not seeing clearly? We are all to willing to give way to our fears. We don’t step back from them and try to see them from a different point of view. Our brains automatically focus in on the things we fear and refuse to step back. We play out our fears in vast detail and can only see the calamitous end. We even do this with our hopes. We hope or pray for something to change. We search for clarity. We seek answers to our questions. Yet, when the change comes, or when we achieve clarity we react as though we are not sure. This could not be the answer we seek. Or worse, we are so close to the problem that we do not see that the answer is already right in front of us.

What if we could automatically change the lens of our perspective for each and every challenge we face. What if today’s problem was really the path way to a greater opportunity? What if the challenge you are experiencing is really a blessing, but that blessing has not yet become clear to you? What if after hearing no for the 100th time you knocked on one last door?

Einstein said all major advancement in human kind comes from a break from the common perspective.

“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home”
- Ken Olsen – Founder of Digital Equipment Company

The very fact that you can read this blog reflects that the lens of Ken Olsen’s perspective was cloudy at best. Each decision made by this company however reflected this perspective. Digital is no longer a factor in the computing world.

Most of us in America operate from a perspective of a lack of abundance. We believe that there is never enough to go around. Your success is limiting to my opportunity. Your freedom will limit my advancement. You win, I lose. It is time to change the lens of our perspective. We believe that there is a power in the universe that causes the miraculous to happen. We believe that every day that power will cause the sun to rise, the earth to rotate, and the collection of atoms and cells that are you will continue to stay together. But we don’t trust that power to meet our needs. We believe that changes at work will cause us to lose our jobs and will throw us into financial disaster. But we can’t imagine that a greater power has a better plan for our future. We believe that a miracle happens when someone is cured of cancer, but we don’t expect that a miracle has also happened when we just change our attitude.

We need to change the lens of our perspective. When you see something negative, try to also see the positives. When your mind projects your fears to a point of disaster, try to see the possibilities. When you are so close to the forest that you can’t see the trees, take a step back. When you can only conceive of negative consequences, ask yourself this question “What good things might come of this?”

Take a moment to look at your circumstances with a different lens. See the possibilities. See the potential. See the miracles that are about to happen, and be thankful for those that happened without you noticing.

“Man’s capacities have never been measured. Nor are we to judge of what he can do by precedents, so little has been tried.”
- Henry David Thoreau

Swim or Build an Ark

2006-03-08T15:21:00.000-05:00

Imagine for a moment that you are Noah. Of course you know Noah don’t you? Now I want you to imagine you are him and you are having this conversation where you hear that God wants you to build an Ark. Psst. Noah! Noah! Yes God. I want to tell you a secret. It is going to rain. It is going to rain? What is rain? Rain is water falling from the sky. But, water does not fall from the sky. I am about to change all of that. It is going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights and everyone and everything on the earth will be destroyed in a flood. You, Noah will be saved from destruction. You and your family and two of all the creatures on the earth will be saved. But, I need you to do something for me first. I need you to build an Ark. Oh, and by the way, that rain I was telling you about, it is not going to come for about 120 years.

Noah had a mission. He had a clear and compelling purpose. Noah was going to build an Ark, and save the remaining creatures of the earth. The problem is that Noah is the only person to “hear” his calling and the rain does not come for 120 years. Noah begins to build a giant boat on dry ground. What will the neighbors think? What do you tell your friends?

Each of us spends time wondering about our purpose. We wonder about our gifts and talents and we wish that we could live with passion and purpose. As we mature we find ourselves looking for our place in the world. We seek the answers to the deeper questions. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Who makes the best Latte? We consider ourselves seekers. We want to find our place and live to higher purposes. Or, we are like Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it gets,” and we “just want to be a better man.”

Our lives are a journey. We make choices. We go along the way and sometimes we find that we are lost. We seek direction, and if we are lucky, we find our way once again. We are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are successful, happy, and well recognized. You have it all. Still, the nagging questions come to you in the middle of the night. What would you do differently? If you had your life to live over again, would you do what you are doing? If money did not matter would you quit your job? Do you wake up in the morning knowing that you love what you do with your day? Do you make a difference?

Now comes the hard part. You have found your place. You need to make a choice. You believe that you should build an Ark. Do you follow your heart? You get a glimpse of your purpose. Do you pursue it? What if your purpose is to serve and you will never be rich? If you had to give up everything would you follow the course? What if only you believed in your calling? Would you abandon your gift?

We ask these questions with a sense that if we find our purpose we will be successful. When we discover our gifts we will be happy. If we could just do what we want to do then we could relax. I wonder….

Throughout history great men and women have heard the voice that defined their calling. They have suffered, lost inheritances, been sold into slavery, and some have died before they achieved the promise. They have been burned at the stake, beheaded, or jailed for many years. Some waited more than 100 years. Still, each of these people did not waver. They faced their fears and suffered adversity, yet they lived to fulfill their purpose.

If you were told to build an Ark in a world where it did not rain would you build it? If you were given a choice between death and denying your calling, would you deny it? If standing up to injustice would cost you a career, would you do it?

These are Questions. These are Choices. You only get one Chance.

We make many tough choices in our lives. We must answer questions that help us to define who we are. When you find the answer, then you get one chance to answer the call. We must choose wisely. When you find your calling, or your purpose you must act. When you hear the voice you must move. There will be doubts. There will be questions, and there will be risks. Still, the reward of living a life that fulfills a promise is a life that honors the higher calling. When we stop looking for success, we find an opportunity to achieve greatness.

There are many roadblocks along the way. There are setbacks. There are detours. And when we find our selves nearing victory, then we experience temptation. There is the temptation to quit. There is the temptation to change course. There is the temptation of the seemingly better deal. That is when we must keep sight of the goal. The fog of indecision can cloud the way. There is the story of a woman swimming the English Channel. After swimming for quite a while, she told her coaches that she could swim no further. They encouraged her to keep swimming. She swam a while longer, only to once again plead with her coach that she could swim no further. Again, they encouraged her to swim on. Finally, as the day wore on and the fog set in she could hardly see in front of her. Once again she pleaded with her coach. This time he gave in and pulled her into the boat. As the boat continued to move towards the shore the fog lifted. It was then that she realized that she had been only within a hundred yards of the shore. She was quoted later as saying “if only I could have seen the shore I would have made it.”

As we pursue our dreams the shore is not always in sight. Keep swimming. The shore is right in front of you. You can’t get there alone, but in order to reach the goal you just have to keep on swimming. Or maybe, you should start to build an Ark.

Box Scores

2006-03-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

Unless you are an avid Baseball fan you don’t know the name Henry Chadwick. In fact, even an avid fan may not know this name as Mr. Chadwick died in 1908. Henry Chadwick was not a baseball player. He never owned a team. Like many people of his day, Mr. Chadwick was a fan. He was also a writer. He wrote for the newspapers that were the predecessors of the New York Times. He is known as the “Father of Baseball” and made what many consider to be one of the greatest contributions to the game. Mr. Chadwick created the Baseball Box Score.

In the years before the personal computer, before ESPN, even before the widespread broadcast of nationally televised games, a baseball fan read the box scores in the daily newspaper. As a kid growing up I tracked the statistics of my favorite players by checking out the box scores. The box scores are still published in the daily paper, and I am sure you can get them online, but I wonder whether we pay them much attention anymore.

Box scores track individual contributions to their team. The box scores track wins and losses, but they also provide details. The details include Home Runs, RBI’s, Batting Average, ERA, and KO’s. The box scores keep track of the league MVP, will tell you the CY Young Award winner for years past, track the annual Golden Glove Award, and the Rookie of the Year. We pour over these statistics. In the days of my youth a measure of intellect was the extent to which a kid could quote the statistics for a number of players. What was Jim Kaat’s ERA in 1963? Who won the CY Young in 1975? How many Home Runs did Willie Mays hit?

The box score gives credit and pays attention to individual contributions. They give us a chance to look at the game beyond who won and who lost. In a season that lasts more than 160 games, we use the box score to give us something to be excited about during the long season. Only one team wins the World Series. Certainly that is the focus of many teams. However, as we read the box scores we can track the individual achievements of each and every player. We can see by the statistics how much the effort of each individual matters to the success of their team.

I wish that we could measure our personal successes by way of a box score. We might use them to track our individual contributions. We could measure the extent to which we are doing things that really matter. Perhaps our personal box score would track our Home Runs such as winning a major contract, completing that important project, or getting a big promotion. But as in baseball, the Home Runs are few. Our personal Box score might track our sacrifice fly balls when we do something to help someone else succeed. They might track our batting average, which reflects the improvements we are making at learning new skills, or might just reflect our consistency for showing up when the team needs us. Maybe our personal Box score would track our Strike Outs, because we all miss sometimes. But I want my score to also track the singles that I grind out, when I keep working towards a goal. I want my own box score to show the number of times that I take batting practice to improve my skills. I want my personal box score to reflect the fact that I show up for the game of life early, even though I only sit on the bench waiting for a chance to play. I want the box score to reflect that when called upon to pinch hit for a friend, I was warmed up and ready to go.

All of this Baseball analogy won’t make much sense to anyone that is not a fan of the game, and makes even less sense if you have never looked at a box score. So, let me put this into words that don’t require you to be a Baseball fan, or even a reader of newspapers. My point is simply this. Each of us has the chance to make an individual contribution every day. Sometimes the contribution is small like picking up the milk on the way home from work. Others are huge like caring for an aged parent, or raising a disabled child. Most of our contributions will go unnoticed. We will not win awards for what we contribute. For some people, perhaps your contribution will even be criticized by those that don’t understand your motivations. Contribute any way.

In the whole scheme of things while we celebrate wins, and complain about losses, we must remember to recognize that we all share a part. Each of us makes a unique contribution to our teams, to our families, and to our communities. Perhaps as a writer, I can create a measurement like that created by Henry Chadwick. Perhaps I can figure out a way to track the box scores of our lives. Maybe we could post those individual contributions on the internet. Maybe young children will read them and know that you got only one hit in your four at bats yesterday, but that you produced the winning run. Maybe your spouse will read of your sacrifice fly that scored a run for your team even though you were called out. Or maybe your box score will show that you stretched beyond your reach to make every play that came my way. You don’t need to pitch a perfect game. Just make your individual contribution, and at the end of your season, I hope that the history books will show that you mattered. I know that for me personally, I don’t need an award or title, but I do need to make a difference.

In the end I guess that we really don’t need a box score. I guess that even though our contributions will never be tracked by anyone, we should still do all that we can to make our contribution. What will you do?

Silent Morning

2006-03-03T10:48:00.000-05:00

At 5:45 this morning it was cold in Pittsburgh. Darkness hid the small patches of ice on the back steps, and I slipped briefly. Catching my balance, I breathe a prayer of thanks recognizing that a bad fall at that time of the morning onto stone steps would have been painful, if not very dangerous. As I open the garage door to walk our dog, I am aware of the stillness of the hour. I don’t need to speak at this hour as Nelson (our nearly 13 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback) knows the routine. He runs down the alley, finds his favorite spot, and is back in a flash. He will save the more time consuming walk to do his business for later in the morning when the sun is up and the temperature rises. For now, it is time for him to eat, and if all goes well, he can be back on his bed in just a few minutes.

I am left alone after we complete our morning ritual. The rest of our house does not begin to awaken until 6:15. I use this time to stretch, practice my morning Yoga, and to pray and meditate. I do this in the darkness. No lights are on in the house. My space is lit by the street lights in the alley street and the glow of the gas fireplace that I light for warmth.

This morning I am aware of the silence. There are very few external sounds. I can hear Nelson eating his food, and lapping his water. I hear the click of his nails as he climbs back up the stairs to return to his bed. I can hear my breathing as I exercise. But generally, what I hear is silence. It is time to meditate.

As I sit on the floor this morning I allow myself to continue with the silence. Rather than letting my mind rush off to the day’s concerns, hopes, and fears, instead I just try to be silent. I just want to hear my thoughts. Today I am the watcher looking in as an observer to the things that are going through my head. I resist all temptation to engage in these thoughts and let them just flow. There is no talking, just listening. As I allow myself to leave this state I realize that more time has passed than usual. It is 6:25 and I don’t hear any movement in my house. It is time to wake everyone up, get breakfast ready, check on the boys and start the next morning routine. This routine is filled with sounds of the morning news, comments from the boys on last night’s college basketball games, urging from me to finish breakfast, put on your shoes, take your vitamins, and keep moving. These are gentle urgings. No yelling, no speeches, just the continual reminder that we need to move through our morning and get ready for the day.

As I write today I am continuing with my theme of silence. The only sounds I hear are the tapping of the keys on my laptop, and the whir of the fan on the small space heater I use to heat my third floor office. I hear the words of this article as I write, and I sit as an observer and scribe, faithfully putting to screen the words I hear in my head. I like this place.

Our days are filled with noise. We listen to the radio, play music, watch the news, and yell at our children, spouse, and pets. We argue with the television, complain about the President, the war, the economy, or the weather forecast. We stop for coffee and listen in on the conversations of those around us. We make judgments, criticize others, and curse at the traffic. We tune in our iPod at the gym, watch TV while on the treadmill, and talk politics or sex in the locker room. We gossip at the office, predict the Academy Award winners, and provide commentary on today’s news, weather, and traffic.

In this season of Lent I know that many of us have made decisions to turn more inward. Some of us are fasting or abstaining from things. Others have made commitments to do more of something. Perhaps we will help those less fortunate. Maybe you commit to exercise, daily prayer, or like my son Max, maybe you give up Oreo cookies. I would like to suggest that we give up noise for a period. I am not suggesting 40 days of silence, or even giving up television or radio. Actually, my proposition is much simpler than that. As you read these words I am asking you to just be aware of how much noise you are exposed to right now. Maybe you just have the radio playing. If you are in an office you likely can hear the conversations of those in your surroundings. Or if you are reading my blog you might just be surfing he internet and exposing yourself to the noise of pictures, pop-ups, email, dings and beeps. Tune it all out. You might even stop reading right here and enjoy a few minutes with your own thoughts.

As I sat in the quiet today this article began to play out in my head. I just listened, and experienced the wonder of watching my thoughts. Maybe you can’t tune out the noise right now. You might be reading this on a Blackberry, or taking a break in your office. You might have multiple meetings today and phone calls to make. Your lunch plans may include others, or maybe you even need to conduct a meeting. I know that the opportunities for silence are few. So, here is a thought. After you finish reading this article, close your eyes and count to 60. Do it slowly. Now, when you are done, write down all of the things you thought about during that brief minute. Try to find two or three more times today to do this exercise again. Each time, write down the things you think about. Compare the lists. While the thoughts might be similar, as you force yourself into periods of silence, the thoughts become fewer. The noise begins to tune down as you turn inward, and you just practice watching.

I want you to make a promise to yourself. Some time this weekend commit to 30 minutes of silence. Sit quietly during the day and just let your thoughts go. Watch what happens. If this helps you I would love to hear about it. But then again, rather than telling me, just use that time for more silence.

Dealing In Values

2006-03-02T11:37:00.000-05:00

It seems that over the past couple of weeks I have been involved in a number of discussions that have been focused on values and principles. These discussions are not foreign to my regular experiences as they are a part of most discussions today regarding leadership. We talk about corporate values, principles, vision and mission. I doubt you could find many people working in corporate America today that are not familiar with these statements. In fact, in many organizations mission and vision statements are laminated onto cards that are carried by the employees. I know this to be true as there was a time when I worked for just such a company.

I recognize the importance of establishing values. Every organization, group, community, and even gangs have value systems. These are not always articulated in lofty language, or printed on laminated cards. Yet, observe any group for a period of time and the values become clear. Of course, the values of an organization do not necessarily make them a “good” organization. I am certain that most criminal organizations have values. Even terrorist have values. The point is while every organization has values, the values of that group may not be agreeable to those outside of the organization.

I have had the opportunity of helping organizations establish their vision and value statements. We sit with groups and work through a discovery process that helps them to “discover” their values. This process is effective for organizations as it brings to the surface the norms by which the group operates. As we go through the exercise, our end goal is to develop a succinct value statement that represents the so called “non-negotiable” principles of the organization. I have participated in the roll out of such statements. These can represent a company’s finest hour. The presentations can be powerful. The speeches are heartfelt and are met with cheering and applause from the audience. Of course, after the meetings end, we are left with the value statement on a laminated card. From that day forward everyone that comes in contact with the organization uses these cards as a basis for judging the company. Many times, these judgments will reflect that the organization has failed to live up to their values.

The problem with value statements is that they really become just public pronouncements. We actually believe that having discovered the values, and given the speech, that people are now going to act in accordance with the values we have established. The problem with this perception is that it is based on a flawed assumption of why people do what people do. People do what they do because of their sense that in doing so they will get what they want. What people want of course is to have their own values satisfied. Their own values may be similar to those of the organization, but it is just as likely that they are very different.

The fact is that we don’t really know what people value until we actually ask them. Pronouncements, laminated cards, and value statements don’t create organizational values, people do. The people in your organization, your company, and even your church really do have their own set of values. These values are likely not formalized, but they exist none the less. As your people live their values, others see them as reflective of the organization.

Several years ago I attended a workshop that was conducted by John Maxwell. He handed out a deck of cards to each participant. The deck included approximately 40 cards. Each card had a statement printed on the card. These statements included words like Balance, Simplicity, Recognition, or Integrity. Using the cards in the deck each participant was asked to “deal” the cards selecting out those statements that resonated most with them. The overall objective of the exercise was to ultimately select out about 5 or 10 of the value cards. These cards represented those value statements that you most closely identified with as values that you personally held. The exercise was powerful in that it caused you to choose those values that mattered most to you. The choices required you to eliminate those statements that while they sounded good, did not represent your own honest opinion of what you valued.

I was thinking of this recently while reading the story about the life of Benjamin Franklin. I read that as a young man he went through a similar process. As a young man he decided that he needed to develop for himself a set of governing values. After much contemplation he selected 12 statements that reflected his values. He asked someone to review the statements and give him feedback on the values he had established. The person doing the review suggested that while the statements seemed to be appropriate, they thought that he should adopt a 13th value. The 13th value that Franklin adopted was the value of humility. He described that value by saying that he would “imitate Jesus and Socrates.” Franklin’s plan for practicing his virtues was that he would focus on one of his virtues each week, working through his list over a 13 week period. At the end of the period he would once again repeat the process.

Many years after Franklin established his 13 values he wrote in his memoirs that he had done a fairly good job at living his 12 values. We note from this writing that by the time that he was older, Franklin had reduced his list of 13 values back down to 12. It seems that over time, Franklin had dropped one of his values. The value that he dropped was his value of humility. I find it interesting that Franklin, a man of so many talents would drop the value of humility. However, I realized something in all of this. Franklin did not live his 13th value because it was not a value he had established for himself. The value of humility was a value that was suggested to him by someone else that believed that Franklin should be more humble. Too often in our organizations, we are suggesting the adoption of that 13th value.

I certainly believe in the establishment of values. When I created Finding Your V.O.I.C.E., the “V” stood for “values.” However, we must remember that the values of any organization are not really the values that are placed on a document. The values of an organization are the values that truly matter to its people. If we are to really know what our people value then we need to ask them. Perhaps we need to help them discover their own values to choose what really matters most to them. I don’t know, but my thought is that we must deal our people in to a process of self discovery that will identify what they value. Then and only then can we know what our organization truly values.

Owning Our Success

2006-03-01T14:21:00.000-05:00

The Vikings are a basketball team that plays in the Youth Basketball League in Sewickley, Pennsylvania. There is nothing particularly outstanding about this team which consists most days of 8 children between the ages of 10 and 12. None of the children on this team are particularly athletic. There is no real star playing on this team even when you take into consideration the one child that scores about 12 points on average in every game he plays. His shooting percentage is about 30%. This team does not have an outstanding defensive set, they are just learning the concept of a fast break, and offensive and defensive rebounding are a foreign concept. The team has a record of 2 wins and 4 losses.

My two sons play for the Vikings. Every Saturday morning our family makes the trip out to the basketball game to watch the boys play. There are many highs and lows that you experience when you watch your children learning to play sports. We are vocal fans, but mostly in that we shout encouragement to the team, and we applaud the successes of each child including the great shots often times scored by the opponents. We are anxious when one of our children is knocked down by bigger or stronger kids, and we are nervous when our sons are shooting from the foul line. Still, we enjoy the games and we even enjoy talking with some of the parents in the stands.

Last week during the game the young woman sitting in front of us turned to us to say “I think that this gets me the award for teacher of the year.” We got a great laugh from the comment because in fact the woman was a former teacher and tutor for our boys. This teacher’s name is Lisa Berger. Lisa was attending the game along with her husband for the sole purpose of watching our boys play. She came of her own initiative because of the bond and the relationship that both she and her husband have to our kids. Lisa teaches third grade at the school that our boys attend. Two years ago she was our son Max’s teacher. For the past two summers she has also tutored both of our son’s.

My children have been fortunate enough to have attended their school since they entered kindergarten. Now in the 5th grade, our boys have been there for almost 6 full years. On the way to school this morning I had a chance to ask the boys which of their teachers thus far had most impacted their lives. This is a tough question for a 10 year old at 7:30 in the morning. Yet, Max immediately spoke up and said that he had two favorites. They were Mrs. Berger, and the teacher they call Coach (Chris Gathagan). When Alex responded he said that his two favorites were Mrs. Ciummo, and also Coach. Had I been asked this question independent of my boys, I would have given the same answer. While they have had many great teachers during their tenure, I believe that these three teachers have taken ownership of my children’s success. I have witnessed the bond that these teachers share with my children. They have shared in their ups and downs, and have nurtured them through their pains. These teachers have a special relationship to our family and view our children not only as students, but as a vital part of the community that is their school.

When I teach or train leaders I focus on a sense of self determinism. I believe that we are responsible for our own actions. I believe that leaders must spend at least 50% of their time in self leadership. I believe and I teach that we lead best when we lead ourselves first. Yet, I cannot ignore that each of us also owns someone’s success. We take responsibility for the success of those we lead, and those we teach. We assume responsibility for the success of those we agree to mentor. We own the success of the people in our lives.

I learned many years ago that each of us is connected one to the other. Success is rarely a solo act. We achieve our success because of the path that was blazed by someone else. Someone opened doors for us. Perhaps a parent made a silent sacrifice deferring their dreams so that you could live yours. Maybe a spouse decided that their career was not as important as yours and decided to let you be out in front. Or maybe your boss took a risk and let you have that coveted project even though the risk of failure was not only great, but would be personally costly. Someone other than you owns your success.

It is not too difficult to find the person or persons that own your success. Just look around. That person has always been there. They have supported you when you were unsure. They listened when you just needed to talk. They told you to go ahead when you were pushing to succeed. Most likely, they never told you how much they wanted to see you be successful. And, I would bet that you have probably never told them how much you appreciate the impact they have had on your life.

I wonder who you would find sitting in the bleachers of your life. Would it be the teacher of the year? Would it be one of your early bosses? Maybe it is your spouse or your parents.

As a parent I would like to think that I own the success of my children. I realize now that I co-own their success with many people, starting with those three teachers I mentioned above. When I see them next I will take a minute to thank them for caring enough to own the success of my children. I also need to thank each person in my own life that has owned my success. Perhaps you could do the same.

Kaddywampus

2006-02-28T11:40:00.000-05:00

Last week I conducted a series of training classes at a facility in Western Michigan. These sessions were intended to help this particular group focus on the principles and values of their organization, with a focus on what things they could do to positively affect their place of business. I met with groups that averaged about 25 people attending each of the sessions. This allowed for a fair amount of personal interaction giving me an opportunity to engage the groups.

I find that when I am involved in multiple meetings all on the same topic after a while the meetings tend to blend together. It is difficult for me to say with any certainty what persons attended which meeting. This is particularly true when I meet with a large number of people. However, what I always remember is the place in the room where each person sat. I have a distinct recollection for the clothing that a person might have worn if they stood out in some way, or perhaps I will recall a person’s coffee cup, or the way they write their name on their tent card. I enjoy reflecting on these details and the way that the particular patterns stay with me long after I may have forgotten the names of the people involved.

During one of my sessions last week I asked a group to describe their first day at work. I was trying to get the group to express the feelings that they experienced when they were starting out on a new venture. The answers I got back from the group included many responses you might normally expect related to this type of question. Some described their feelings on that first day as anxious. Others described their feelings on their first day as exciting, or even feeling lost. I expected that the responses I would get would represent a range of emotions and experiences. Some of the responses were interesting, like the person who said “I was just happy to be working”, or one man who said he was a bit out of sorts since on his first day he was sent into the basement of the building to work. The most interesting response I got was from a woman that said she experienced a sense of concern after arriving at her cubicle and noticing that things there were all “Kaddywampus.” As she was describing her experience, many of the people in the room nodded their acknowledgement or even agreement with her description of the way things were. However, I found myself instantly curious. I had never heard this word, Kaddywampus before and so I probed to have her explain the term. Essentially, the term is used to describe things that are in disarray, disorganized, or perhaps askew. To use the word in a sentence (as we were trained to do in grade school), one might say the following: I entered the room where the three children were playing and found that everything was Kaddywampus.

I love the sound of this word as it rolls off of the tongue. While I could find no official spelling and therefore no official pronunciation, as I recall the word is pronounced (kad’ ē wom’ pŭs). I recall using this word several times during my training session with this group. We spent about two hours together and I think I managed to fit it in at least three times. I thought that I had forgotten the word until this morning when it came back to mind as I was reflecting on my attitude today.

This morning I woke up in great spirits. It is always a good thing when we can wake up feeling positive about the day. I have developed a couple of rituals over the years that I use to get me charged up when I think I need a bit of a boost, but today, no boost was required. I woke up excited, full of ideas and anxious to get the day started. My feelings today are significant because they are so much the opposite of the feelings I experienced most of the day yesterday. I can now describe my feelings yesterday as “Kaddywampus.” I was out of sorts or off balance. I was easily agitated and perhaps even pensive was the word I heard someone use yesterday. I found myself reacting badly to most situations, either lacking sensitivity when that was called for, or getting far too upset over things that in hindsight were relatively minor. I yelled at the dog a couple of times, snapped at my wife, and responded badly in a telephone call when a friend called me to ask for advice. At one point I just needed to get out and get some air as my wife described it. I am not usually like that (well ok, I am not always like that).

Sometimes we don’t get a chance to actually assess our attitude. In fact for many of us we really only recognize the highs and the lows of our feelings. We have many “middle of the road” days and they tend to go by without mention. We do however notice the highs or the lows. I love the sound in someone’s voice when they say “I am in a great mood today.” They usually follow that statement by saying “I have no idea why.” Few of the people will actually tell you without prompting that they are not in a good mood. Then again, I guess that would not seem normal now that I think about it. Just imagine a co-worker walking up to you and after saying hello telling you “I just wanted to warn you that I am in a bad mood today.” You would likely look at that person as though they are just a bit Kaddywampus.

Now here’s the thing. There have been no changes of note in my life in the past 24 hours that would have changed my attitude. No checks arrived in the mail, I did not win the lottery, and I have had no use for Levitra. I am not Kaddywampus today simply because I chose not to be. I shifted my focus today to reflect on the many things for which I am grateful. I thought back to yesterday and was thankful for each of the wonderful things that happened. I spent time yesterday talking to friends (even though I was not a great conversationalist). I laughed at and with my sons. I enjoyed an exciting basketball game even though our team lost. I enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner even though we did not have company, and dinner was served on a TV tray while watching the game.

I am happy today that I am learning to reach beyond my immediate focus. I am seeing the higher purposes in many of the things that I do, and recognizing the joy in simple pleasures. I have joked with family and friends, petted the dog, and been able to give encouragement. This is not to say that I won’t find myself Kaddywampus again some day soon. But next time I do, I will be able to remind myself that Kaddywampus is a choice. When I am Kaddywampus, from now on I will just choose to be the opposite. I will keep you posted. But do me a favor. If you read this and you find me just a bit out of sorts, would you take a minute to ask me if I am Kaddywampus? Just that key word will shake me out of whatever funk I am in. I will thank you for that and perhaps we will all then just have a better day.

The Power of a Person Convinced

2006-02-20T12:02:00.000-05:00

Michael Jordan is by my definition the greatest basketball player of all time. I know that we could have arguments over this statement. Depending upon your own preferences, and your age you may not agree. Yet, for me, this statement represents my truth.

I recall the year when during the NBA finals Michael Jordan was suffering from the flu in game 5 against the Utah Jazz. He had a high fever, and even vomited both before and during the game. He was dehydrated, and weak but still wanted to play in the game. Jordan was convinced that his presence would make a difference. He shot 13-of-27 from the field and played 44 minutes. Jordan shot the tie breaking three-pointer, and the Bulls went on to win game five, giving them a 3 games to 2 advantage over Utah. But, this is not the end of the story. As every basketball fan at that time had come to know, when the game is on the line, you want Michael Jordan to have the ball. With seconds left he has delivered time and time again. He once stated in an interview that if there is one last shot needed to win, he wanted the ball. He was convinced that he could make the winning difference.

In game 6 of the 1997 championship finals, Jordan was once again pivotal in the final seconds of the game. The Bulls needed one final shot to secure the victory and their 5th NBA title. In the final seconds, everyone watching the game, and every player on the floor knew that Michael Jordan would get the ball, and they were convinced that he would take the final shot. That is everyone except Michael Jordan and Steve Kerr. During their final time out the Bull’s coach drew up a play that would get the ball to Jordan. However, Jordan knew that this would result in his being double teamed by John Stockton leaving Steve Kerr unguarded. Jordan asked Kerr if he would be ready to take the shot when this occurred. Kerr assured him that he would be ready and that he would make the shot. Jordan was convinced. The play worked perfectly. Jordan got the ball and Stockton double teamed him. Jordan swings the pass out to Kerr who sinks the long jump shot. The bulls go on to win their 5th championship 90-86. Utah was convinced that Jordan would take the shot. Jordan was convinced that Steve Kerr would make the shot when it counted most. Here again we saw the power of being convinced.

Sports provide us with many analogies of the power of people that are convinced that they can achieve a goal. Yet, every day we see the power of people that are convinced. A child’s first steps show us that power when they stand up on wobbly legs, convinced that they can begin to walk. Parents don’t create this sense of confidence, at best we can reinforce it, but the child must be convinced that they alone can do it. In American History, a group of farmers that had left England in pursuit of religious freedom were convinced that they could defeat the greatest army in the world when they fought against England. In biblical history Moses was convinced that he would lead the people of Israel out of slavery. Gandhi was convinced that he could lead a non-violent revolution to free India from foreign rule. Joan of Arc was convinced that she was called by God to drive the English out of France. There is power in being convinced.

We have allowed our language to be too filled with words that transmit uncertainty. We express our doubts and our fear of failure far more often than we express our confidence. We begin tasks with weak statements that give us a cushion to fall back upon should we fail. We are timid in our approach. We don’t live our lives as though we are convinced that we can not fail.

I have been challenged of late as to the certainty of my own calling. Questions creep into my mind causing doubt. I have seen myself become tentative, and unsure, even unmotivated at times. I have even considered a change of course when the going gets particularly rough. When this happens I am reminded of what it feels like to be convinced. Sometimes we are convinced when someone steps into your life to remind you that your gift is real. At other times, someone is encouraged by you and expresses their belief in you even when you do not believe in yourself. At other times you just get that gentle nudge when you hear a whisper telling you that you can do it. You become convinced. When we are convinced great and wonderful things begin to happen.

Today my brother posed an interesting question to me. He asked, “If you knew that you had the winning cards in your hands, how would you play in a card game?” My answer was that I would play much more aggressively. He then argued that this is the way we all must play the cards that are dealt to us. We must always play as though we have a winning hand. We must be convinced that we will succeed. When I think of it that way I gain a better understanding of what it means to have faith. Believing is being convinced. A long time friend said recently, “You must believe in all that you are.” Those words ring true to me today, and I am convinced.

When we become convinced we become unstoppable. Some of us are lucky enough to convince ourselves that we can not lose. At other times we need someone to convince us that we are on the right path. The affirmation of a loved one can convince us. We need to be convinced of our gifts. We need to be convinced of our faith. When we allow ourselves to be convinced, we tap in to a power that is beyond measure. Believe. Be convinced.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Mug Shots

2006-02-17T11:51:00.000-05:00

I have a brand new coffee mug that was given to me as a gift yesterday while I was visiting in my native Philadelphia. Actually, I was on a business trip which ended early enough for me to have time to catch up with an old friend that worked nearby. More and more in my travels I have been trying to take time to see people that I don’t get to see very often. This can at times take me a bit out of the way, or maybe even delay my departure for home, but I find that every time I manage to make time for and with a friend that we are both better off for having made the effort.

Going back to the coffee mug, this was purchased from Starbucks. They have a series of mugs that they sell around the country that are adorned with words and images that are central to the identification of a particular city. My new mug has a Philadelphia theme. If you are familiar with Philadelphia, the images are those that you easily associate with the city. There is a picture of the Liberty Bell, a picture of City Hall which is taken from a ground level looking up at William Penn, a picture of the Philadelphia skyline taken from somewhere on the Schuylkill River, and finally, there is a picture of the “Love” statue which is a popular tourist attraction in the central part of the city. These are all great images that would have meaning to anyone that grew up in Philadelphia, and this is really a great gift to receive when you are like me an expatriate living far from home.

As anyone that reads this page might well suspect, the mug shots on my new coffee mug actually took me to a whole different place beyond just a view of the images of a city I love. Of course, it is also possible that the fact that I spent about four and a half hours driving across the state last night may have also impacted my thoughts and feelings, but I prefer to attribute my leap of association to the fact that I have just been thinking more deeply lately. We all tend to see in things what we choose to see and our perspectives are more related to who we are and how we are rather than what simply is.

Thinking of these mug shots I actually began to think of the other type of mug shots. I am speaking of those shots you see in every post office or what you see in the paper when someone is arrested. These are the shots that we all look at to try to learn what heinous crime a person has committed. We are attracted to these pictures because of a very human sense of curiosity that makes us look at pictures. In fact, we tend to look at almost every picture that is placed in front of us. The most extreme example of this for me is when someone brings their vacation pictures into the office and passes them around so that each person can sift through 20 or 30 pictures. “Here is one of me and Bob standing by the pool bar, “”This is the one of me parasailing right before I crashed,” “who is this guy?” We all look even though we don’t really care about the pictures, we don’t even know Bob, and frankly, I have yet to see 20 or 30 amateur photos that are very interesting. Still we look.

Since we all are so willing to look at photos anyway, I am proposing that we think about a different kind of mug shot. Imagine what your life would be like if you knew that you were being photographed all the time. These photos would be posted at regular intervals on the internet. They would be include photos from first thing in the morning before you shower, shave, mouse, or put on the control top hose. They would include shots of you during work, pictures of what is on our computer screen right now, and close ups of your email messages. They would also show you in the parking lot, in your car, and while you are driving. The pictures would follow you after work, chronicle the places you stop on the way home and include the faces of all of the people you meet. There would be shots at dinner, pictures from the coffee shop, or even the local bar where you are stopping to just get one on the way. They would chronicle the friends you stop to see, and even show pictures of each item you buy, rent, or consume throughout the day.

If we had to live our lives as the subject of continuous mug shots throughout the day, would we alter the things we do? If our lives were truly transparent, what would we do differently? If you knew that your picture was being taken as you drove, would your responses and actions during the drive change? Are there pictures that would be taken of you during the next 24 hours that you would be embarrassed if anyone else saw them? What would your kids, spouse, mother or best friend say if they saw those pictures?

The pictures on my new coffee mug remind me of many fond memories of Philadelphia. Each of them made me smile or feel other emotions as I thought about the locations. The pictures made me see other images around Philadelphia that while not reflected on the mug are images just as clear for me that reflect my life and times growing up there. The pictures made me think of mug shots and caused me to wonder what the photos of my next 24 hours would be like. I would hope that I could live so transparently that if my photos were posted, they would not embarrass my mother, damage my children, or ruin my reputation. That would be a lot to live up to. I am not there yet. But maybe someday I will take a sip from my new coffee mug, and when I see the pictures, I will think that you could post any picture from my life on that mug and I would be honored if anyone saw them. I may never get to that place, but in my mind’s eye that is a really nice picture.

The Roles We Play

2006-02-14T11:38:00.000-05:00

Just the other day I saw a trailer for a new film starring Pierce Brosnan. The movie is called “The Matador.” I have not seen the film and have no real plans to watch it except should I catch it on cable someday. What caught my interest in this film at all is the fact that the star is Pierce Brosnan. If you are a fan of James Bond movies (I am), then for the past few years you likely associate Brosnan with his role as James Bond. Not to offend Bond purist here, I will comment that Brosnan is not my favorite Bond, but certainly a likeable one for me since after all, what man in his 50’s wouldn’t want to play along side Halley Berry? You have to admire him for that if nothing else.

To my point here, Pierce Brosnan is now playing in a role that is very anti-Bond. His character in his latest movie is an assassin who drinks too much, is a womanizer, and calls himself “a facilitator of fatalities.” Hmm, that gives new meaning to the role of facilitator, but then that would be a digression not worth taking for now. Before this movie, to my thinking, Pierce Brosnan was James Bond. It is a role to which he is well suited. He is suave, good looking, and of course, he has a great British accent even though he was born in Ireland. Yet, let’s not forget that Brosnan is after all just playing a role.

While very few of us have genuine acting talent, we are all called upon to play roles. Not just those that you did at school (my most famous role was as the Yield Sign in elementary school). But rather, the roles that we are asked to play in the lives of those that matter most to us. Of course the roles do vary. Some of us play the role of Mom or Dad. Others are Wives or Husbands (speaking of which, those in the role of husband had better get their gift on as today is one that can land you in the dog house if you screw up). There is the role that many of us have as employee, or boss, or manager, or student. Having a clear understanding of our roles can help us to live them well. While I have a number of roles that I play in life, the one that I was thinking of today is the role of friend.

Friendship is something that I think can be often taken too lightly. We are quick to call people a friend. We have work friends, school friends, girl friends, and boy friends. Just the fact that there are so many types of friends suggests that the label is used too loosely. I have read that friends can come for a reason or a season. While that sounds reasonable, can you really imagine being a friend for a “limited time only?” People do pass through our lives and we do all have memories of that friend from our teenage years, or that friend from college. The fact is that these people have not really passed from your life, but rather, these are friends that you have lost touch with. I think this can happen when we don’t really live in the role of friend.

If you don’t suffer from a social disorder you probably have a broad base of relationships. You may have friends from your work place, friends from your neighborhood, friends from church, and even friends from your gym. But have you ever stopped to think about what your friendships mean to you? Also, have you ever wondered if those that you consider as friends consider you in the same light? What defines a friend? How do you make friends? And, how do you lose a friend?

I think that the bond of friendship is built upon trust. Friends are the people who know you well, and even after that still like you. Friends share our secrets and when necessary, hold our hearts. Friends are loyal to us even when we are absent. Friends care. Friends feel your hurts and pains, and friends love you even when you are likely least deserving. Friends ask the question “how are you?” and then actually wait for the answer. Friends give you constructive feedback not because they had to tell you, but because they care about your development.

In my life I have had the good fortune to have many friends. As I have gotten older I am very sparing in my use of that label. While I do still meet new friends, it is more likely that now I just get to know very good people. My reasoning for this is that friendship is a role that I now play. I take the role very seriously. There was a time when I could easily discard a friend. Perhaps they hurt my feelings, or maybe they failed to live up to my expectations. I can remember losing friends when they simply failed to call me. I have grown since those days. Now, my friends are friends for life. We go through our ups and downs together. I call it “doing life together.”

I love my role as a friend. I am getting better at it. I am learning to nurture those I care about. I am becoming a better listener. I work on being attentive, and I strive to stay in touch through phone calls, lunches, meetings, and email. I am not a perfect friend. I still have the occasional misstep. I also still fail at times. What is new for me though is that when I fail I come back and earnestly let my friends know that I was wrong.

Being a friend is a complicated role. It takes some thought and not just a bit of skill. Yet, it is a role that I relish, and I so much enjoy those that play that role in my life as well.

Now, let’s go back to Pierce Brosnan. He recently lost his role as James Bond. He has moved on to new acting roles. However, like an old friend, Brosnan will always be Bond for me because you see when you play a role well, you really don’t lose it. Brosnan will always be Bond, and to my friends I will always be a friend.

The Kind of Guy I Am

2006-02-13T10:41:00.000-05:00

One of the things that I have learned in my life is that we should never label people. This is particularly true when we make decisions about a person simply based on the way that they look or the clothes they wear. Such labels presume to prejudge us. Despite this knowledge, most of us do still label others. In fact, many times we even label ourselves. Generally, when we label ourselves the intent is not to be negative. Our personal labels tend to be used to explain some feature or personal attribute. “I am big boned,” “I have always been skinny,” “I am just very observant,” to list but a few of the labels we give to our selves.

I am guilty at times of placing labels on people. I work against this and most times I am successful in forestalling any judgment until I really get to know a person. While I have gotten better at not labeling others, I do still place labels on myself. One label that I have placed on myself is that I am a “Hat Guy.” I have not always been a hat guy. As best as I can tell I became a hat guy fairly late in my thirties, or certainly by the time I was in my early forties. For me, becoming a hat guy was really more a matter of my evolution. As my hair became thinner, I seemed to notice that I began to wear hats.

Some people are born hat guys. My twin boys are that way. Their very first pictures, taken minutes after their birth, shows them sporting those hospital beanie caps that are typically blue for boys or pink for girls. The boys are ten now and even this morning as they left the house for school they both were wearing hats (Steelers Super Bowl Championship cap for Alex, and a Roots Toque in matching Pitt Basketball colors for Max). They are still hat guys.

There are guys that consider themselves jeans guys. These guys swear that all they ever wear are jeans. Then there are sneaker guys, the guys that own ten or twelve pairs of sneakers. If you are a Seinfeld fan you may recall that Jerry Seinfeld is a sneaker guy. There are sweater guys. Imagine seeing Bobby Knight without a sweater. Bobby is a sweater guy. But me, I am just a hat guy.

I have noticed lately that there are a number of us hat guys. Some of us are pretty famous. Who can’t envision Samuel L. Jackson, the famous actor wearing his Kangol hat backwards (with the kangaroo visible) he is one cool looking hat guy. Then there is country singing star Tim McGraw (you know Faith Hill’s husband). He is a hat guy. He is always seen wearing his cowboy hat (I think they have gotten bigger over the years). Just recently I saw him and his wife on a television show (alright the truth is that it was Oprah and now one of my other secrets is out) cooking together, and there he was wearing a hat, in the kitchen! You really have to be a hat guy to wear a hat when you are cooking, unless perhaps he has some other motive for wearing his hat all the time in public?

I have a large collection of hats. My current favorite is a bright yellow one that most of my friends say doesn’t look good on me. My wife has not commented on this hat and whether or not the color is right for me, but then she is probably so busy working on my many other foibles that the hat issue can for now at least wait a while. Then there is the friend who commented on my hat “is this hat thing new with you?”

My hat collection includes a black Starbucks Barista hat that my brother managed to get for me one Christmas. At the time, you had to actually work at Starbucks to have one of those. Now, you can get them on eBay for about $50.00 bucks. I think mine was purchased for less than $10. That hat caused a woman in Arizona to stop me in a grocery store to ask if I was an owner of a Starbucks. That was a strange question to ask a guy with a basket of groceries just because he was wearing a hat. Then again, perhaps it suggests that maybe I don’t look so goofy after all when wearing a hat.

There are guys that look cool no matter what hat they are wearing. My brother in law has a black ski hat he wears that looks like the equivalent of a thick stocking turned upside down with a knot tied in the top. Like most things he wears, he makes the hat look cool. Of course, he also used to wear his Pennsylvania State Trooper hat before he retired, and managed to make that pointy top hat look pretty cool too.

I am not cool. My hats don’t make me look cool, mysterious, or even hide my identity. I wear hats because my head is bald. The hat keeps me warm in the winter, and keeps me from getting sunburned in the summer. I don’t wear hats when I cook or when I am indoors so I am not hiding under mine like a certain country singing sensation. I do however wear hats at night (another secret let out). Before you laugh at that just remember the line from The Night before Christmas which goes “and Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap.”

I think that being a hat guy has made me stand out lately. I was working in Canada two weeks ago when the weather was cold, snowy, and just plain nasty. All of the guys that I was with that week did not wear hats. So each day as we left the building, I would don my hat while the other guys would just walk out into the snow. I don’t know but maybe the guys in Canada just have a much stronger constitution than me. Or maybe, just maybe, no one ever told them about just how cool it would look for them to pick out their own personal hat and wear it all the time.

Come to think of it, my wearing a hat is just a part of my personal leadership. I wear hats because they make sense to me. It is not about style, fashion, or even good looks. I am just a hat guy, and beyond how they help me to stay well I don’t think I ever thought much about them. I guess this is one label that is going to have to stick. I am just a hat guy. It is part of who I am.

Technology Overload

2006-02-10T11:31:00.000-05:00

Inventory:

Three Remote Control devices
Ipod with portable speakers
Logitech Mini Cam
Electronic Calculator
Blackberry Cell phone
Blue Tooth Headset
Wireless Mouse
Laptop Computer
7 port USB hub (5 ports in use)
Iomega Zip 250 Drive
1 Gigabyte Pen Drive

These are all of the electronic devices on my desk at this moment. I took this inventory when I realized that I was taking leave of my senses. That is to say that I was feeling as though the basics such as tactile senses, or using my memory, or even getting up from my desk chair was beginning to seem foreign. From my desk I control my laptop (which is wirelessly connected to the internet), my television which tunes me in to C-Span right now, my radio, which I use to listen to certain NPR shows as the day goes on, and I can control my Ipod as I change the music to meet the mood or tasks at hand. Then of course, let’s not forget the Blackberry which I check without thinking every few minutes as there may be some earth shattering email requiring my attention (even though Outlook is also running on the laptop).

I mention all of this today not to impress you, but to call your attention to a problem that I experienced and a new awareness that I have come to. For a brief moment today my cell phone stopped working. Actually, it seems that the email component was not working. I immediately felt uneasiness in the pit of my stomach as my connection to the world seemed to have been severed. I quickly contacted my wireless provider to see if I could resolve this now very important problem. The automated voice mail attendant announced that my wait time would be approximately 2 minutes. The panic began to rise. What could be the problem? I did pay the bill, is there something else? How will I work around this? Maybe the Blackberry lawsuit has somehow caused my service to be terminated. What will I do now?

Less than 2 minutes goes by and a very friendly and helpful Customer Service Representative assures me that all is well with my account. He instructs me to shut off my phone for about 30 seconds while he resends activation instructions to my telephone. When I turn the phone back on, messages begin to come through and my connection to the world is restored. All of this is completed in the space of less than 5 minutes from the time of my call. I can feel the racing of my heart begin to slow. I am still wet from the perspiration, but I know that will go away as soon as I dry off. I thank the representative for his helpful assistance, and then just to be sure I call my home telephone number from my cell phone. Making doubly sure I also call a friend long distance so that I know that too is working. It works! The world will not have to solve its problems today without my input. Email messages will arrive on my Blackberry at the rate of at least two or three per hour and I can feel productive sending and receiving messages throughout the day.

While this is my true story of my working reality, I don’t think that this is how it should be. Two weeks ago I began to experiment with moving myself down the technology chain and going back to my pen and paper planning system. I thought that perhaps I should develop a means to integrate the old fashioned system of actually writing down my tasks, appointments, and daily notes on (hold on to your seats) an actual piece of paper. I have now for the past two weeks even tracked my Work Compass (a planning tool I use) on paper rather than electronically. My daily notes are once again being written on paper and filed in my planner. I will admit that I am still putting certain key notes in the computer under the theory that that makes them “searchable.”

There is something about the sensory response of using pen and paper. My tasks as an example are right there in front of me all day. I am happily checking off the things I plan to do for the day and I feel a great sense of accomplishment as I work through the list. Even though I have yet to clear the day’s list and each day I write a new list, just knowing that I can see what is in front of me has reduced my dread and feeling of being overwhelmed. My hand written notes on my daily notes sheets are now a great way to reflect on my day and bring me a sense of what I have yet to do in a reassuring way. Each reminder is there, the telephone numbers that I get in a phone call, even the note reminding me of my boy’s activities (tonight is movie night at school) are right there in front of me.

We move up the technology chain with the idea that each new device or gadget we buy will simplify our existence. Our offices become command centers where we sit at the center of our world in command of all we see. These are very tempting illusions. I find that the reality is that all of these devices end up controlling us and really limiting our time. Setting up the remotes, configuring the Blackberry, synching up the Blue Tooth device, (making sure it works properly while not draining the telephone battery). Doing all of this takes up huge amounts of our available mental space.

I will be the first to admit that I am a techno geek. I love to have the latest and greatest devices and gadgets. I am a certified early adopter and I continually look for new ways to increase my effectiveness. Yet, today I have been reminded of the simplicity of pen and paper. There is a beauty in being able to see forward and backward by just reading a note, or checking my schedule on the calendar. There is satisfaction in checking off one more of those “A” items on my task list. Of course, I am writing this on my laptop and will soon send a copy wirelessly to the printer. I will transmit this to my blog site on the internet, and I will email it to my friends (and a copy will arrive on my Blackberry). Still, I am once again learning to celebrate the simplicity of pen and paper. Going forward I am now sure that I will integrate the two much more consistently.

I have to go now. One of my “A” items today was writing this blog, and now I am done. One more check mark with my pen on the task list. What a great feeling!

What I Believe

2006-02-09T10:54:00.000-05:00

I have noticed a trend among my friends and business associates. It seems that in the regular telephone calls that I both make and receive, at some point in the conversation one of us will ask the other “What does your day look like?” The intent of the question is to gain a sense as to just how busy a person might be that day. The answer to that question will of course vary with each person that I talk to, but generally, the answers will revolve around a review of the schedule for that day. Some times the schedule is very busy and then at other times not. Yet, every person seems to focus only on the tasks that are directly in front of them. It is as though we are living sort of a day to day existence. I believe that life should be much more than that, and that there is a way to live a fuller life.

I was thinking of all of this in the context of something that I listened to on Public Radio the other day. Each week my local station airs a feature titled “This I Believe.” The brief segments feature both famous and not so famous people reading brief statements about their personal beliefs. Funny, but as I write these words it has occurred to me for the first time that not once in listening to these features have I heard a person talking about their religion. This is funny to me because to my normal way of thinking a statement of belief generally runs to our personal faith or religious credo. Rather, the weekly “This I Believe” segments are about the basic beliefs on life and living from the perspective of ordinary people. Some of the statements are extraordinary and have moved me to tears with their depth and emotion. Others reflect a perspective perhaps gained from a life of service or sacrifice. Some of the statements have been funny and make you think. This led me to ponder about what we believe. Questions such as if asked, what would the people I know say that they believe in? Not the heavy duty questions like do you believe in God, but instead questions that would focus on the deeply held truths that really do impact our thinking and our actions.

Thinking of what others might say to some of my questions of course then caused me to wonder about my own answers. Of course I then immediately fancied myself reading on NPR my profound statement of what I believe. I imagined that I would write something that would be moving and inspiring and would generate comments from listeners anxious to hear more from this great thinker. Before I could go off too deeply on that particular fantasy, I realized that I had not ever really thought about what I believe deep down in my very soul. Before I could imagine writing something profound, I had to first really think about what I believed. This has been on my mind for about a month now. What I have learned is that just the thought of telling anyone what I really believe is very frightening. What if someone actually knew what I believed? Would people think less of me? What if my beliefs were in conflict with those that I love or respect? Will I lose friends? How would my statement of beliefs impact my business relationships? Is the whole idea just foolishness?

My experience has been that when I have a chance to really get to know someone, I always have a sense of what they stand for. I get to know those things in their life that are the “non-negotiable” principles. I get to know what they believe. Even when I don’t agree, I am always struck by the fact that there are still people in this world that have things that they stand for. I often come away saying that I want to be just like that. Not that I want to have their principles, but rather, I want to make clear my own. That has led me to create my own statement. My version of what I believe. A word of caution is appropriate here as what I believe may offend some of the people that I work with, and may offend my friends. I also know that articulating what I believe may forever hurt my job prospects if a potential employer or client does an internet search on me. Right here in black and white I could well doom my chances for future employment. Yet, the very boldness of this prospect is interesting to me. So, if you intend to read further, I ask only one thing. Whatever you think about what I believe, take the time to tell me. You can write to me, or call me, but tell me at least before you tell another human being.

I believe in God. This is not just an intellectual acceptance that there is a supreme being that exists in control of everything, but for me, this means that I believe that I am one of his children. Actually, this is my most foundational belief and frames for me much of everything I believe.

I believe in laughter. I laugh often at myself and I enjoy making others laugh. I mention this right after my belief in God because I also believe that God has a great sense of humor, and as his son, I just carry on the traits of my father. I believe the world is a very simple place. We are the ones that make it difficult.

I believe that everything we do, feel, and experience is a matter of choice. I believe that the wiser our choices, the better the life we live. I believe that there are only a few things in the world that I can control. I believe in focusing on those things, and through that focus I find that my influence has grown.

I believe that I am a leader. However, unlike many leaders, I spend most of my time just leading myself. I believe that we could all do a better job in that area.

I believe that I have been given incredible opportunities in my lifetime and I am grateful that I have been so fortunate. I believe that I have something to share in my point of view and I believe that I can teach others how to live life more successfully.

I believe that not much matters more to me than my family and those that I love. I believe that “stuff” can get in the way of what is really important and we should be careful not to have too much.

I believe that we don’t talk to people enough, and when we do we are generally not honest. I believe that when we are honest with people we usually are being self-serving.

I believe that each of us plays an important role in the life of someone that we hardly notice. I believe that we ought to seek out that person and decide to make a real difference in their life.

I believe that each of us is truly powerful beyond measure (see my first belief to bear this out) and that we must stop living small insignificant lives and really live up to the gifts we each have been given. I believe that I have greatness in my heredity. I believe that I will live up to that heritage as I help others to recognize their own greatness.

Finally, I believe that really thinking about what you believe helps to focus our lives on what really matters, and in that we can find relief from our stress, and a renewed focus that will give clear and compelling direction in our lives.

This is what I believe.

Discovering What We Want

2005-09-29T11:03:00.000-04:00

On Saturday mornings we ride bikes. This was one of the unspoken rules of a group of grown men that for a brief time became known as the “Beechers.” There were many rules in this group of neighbors, most of whom where in their early fifties. There were macho rules like don’t ever quit or say you are tired. There were drafting rules that dictated that every rider would spend some time at the front allowing the other riders to draft off of them. There were even rules that dictated how far we would ride before we stopped for breakfast. Each of these rules was never voted upon, or decided, as this group had no real leader. This was just a group of guys that decided together that on Saturday mornings we ride bikes.

Over the years the “members” of the Beechers changed from time to time. We added to our number as more of the men in the neighborhood decided to ride with us. There was even a time, although very brief, when some of the neighborhood women would join our Saturday morning rides. These rides would consist of 25 to 35 mile treks from our Northside neighborhood, to points in the suburbs. Where we went depended upon the distance we planned to travel that day, which was one of the few things that was decided in advance. The most consistent riders among the Beechers were Larry and Dan. For a while the group included John, Mark, Bob, Chip, Jim, and me. I was the youngest in the group.

During our rides we rode hard and we talked. We talked about politics, religion, sex, the military, and life. Many of these topics led to heated discussions, and at times tempers would flare. However, the good thing about doing this while riding a bike is that even if you are angry, you are still perhaps 15 miles from home so you just might as well get over it. I learned a lot during those rides, but mostly I learned about the people that I called my neighbors and later began to call them my friends. The friendships that evolved from those rides have endured for nearly 20 years.

Our riding days together preceeded Lance Armstrong’s victories in the Tour de France. We also began riding together in the years before the rising popularity of all-terrain or mountain bikes. We rode racing bikes. These bikes were light weight, had small tires, and could easily reach speeds of 45 miles an hour going down hills. We all knew this for a fact as each of us equipped our bikes with speedometers, and odometers to track our rides. It was not uncommon at the end of a ride that someone would check their top speed and let us know that at one point we had been traveling at 47 miles per hour. It was this speed that made these rides dangerous. Many of us have watched in horror on television as riders fall off of their bikes. When watching a race we see how quickly an accident can happen and television cameras show us the damage to both the bike and the rider. Each of us that rode together knows first hand the risks of taking long rides through the city on a racing bike. Almost to a man we each suffered accidents of varying severity. Bruised ribs, broken legs, broken collar bones, or concussions are badges we all wear.

Two days ago Dan had an accident on his bike. His accident is by far the most severe that any of us have suffered. Dan shattered his hip, broke his collar bone, broke several ribs, and damaged his lung. Fortunately, as has been our practice, Dan was wearing his helmet and suffered no damage to his head. Dan is 62 years old.

I visited Dan in the Trauma unit yesterday. He was pretty banged up. After talking about the events surrounding his accident, we started one of those bicycle conversations. We began talking about what people want. Dan owns a business. He is married to a lovely woman that is an award winning artist and retired teacher. He has two attractive and well educated adult daughters, and two grandchildren. He has a beautiful home, and two late model automobiles. By most measures Dan is successful. But at that moment, there in the trauma unit, I realized that Dan would have easily traded places with me as I stood while he was lying there with his leg in traction. At the same time, I believe that had I been the one lying there in traction, Dan would also have gladly traded places with me. Life can be fickle among friends.

More than 15 years ago while standing in the alley street behind our homes Dan taught me what people want. He told me then that people want to be understood, accepted, valued, and part of a trusting relationship. I have shared Dan’s philosophy with many people since that day. I even have friends that will call me on the telephone to remind them about Dan’s philosophy. For years I have tried to find a way to make Dan’s philosophy more easily transferable to others. I often wrote down the letters U, A, V, and T, trying to find a way to make those letters make sense. On the eve of Dan’s accident at 1:30 in the morning I finally realized what was missing. The answer is love. The thing that Dan’s philosophy did not include was that people want to be loved.

As Dan, his wife Holly, and I talked there in the Trauma unit we agreed that when we add the word “loved” to Dan’s philosophy, we get five letters that help us to understand and grasp what we really want. We have been programmed by marketers of all kinds to think that we want wealth, or power, or material possessions. We are constantly bombarded by messages that tell us to “trust me”, “watch me”, “listen to me”, “and be like me.” All of these messages have taken away our ability to focus in the moment.

In the moment, we can see clearly. In the moment, we can understand what we really want. Talking to Dan in the Trauma unit we experienced one of those “in the moment” times. Dan made the message so very clear to me. He said “Harvey, we can help people see what is inside the vault”. What is inside is not wealth. The vault does not contain material goods. The vault does not demand that you look like me, or listen to me. But inside the vault there is power that is immeasurable.

Take a look inside the vault and you can learn the secret to what people really want. The secret is what you want too. Inside you will learn this: People want to be Valued, Accepted, Understood, Loved, and part of a Trusting relationship. That is the simple secret of what is inside the vault.

My friend Dan has a long road to recovery. I know that he is going to do well. I know this because Dan already understands what was inside the vault. He lives his life with the clarity of being in the moment. Dan’s message, this message, is one that everyone should hear. In the coming days I will begin to outline how we can live our lives in a way that brings us what we want.

Running Through Our Fears

2005-09-14T13:43:00.000-04:00

I started running when I was a child growing up in Philadelphia. When I started I did not so much run for fitness but rather as part of the games I played when I walked to or from school. The games consisted of trying to see how far away I could get from a certain point in so many seconds. I would pretend that a bomb was going to explode at a point. My objective was to be so many feet or yards away in order to be safe. These games were like spy games that I played when I was around twelve years old.

I took up running as a part of my fitness routine later when I was seventeen. At that time I ran as a way to relax and escape the pressures of school and work. I would run anywhere from three to five miles each day. Quite a few years have gone by since then, and I do still run on occasion as a part of my fitness routine. However, most of my aerobic exercise these days consists of riding a stationary bike, taking long walks, or walking two to three miles on a treadmill. Running long distance no longer appeals to me physically as the recovery time for my body has gotten longer and longer over the years. Still, I run on occasion because I still like the feeling of gliding through the air swiftly moving from place to place under my own power. I also like the rhythm. If you have ever run or had the chance to listen to the footsteps of a runner you know that there is a consistent rhythm to running. When you run for distance you fall into a cadence. This is a soothing sound that creates a rhythm as each foot strikes the ground. Runners use this cadence as a feedback system that helps them to know that they are on whatever pace they have set. After running for a number of years experienced runners can hear that cadence in their heads and can differentiate between the cadence of a seven minute mile and a nine minute mile. Even though I now run infrequently, I can still hear the pace in my head.

When I began running all those years ago I always considered it a solitary activity. Because running is something you can do with very little advance planning, most of my running time was through city streets or sometimes in a park when there was one nearby. I never imagined then that someday I might have the chance to run with my own children. Yet, yesterday I had just such an opportunity.

I committed to run daily with my sons as part of helping them to prepare for the soccer season. We had been talking about the need to become fit in order to effectively play most sports. In soccer in particular, I had noticed that my boys would tire in the late portions of their games. While they seemed no more tired than the other children, it occurred to me that my boys were finally at an age when we could begin to do some conditioning work. So, we committed to run a mile each day.

I realized yesterday that children don’t run distance anymore. In fact there is not much in the way of physical fitness required of young children in our schools. The result is that before yesterday only one of my sons had ever actually run a mile. And even for that son, he ran his first mile only the day before. Additionally, I understood that for my son Alex, the thought of running a mile was really not on his personal radar screen. Still, like most young boys he wanted to keep pace with his brother and if for no other reason he wanted to give it a try.

My children are only ten and so we did not want to run in the city streets. At the same time, I did not want to turn this outing into a production that would require us to go to a formal track to run laps. So we decided that we would go to Heinz Field, home of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and run around the circumference of the building. Our plan was to run around the building as many times as was necessary to complete our mile. We knew that this would afford us a continuous stretch of sidewalk on which we could run safely. It also did not hurt that the field is only a few blocks from our home and we could easily walk there and back.

When we arrived at the field we began our run. Like most children the boys took off at a rapid pace. Max was leading the way and Alex was right behind him. Given the forty years difference in our ages, I knew that I could not think about joining them. Also, since we had not charted out the distance in advance, at the beginning I had no idea how many times around the stadium would be required. I knew that I needed to go the distance and so I set out at a very easy pace, probably close to a ten or twelve minute mile.

Before we made one complete revolution around the stadium both of the boys had slowed their pace. But, I noticed that Alex had slowed considerably. While he was still running in front of me (an agreement we made in advance that the boys must stay in front of me), I could tell that he was laboring. First Max shouted encouragement to him and Alex continued to run. Then he told us that he had a pain in his side which runners know is that familiar “stitch” you get early in a run. Max again shouted encouragement and told him that the pain would only last for a little while then it would go away. I just watched and paid close attention to Alex to make sure he was in no real danger. At one level I was dealing with the demons in my own head telling me that I could not run the distance, and reminding me of my age compared to my sons. On a whole other level I could feel the competitive spirit in me telling me that I could not let my boys down and that I had to go the distance.

As I continued to run my mind went back to the days of my youth. I reminded myself of the pace that I could hear in my head. I settled in by just keeping the pace and continuing to move myself forward. By this time I was running side by side with Alex with Max continuing to run just a bit ahead of us. As we ran together I was talking to Alex and checking to see that he was alright. I suggested to him that if the pain became too great that he could stop running and walk the rest of the way. He declined, and I could see in his face that he wanted to succeed at this. Realizing his desire to succeed, I began to talk to Alex about pace. I told him that we had to just keep our pace and go one step at a time.

After we had completed our first time around the stadium I had a clear sense of what was now required to reach our goal. As it turns out the distance around the stadium is equal to nearly one half mile. I told Alex about this and we continued running together step for step and I offered encouragement to him as much as myself letting him know just how many more turns we had to go. We talked about breathing evenly and just making sure that he ran no faster than me. I pointed out that we were going to make it as long as we kept our pace the same.

When we rounded the final stretch of our run with about a quarter mile to go, I noticed that Max made a start at running faster. Looking back and seeing that Alex and I were keeping the same pace he quickly gave up on his idea of a sprint to the finish. When Alex and I reached the final turn and completed our mile he looked at me with a proud sense of accomplishment. We gave each other high fives, and acknowledged that we had made it. We both walked over to Max and he too gave us a high five as we celebrated that moment.

When we started out on our run we did not know how many laps around the stadium were required. We faced an unknown that led to fear and doubt about our ability. We became aware that reaching our goal was causing us considerable pain. When we are in uncharted waters we don’t know if we can reach our goal. Sometimes we can find ourselves alone as we take each step or we realize that the pain and sacrifice may be too great. Or maybe we realize that we initially set out at a pace that we can no longer maintain. This is the time when we experience failure and defeat. This is the time when we need to pull up along side a friend or a coach or a mentor. We need to begin to pace ourselves so that we can reach our goals. We need to experience the reaffirming assurances of someone that cares about our success who not only tells us that we can make it, but takes every step along the way with us and experiences the same pain.

When we manage to face our unknown fears and conquer our pain we realize that in order to reach our goals we just need to take one step at a time. We have to learn to hear the rhythm of our steps. Each step moves us closer to our goals. When we give in to pain or fear we regret those failures. But, when we work through the pain, and keep pace to the goal, we experience an exhilaration that is unimaginable. The joy and sense of accomplishment on Alex’s face is the image that I will keep in my head forever as I strive for difficult goals. It is that look that reminds me that we can face our fears, and we can reach our goals in life if we just go one step at a time.

Success One Step at a Time

2005-09-13T14:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we experienced another one of those beautiful days that often come at the end of summer in Pittsburgh. With moderate temperatures and low humidity, September days are days when you still want to go outside. With the children adjusting to only their second week of school, we are finding that every evening we spend time outdoors just playing in front of the house. Or, to be more specific I find myself outside reading while the children are playing in front of the house. Neighborhood children as young as one year old are outside with their parents and we all seem to just congregate as the children play. Given the urban setting of our home, most of the games are played in the street with cars parked on either side. The children routinely yell out “car” as a vehicle comes down the street. For the most part our one-way street does not get a great deal of traffic, and most of the cars coming down the street are usually sight seeing taking a look at the Victorian homes and interesting architecture.

It seems that somehow yesterday my sons finished their homework a bit earlier than their neighborhood friends. This meant that for at least a few minutes my sons would be playing together without the company of their friends. Even though my children are twins, at their current age they are reluctant to play outside with just themselves. Rather, they wait for the company of other children at or near their age so that they can engage in one or another of the “made up” games that they play every day. While the boys were waiting for their friends to show up my son Max walked over to a small patch of grass that borders the old church on the corner of our street. This patch of grass that we call the “church yard” has been the closest play area for my children and all of the other children in our neighborhood since the boys were old enough to walk. It has been the site of petting zoos and once even hosted an elephant providing rides for children for just one dollar. My own sons have learned to bat (resulting in one broken stained glass window), pitch, throw a football, and even race on this patch of grass which is less than 20 yards long and 20 feet wide. But grass is still grass no matter how wide or long and children will always find a game that they can play at the church yard.

Max walked to one end of the grass and started in an easy jog to run to the opposite end. Reaching the opposite end he turned around and then jogged back to the starting point. I watched as he continued this back and forth all alone on the grass over and over again. Curious, I finally walked over to the grass to ask Max what he was doing. He said that he was “running a mile.” I asked him how given the small size of the area on which he was running he would know when he had reached his goal? He then lifted up his shirt and there clipped to his belt was a pedometer that had been recently given to him as a gift from my brother. I did not want to burst his bubble by telling him that given the size of the space on which he was running he would likely need to run back and forth over 80 times to reach his goal. Rather, I just watched as he frequently checked his pedometer and continued to run back and forth.

I continued to watch Max running and I was pleasantly surprised by his persistence. He continued to run until finally his pedometer displayed a total distance of one mile. I did not count how many times he actually had to run back and forth, and I also recognize that generally pedometers are only “fair estimates” of total distance traveled. I personally wear a pedometer most days with a goal of walking 10,000 steps. Most days I meet or exceed my goal, but here again the accuracy of the pedometer is really not the point. The point for me is to have a goal that is relative to the last time I set out to achieve it. Whether my 10,000 steps is really 8,000 steps or is actually 12,000 steps is not the point. For me the point is to have a measurable goal that I can strive to achieve every day.

This morning I asked Max if he wanted to run after school. He wondered how far we would run and I said well I thought I would run with you to accomplish your one mile per day goal. I also asked Alex if he wanted to join us. They both wanted to know where we would run. I suggested that we could run around our neighborhood until we achieved one mile. I was amused when they both said to me that running a mile around the neighborhood seemed pretty far. Then I pointed out to them that it was no farther than Max had run the day before when he went back and forth in the church yard. While both of the boys agreed to give it a try I know for sure that they are both skeptical.

As I have thought about watching Max yesterday and then comparing it to his reaction this morning, I realized that when setting goals the increment really matters. Max’s goal yesterday was to run one mile. But, even though he did not plan it this way he had broken down the goal into very small pieces. He was only running about twenty yards at a time. Additionally, each time he turned around, the next little piece of the goal was clearly in sight. When I suggested today that we run a mile around our neighborhood the hesitation wasn’t so much the distance, rather it was the fact that in running around the neighborhood the goal would not be so plainly in sight. Which streets were we going to run around? Would we run out for half a mile then run back over the same course? Where we just going to run around the block four or five times? These questions and perhaps even some that would occur to a ten year old boy that don’t occur to me I am sure had a lot to do with their reaction.

All of us set goals. Sometimes the goals are those BHAGs (Big, Hairy, Audacious, Goals) that are really tough to achieve. Sometimes they are the common kinds of goals like I am going to quit smoking, or I am going to lose weight, or I am going to exercise daily. While many of us have set such goals, we often fail. We start out by not smoking at all for a few days then we have just one cigarette, and then another and then we forget about the goal all together. We begin our new diet by cutting out sweets, or bread, or something else that we regularly eat that we have now decided we will do no more. We begin an exercise program by buying new workout clothes, new sneakers, and even joining a gym. Then a month or so later we have a gym membership that is unused, new sneakers that we are now wearing on Saturday afternoon, and exercise shorts that we decide to start sleeping in at night. I think we need to take a look at the simple and innocent way that Max approached his goal. I believe that he has reminded me of how we can all achieve success.

When you want to achieve a goal you must remember to break that down into very small and manageable pieces. The goal should have many small successes built in. The achievement of your goal must also remain clearly in sight. Finally, always remember to avail yourself of some simple measuring device.

You might think that it is pretty boring running back and forth 80 plus times to run a mile. This is not the way that we normally think. For most of us if we wanted to run a mile we might set out on a quarter mile track or decide to run eight city blocks. Perhaps on your first time out you would reach the goal. But you see Max is only ten years old. He is not allowed to go to a track and he isn’t allowed to run in the streets. So Max had to improvise and set a small goal right in his own literal “church yard.” He decided how he would measure his progress, and he started out slowly. Max reached his goal because he did not know much about how many times he would have to run back and forth. He did not measure the distance of the church yard. He did not set an allotted time. No, the key to Max’s success was that the increments were small, the feedback measurement was continuous, and he knew that in the end he was under the watchful eye of his constant coach.

If you have a goal that you want to achieve then I urge you to use Max’s method. Start slow, establish small success benchmarks, and measure progress often. Finally, if you don’t have your own coach to cheer you on, then contact me. I love to see people celebrate the achievement of their goals.

What Is Your Why?

2005-09-12T13:28:00.000-04:00

Have you ever found yourself in one of those conversations with a four year old when they respond to everything you say with “why?” This is a frustration that many of us have experienced. The child comes to you with a question. You provide the best answer you can come up with and then the child just says “Why?” You respond with a fuller explanation hoping to make your answer make sense for the child and then once again you get “why?” Again you try to clarify your answer and you get still once again “why?” This chain only ends when either you give up in frustration or the child becomes interested in the toy you offer up as a distraction.

Children ask us why because they want to have a better understanding of the world around them. When children are young they ask lots of questions. I am told that children stop asking us questions when they stop believing that we have the answers. Today that can happen as early as ten or twelve years old. In many ways though we too function like twelve year old children. We stopped asking questions long ago. Perhaps it is because we think we now have all of the answers. Or maybe we are sometimes too embarrassed to ask the question because we don’t want the world to know that there is something we do not know. Or maybe, we just remember back to the days when we too were four years old and some adult got frustrated with our unending round of asking “why?”

I recently read again the famous quote by Friedrich Nietzsche “He who has a why can endure any how.” This came up once again today in a conversation with a friend and colleague when we were talking about the day to day pressures of work. The pace of our days has become so hectic that we spend much of our time in reaction mode. The current buzz word in the business world is “I work 100 hour weeks.” I have no idea as to what happened to the old badge of the workaholic who worked 80 hours each week. I don’t put in 100 hour weeks and so it is difficult for me to imagine what that must be like. However, just a simple calculation tells me that you would have to work over 14 hours each day, every day in order to work a 100 hour week. Since most of us are not the CEOs, this also means that we need to drive ourselves to and from work each day so let’s factor in just an hour of your time for your daily commute. Also, assuming that you have a really bad diet (exclusively fast food) you would still need about one and a half hours each day to pick up and eat your food (I recognize that some of us work while we eat). As for personal hygiene tasks, let’s give that a total of an hour each day (potty breaks included given how badly you would be eating). That would leave you about six hours to sleep every day. So now the question I would ask is “Why?”

I guess that if you are the CEO of a large company your “why” is to grow the business or to create shareholder value. Maybe you work in Silicon Valley and you are creating the next groundbreaking technology that will turn your stock options into a billion dollars. But you are more than likely just an average person that is somehow caught up in the sense of importance and status you get from saying “I work 80, 90, or 100 hours a week.” Whatever need is being fulfilled by this super human effort, it is time to stop and ask “why?”

Now the truth is that very few people actually work 100 hours a week. In fact, there are few of us that actually work for 60 hours each week, and I will save for another day my discussion of how few of us really do put in the 40 hours for which we receive our pay. But, no matter how many hours you actually work, have you spent any time lately making sure of your “why?” Whether you work for yourself, or work for a small company, or work for a large corporation, sometimes work can be hard. If you are self-employed you deal with cash flow problems and worry about how you will generate the next deal. If you are work for a company you worry about getting the work done that has been heaped upon you. Some of us are working with psychopaths that are making our lives miserable. And then there are those of us that are just working at jobs that are not stimulating or challenging. No matter what situation you find yourself in today, you need to take the time to really understand your “why.”

In order to answer the question we need to go beyond the immediate. We need to not just stop at the simple answers like how much money we need, or we have bills to pay, or even because we can’t afford to lose our job. I love to quote the old saying “what profits a man to gain the world, yet lose his soul?” You need a bigger “Why?” Your “why” must make a difference in your life or in the lives of those you love. Your “why” must be filled with passion. Why did a person like Martin Luther King risk his life? It was because he had a dream. His dream was his “why.” Why does a fireman run into a burning building? It is because their “why” is to save just one life if possible. Why does a mother shield her child with her own body when danger strikes? It is because her “why” is that she values the life of her child more than her own. These are the kinds of “why” that matter. These are the kinds of “why” that makes the risk, or the pain or the challenge make sense. These kinds of “why” don’t translate to money, or pride, or status. These are the kinds of “why” that makes a difference in the world. These are the kind of “why” based on established values and character.

Why did you get up this morning? Why are you working so hard? Why didn’t you have time for dinner with your family? Why did you spend one-on-one time with your child? Why did you not stop to say I love you? Keep asking this question. Take the time to figure out why. We all need a “why” so that we can endure our “how.” Taking the time to identify your “why” will keep you on the path you have chosen for your life. Knowing your “why” makes the how worth every step of the journey. Commit your “why” to writing.

There is so much power in the answer to that very simple question. I guess that we all need to wonder why?

Where Are You Now?

2005-09-09T11:23:00.000-04:00

As I was making reservations for a business trip this week I realized that I needed to fly on Sunday in order to be at the appointed destination for a Monday morning meeting.  This is not at all unusual as I frequently will travel the day before a meeting or appointment.  This reduces my anxiety over delays, and assures that I will get a good night’s sleep and be productive during my appointment.  When making the reservations I noticed that Sunday was September 11.  I hesitated for a moment asking myself if I really wanted to fly on this date.

As things turned out for me my trip ultimately was cancelled and I have no need to fly on September 11.  Still, just the thought of flying on that date took me back to the tragedy of 9/11/01.  Like most Americans I can remember vividly where I was when the first plane hit the World Trade Center tower.  As the morning wore on and yet another plane hit the tower, I began to also hear the news of a plane in Pennsylvania that was possibly hijacked about an hour from my home in Pittsburgh.

On 9/11/01 I was the Chief Operating Officer of the Pittsburgh Housing Authority.  My immediate superior, as well as the majority of our executive staff were in Washington, D.C. that morning attending a meeting at HUD, near the Pentagon which also became the site of another plane crash.  In the midst of the shock and devastation of the people around me during those critical moments, I suddenly realized that I was responsible for an agency of 500 employees, and that we managed housing for about 5,000 people in Pittsburgh.  Given the information available, I needed to make a number of decisions that were likely to be second guessed later, but were yet important to make immediately.

I began the decision making process by contacting each of my available co-workers.  This included our Operations Director, HR Manager, and Police Chief.  We decided that we needed to assure the security and safety of our residential communities and Hi-rise buildings which housed the elderly and disabled.  At the same time we needed to act with compassion towards our employees who were concerned about children in school, and their own families.  We decided that all employees that were non-essential to the security of our communities could leave work immediately to look after their families.  Essential personnel and a small group of volunteers agreed to continue working until we knew for certain that our communities were safe and secure.  As I looked out the windows of our offices I could see the motion and panic of people below emptying out of nearby office buildings and heading for home.  I knew that we were facing a long day when many of us might not get to go home for a while.

As I now look back on that day I recognize that Pittsburgh escaped tragedy.  We did not experience problems in our communities, and our buildings were spared from disaster.  The lessons of that day however caused our own agency and many others to begin to prepare plans for future disasters.  We had a heightened focus on the fact that low probability incidents of drastic proportion do still happen every day.  We all spent the next several days experiencing a swelling sense of nationalism, and everyone in the country seemed to pull together.

Just four years later America finds itself facing yet another disaster.  Once again America finds itself questioning whether or not we were prepared for the flood waters of Hurricane Katrina.  There is massive finger pointing and political posturing to heap blame for everything from the speed of the relief response, to the lack of availability of $2,000 debit cards for the purchase of essentials.  Perhaps as many as half a million people are suffering today because of the hurricane.  All across the country we are all affected by rising gasoline prices, and threats of fuel prices for heating rising as much as seventy percent.

We have very short memories in this country.  We forget the commitments we make when we are under duress.  We utter prayers at moments of disaster or despair and we make promises to our God in exchange for mercy.  We pull close to loved ones; we cherish the small things in life, and we all understand that we are in many ways spared just by grace.  All of this fades as we move further in time from the latest disaster, or when we realize that the latest event did not really affect our own lives.

As I write this I sit comfortably in my office in my home.  I will spend my day developing business relationships, scheduling appointments and travel for upcoming events, and waiting for my children to return from school to begin the weekend.  As I write this there are families that are living in shelters with no hope of returning to their homes.  There are perhaps thousands of children that have no school to attend for whom the weekend is just another day in an impoverished life.  And there are thousands more that have lost jobs, careers, and businesses.

As you take the time to read this I would ask you to think about a question.  Where are you now?  You are probably reading this in your office.  This of course means that you have a job today.  If you are reading this in your home, you have electricity and even a computer.  Where were you four years ago during 9/11?  What changes did you vow to make in your life on that day?  Have you kept your promises?  Did you realize on 9/11 how important your family is to you?  Do you live today like that is still true?  As you watched families walking through flooded streets in Louisiana did you stop to acknowledge that you were safe and dry?

In the past four years my life has continued to change dramatically.  I am no longer the COO of that agency I managed in 2001.  I work now as a consultant helping people and organizations understand the importance of authenticity, values and character.  I teach clients about valuing people and serving those that they lead.  I can’t say that all of this happened because of 9/11.  But I know that the events of that day changed me in a way.  I was reminded recently of those changes as I planned a simple business trip that was later cancelled.  Now I have another chance to sit back and reassess my own priorities.  I have the time once again to make sure that I am living my values.  And most importantly, I will say a prayer of thanks that once again disaster has struck and yet those that I love are safe and secure.  It is my sincere hope that as you read this you too will take stock with where you are now and where you have been in these past four years.

What You Believe Can Change the World.

2005-08-31T13:57:00.000-04:00

When I stepped outside this morning to walk the dog I was faced with weather conditions that immediately let me know that today was not going to be a day when I could take a long walk outside.  The weather and the threatening skies suggested that perhaps today’s walk might more safely be done indoors on the treadmill.  In just a short few days I have been spoiled by the cooler temperatures which have allowed me to walk outside enjoying the peace and quiet of the morning.  I have experienced a great sense of calm as I have walked in the early morning enjoying the waterfront near my home, and listening to the world around me.  This is such a different experience for me.  It is quite different from walking with headphones on my ears, enjoying music or listening to the latest audio book.  Being forced back indoors to walk on the treadmill, I employed the distractions we sometimes use to abate the boredom that comes from walking in place.  Like many people that use a treadmill regularly, I turned on the TV and channel surfed looking for something to hold my interest for half an hour.

This morning all of the news shows focused on the devastation in cities in Louisiana and Mississippi.  There were pictures of people being rescued from roof tops as waters surged up to the roof lines of homes.  The broadcasts showed us pictures of vast areas under water and extensive damage that had been done to homes, businesses and recreation areas.  I listened to comparisons to the tsunami that hit Indonesia last year as broadcasters flew helicopters over damaged areas or surveyed the wreckage on rented boats.  There were reports of as many as 100 deaths in Mississippi and other scattered reports of deaths in Louisiana, Alabama, and Georgia.  We will certainly mourn the loss of any life as a result of this catastrophe.

The economic effects of the hurricane will be experienced all across our country as oil refinery production is reduced.  As much as 25% of our refinery production comes from the Gulf region alone.  The President has already agreed to release oil from our strategic reserves in order to alleviate the pressure on gasoline prices which are now predicted to rise perhaps as much as thirty cents above current levels.  I learned all of these things just watching television for about thirty minutes today while I exercised.

I have found myself at times like this functioning as somewhat of a voyeur.  I can become fixated on the events almost waiting to see more pictures that would shock or horrify me.  I have watched myself focus intently on facts reporting the numbers of deaths, or the dollar estimates of economic damage.  I then carry that information all day and intersperse it into my conversations as I lament the tragedy.  I find myself using sorrowful tones as my way of expressing my grief and concern for those so less fortunate.  I realized today while on my treadmill in my dry, well lit, and air-conditioned home how pious my actions have been.

First I must acknowledge that despite the death toll and economic damage, hurricane Katrina can not be compared to the tsunami in Indonesia.  We have available to us some of the most sophisticated weather tracking and warning systems in the world.  We were provided warnings many days in advance such that many cities and towns were evacuated sparing us the dramatic loss of life that people in other parts of the world experience daily.  Just in the time that it will take to write this more people will die in the Sudan or other parts of Africa than the total death toll experienced nationally from Katrina.  I can only wonder how many of us have spoken in those hushed tones grieving for the loss of life that occurs daily in other parts of the world.  What will be our reaction today to the loss of life in Baghdad where some 600 people died as a result of a rumor of a suicide bomber on a bridge over the Tigris River?

When are we going to learn in this country that we are all together in this world?  Today we lost our brothers and sisters in Mississippi, and we lost some in the Baghdad, and we lost even more in the Sudan.  All across the globe there are tragedies, wars, and disasters.  Lives are being lost, economies are suffering, and people are homeless.  You and I read this at computers, in homes and offices with modern conveniences.  Maybe you will read this later in the day while having dinner or take it out on your coffee break while you enjoy an afternoon Latte.  I don’t write this to say that you should feel guilty for the many blessings we experience here in America.  I don’t write this to remind you of how lucky you are that you live in a city far away from the Gulf Coast.  Rather, I write this to remind you to take a moment to be thankful.  It is so easy to complain about things in our day-to-day lives.  I know that I find myself complaining about the weather, or traffic, or an annoying telephone call.  Yet, in the whole scheme of things, we have so very much to be thankful for.

Being thankful does not necessarily mean that you are somehow better than those less fortunate.  In our spirit of thankfulness or should I say gratitude, we recognize that we are each given so many gifts.  We ought to take the time to acknowledge those gifts.  I am sure that not everything in your life today is fantastic.  Perhaps you work in an oppressive environment or maybe you are struggling to make ends meet financially.  Maybe your marriage is not the best, or someone close to you is not behaving to your liking.  We all have problems and we already spend our fair share of time acknowledging that.  What I am proposing is a transition in your thinking.  Let’s take a few minutes to focus on the wonderful things that are happening in your life.  While you do that, also remember that there are people all around the world that are your brothers and sisters.  Remember that somewhere they are suffering at this moment.  As you express your gratitude remember to also reach out to them.  Make a decision to do one simple act to reduce the suffering of others.  Whatever you can do, do it now.  If all you can do is say a prayer, then take a moment to breathe that prayer.

I have made a transition in my thinking these days.  I have focused on what I believe.  In that focus I have found greater joy, greater success, and a greater awareness of those around me.  I wanted to share that focus with you so that you too can experience the power of all that is in you.  Let’s all stop watching the world and start being a part of making the world better.  You can begin by making yourself better, and you can begin that by just beginning to believe.

Renewal of the Spirit

2005-08-26T11:25:00.000-04:00

Last night as I walked home from our local Seven Eleven, I stopped to talk to a neighbor. We commented on the pleasantness of the sound of the cicadas and how that sound brought back memories of our childhood. I noticed last night how much time we spend outside at this time of year and even though the days are getting shorter, we still find ourselves outside when nighttime falls.

As we near the end of summer our thoughts begin to focus more intently on our work, our plans, and our goals. There is a rhythm in life that moves to the seasons. Summertime in our part of the country is a time to look for ways to escape the heat, enjoy time with family, and relax. We retreat to our vacation destinations or if we are fortunate enough we have a place a get away from it all on the weekend.

In thinking of these things I was tempted to think of the summer as a time of renewal. It seems easy for me to think that the activities we so much enjoy in the summer would renew the body and the spirit. While I guess that it is true that rest and relaxation can help to renew our bodies, I was left to wonder whether or not we do much for our spirit in the summer. My conclusion is that during the summer our spirit goes lacking.

I have been wresting with matters of my spirit for a while. There has been a running conflict with my passion and my appetites. My passion is to develop people to make a difference. My appetite is for self fulfillment and personal satisfaction. The struggle between the two is similar in many ways to what is experienced by people addicted to food, or alcohol, or even cigarettes. I don’t mean to minimize the seriousness of those addictions, and I do understand that each of those addictions can be accompanied by a chemical change in the body that compels a person to engage in behaviors that can be deadly. Yet, I have found that my appetite for self fulfillment and personal satisfaction often leads me away from my passion. When I leave my passion, my spirit seems to suffer almost to the point of being harmful.

I believe that we can not live healthy lives disconnected from our passion. We can endure brief periods of disconnection, but in the end we must all find, and live out our passion. For me, my passion is also my vocation. I earn a part of my living as a result of my gift to help people change their lives. Yet, in order to pay the bills, I have given way to other pursuits and neglected my passion. The resulting wounding of my spirit has reduced my energy, and even my drive. In the end, this condition would result in my inability to even do the other work that “pays the bills.”

I am lucky enough to have people in my life that sometimes take the time to remind me to stay focused on my passions. Sometimes the conversations are not what I want to hear. Sometimes the message is a scolding. From other people it is the reflection of their disappointment when I seem to be wandering away from my mission. I even have a friend that reminds me when I am straying from my dreams. In this regard I am more blessed than most. I received one of those reminders today. It was a brief conversation. I was not scolded, or cajoled. There was no recrimination or guilt. Rather, just an observation, that my heart did not seem to be in my work. What a wake up call!

In that brief conversation today I resolved the conflict. I can’t live my life disconnected from my passion. I can’t experience success simply by my ability to “pay the bills.” I have had the good fortune to know clearly what I am called to do. Every time I have strayed away from that I experience calamitous results. I guess that I had forgotten that I had found my V.O.I.C.E.

As the summer comes to an end, many are heading back to school. Some of us will head back to work and commit to a faster pace, recognizing that the summer is ending and it is time to get serious. As for me, I am returning to my passion. I am focusing on renewing my spirit and doing what I am called to do. Just this recognition already has my energy flowing.

I have learned something new about the summer. It is wonderful for the body. We exercise, get out in the sun, and enjoy our lives. We connect with family and friends, and we create memories. These are all very important activities. However, what we lack in the summer is a focus on our spirits. We lose touch with our faith, and we fail to nourish our spirit. It is time to open the windows in that room and let the air back in. As we are thankful for the summer, we must now be thankful for the coming fall and the spirit of renewal in another important dimension of our life. Maybe this does not apply to your life, but this certainly means a great deal to me today.

The Role of a Lifetime

2005-05-06T11:47:00.000-04:00

If you spend anytime on the internet now you have probably come across any number of popular memes. These self propagating pieces of information have the ability to spread quickly on the internet mainly because of the connectedness of this medium. Examples of memes are the jokes or stories that quickly get passed from person to person. One recent example of a meme is the one where you are asked to answer a series of questions and then tag another person. The questions are thought provoking and so for reference sake I am pointing you to one site HERE where you can take a look.

My thoughts today don’t deal with the meme itself. However, the thoughts I have began for me after I read and responded to a meme. The meme asks you to consider a number of questions. The questions range from philosophical to practical. Questions such as if you could live forever what would you do? Or the practical questions like if you were a painter? The meme does not constrain your answers in any way as they are open questions. Thinking this through I began to see the questions as an examination of the roles we hope to play in life. With the meme you are answering questions about roles that you do not possess. I thought that I would take a different approach.

One of the key considerations in Finding Your V.O.I.C.E. is determining your personal Objectives. Your objectives define for you where you want to go. In defining your objectives you create a personal mission statement that maps the journey. One key component of that map is a definition of the roles you play.

It might sound odd to say that we play different roles in our lives. Maybe you have never thought of it this way but in fact each of us plays several roles at different times. Have you ever heard yourself saying when speaking of a close friend “she is like a sister to me?” When making such a statement you are describing a role in your life. The statement describes the way in which you relate to a person that is not actually your sister. We have other roles in our lives. For many of us those roles include wife, husband, father, mother, friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend. The list goes on and on. Each of these roles requires you to perform in a certain way. In your role as a father you would behave differently than you would in your role as a friend.

Sometimes we give little thought to the roles in our lives. Some roles are thrust upon us without our agreement. Other roles we create for ourselves. Yet in each case we must make certain that we are taking the time to define those roles for ourselves. When you define yourself as a friend what does that mean? How will you perform in that role? Maybe your role is leader. What characteristics do you need to demonstrate to effectively play that role? If your role is mother, are you playing the part well? Have you been clear about how this role relates to the other roles in your life?

It is very important that we take the time to define all of the roles that we play in our lives. At times we may find that we have more roles than we can handle. Or you may find that you have not been living up to one of the roles you accepted. All of our roles require time. Take a look at your past couple of weeks. Have you put in meaningful time in your roles? If you have not are going to change your schedule to make sure that you are living up to the role you accepted?

I have often heard that some actors get to play the role of a lifetime. Or you hear that an actor is playing the part that they were born to play. I am not yet sure if I agree with those statements when I hear them. However, I do firmly believe that each of us was born for a specific role in life. It is possible that your role is to become someone famous or an important business executive. But it is just as possible that the role of a lifetime that you were born to play is the role of peace maker. Maybe your role is to be a volunteer in a women’s shelter. You could have been cast as a mentor to young men, or as a world class writer. Whatever the role there is one that you and only you were meant to play.

Recently veteran actor Morgan Freeman won an Oscar for his role in the movie Million Dollar Baby. Prior to winning his first Oscar, Freeman played in a number of diverse roles. He has been the President of the United States, a chauffeur, a convict, a pimp and even God. He has played twenty three different roles in films. However in this film Freeman plays the role of an old man who is unashamed of being an old man. Freeman is in his late 60s. Maybe there is a message in that for all of us. Freeman has been a successful and convincing actor for many years. However, the pinnacle of his acting success has come when he embraced a role that very much reflected much about who he is.

I don’t know what role you play in your life. Maybe your most important role has yet to be discovered. Or perhaps you have already been given the chance to play in the role of a lifetime. Whatever the case may be for you when you discover your role I urge you to define it well. Then embrace that role and play it for all that you are worth.

Our most important roles in our lives usually do not come with the recognition awarded by Hollywood. Your reward will be reflected in the lives that you impact. Playing your role well will change someone’s life and if you are lucky it will also change your own. Let’s take it again one more time from the top, only this time play your role with feeling.

Puzzles

2005-05-05T10:22:00.000-04:00

I have always had an attraction to puzzles. I find them to be both entertaining and challenging. Over the years I have collected more than a few that have stood the test of time such that I will still pick them up to try to solve them once again. I think that one of the great things about a puzzle is that even after you complete it you can attempt it again and still find it challenging.

As much as I have enjoyed puzzles over the years there is one type of puzzle that I have never really mastered. That is the jigsaw puzzle. My abilities seem to be more in solving puzzles that have patterns or systems involved in their solution. Jigsaw puzzles require a different skill set. I am told that the solution to most of these puzzles can be found by first uncovering the outer edges and working your way in. The outer pieces are relatively easy to identify since they have straight edges. You then have the ability to use this frame to define the limits of your puzzle. There is a certain security that comes when you have an understanding of the boundaries within which you are going to work.

A jigsaw puzzle is a picture that has been cut into hundreds of small and seemingly random pieces. The more pieces you have the more difficult the puzzle. As you work your way through you look for similarities in colors or attempt to identify shapes that appear to go together. The best puzzles will have a number of pieces that are similar in shape but just different enough to require that they be placed only in their unique position. Sometimes you can be working with the right piece but you either need to turn it a certain way or combine it with another piece not yet placed to make it fit correctly. You also learn when working with your puzzle that no matter how hard you try, if you are working with a piece before it is time to place that piece you can spend a lot of time but will not yield any success.

No matter how difficult a puzzle can always be solved. You must be willing to devote enough time, and you must be patient. You can place a puzzle on your work space and devote chunks of time to the solution. If you are lucky enough to have a space that is undisturbed by others, consistent effort is all that it takes to solve the puzzle. In the end you always have a reference point to refer back to because every puzzle relates to a big picture that you can access when necessary.

We often use the term “big picture” to describe something that is not easily apparent. The term suggest that many pieces must come together to get the big picture. We tell people that they need to “think big picture” when we desire that they focus beyond the immediate. The big picture is the vision. It is the end of the journey. When we see the big picture all of the pieces have been put together in their proper places. We can stand back, hands on hips and proudly bask in our accomplishments.

Wouldn’t be great if all we had to do in our lives was to see the big picture? Imagine how easy things would be if we could abandon the small and seemingly insignificant tasks and just look at the big picture. We could see the end results of our efforts, be assured that the goals are achievable, and know that we are headed in the right direction. That would be great, but our reality is that each of us is holding individual pieces of our puzzle.

In our life’s journey we have periods when each piece of the puzzle we touch seems to fall neatly into place. We instantly can see where a piece belongs. During these times we can even see the form of the puzzle and we feel certain that the picture will be completed. At other times we find ourselves studying a piece for long periods. We wonder whether or not the piece we are holding in our hands is the right piece to work with at this time. Sometimes we select piece after piece and examine them only to reject that piece as not being the right piece at the right time. In these periods we don’t see much progress and we wonder if we will ever be able to put the picture together.

I have seen seasons in my own life when I was having trouble with the pieces of my puzzle. At times I have been so distraught that I became convinced that I was working on the wrong puzzle altogether. Those have been times of confusion and frustration. I can recall saying “if I just had this piece then everything would come together.”

When I have worked on puzzles that I have successfully completed I have always experienced periods when I was stumped. My first reaction to those times has been to “try harder.” Yet after trying harder I find that I am still stumped. Ultimately my frustration gets the best of me and I walk away. When I was younger I might even destroy all the work I had done up to that point. As I grew older I would just place the puzzle aside and allow myself to forget about it for a while.

The puzzles in our lives are really not very different from a jigsaw puzzle. We will all reach a point when the pieces just are not coming together. Sometimes people will encourage us to just try harder. Sometimes that may work. But, working hard at something that does not work, does not work. You need to step away from the puzzle. At times just stepping back will cause you to see the big picture and you can continue with your work. At other times you need to leave the puzzle completely and begin again at a later time. However, you should never make the mistakes I made in my youth when I would destroy my work up to that point.

The vision you have for your life or the big picture that you desire to achieve is made up of many small and seemingly random pieces. It is true that at times you might be working in the wrong section of the picture. However, if you follow the guidance of successful puzzle mavens you have already defined the boundaries of your vision. Maybe you need to move to a different section of your puzzle for a time. Perhaps it is time for a complete break just to regain your perspective. Or maybe all you need is a moment to step back, reassess the picture and begin again.

In my life I have had many periods of being stumped. Those are tough times. However, I have learned that immediately following those periods I find myself back in the zone where the pieces just fall into place one after another. I am still working on my puzzle, but I have no doubt that the picture is actually coming into view.

The Biggest Word of All

2005-05-04T09:35:00.000-04:00

As a child growing up in Philadelphia one of the early gifts my mother gave to me was the gift of her time. As a single parent with three young children at the time there were few opportunities to spend one on one time with my mom. Yet, I remember with fondness that my mom spent special time with me her oldest child.

Perhaps there is a special relationship between a mother and her first born. This could also have something to do with the fact that I am nearly two years older than my closest sibling and over three years older than the next. I could also attribute the difference to the way that boys were raised in those days as compared to how girls were raised. I think it is safe to say that I don’t know all of the reasons why I had a special relationship with my mom, but I know that I benefited greatly from the time we spent together.

I guess that I was what we might call today a precocious child. I can remember from an early age constantly inserting myself into what was called “grown folks business.” I would engage any and every adult in conversation about subjects that seemed to amaze them. I doubt that this was so much related to my intellect, but because I can remember that early on I talked too much.

My mother took it upon herself to teach me to read before I entered grade school. She elected not to send me to kindergarten which I now suspect is due to her knowledge that I had no skills in painting, drawing, or playing with crayons. What I did love to do was read. This made me antisocial to children my age. My limited skills at the finer points of being a young kid probably added to their distrust of me. But through reading I was able to entertain myself and my young sisters. The time I spent reading also helped me to engage adults as I was fond of reading from a world book and quoting abstract facts that while generally meaningless would always get a raised eyebrow from most adults. Thinking back now I think I just figured out why I became so introverted as a child. I really did not fit in.

When I learned to read the books my mother chose were the Dick and Jane series. The words we all remember from those books are “see Spot run.” These books worked as early readers because of the word repetition. Words like see, come, and run would be repeated over and over in each consecutive sentence. Learning to read using these books created a sense of familiarity with words. The one syllable words could be pronounced easily and did not require much coordination between teeth and tongue. Other than the names of the characters the words in the early Dick and Jane series were three letters long. It was not until you got through the first couple of books that you were introduced to words with more than three letters and two syllables. It was in the Dick and Jane series that I learned what I still refer to as the biggest word of all. That word is “look.”

The word look of course has four letters. Yet, I call this the biggest word of all because it means so much to me. In my early reading look is introduced with the sentence “Look Jane, see Spot run.” This was my first encounter with the power of observation. Dick is telling Jane to pay attention. Later my mom taught me to cross the street in our busy neighborhood. There was my favorite word once again. My mother taught me to “stop, look, and listen.” Once again I was learning the power of observation now engaging one of my other senses. My mother further admonished me that when crossing the street I was to “look both ways” before I crossed, making sure that there was no traffic coming from either direction.

As a father now I teach my children about my favorite word. I have taught them the all important survival skills related to crossing the street. They have learned to look both ways and to stop, look, and listen. But I have built upon my mother’s early lessons. I have learned and have taught my children to look at people. I have learned to look at people when I talk to them. Looking people in the eye gives them a sense that you are interested in what they are saying. I also look at the people around me. I make it a habit to be observant of my world.

The word look is now inserted into my personal mission statement. The words I have written there are “I will look and pay attention. There is so much to see.” This is my reminder that there are so many opportunities in the world that we only need to look to see them. I encourage myself to look for opportunities to enlighten. I look for a chance to help others. I look for teachable moments with the people in my life. I look at my values and character. I remind myself that others are looking and so I must always be the best that I can be.

Look. This is such a simple word that we have tucked it away in our vocabulary. We engage our senses without fully knowing that when we look we must also see. Sometimes when you look you will see injustice. At other times you will look and see a person that could use a kind word or a moment of your time listening. When not looking at people take a look at your checkbook. There you will have a chance to see what things you have been valuing. Perhaps it is time in that case to look in a different direction.

Our world has become so high tech that we have lost the art of looking. When we want to communicate we use Powerpoint to make a presentation. Next time you sit through one of these take a look. The person presenting is not looking at you and you are not looking at them. Instead, everyone is just looking at the screen. Maybe the next time you find yourself in this situation you can yell out “look Jane, see spot run!” Remind the people in the room that real communication, real observation, real meaning is established when we take the time to look at each other. Let’s look each other in the eye. Let’s stop averting our attention. Stop, Look, and Listen.

I Saw What You Did

2005-05-03T11:41:00.000-04:00

In my youth Saturday afternoons were spent at the movies. In those days an afternoon at the movies included at least two features plus cartoons. Kids were dropped off there and generally left unattended except perhaps for being with an older sibling. Of course the result was that spit balls would fly, too much candy would be consumed, and the teenagers in the theater owned the back seats of the theater and much of the balcony.

My recollections of those days more than forty years ago include seeing some of the classic adventure stories, westerns, and of course horror movies. I remember the horror movies best. This may be more related to the nights of lost sleep afterward when I became convinced that some creature, monster, or murderer actually lurked in my home. The really good films would cause me to leave the lights on at night for weeks. The only rating for movies in those days was “X” so generally we would go to see all of the movies that came out. When you consider that the price of these films was just twenty-five cents for the matinee, this was the cheapest form of babysitting available for parents at the time.

During the summer of 1965 there was a popular movie titled “I Saw What You Did.” This movie was a campy low budget film about a couple of teenage girls making prank telephone calls. During one of these calls the girls whisper to the person on the other line “I saw what you did, and I know who you are.” This is all done in good fun except that the receiver of this call is a psychopath that has just murdered his wife. Being psychotic of course our killer is now convinced that there are witnesses to his crime. The rest of the movie involves the connection of the girls to the killer, and includes some much overacted scenes by a drunken and sex starved Joan Crawford.

I admit that it is unfathomable today with the advent of telephone features like Caller ID that prank calls would be very entertaining for modern teenagers. Besides, what can compete with on demand movies, five hundred television channels and the ubiquitous Ipod? But I really enjoyed the idea of the movie. The premise is that people respond differently, at times even murderously, when they believe that someone has seen what they did in private. Of course we would not have a movie premise if your private act was not something as heinous as murdering your wife. I guess that given one of two options, contrition or murder, that murder might easily be a popular choice for a psychotic killer.

This perhaps strange stream of consciousness caused me to think about all of the things that we do in private that are not heinous. The things we do when we think that no one is watching. Eating that second donut, smoking after we told everyone that we quit, or telling your family that the doctor said your cholesterol level is now in the acceptable range (OK a bit too personal on that one). What changes would we make in our behaviors if we knew that someone was actually watching everything that we did?

I have come to believe that the majority of the people we know are good and decent folks. Most of us are generally honest and trustworthy. We seek to do the right thing and avoid temptation. Most of us are consistent in our behavior both in public and in private. I think that this aptly describes most of us but does not accurately describe me. The fact is that I often behave differently in private than I do in public. I have taken the extra donut. I have littered secretly, and I am now not afraid to admit that I once passed gas on a crowded elevator (only once!). These are all things that I did when I thought that no one else would know and I could easily create a much longer list without much effort.

I am like most people. Sometimes I don’t uphold my commitments. There are days when the private me and the public me are out of sync. I struggle with times when I don’t want to do what is best for my health, or I give in to an erosion of my value system. I am not perfect. Recognizing my personal imperfections I have built a system that I find useful. I call it my personal accountability system. The system is simple and very effective. When I make a commitment I try to share that commitment with one or more people that I know. Different commitments require different people, but the list of people is not very long. I also write down my important commitments. I place the written copy in a place that is conspicuous. I tell my children about those lists.

My accountability system works because like you I too want to be understood and accepted. The people that help me to remain accountable are both gentle and sometimes not so gentle reminders of what I have said I want to do. My children quickly point out to me that I am eating something that I said I would not. My friends will ask me about my progress on an important goal as a gentle reminder that progress is expected. My exercise partner checks in regularly to ask about my workout and even calls to make sure I am awake at the time that I am supposed to be working out.

We all need a bit of a reminder from time to time to keep us on track. It is also possible that you are much like me and you could use your own personal accountability system. I encourage you to adopt my system and get other people involved in helping you to make your life what you want it to be. We all need people in our lives with whom we can be completely honest. Ask the people that love you to be willing to accept your honesty without being judgmental. Enlisting people in the accomplishment of your goals, and having someone holding you accountable are the key to ensuring your success.

Ask a friend to call you often and remind you that they know who you are and they saw what you did. As long as you have not committed a crime your reaction should be just enough to keep you honest. Going back to those teenage pranks, they do still involve telephones. Now days teens think that it is funny to use camera phones to capture their assaults on innocent people. What a difference forty years makes.

Monday Morning Reflections

2005-05-02T10:19:00.000-04:00

There is a somewhat universal sense that Monday is a tough day. I have already had four conversations today and in every one at some point in the conversation we talked about the difficulties of the coming week or just the difficulty of getting through a Monday morning. The fact that Mondays are tough should come as no surprise to us. Most of us begin our week on Monday and we tend to be reflective about what the week may bring and generally, most of us do not approach the beginning of the week with much optimism.

I am no different than the average person in this regard. I find Monday to be oppressive in the sense that on Monday I am forced to deal with the realities of life. Monday has a way of being full of could of, should of and wish I had kinds of thoughts. On Monday my worry meter is usually pegged hard in the red zone as I think through all of the looming disasters. This matter is complicated by the fact that most Mondays my body is tired from the weekend and the way that I allow myself to get out of sync. I eat and sleep differently on the weekend and the effects of that always become obvious to me on Monday morning. This is a pattern of which I am aware but I have yet to change.

I thought that today I would capitalize on our normally reflective mood for Monday morning. Today my writing will be brief as I would much rather you spend your time thinking. You probably have a world of issues that you are facing today but if you have taken the time to read this then you have already decided to take a break. I want you to capitalize on your time here today by committing to undertake a number of activities. Most of the activities require you to answer some questions. These are unscientific questions but are things that I was thinking about yesterday and today.

I started this process last night so I am a bit ahead of you. Read each of the questions listed and spend a few moments reflecting on the answers. Don’t hurry your way through this. Even though I started last night I have only completed three of the activities as I write this. My goal is to complete the list by the end of the day. I think that for you a goal of completing this by tomorrow morning is reasonable. The list follows:

Choose three words that describe you. Ask your closest friend and one family member to do the same. Compare the list.

What is it that you do that makes you unique?

If you could put together your own group of highly talented people for any purpose you wished what would the individual talents of those people be? Would you place yourself in the group? Limit the group to five people.

Have you ever admitted that you have failed at something in your life?

How did you handle that failure?

If you knew that you were going to die within days, what people would you need to talk to and what would you say to them?

At your funeral, there will be four speakers. One will be from your childhood, one from High School, One from your work or social life, and one from your family. What will these people say about you?

What three things do you really want to do with your life that you have yet to do?

Commit to thirty minutes of silence today. No noise and no distractions. Write down your thoughts after the time is up.

After the completion of these exercises, take a moment to pray. In your prayer make no requests but express your reflections on this day.

The purpose of these questions is to raise our consciousness beyond our present and begin to think about the future. When we focus on the end of our lives we can have a clearer sense of direction for the present. Perhaps the issues and problems you face today are critical, but often times they pale in comparison to the rest of our lives.

Maybe we should use Monday to focus on the end rather than the beginning. I hope that after you complete this exercise your focus and your perspective will have shifted moving you in a different direction.

Getting Your Juice Back

2005-04-28T14:40:00.000-04:00

I want to start out today with a confession. For the past two weeks I have been burned out. The stresses of work (finding it not doing it), chasing money for work done, and the daily rigors of life have gotten me down. My sleep patterns are off and I have been pretty much in isolation mode for a while. These symptoms are not new to me. I know that from time to time I get like this.

I was having a telephone conversation with a friend today that usually knows when I am down in the dumps. Yet, as friends will do, we carried on the conversation anyway. During our conversation we talked about serious things, business matters, world events, and life in general. The conversation included some verbal gymnastics, analysis, and lots of laughter. At the end of the conversation I found that I felt so much better than I did at the beginning.

In this conversation I learned a thing or two about myself that I had not previously paid attention to. I think that what I learned would be helpful to most of us. Looking back at my conversation we spent almost no time commiserating. The conversation focused instead on things that were outside of the very things that were getting me down. We talked about business but not so much our businesses but other things that were happening in the business world. We sparred on an issue or two, and we laughed about some of the silly things going on both with ourselves and in the world. We talked about our flaws and foibles in a way that reminded me that we are all human and generally imperfect.

All of this got me thinking about what it takes to recharge the spirit. We have often heard that laughter is the best medicine. Yet as grown ups we don’t allow ourselves to engage in the general silliness that once gave us so much fun. With my friend I find that I can be silly and we poke fun at each other. We laugh at ourselves and we laugh at each other. The laughter feels good. We also talked about things that were outside of the box. There was no need to sound profound or prove our intelligence we were just bouncing off of one another.

Many of us have seen the television commercial where the young man has just started his first job. In the commercial this young man is constantly being called on his cell phone by his friends that have not started working yet. They ask him silly questions like “guess how many cookies I have in my mouth?” Or remind him that he needs to bring home toilet paper from work because they are out of it at the house. All of the calls are silly and very immature. But they make you laugh because we can remember what things were like for many of us at the beginning of our “serious work” career. At least for me when I started out in the work world I worked hard and I played hard. As I have gotten older I find that more and more I just work hard or do hard work.

One of the ways that I recharge my battery is that I will spend time playing video games. I will play puzzle games like Collapse, or games like Splinter Cell or Medal of Honor. These games can generally consume large amounts of time that we have so little of in our hectic day-to-day lives. However, the games allow me to escape for a short while using skills that I don’t need for work. I compete either with or against my boys to see who can hold the record for our house in a particular game. You might think that someone my age should not spend too much time playing games, and I would generally agree with you. But brief periods of time spent on these activities help us to kick back and let go for a while.

I was reading a story about Pixar Entertainment recently which talked about the incredible pressures they have placed upon themselves to produce one blockbuster hit after another in the shortest time frames imaginable. The pressures are immense and the work week often exceeds eighty hours. Yet, these people remain creative and avoid burnout. The turnover rate at Pixar is only 5%. How do they do this? The answer is that they have an organized system that helps people to recharge. The company provides improvisational acting classes for employees that are interested. They play basketball or volley ball at lunch time. Generally all of the employees are permitted time to get out of the box and just play a while.

We have all got to get some fun and general silliness back into our lives. We can start by not taking ourselves so seriously. This should be easy enough since if you really checked most of the people you are dealing with probably don’t take you very seriously anyway. Why not join them and even amp it up a bit. I keep several sets of juggling balls in my office at home. I have not practiced them in months. However, today I plan to practice for a while. Usually one of my sons will join me and we work on getting better. If you don’t have a game on your computer, then get one. Get one that challenges you but that you can learn quickly then compete against your kids. You probably will not beat them but having them beat you (and this is because kids are better than all of us at these games) will encourage their self-esteem and confidence. You can also have a lot of fun with them.

Another thing I like to do is tell jokes. I actually practice a few of them just so that I can have them at the ready when I talk to a friend. Helping my friends laugh helps me to laugh too. If jokes are not your thing you could try telling the truth. I know that I do enough stupid things on a daily basis that when I recount these stories to my friends we always get a good laugh. If you have not done anything really dumb that you can talk about then you really are not getting out enough. Go ahead and try laughing at yourself for a change.

Each of us has a long list of things to do. We have goals to accomplish and many serious pursuits that we must engage in. Yet, if you are tired, or burned out you are not going to get them done anyway. Have a little fun and play a while. Make sure that you manage to laugh out loud. The problems in your life are not going anywhere so you might as well take a minute to laugh, joke and crack a smile. It worked for me today and I know that it can’t hurt if you give it a try.

Changing Your V.O.I.C.E.

2005-04-26T12:36:00.000-04:00

There is something interesting about change. Sometimes we see change as a negative occurrence to which we are resistant. At other times we can see change as an opportunity that we can take hold of to make a difference. It is the latter approach to change which is common when we change jobs or move to a new environment.

It seems that when we experience change that is self imposed we react to those changes in a positive light. Of course this statement is by no means profound as changes that we create for ourselves should be viewed positively. We see this kind of change as another chance to make things right or to undo things that we perceived as not working in the past. During such times we may experience a sort of personal makeover to create for ourselves the person that we now want to become.

Sometimes a personal makeover is more than buying new clothes or changing our style of dress. There are times when while experiencing our personal metamorphosis we take a look at our behaviors and make decisions to change those too. This works well when we are talking about bad behaviors like failing to exercise, eating poorly, or smoking. Any time we can take an opportunity to make positive lifestyle changes we experience very positive results. But what about times when we make decisions to change parts of our personality or work style? What happens when a person that was once meek becomes aggressive? Or when someone that was shy becomes bold? People have a way of making changes to their persona when they believe that the way they behaved in the past will not serve them positively in the future.

Sometimes changes in our persona are not changes created by our conscious decisions. Like creatures in nature we humans at times adapt to our environment. Take for example the stuffed shirt business type that suddenly finds themselves working for a laid back technology company. In that case the stuffed shirt must adapt their work style to fit in to the organization. As another example consider a person that finds themselves in an aggressive environment where everyone wants to be heard and you are judged not by what you do but how you position yourself. What sort of changes would that impose?

I learned recently of a case where a person went to work for a Fortune 500 company that is rated among the greatest companies in the world. The company is noted for their processes, business theories, and their leadership capacity. As an outsider many people would aspire to work for this world class organization. However, once inside, you learn that like many companies the company does not always live up to its reputation. On the inside you find yourself working among petty and spiteful people. The culture turns out to be aggressive but not for the sake of business progress, but rather purely for personal advancement. Inside such a company you find a level of incestuous activity that only breeds distrust. To succeed in such an environment you become like everyone else. You keep your cards close to the breast. You create and protect turf, and you eventually lose your own sense of values and begin to ascribe to the shared values of the organization.

We might look at this situation and conclude that this is only what is necessary to survive. We might easily dismiss this as the kind of thing that is necessary in order to succeed in the business world. What could be more normal? Is this really normal? Should a change of jobs result in a change in values? Should we morph when we become part of a new culture becoming more like a chameleon that changes colors based on the surrounding environment? While this might well be normal and perhaps we could assume even necessary to survive in a new culture I want to suggest that there is another way.

Each of us that have ever attended an interview remembers the preparation that we engaged in to get ready. We clean ourselves up and put on our best suit. We study the company and think through hypothetical questions and answers to show our knowledge of the company and diversity in our thinking. We remind ourselves of our basic manners and try to be engaging, intelligent and even a bit witty if the opportunity presents itself. Note that we do not reconsider our basic values in advance of the interview. We do not make a decision to become more aggressive, or lose our ability to be thoughtful. We do not in preparing for an interview decide to become a different person we only decide to make sure that the interviewer can see the person that we are in a positive light.

It is very tempting and perhaps all too easy to adapt to a new organization. As we seek to survive in a different culture we can take on the personality of the organization. Yet, in doing so that is when we lose our voice. Part of what makes a person attractive to an organization, is the freshness in that person’s perspective. We usually forget that who we are wins friends and influences people. While we all can agree that making the right impression is the thing to do initially, changing who we are in order to adapt is not.

We are each so very unique and bring to our situations our perspectives and ideas. What makes companies and organisms thrive is constant renewal. New people with new ideas and new approaches keep companies fresh. To the extent that we lose that freshness and begin to conform to everyone else we sell ourselves short and we no longer serve the company well. This is not to suggest that all newcomers should be mavericks or outcasts. Getting along is always the required minimum for playing in any sandbox. Yet never lose your fresh perspective or change positive values for the sake of conformity. If your values don’t fit the organization, live your values anyway.

Every organization has a unique culture. This is part of the social chemistry. The chemistry always changes when anyone new is added. When we find ourselves in a new environment we are faced with a choice. Do we desire to blend in and become like everyone else, or do we bring our unique voice to the mix. I hope that in every case we remember to always maintain our unique voice. The sound may be different from the rest, but harmony is never achieved with identical voices. Harmony is achieved when we successfully blend different voices and emphasize those differences when they are needed most.

Once you have found your V.O.I.C.E. never lose it in the crowd.

Life Without Limits

2005-04-25T15:12:00.000-04:00

This morning I have been unable to escape thinking about a story that has been in the press for the past several days. That is the story of the five year old Florida girl that was removed from her elementary school in handcuffs, and later restrained in a police car with nylon cuffs on her wrists, and traditional steel handcuffs on her ankles.

Today the national news showed video footage of the young girl’s actions prior to her arrest. The video also captures the arrest of the young girl. Naturally, the news this morning also gave air time to the Superintendent of the school district the girl attends as well as the attorney now representing the family. All sides have been positioning themselves on this issue and given the state of affairs in our country today and the fact that this took place in Florida, I expect that congressional action is not far behind.

Let me say early on here that it makes no sense to me that anyone, including the police, would ever even think to restrain a five year old with handcuffs of any kind. I am sure that this issue will be discussed fervently by people on both sides of the argument. While this issue is to me very unfortunate, it does speak to a larger issue that is far more in line with the topics I write about on this page. That issue is a prevalent lack of boundaries in our society.

Someone recounted to me recently a story of a young child that kicked them in the shin at a grocery store. This happened in full view of the child’s parent. The parent failed to apologize for the child’s actions, and in fact never took action to remove the child from the situation. Rather, the parent ignored the event and continued with her shopping. In my own town there is a story of a four year old boy that was killed last week when he was hit by a van that may have been driving too fast. At the time of the accident however the four year old was walking home alone from a playground and was hit in the middle of a well traveled street.

Each of the incidents I have described here are isolated occurrences. Yet, I believe that each speaks to a greater problem in our society. That is that we no longer believe in the establishment of boundaries.

A generation ago Malcolm X popularized the term “by any means necessary” as a call to action. Years later, Jack Welch, the former CEO of GE, established the “boundaryless organization” as a way to remove barriers, encourage cooperation and build trust. Today, one of the most popular terms used by young people is “whatever.” Each of these speaks to a sense that anything goes. Somewhere in our subconscious nature each of us is being told that given the right set of circumstances, or for the right reasons, we can do almost anything we choose. We no longer operate by a set of standards. We do not establish rules for acceptable behavior. We can justify and defend almost any action socially, politically, practically or morally. At some point there must be boundaries established. Some things must be deemed to be inappropriate or wrong.

There are laws in nature which are true for every time and every place in the universe. These laws are not subject to interpretation. They are absolutes. The laws of nature are what keep our world in balance. Natural laws do not require our agreement, and our opinions do not change natural laws. We seem to have shifted in our society to a point where we no longer believe in absolutes. Everything is conditional. This presumes that there are times when certain bad behaviors are acceptable. It presumes that human kindness is not required at all times. It further assumes that parents are not responsible for their children, when in fact each of these is incorrect.

As people we need to understand that there are limits. There are behaviors that are unacceptable. There are rules that should be followed without bending, and there will always be consequences for our actions. In our workplaces there are rules for the way that others should be treated. We should follow those rules. There are rules for the proper way to raise children and to teach them to relate to others. Parents should be required to follow those rules because the safety of their children is at stake. Socially there are rules that require us to respect all people and to treat everyone fairly. Breaking those rules without regard to political purposes, or social prejudices causes us all to lose.

Limits, rules and boundaries are all painful. Anytime we find that we just can not do anything that we desire we experience pain. Boundaries require self discipline and sacrifice. But more importantly, they require definition. We define our boundaries when we can say what we believe in and what we stand for. The boundaries are then created by those things that our outside of what we believe, or that do not agree with what we stand for. You can not establish boundaries on the fly. Social groups establish boundaries in advance so that everyone in the group knows what can and can not be done. Families establish boundaries when they establish what is and is not acceptable in the family. It is then up to each and every member to honor the established boundary.

The issue in Florida is tragic indeed. What is even more tragic still is that we will not stop and ask ourselves when should we establish clear limits so that we can know that there are things that we will not do? What has been lost in our culture in America is a sense that there is anything that we are willing to stand for such that we would die for what we believe. For me the ultimate in establishing boundaries is the creation of lines in our society that we can all agree we will never cross no matter the consequences. How can we expect our five year old children to have control when we as adults live lives where control over self is no longer a requirement? When anyone in our society can justify the arrest and handcuffing of our youngest children, then we should stand back and take notice that we are living in a world where there are no limits and the result can only then be chaos.

At Some Point the Dumbness Has to Stop

2005-04-22T10:50:00.000-04:00

The other day I was standing with a group of people that I know casually. These were not people that I would make the mistake of referring to as friends, but people that I know through my children’s school, sports activities, and other social events. For the most part there were a number of conversations going on that did not involve me. This worked out well for me and I actually was enjoying spending the time not talking. Finally, someone asked me a question that required that I give them my opinion. Unfortunately, I knew immediately that my opinion on the matter being discussed was going to be unpopular. Yet, that did not keep me from expressing my opinion. Those nearby listening to me were shocked. How in the world could I hold an opinion that did not agree with the opinions of those in the group?

The discussion I was having in this group is not so important. The issue at hand was neither critical nor important. What was most interesting to me was how ill prepared most people are to hear opinions which differ from their own, or that differ from the crowd. It seems that when groups are gathered together that there is little real thinking going on. Rather, most groups just follow along like cattle. One or two people have a point of view, and everyone else seeking to belong either just follows, or tries to find a way to articulate the popular opinion while still sounding like they had an original thought.

My sense is that much of what is going on around us is just plain stupid. People are for the most part just moving nose to butt of the person in front of them. There is no examination of what we are doing, where we are going, and no one dares to question why. We are all generally uncommitted to any point of view or cause. There is just one large mass of people that just tolerate things as they are. Not too long ago a friend had a sign in their office that said “At some point the dumbness has to stop.” The mindless movement from place to place really does need to come to an end.

Two days ago I tuned in to NPR during the lunch hour. They are celebrating Poetry Month and on that day they featured a poem by Taylor Mali titled “Totally like whatever, you know?” This poem talks about the insidious question marks that have crept into our language and have been attaching themselves to sentences, even when the person has no intention of asking a question. Mali goes on to assert that we are generally uncommitted as a society and urges us to develop convictions. You can listen to the poem by following this link: POEM

As I examine the failures I see every day in business, in relationships, and in families I find that most can be traced back to this pervasive lack of commitment. We have become a society that has proven the old adage that says if you stand for nothing you will fall for anything. Independent thought or personal commitment of any kind is so lacking that we are shocked when we encounter anyone that has a genuine point of view. Even more amazing to me is that rather than attempting to reason through another’s viewpoint, we simply become intolerant and therefore dismiss that person.

I am convinced that most of the people I have the good fortune to know are very good people. However, very few are willing to suffer the pain and personal sacrifice that comes with developing a committed point of view. For the most part many of these are very smart people that are just doing very dumb things. They have become tolerant of their lack of commitment because it is much easier than the pain and sacrifice required to change. I know this on a personal level as I see in my own life the areas where having a commitment to an ideal is much harder than just continuing to do what I am doing. Even I need to read what I am writing.

So how do we move from this sense of totally like whatever? I dare to say that we must develop a sense of love and passion. I read once that Ray Kroc (the founder of McDonalds) said that in order to be successful in his business you had to love a hamburger bun. Most studies tell us that seventy percent of people do what they do because it just gets them by. They just tolerate their work, or their customers. This is not just a work problem. Most of us just tolerate our families, our friends and even have a “tolerable existence.” There is little passion in our lives.

I wonder when is the last time you got to ask yourself if you believe in what you are doing. How many of us care about the people around us whether they are customers, family, or friends? Now here is the interesting question. Do you think that others know that you don’t passionately believe in what you are doing? Do you think that your customers, employees, family or friends know that you just tolerate them? While we want to answer these questions in a way that puts us in a good light, it is time to be honest. They know! If they don’t know how you really feel then shame on you for not being genuine.

Are you doing what you are committed to? Can you describe in a sentence or two what you are passionate about? Does anyone else know? I think that it is time for us to believe in something, love something, and do something that we are committed to do. In the short term we will experience pain and sacrifice. In the long run with discipline we will achieve goals that we could never have dreamed possible, and emotionally we will find happiness. At some point the dumbness has to stop.

Sign Language

2005-04-21T12:57:00.000-04:00

I was an adult in the 1970s. Generally that statement does not provide much information except that any person that can add certainly can use that little bit of data to determine my approximate age. Although, the roughly 20 readers of this page pretty much have that little tidbit down so even my age is no secret. I make the statement because most of us that were adults or teenagers in the 70s will recall that in those days a popular question was “What’s Your Sign?” The question related to one’s birth date and their astrological sign. Back then we believed that your sign told us much about your personality, your traits, and even predicted your most suitable mate. The question was also a popular ice breaker or way of initiating a conversation with a member of the opposite sex.

Although I have not heard the question lately I have noticed that we have not gotten away from the whole sign thing. Except now, we don’t have to ask the question for now everyone wears their sign or signs boldly for the entire world to see. The signs are everywhere. Take for example the signs on T-shirts that you will see everywhere this summer if you have not already seen them. These T-shirts say things like “Jesus is my Home Boy or Mary is my Home Girl” of course these signs suggest the religious persuasion of the wearer. Over the past week we could not turn on the television without seeing the signs of the Catholic Cardinals in their red vestment which signifies their position in the Catholic Church.

Perhaps your sign is not quite as obvious as those I mention above. Just walking around town I see many more subtle signs. I saw the ubiquitous white cardboard cups with the green logo on it that signifies that the carrier drinks only the most expensive coffee. I pulled into the parking lot at my children’s school this morning and saw the signs of affluence in the cars parked there. I even saw one woman that had a sign in the form of her purse. It had the designer’s initials emblazoned all over. I think that her sign had something to do with a misplaced sense of value, but hey who am I to criticize her sign.

I guess that in some subtle and sometimes not so subtle way we all wear a sign of a sort. Today at school my sons were given lapel pins by the school’s Head Master. The pins have the word “Leader” written on them to signify their joint achievement as Lead Student for their school. As a proud dad I hugged them today and congratulated them for their accomplishment. Now I wonder if their new sign will change their behavior. Will they now act more like leaders since they have their new sign?

We use signs to label people all of the time. We see a man wearing a turban and that sign we assume tells us all about him. A young woman with a pierced belly button or tongue stud is yet another sign and we all knowing wink to one another having read the sign. A young man with his hat to the side and wearing baggy pants is yet another sign. We read that sign and step away guarding our possessions for his sign tells us that danger is near.

Some of us display our signs because we want others to read them. I have an acquaintance whose signs send totally false messages because they suggest that he is something that he is not. There is a sign in a Seven Eleven near my home that says “Persons wearing dark clothes and ski masks are not permitted in this store.” Now let me think about this one for a minute. Dark clothes and ski masks are the clothing of choice of someone planning to rob the store. At least now I have a great sense of comfort that at my local Seven Eleven robbers that stop to read the sign will not enter. That’s a real comfort for me just because of that sign.

When I was in grade school we sometimes played a joke on our classmates by surreptitiously placing a sign on their back that said “kick me.” Of course then people would walk up and kick the poor sign wearer always excusing themselves saying that the sign asked them to do it. Even though we have all matured so much since those days I wonder how many of us are still wearing those “kick me” signs. How often do we by our choices or actions display a sign that leads to abuse or improper treatment? Perhaps your sign is not so extreme but rather is that look on your face that says don’t approach me. Maybe your sign says “I am arrogant”, or “I have no self-confidence”, or “I don’t belong here.” Perhaps you should, like that kid in grade school, take a moment to reach back and check to see what sign you are wearing. If the sign you wear is not conveying the message that best serves you, then change the sign. Start wearing a smile if you want to be approached. Learn that your arrogance is generally unbecoming or at least usually undeserved. Try wearing a sign of confidence. I can assure you that we are all imperfect and you are no more imperfect than the next person. If someone has placed a sign on you telling you otherwise, ask them to please remove the sign and keep it for themselves.

Signs are everywhere you look and often times they provide excellent advice or information. About a year ago an organization paid to put up signs all across the country that were called “signs from God.” One of my favorites said “That “Love Thy Neighbor” thing... I meant that – God.” To me that was a useful sign. While you are out and about today take some time to read the signs you see on the people you encounter. If you know them well enough you might take a moment to tap them on the shoulder and let them know that someone taped a “kick me” sign on their back and that they should consider removing it. You might just make someone’s day, but then of course you could also just have misread their sign.

It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know

2005-04-20T11:58:00.000-04:00

So often in life we find our selves wondering about what it really takes to get ahead. We see one example after another of successful people and we wonder “How did they get that job?” We see people that sometimes have the uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time. And every one of us knows that person that has a charmed career or is just plain lucky.

I remember early in my work career someone telling me “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” That was often the explanation that was given for the person that seemed to move up quickly or that seemed to rise far above their abilities. This popular notion has led to networking as an art form with everyone having a differing viewpoint about how to best get to know people that can help your career. I remember so vividly the days of passing out business cards or saying “let’s do lunch” as the common way to make acquaintances and build relationships. There have been books published teaching us the tricks of the masters of networking so that we too can get to know all of the right people. I have read a couple of those books and they do offer sage advice on the art of networking. However, most of those books have tended to focus on what you can get from other people rather than what you can give.

I do not doubt for one moment that knowing the right people can serve you well in life and in business. I have benefited on more than one occasion from knowing someone that could open a door or make an introduction. I have even benefited from my last name when I was a younger Young. Yet, I think that focusing on knowing others can only work well for us if first we endeavor to know ourselves.

One of the things that I have been forced to do these past few years is to ask myself some serious questions. The first question came to me after I read an analogy about a telephone answering machine. The analogy pointed out that an answering machine is really a questioning machine. The machine asks us who we are, and what do we want. Perhaps the people you call have a less direct approach on their voice mail message, but the essence of those messages is to ask you two very important questions. Who are you? What do you want? I also added a third question for myself four years ago. That was, who do I want to be?

Have you taken the time lately to ask yourself one of these questions? Let’s start with the first one. Who are you? For me I know that the answer has changed many times over the years. I can remember a time when who I was could be reflected by how I dressed. Then later who I was could be found on my business card. As I continued to grow older who I was became my car, or my address. It was not until many years had gone by that I came to realize that who I am is best reflected by who people think that I am. My actions, my character, my beliefs should reflect who I am in such a way that all of the external trappings should not be relevant. Who are you?

The second question I was forced to examine is “What do you want?” Here again time has been the great clarifier for me. I can remember when what I wanted reflected my sense of status. My wants related to the wants of others that I admired. I wanted what they had or wanted. My dreams and my vision were not unique. Rather, they were the dreams or visions of having what I observed in others. In my younger years what I wanted could be easily boiled down to those things that satisfied me and me alone, or things that made me look successful. As shallow as that seems looking back, it does reflect my past reality. Now I notice that what I want is to make a difference in the lives of others. My wants have shifted from material possessions to my desire to teach others how to live a more balanced life and to live it earlier than I have done. What do you want?

The final question is “Who do I want to be?” For me this is the question that keeps me living. It is the question that understands that I am not finished yet and that there is so much more to learn, so much more that I can impact, and so much more to do. Who do I want to be allows me to see myself as a work in progress. It fuels my desire to read more, listen to others, and continually practice self examination. What I love most about this final question is that you never really get to complete the answer. It is the question that defines the road ahead, but the answers are always just around the next bend. I caution you here as this question and the answers you will find are no picnic.

Have you taken responsibility for who you are? Have you taken the time to examine yourself? I once read that coping with difficult people is always a problem, especially if the difficult person is you. Sometimes we are our own worse enemy. It is time to call a truce. Stop letting the person you are ruin your relationships, waste your money, or damage your health. You can start by networking with yourself. Imagine meeting yourself at a party. Ask yourself the questions you might ask of someone you really wanted to get to know. Ask a friend to tell you about yourself in the same manner that you would ask that friend about a person you wanted to meet. Finally, armed with your new information about this new person in your life, make decisions about who you want to be. It is never too late to become what you might have been.

The following words were written on the tomb of an Anglican bishop who lived in the eleventh century:

When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realized: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed my world.

Perhaps today is the day to take a good look at you and ask “Who am I, What do I want, Who do I want to be?

Are You Listening?

2005-04-19T10:46:00.000-04:00

More than fifteen years ago I had a casual conversation with a friend and mentor that changed my way of thinking about dealing with people. In that conversation my friend said to me that all people want to be understood, accepted, valued, and part of a trusting relationship. He was giving me this advice as I was preparing to make a presentation for a prospective client for my young company. However, the words struck me and stayed with me far beyond the presentation that I was preparing on that day. Since then I have thought back to that conversation and have incorporated his comments into my personal philosophy, and have taught this to others over the years. Today I want to focus on just one aspect of this philosophy which is the need for people to be understood.

In Franklin Covey’s Seven Habits of highly successful people Habit five is “Seek first to understand then to be understood.” This is called the habit of empathic listening. When listening empathically we seek to truly understand what the other person is saying. We listen deeply. In listening deeply we have the chance to see the world from the perspective of the other person, rather than the more typical sort of listening which is when we listen for clues that relate to our own experiences, knowledge or point of view. As soon as we hear one of those triggers, we jump into response mode and begin our own dialogue usually ignoring what the other person said.

Each of us yearns to be understood. Those of us that spend time writing exercise our craft in an effort to get our message out to the world. Writing creates a unique opportunity for understanding because writing is a unilateral dialogue. We have the opportunity when writing to flesh out our thoughts without immediate commentary criticism or interruption. While this is certainly a form of communication, even when writing we can not be assured that our message is understood. Even as a reader reads these words an autobiographical tape is running through their head. Those thoughts are the real impediments to truly understanding another.

People want to be understood. You and I and everyone we know have a deep need to be understood. We want people to listen to us. We want them to connect with our feelings. When we communicate we are reaching out. Sometimes that communication is us reaching out for advice or answers. At other times we just need a sympathetic ear. And at still other times we just need an audience so that we can talk out loud and sort out our thoughts for ourselves. The key as a listener is to know which of these responses is being required of you, and then act accordingly.

I must admit here that I am probably most guilty of failing to listen. Just yesterday I was engaged in a conversation where my wife was asking me a question. If you have ever watched the television show Jeopardy then this scenario will sound familiar. My wife was about half way through what she was saying when I interrupted her and gave her the answer. She immediately hit the buzzer and pointed out that my answer had nothing to do with what was ultimately her question. I had given a great answer to the wrong question. The reason this happened was that as usual I was not listening. I stopped in my tracks, let her finish, confirmed that I now understood the actual question, and then and only then was I able to provide an answer. This scenario has been played out far too often in my personal and professional life.

In order to truly understand another we need to slow down our own expectations. Most of us think that we are required to give immediate and brilliant answers to every question as though we were competing on a game show. We blurt out answers without understanding the question. We slam on the buzzer in mid conversation interrupting the other person quickly telling them how the same thing happened to us, or “when I was your age”, or “you think that is something, let me tell you.”

In a recent telephone conversation I was intent on listening to the problem being described by a friend. At the beginning of the conversation my friend said “I want to ask you a question.” As my friend talked I just listened intensely. I worked hard on turning off the monitor in my head that typically sorts out answers and scenarios. I turned off that little voice with the quick answer or witty reply. I just sat there and listened. After a point my friend stopped and said “hello, are you still there?” I responded that yes I was but I was just listening. We laughed together as this is something I do so rarely that my friend was convinced that we had been disconnected. My friend then went on discussing the problem. At the end we both realized that she really had not wanted to ask a question, but rather just wanted to talk about her current situation. We both got a huge laugh from that but we learned a valuable lesson. Just listening was all that was required in that conversation. In fact in that conversation no question was actually asked. My friend just wanted to be understood. The problem was not solved in that conversation, but both my friend and I felt as though we had truly communicated in that moment.

In order to understand people we must learn to listen. Learn to look directly into the eyes of the person you are talking to. At first this will typically scare both you and the person you are talking to. Most of us are inexperienced with paying close attention. Practice this skill. Next, make sure that your responses are only questions for clarification, or words that acknowledge that you are listening. Finally, when the other person is done talking, make sure that you review what you heard them tell you and take the time to ask them if you understood what they were saying. Listen again as they clarify their point in response to your question. All the while practice looking at the person, and giving them your full attention. And by the way, if you are doing this on the telephone it might be helpful if every so often you say a word or two just to let the person know you are still on the line.

As I write this today I am aware of several instances over the past couple of days when I was not listening very well. Today I am going to go back to apologize to those people to let them know that I did not seek to understand them. I can’t go back to those moments but I can redouble my efforts to become a better listener. I can practice listening empathically, and I can concentrate on not interrupting or telling my personal story in conversations. I am a better listener today than I have ever been. Still, there are times when I fail in this area. Today is a practice day for me. So if we engage in a conversation today please know that I am listening. If all you do is read this then thanks for listening to my point of view.

What We Believe

2005-04-14T13:07:00.000-04:00

One of the weekly rituals I have established for myself is to read my personal mission statement. I have done this fairly consistently now for the past two years. I try to read the statement on Monday of each week. This week did not start off well and so I did not take the time to read the statement until today. My mission statement is a personal map. It reminds me of who I am and where I am going. It is helpful to me every week as a reminder of what it is that my life is all about. I use it to reorient my direction when I find that I need to make minor course adjustments.

Thinking about my mission statement today reminded me of how important it is to take a moment to remind ourselves of who we are. Every time I read the statement I experience a swell of emotion. This is true not so much because it is well written, but rather because it inspires me to be true to myself. It moves my thoughts away from the problems of the moment and causes me to think about the future. It adjusts my perspective in a way that always leaves me hopeful and encouraged.

Writing a personal mission caused me to spend time thinking about what I believe. This is not so much a question of religious doctrine, but rather an overview of the things that are important in my life. Living your life in a manner that is consistent with what you believe is challenging. Every day we encounter people that seem to achieve enviable levels of success while living their lives in a manner with which we might not agree. Many times these people are our bosses, our leaders, or even our spouses or close friends. We can become frustrated or even angry when we see examples of people that seem not to live by our value standards.

The challenge we face is how do we remain true to who we are when we encounter those that have completely different points of view? I think that the answer lies in having a sense of humility. For centuries wars have been waged and lives have been lost when people of differing points of view have been brought together. In the corporate world while not as dramatic we see similar effects. Brilliant careers have gone off track, employees have lost jobs, and CEOs have been fired when they have encountered those that hold different beliefs. Both history and work experience have taught me that right does not always win. Simply having the proper values and beliefs does not translate into success. Success is found in being true to ourselves and those we serve.

If asked most people would consider themselves to be humble. Yet, this is a virtue that is mostly misunderstood. Humility requires that we consider ourselves to be less than everyone else. This includes those that we know are wrong. We lose sight of the need to be humble when we act on our urge to correct those that we observe making a mistake. We lack humility when we criticize or find fault. When we defend what is right we can often make ourselves appear to be “holier than thou” or superior to those that we confront. The natural response to our admonishment is resistance. Sometimes a fervent battle for what is right may be the right fight. However, usually it is the right fight at the wrong time and is conducted in the wrong manner.

Still, it is important to remain true to our beliefs. We must always make sure that our example is consistent with what we believe in. The best way to help others see the error in their ways is to continually live up to the values we espouse. Generally, we will not win awards or achieve recognition for living a life consistent with our values. But when we add humility to our value system we can live expecting that we are less than those that we serve. In this understanding we achieve a level of truth to ourselves, and we offer a demonstration to the world. This consistency is its own reward.

I often use an inverted triangle to make this point visually. If every leader imagined that they were at the bottom of an inverted triangle they would notice two things. First and most obvious is the fact that at the bottom of the triangle everyone else is above them. These are the people that we serve. As leaders we should serve everyone and not ourselves. Second and most important, at the bottom of the triangle there is the least amount of room to move to the left or right. This for me reflects the lack of freedom and intense responsibility of leadership. With no room to move to the left or right we must live consistent with our values. There is no wiggle room. We must practice what we believe because when we do not everyone can clearly see that we are not being true our stated values. Of course, this is just what I believe. It is entirely possible that you believe something completely different, and I guess that is the whole point of this article.

Getting Your Head Above the Clouds

2005-04-12T11:07:00.000-04:00

Returning from a recent business trip I arrived at the airport early. After a long day of meetings I appreciated having the opportunity to sit down and relax quietly for a few minutes in advance of my flight home. It had been a busy couple of days when I found myself flying into four different cities. The end of this trip was welcome and I was anxious to get home to familiar territory.

Boarding my plane I checked my boarding pass only to realize that I was seated near the back of the plane, and also next to the window. My preference is always to have an isle seat. This gives me just enough room to stretch my long legs as much as possible. I also even appreciate the occasional interruption from seat mates that need to use the rest room. Again providing a further opportunity to get up and stretch. I was disappointed when I realized that for this flight I would be crammed into the window side. I was also a bit preoccupied and so I did not think that I would just be able to sleep through the flight. For the first time in years I found my self just staring out the window watching the landscape fly by.

The afternoon was clear and it was early enough that there was still light. As I sat staring out the window the first thing I noticed was just how slowly the things on the ground were passing by. The few vehicles I could make out on the highways below seemed to be just meandering by my window. Flying over hills, or stretches of green seemed to last forever and we just seemed to be floating. I saw trails of vehicles during this flight reminding me that below I was passing by rush hour traffic in some areas. All of this seemed to register with me but it was not until yesterday that it all became immensely clear.

Yesterday I had one of those afternoons that many parents complain about. My children played their first game of Little League Baseball yesterday. We were required to get them to the field by 5:30 for a 6:00 game. We prepared and planned for the events of this evening telling the boys that they should work on homework during the day at free time. We also asked them to organize their equipment in advance so that the sports bags could be placed in the car. We planned to eat out near the field which would reduce our commuting time to get to the game, and picked a fast food restaurant that would also work as a way station where we could complete homework before the game thus not extending our evening any more than was necessary. We picked up the boys at 3:30 from school. We were able to get to the restaurant, have dinner, complete homework, and have the boys change into their baseball clothes all by 5:15. A short drive to the field had us arriving right on time even though the coaches had not arrived when we got there. Somehow our planning had worked out for a change. The scheduling was hectic but we accomplished our goal.

The baseball game was for us uneventful except that one of the children was hit in the nose by an errant pitch from a twelve year old pitcher whose primary ability was speed over accuracy. That seemed to shake the boys up a bit but did not deter their enthusiasm. We lost the game however by a wide margin and one of my sons was disappointed that he did not get a hit. He seemed to have forgotten that he spent most of his time in the batter’s box jumping away from any ball that seemed close less he suffer the fate of his teammate with the bloody nose.

The game ended at about 7:30 leaving us just enough time to drive home, stop in the park to practice actually hitting the ball and staying in the batter’s box, and allow the boys to have a snack. All in all we got them in bed by 9:00 which is a bit later than normal but not exceptional.

Here is what struck me comparing these two different evenings. In both cases I was able to start out planning to accomplish a stated goal. Both required a fair amount of organization and planning. In the case of the plane trip the goal was to arrive on time and safely board the flight to get home by a reasonable hour. In the case of baseball the goal was to accomplish the other important tasks such as dinner and homework while still allowing for a fun activity during the week. However, I experienced these two events differently because in the first case I managed to get my head above the clouds. In the second case I was down among the trees watching everything whiz by. The physical exertion required of me on both evenings was fairly equal. Yet, yesterday I felt far more tired at the end of the day than I did after the plane flight. And to be fair in my assessment, in both cases I was able to sit for about one and a half hours, first on the airplane and in the other instance on the bleachers at the ballpark.

What I have concluded from these two events is that we all need to spend some time with our head up in the clouds. From that vantage point we have a unique chance to watch the world go by much more slowly. While things below might be just as hectic, getting above the clouds slows down our perspective. While I was sitting above the clouds I was still moving forward towards my stated goals. Yet, the emotional experience of achieving those goals was distinctly different. Down among the trees the pace is faster. We don’t get an opportunity to look around and see what else is going on. Down among the trees we are caught up in the moment, and we experience things like the kid that gets hit in the nose. Feelings and emotions are magnified, even though it might not be happening to us. Down among the trees we sometimes swing and miss and the dust from the field can at times get in your face. We experience success and failure, wins and losses and we take the time to practice those skills that have gotten rusty.

We spend far too much of our time down among the trees. Naturally, this is where the action is. However, I am suggesting that we need to make sure that we find more time to get ourselves up above the clouds. The pace is much slower there and your perspective widens. Somehow, time spent above the clouds helps us to be better equipped for the moments when that kid gets hit in the nose. Having had a chance to take a step back we can realize that even in that painful event a lesson was learned. It pays to keep your eye on the ball, and sometimes, it is just best to duck.

Time Bulimia

2005-03-31T10:15:00.000-05:00

Time is of the essence. This is a legal term that is invoked in certain types of transactions. Generally the term means that there is a limited amount of time left to complete the transaction. This term is used to create a sense of urgency and to force someone to take action. I can only assume that those using this term do not generally believe that time is important until we reach the end of a transaction. Perhaps this points to one of the most important problems we have with our perceptions about time.

I was reading an article recently that mentioned the fact that most of us have a false perception about available time. In a recent survey college students were asked if they would be willing to make a specific time commitment. They were given a choice of making the commitment on that day or at a date exactly one week later at the same time. The consensus was that making a commitment on that day was not possible. However, when asked if they could make the same commitment exactly one week later at the same time, the general consensus was that yes they could make that time commitment. The researchers conducting this study were pointing out what is common among most people, not just college students. That is that we generally have a misperception about time that causes us to believe that we have less time at the present, but we will always have more time in the future. This misperception usually causes us to make time commitments in the future that we would not make today because we believe that we will have more time then. Of course in
reality when the future date arrives we have no more time than we had at the moment that we made the time commitment. This then results in our having to make adjustments and cancellations in order to make room for our now over committed schedule. The fix of course is to then schedule these events into the future once again when we believe that we will have more time.

This is a bit of an illness which I will for the sake of this article call “Time Bulimia.” I wish I could say that I coined this phrase, but I did not. I first read about the phrase in an article where someone referred to their boss as a time bulimic. This busy executive would “binge” by scheduling their days minute by minute in advance. The calendar would be quickly filled up with future events such that the executive’s schedule would be brimming over. Then, when the day came the executive would review their schedule and “purge” the events with a series of cancellations and rescheduling. I certainly do not want to trivialize the very serious illness of bulimia by comparing it to time management problems, but this comparison seems to me to be very appropriate. I would also argue that this sort of time management is a sickness and has many calamitous effects.

In the corporate world we see daily examples of this illness. We read of or directly witness the “heroics” of those workers that put in eighteen hour days running from project to project, or meeting to meeting. We canonize these workers as “extreme employees” and even often times reward them with more pay or promotions. We idolize those that can work the hardest, put in the most hours, and essentially live highly unbalanced lives. Those that don’t keep such schedules are labeled as lacking ambition, lazy, or uncommitted. I know that I personally have suffered from this disease often times placing too much on my plate binging on commitments only to later purge them with cancellations and rescheduling. We go through this binge and purge cycle until it all finally catches up with us and shows up in the form of fatigue, illness, stress, and broken relationships.

My understanding of bulimia tells me that sufferers generally have an unrealistic view of themselves. They are unable to see their physical features accurately. They look in the mirror and despite facts to the contrary see only a fat person. Their desire to be thin leads them to continuously do things that they believe will help them to achieve the body image they so desperately want. Time bulimics are similar. They have unrealistic perceptions about how much time they have available. They believe that they can always add on one more commitment. These sufferers are almost competitive with their missed sense of time. They brag about what time they get up, how little sleep they need, how long they work, and the “all nighters” they pull so frequently. They eat meals at their desk, multi-task to get more done and employ the latest in “time saving” technology to become even more efficient.

I am sure that you know a time bulimic. The tell tale signs are easy to spot. Look for someone that is always apologetic about missed commitments, or is frequently telling you that they are extremely busy. Another tell tale sign is that most time bulimics tend to look unhealthy. Look for the pale skin, or quickly growing extremities that come from bad meals, lack of sunshine, and failing to exercise regularly. Don’t be fooled by the lack of high tech gear. Not all time bulimics use high tech equipment. Many have the ability to over commit and yet keep their schedules in their heads. It is harder to root out these sufferers since they don’t refer to their calendar or schedule. Rather, these people are usually just missing most of the time. They are constantly running from place to place and event to event. In order to recognize these people you must listen carefully to their conversations. You will hear them use words like “I have to” or making statements that indicate that they have little control or choice over their many obligations. Their badge of honor is the events they attend, the committees they are on, the children’s games they never miss and their dual roles as bread winners and super mom/super dad. These folks are not nearly as obvious since on the surface they appear to be doing all of the right things. However, even for these people it is not that they are doing the wrong things, but rather that they are doing too many things.

We all need to slow down. Time maintains a constant pace. I like the quote by Margaret B Johnstone where she describes time as a “fixed income.” She says that the real problem facing most of us is how to live successfully within our daily allotment.

If my analogy of time bulimia is like similar diseases then those that you know who are suffering from it do not realize the problem they have. You can’t tell them they are sick and most don’t realize it until they suffer disastrous health consequences. Perhaps even you are suffering from this disease. Yet, you can’t see the negative image being created. I can only hope that reading this will cause you to stop just long enough to examine your time and decide whether or not changes might be in order. After all, we are only talking about time, and time is the stuff that life is made of.

You have to allow a certain amount of time in which you are doing nothing in order to have things occur to you, to let your mind think.
--Mortimer Adler.

Information Arbitrage

2005-03-14T12:50:00.000-05:00

In the financial markets there is a term known as arbitrage. Arbitrage is commonly accepted as a method by which a financial transaction is carried out where there is a profit without risk. Arbitrage transactions were very a popular in the 80s with traders like Ivan Boesky. Boesky used arbitrage transactions to make millions and perhaps billions of dollars in deals where he would buy the stock of a company about to be taken over. After the takeover would be completed, Boesky would sell the stock and thereby make a huge profit. We later learned that Boesky’s deals were not really legal as he seemed to use information he had gained from company insiders to place his arbitrage bets.

Today arbitrage transactions still remain mostly in the finance arena. Institutions use arbitrage to buy a commodity or security at one price when they become aware that the same commodity or security can be sold in another market at some small profit. Such transactions require speed, low transaction costs, and access to legal information. This final component of today’s arbitrage transactions, legal information, is what I want to talk about.

We live in what some social scientist may someday refer to as the age of information or the age of knowledge. Our society has moved from a time in the 1500s when information was held in the control of an elite few, to today when a young child can perform a Google Search and acquire all of the information available around the globe on almost any subject. There is a certain equity that has developed today in that anyone with a free library card has access to documents and information that was heretofore beyond our imagination. Yet while access is free, we see so few people that avail themselves of this unlimited resource. I believe that it is this very phenomenon which has created modern arbitrage opportunities that we can now call “information arbitrage.”

In my work as a consultant I am an information arbitrageur. The majority of my work results in my obtaining information from one source, and in turn selling that information in the form of knowledge to another source. Within the areas of my expertise, the opportunities are endless. As I continually obtain information the available sources for the sale of that knowledge grows. However, in order to become an effective arbitrageur, you must learn to continually ask the question “how can I use this information?”

Information arbitrage is not new. I can recall my mother using information arbitrage when I was a child. She would scan the various sale sheets that arrived at our home each week in order to determine which of the local grocery stores had the best prices say for ground beef, breakfast cereal, or a five pound bag of potatoes. She would use these markets to purchase those items that we routinely used, and would then “offset” her profits to buy an item that she wanted to purchase for her. I see similar transactions on eBay. The apparent price variations or commodity availability around the country has created entrepreneurial opportunities for sellers. A seller in New York can purchase an item on sale in Manhattan, and in turn sell that item to a buyer in Idaho. The arbitrage opportunities are even greater for so called “must have items” where consumers are willing to pay above the market price to purchase something today that they might not otherwise get. These arbitrage opportunities include everything from the hottest concert tickets, to designer clothing.

In all of these cases someone is taking advantage of the vast sources of information that exists in our society. Information arbitrageurs are using this information to make profits from their knowledge. In this information and knowledge age we each have a chance to become arbitrageurs. We must increase our awareness of the world around us and begin to process the information we gain in our every day life. New ideas gained from conversations with friends and peers create arbitrage opportunities. A casual conversation with the postman can yield new knowledge that you can arbitrage in some way. A visit to your local grocery store or coffee shop brings to you new knowledge that has value. The key is to be on the alert for this knowledge, and to ask “what can I do with this information?”

Information arbitrage will not make you as wealthy as an Ivan Boesky. But if you begin to pay attention to information arbitrage opportunities, you will increase your knowledge and your value. And who knows, you might even save a little money on your purchases, and maybe even identify that next fashion trend that will make you an internet tycoon. The information is all around you. You only need to look and listen.