How Do You Spell Success?

If someone were to ask you today how do you define success what would you say? For me there was a time when success meant having an important title, a big house, and an expensive sports car. That is until I achieved these things.

There was a time in my life before our children were born when my sense of success and achievement in the world was measured by possessions. What company you worked for, what car you drove, and how you spent your vacation where common conversations among friends. Parties and other social events required just the right clothing, and it always helped if perhaps your clothing label or articles of jewelry reflected the latest trend. If you did not have all of the latest trends, you set goals to one day own a “Tag”, or you knew the answer to the question “if you could own a Bmer, which one would it be?”

Thinking back to those days I either knew the answers to the questions, or could flick the wrist to show that the question was meaningless. I stood among my peers as an equal. I had achieved the things that were worth achieving and therefore deserved my place in the crowd. That was then.

Life has a way of changing our sense of what matters most. The birth of the twins gradually changed my sense of values. Unlike what I hear so many say, I did not change that moment in the delivery room. No, for me the process took several years. Still, I remember when the change began.

One Sunday morning I decided to take my family out for brunch and a nice Sunday drive in my new sports car. It was a beautiful spring day, not quite warm enough to put the top down in the car, but the sun was shining. The boys were somewhere between two and three years old. The boys got their usual breakfast which consisted of waffles and fruit, eggs and orange juice. We finished our meal and then took off on our Sunday drive. We were about three miles from the restaurant when one of our sons announced that his stomach hurt. With no safe place to stop the car I asked him if he thought he could hold on for a short time. He never had a chance to answer the question.

Every parent has a story about the inconvenient times that their child decided to relieve themselves of a bothersome meal. Every working parent has shown up at a meeting with stains representing at least one of the major food groups. We accept this as a badge of honor awarded to parents. If you are lucky the stain comes out, and you go on until the next event. Yet, there is something about the combination of waffle syrup, eggs, and orange juice that has the ability to remove the finish from most metals, and can change the color of carpeting forever. My son’s mishap in the back of my new sports car left a permanent reminder.

As I think back on that day now I remember my first concern being for the welfare of my son. I pulled the car over as quickly as I could in order to make sure that he was alright. Once I was assured that this was just a singular event probably caused by being in the back seat of a low slung car, I looked to see the damage. But what I felt in side was not what I expected. Suddenly this all seemed so trivial. A possession that I wanted for most of my adult life was suddenly to me nothing more than a car, and not the label that was emblazoned on the hood.

That day in the sports car was not an epiphany. However it marked the beginning of a process. I did not abandon my sense of possessions and status at that one defining moment. There would be many more years and many more moments before I would finally find my V.O.I.C.E. But on that spring day, with my young child, I saw that for him everything was right with the world. He had a smile on his face and wanted to know if we were still going to take our drive. We cleaned up the car, and back on the road we went enjoying the sunshine, and I enjoyed my new sense that I was not as happy with my possessions as I was with the joy of the road with my family.

A year later we sold that great sports car. I still take drives with the boys except that now it is on a scooter as we run errands on Saturday morning. With the scooter the top is always down, and the air is fresh. I think back to the days of the sports car and how complicated life was then. Perhaps by common standards I was more successful then than I am now. But for me I have found success in working every day to find my place in the world doing what I love. I still own a nice watch, and I have an appreciation for a well made automobile. These things are great, they just don't make you happy. I still enjoy a ride in a nice car. But now it is because of the company I keep. There are watches that keep impeccable time, and now I use them to count the hours until I will again be with those that I love. Things are just things now and people matter matter most.

My sons often ask if I would ever like to own that sports car again some day. Maybe some day I will but the reason will be different. Once the car made me proud and was evidence of my success. Today, I am a proud dad, and my success is reflected in the character of my children.