We Are Better Together

My consulting practice consists of one person. I am the classic small business. I hold all of the relevant titles in my company. I am the CEO as well as head of the Shipping Department. I hold the dual positions of Inventory Clerk and Director of Information Technology. I author the work product that is generated here, and I also print, post, and mail all of the letters. I do it all.

Recently while writing a letter I found myself making repeated references to “we” in the letter. The letter included statements like “We will follow up with you within the next several days” or “We are happy to present to you this proposal.” Given the solitary nature of my work I had to stop and laugh at myself and wonder why this whole business of “we” was so essential to representing my abilities. Perhaps it is because I believe that “we” makes “us” sound so much more substantial. It is a sense that “we” can be trusted at a higher level than just “me.”

I realize that in the case of my business saying “we” will do something gives the impression that even if I should be unable to perform, there are other people that will step in and deliver on “our” commitments. There is a sense of comfort that comes with the knowledge that we are not just depending on only one person. I guess that each of us has had too many experiences where one person acting alone has let us down. For the most part that person is you.

We make promises and commitments to ourselves all of the time. More often than not, we quickly break those promises or commitments. Maybe you have not experienced this in your own life, but I have countless stories of getting ready to, would have, or should have. The problem in most of these cases was that I was dependent solely upon me to deliver.

It is said that there are three levels of personal maturity. The lowest level is the dependent level. The second level is the independent level, and the highest level is the inter-dependent level. I think that the stages of life help to explain this as we watch children grow from dependent (infant through toddler); independent (the pre-teen, teenage and young adult stages); to inter-dependent (adult stage). Of course I could add that as life goes on we once again return to the dependent stage, but that is another story. These stages don’t work perfectly for everyone but I think you get the idea.

At the inter-dependent stage we learn lessons in trust and accountability. We discover at this stage that we are not in this alone and that there are those around that can help us to “carry the load” and we identify with our “responsibility” to others. Achieving this level can yield enormous results.

I have found that one excellent way to build your inter-dependence is to develop an “accountability partner.” An accountability partner is a person that you trust to keep you accountable and on track in certain areas of your life. Trust is an important ingredient here because an accountability partner is not a drill sergeant. Their job is not to make you feel bad, but to provide encouragement. An accountability partner is a person with whom you are totally honest, and is also accountable to you.

I have accountability partners in several areas of my life. I find that in different areas it is sometimes best to have different partners. Let me describe how this might work for you. Let’s say that you have made a commitment to regular exercise. Your commitment is to work out three to five days each week. First you must communicate to your accountability partner what you have committed to do. The job of your partner is to keep you on track. If you have committed to early morning exercise, your partner would call you every morning to make sure you are out of bed. If you are lucky your partner may also attend your gym or other exercise facility. Then they can go along with you to keep you on track. The key to the relationship is honesty and trust.

An accountability partner understands that with any new commitment there will be occasional lapses. Here is where the role of your partner is crucial. Your partner’s job is to provide encouragement when you lapse. Positive reinforcement of your stated goals and affirmation about the success you will achieve are the clearest motivators to get you back on track. When lapses become more frequent then firm prodding becomes the role of your partner. If lapses become persistent, it is then that your partner can and should become your drill sergeant.

When choosing an accountability partner it is important that you choose someone that you trust. An accountability partner has an immense responsibility and they must commit to the job for the defined period. It is sometimes helpful when starting out to have an agreement of mutual accountability. In that way you too are responsible to your partner in the same way that they are responsible to you. Communication is a key ingredient. You must clearly define the goals you have set and your partner must clearly understand your expectations.

When you commit to another person that you trust you have the added benefit of knowing that someone other than you is looking out for your best interest. What is true of my clients is also true of you. Sometimes depending on just you to get the job done is not sufficient. You need to know that “we” can be counted on to deliver, when “I” am unable to perform. Together you and your partner can achieve levels of personal success and reach a state of inter-dependence that is not possible working alone.