Owning Our Success

The Vikings are a basketball team that plays in the Youth Basketball League in Sewickley, Pennsylvania. There is nothing particularly outstanding about this team which consists most days of 8 children between the ages of 10 and 12. None of the children on this team are particularly athletic. There is no real star playing on this team even when you take into consideration the one child that scores about 12 points on average in every game he plays. His shooting percentage is about 30%. This team does not have an outstanding defensive set, they are just learning the concept of a fast break, and offensive and defensive rebounding are a foreign concept. The team has a record of 2 wins and 4 losses.

My two sons play for the Vikings. Every Saturday morning our family makes the trip out to the basketball game to watch the boys play. There are many highs and lows that you experience when you watch your children learning to play sports. We are vocal fans, but mostly in that we shout encouragement to the team, and we applaud the successes of each child including the great shots often times scored by the opponents. We are anxious when one of our children is knocked down by bigger or stronger kids, and we are nervous when our sons are shooting from the foul line. Still, we enjoy the games and we even enjoy talking with some of the parents in the stands.

Last week during the game the young woman sitting in front of us turned to us to say “I think that this gets me the award for teacher of the year.” We got a great laugh from the comment because in fact the woman was a former teacher and tutor for our boys. This teacher’s name is Lisa Berger. Lisa was attending the game along with her husband for the sole purpose of watching our boys play. She came of her own initiative because of the bond and the relationship that both she and her husband have to our kids. Lisa teaches third grade at the school that our boys attend. Two years ago she was our son Max’s teacher. For the past two summers she has also tutored both of our son’s.

My children have been fortunate enough to have attended their school since they entered kindergarten. Now in the 5th grade, our boys have been there for almost 6 full years. On the way to school this morning I had a chance to ask the boys which of their teachers thus far had most impacted their lives. This is a tough question for a 10 year old at 7:30 in the morning. Yet, Max immediately spoke up and said that he had two favorites. They were Mrs. Berger, and the teacher they call Coach (Chris Gathagan). When Alex responded he said that his two favorites were Mrs. Ciummo, and also Coach. Had I been asked this question independent of my boys, I would have given the same answer. While they have had many great teachers during their tenure, I believe that these three teachers have taken ownership of my children’s success. I have witnessed the bond that these teachers share with my children. They have shared in their ups and downs, and have nurtured them through their pains. These teachers have a special relationship to our family and view our children not only as students, but as a vital part of the community that is their school.

When I teach or train leaders I focus on a sense of self determinism. I believe that we are responsible for our own actions. I believe that leaders must spend at least 50% of their time in self leadership. I believe and I teach that we lead best when we lead ourselves first. Yet, I cannot ignore that each of us also owns someone’s success. We take responsibility for the success of those we lead, and those we teach. We assume responsibility for the success of those we agree to mentor. We own the success of the people in our lives.

I learned many years ago that each of us is connected one to the other. Success is rarely a solo act. We achieve our success because of the path that was blazed by someone else. Someone opened doors for us. Perhaps a parent made a silent sacrifice deferring their dreams so that you could live yours. Maybe a spouse decided that their career was not as important as yours and decided to let you be out in front. Or maybe your boss took a risk and let you have that coveted project even though the risk of failure was not only great, but would be personally costly. Someone other than you owns your success.

It is not too difficult to find the person or persons that own your success. Just look around. That person has always been there. They have supported you when you were unsure. They listened when you just needed to talk. They told you to go ahead when you were pushing to succeed. Most likely, they never told you how much they wanted to see you be successful. And, I would bet that you have probably never told them how much you appreciate the impact they have had on your life.

I wonder who you would find sitting in the bleachers of your life. Would it be the teacher of the year? Would it be one of your early bosses? Maybe it is your spouse or your parents.

As a parent I would like to think that I own the success of my children. I realize now that I co-own their success with many people, starting with those three teachers I mentioned above. When I see them next I will take a minute to thank them for caring enough to own the success of my children. I also need to thank each person in my own life that has owned my success. Perhaps you could do the same.