The Roles We Play

Just the other day I saw a trailer for a new film starring Pierce Brosnan. The movie is called “The Matador.” I have not seen the film and have no real plans to watch it except should I catch it on cable someday. What caught my interest in this film at all is the fact that the star is Pierce Brosnan. If you are a fan of James Bond movies (I am), then for the past few years you likely associate Brosnan with his role as James Bond. Not to offend Bond purist here, I will comment that Brosnan is not my favorite Bond, but certainly a likeable one for me since after all, what man in his 50’s wouldn’t want to play along side Halley Berry? You have to admire him for that if nothing else.

To my point here, Pierce Brosnan is now playing in a role that is very anti-Bond. His character in his latest movie is an assassin who drinks too much, is a womanizer, and calls himself “a facilitator of fatalities.” Hmm, that gives new meaning to the role of facilitator, but then that would be a digression not worth taking for now. Before this movie, to my thinking, Pierce Brosnan was James Bond. It is a role to which he is well suited. He is suave, good looking, and of course, he has a great British accent even though he was born in Ireland. Yet, let’s not forget that Brosnan is after all just playing a role.

While very few of us have genuine acting talent, we are all called upon to play roles. Not just those that you did at school (my most famous role was as the Yield Sign in elementary school). But rather, the roles that we are asked to play in the lives of those that matter most to us. Of course the roles do vary. Some of us play the role of Mom or Dad. Others are Wives or Husbands (speaking of which, those in the role of husband had better get their gift on as today is one that can land you in the dog house if you screw up). There is the role that many of us have as employee, or boss, or manager, or student. Having a clear understanding of our roles can help us to live them well. While I have a number of roles that I play in life, the one that I was thinking of today is the role of friend.

Friendship is something that I think can be often taken too lightly. We are quick to call people a friend. We have work friends, school friends, girl friends, and boy friends. Just the fact that there are so many types of friends suggests that the label is used too loosely. I have read that friends can come for a reason or a season. While that sounds reasonable, can you really imagine being a friend for a “limited time only?” People do pass through our lives and we do all have memories of that friend from our teenage years, or that friend from college. The fact is that these people have not really passed from your life, but rather, these are friends that you have lost touch with. I think this can happen when we don’t really live in the role of friend.

If you don’t suffer from a social disorder you probably have a broad base of relationships. You may have friends from your work place, friends from your neighborhood, friends from church, and even friends from your gym. But have you ever stopped to think about what your friendships mean to you? Also, have you ever wondered if those that you consider as friends consider you in the same light? What defines a friend? How do you make friends? And, how do you lose a friend?

I think that the bond of friendship is built upon trust. Friends are the people who know you well, and even after that still like you. Friends share our secrets and when necessary, hold our hearts. Friends are loyal to us even when we are absent. Friends care. Friends feel your hurts and pains, and friends love you even when you are likely least deserving. Friends ask the question “how are you?” and then actually wait for the answer. Friends give you constructive feedback not because they had to tell you, but because they care about your development.

In my life I have had the good fortune to have many friends. As I have gotten older I am very sparing in my use of that label. While I do still meet new friends, it is more likely that now I just get to know very good people. My reasoning for this is that friendship is a role that I now play. I take the role very seriously. There was a time when I could easily discard a friend. Perhaps they hurt my feelings, or maybe they failed to live up to my expectations. I can remember losing friends when they simply failed to call me. I have grown since those days. Now, my friends are friends for life. We go through our ups and downs together. I call it “doing life together.”

I love my role as a friend. I am getting better at it. I am learning to nurture those I care about. I am becoming a better listener. I work on being attentive, and I strive to stay in touch through phone calls, lunches, meetings, and email. I am not a perfect friend. I still have the occasional misstep. I also still fail at times. What is new for me though is that when I fail I come back and earnestly let my friends know that I was wrong.

Being a friend is a complicated role. It takes some thought and not just a bit of skill. Yet, it is a role that I relish, and I so much enjoy those that play that role in my life as well.

Now, let’s go back to Pierce Brosnan. He recently lost his role as James Bond. He has moved on to new acting roles. However, like an old friend, Brosnan will always be Bond for me because you see when you play a role well, you really don’t lose it. Brosnan will always be Bond, and to my friends I will always be a friend.