Running Through Our Fears

I started running when I was a child growing up in Philadelphia. When I started I did not so much run for fitness but rather as part of the games I played when I walked to or from school. The games consisted of trying to see how far away I could get from a certain point in so many seconds. I would pretend that a bomb was going to explode at a point. My objective was to be so many feet or yards away in order to be safe. These games were like spy games that I played when I was around twelve years old.

I took up running as a part of my fitness routine later when I was seventeen. At that time I ran as a way to relax and escape the pressures of school and work. I would run anywhere from three to five miles each day. Quite a few years have gone by since then, and I do still run on occasion as a part of my fitness routine. However, most of my aerobic exercise these days consists of riding a stationary bike, taking long walks, or walking two to three miles on a treadmill. Running long distance no longer appeals to me physically as the recovery time for my body has gotten longer and longer over the years. Still, I run on occasion because I still like the feeling of gliding through the air swiftly moving from place to place under my own power. I also like the rhythm. If you have ever run or had the chance to listen to the footsteps of a runner you know that there is a consistent rhythm to running. When you run for distance you fall into a cadence. This is a soothing sound that creates a rhythm as each foot strikes the ground. Runners use this cadence as a feedback system that helps them to know that they are on whatever pace they have set. After running for a number of years experienced runners can hear that cadence in their heads and can differentiate between the cadence of a seven minute mile and a nine minute mile. Even though I now run infrequently, I can still hear the pace in my head.

When I began running all those years ago I always considered it a solitary activity. Because running is something you can do with very little advance planning, most of my running time was through city streets or sometimes in a park when there was one nearby. I never imagined then that someday I might have the chance to run with my own children. Yet, yesterday I had just such an opportunity.

I committed to run daily with my sons as part of helping them to prepare for the soccer season. We had been talking about the need to become fit in order to effectively play most sports. In soccer in particular, I had noticed that my boys would tire in the late portions of their games. While they seemed no more tired than the other children, it occurred to me that my boys were finally at an age when we could begin to do some conditioning work. So, we committed to run a mile each day.

I realized yesterday that children don’t run distance anymore. In fact there is not much in the way of physical fitness required of young children in our schools. The result is that before yesterday only one of my sons had ever actually run a mile. And even for that son, he ran his first mile only the day before. Additionally, I understood that for my son Alex, the thought of running a mile was really not on his personal radar screen. Still, like most young boys he wanted to keep pace with his brother and if for no other reason he wanted to give it a try.

My children are only ten and so we did not want to run in the city streets. At the same time, I did not want to turn this outing into a production that would require us to go to a formal track to run laps. So we decided that we would go to Heinz Field, home of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and run around the circumference of the building. Our plan was to run around the building as many times as was necessary to complete our mile. We knew that this would afford us a continuous stretch of sidewalk on which we could run safely. It also did not hurt that the field is only a few blocks from our home and we could easily walk there and back.

When we arrived at the field we began our run. Like most children the boys took off at a rapid pace. Max was leading the way and Alex was right behind him. Given the forty years difference in our ages, I knew that I could not think about joining them. Also, since we had not charted out the distance in advance, at the beginning I had no idea how many times around the stadium would be required. I knew that I needed to go the distance and so I set out at a very easy pace, probably close to a ten or twelve minute mile.

Before we made one complete revolution around the stadium both of the boys had slowed their pace. But, I noticed that Alex had slowed considerably. While he was still running in front of me (an agreement we made in advance that the boys must stay in front of me), I could tell that he was laboring. First Max shouted encouragement to him and Alex continued to run. Then he told us that he had a pain in his side which runners know is that familiar “stitch” you get early in a run. Max again shouted encouragement and told him that the pain would only last for a little while then it would go away. I just watched and paid close attention to Alex to make sure he was in no real danger. At one level I was dealing with the demons in my own head telling me that I could not run the distance, and reminding me of my age compared to my sons. On a whole other level I could feel the competitive spirit in me telling me that I could not let my boys down and that I had to go the distance.

As I continued to run my mind went back to the days of my youth. I reminded myself of the pace that I could hear in my head. I settled in by just keeping the pace and continuing to move myself forward. By this time I was running side by side with Alex with Max continuing to run just a bit ahead of us. As we ran together I was talking to Alex and checking to see that he was alright. I suggested to him that if the pain became too great that he could stop running and walk the rest of the way. He declined, and I could see in his face that he wanted to succeed at this. Realizing his desire to succeed, I began to talk to Alex about pace. I told him that we had to just keep our pace and go one step at a time.

After we had completed our first time around the stadium I had a clear sense of what was now required to reach our goal. As it turns out the distance around the stadium is equal to nearly one half mile. I told Alex about this and we continued running together step for step and I offered encouragement to him as much as myself letting him know just how many more turns we had to go. We talked about breathing evenly and just making sure that he ran no faster than me. I pointed out that we were going to make it as long as we kept our pace the same.

When we rounded the final stretch of our run with about a quarter mile to go, I noticed that Max made a start at running faster. Looking back and seeing that Alex and I were keeping the same pace he quickly gave up on his idea of a sprint to the finish. When Alex and I reached the final turn and completed our mile he looked at me with a proud sense of accomplishment. We gave each other high fives, and acknowledged that we had made it. We both walked over to Max and he too gave us a high five as we celebrated that moment.

When we started out on our run we did not know how many laps around the stadium were required. We faced an unknown that led to fear and doubt about our ability. We became aware that reaching our goal was causing us considerable pain. When we are in uncharted waters we don’t know if we can reach our goal. Sometimes we can find ourselves alone as we take each step or we realize that the pain and sacrifice may be too great. Or maybe we realize that we initially set out at a pace that we can no longer maintain. This is the time when we experience failure and defeat. This is the time when we need to pull up along side a friend or a coach or a mentor. We need to begin to pace ourselves so that we can reach our goals. We need to experience the reaffirming assurances of someone that cares about our success who not only tells us that we can make it, but takes every step along the way with us and experiences the same pain.

When we manage to face our unknown fears and conquer our pain we realize that in order to reach our goals we just need to take one step at a time. We have to learn to hear the rhythm of our steps. Each step moves us closer to our goals. When we give in to pain or fear we regret those failures. But, when we work through the pain, and keep pace to the goal, we experience an exhilaration that is unimaginable. The joy and sense of accomplishment on Alex’s face is the image that I will keep in my head forever as I strive for difficult goals. It is that look that reminds me that we can face our fears, and we can reach our goals in life if we just go one step at a time.