Life Without Limits

This morning I have been unable to escape thinking about a story that has been in the press for the past several days. That is the story of the five year old Florida girl that was removed from her elementary school in handcuffs, and later restrained in a police car with nylon cuffs on her wrists, and traditional steel handcuffs on her ankles.

Today the national news showed video footage of the young girl’s actions prior to her arrest. The video also captures the arrest of the young girl. Naturally, the news this morning also gave air time to the Superintendent of the school district the girl attends as well as the attorney now representing the family. All sides have been positioning themselves on this issue and given the state of affairs in our country today and the fact that this took place in Florida, I expect that congressional action is not far behind.

Let me say early on here that it makes no sense to me that anyone, including the police, would ever even think to restrain a five year old with handcuffs of any kind. I am sure that this issue will be discussed fervently by people on both sides of the argument. While this issue is to me very unfortunate, it does speak to a larger issue that is far more in line with the topics I write about on this page. That issue is a prevalent lack of boundaries in our society.

Someone recounted to me recently a story of a young child that kicked them in the shin at a grocery store. This happened in full view of the child’s parent. The parent failed to apologize for the child’s actions, and in fact never took action to remove the child from the situation. Rather, the parent ignored the event and continued with her shopping. In my own town there is a story of a four year old boy that was killed last week when he was hit by a van that may have been driving too fast. At the time of the accident however the four year old was walking home alone from a playground and was hit in the middle of a well traveled street.

Each of the incidents I have described here are isolated occurrences. Yet, I believe that each speaks to a greater problem in our society. That is that we no longer believe in the establishment of boundaries.

A generation ago Malcolm X popularized the term “by any means necessary” as a call to action. Years later, Jack Welch, the former CEO of GE, established the “boundaryless organization” as a way to remove barriers, encourage cooperation and build trust. Today, one of the most popular terms used by young people is “whatever.” Each of these speaks to a sense that anything goes. Somewhere in our subconscious nature each of us is being told that given the right set of circumstances, or for the right reasons, we can do almost anything we choose. We no longer operate by a set of standards. We do not establish rules for acceptable behavior. We can justify and defend almost any action socially, politically, practically or morally. At some point there must be boundaries established. Some things must be deemed to be inappropriate or wrong.

There are laws in nature which are true for every time and every place in the universe. These laws are not subject to interpretation. They are absolutes. The laws of nature are what keep our world in balance. Natural laws do not require our agreement, and our opinions do not change natural laws. We seem to have shifted in our society to a point where we no longer believe in absolutes. Everything is conditional. This presumes that there are times when certain bad behaviors are acceptable. It presumes that human kindness is not required at all times. It further assumes that parents are not responsible for their children, when in fact each of these is incorrect.

As people we need to understand that there are limits. There are behaviors that are unacceptable. There are rules that should be followed without bending, and there will always be consequences for our actions. In our workplaces there are rules for the way that others should be treated. We should follow those rules. There are rules for the proper way to raise children and to teach them to relate to others. Parents should be required to follow those rules because the safety of their children is at stake. Socially there are rules that require us to respect all people and to treat everyone fairly. Breaking those rules without regard to political purposes, or social prejudices causes us all to lose.

Limits, rules and boundaries are all painful. Anytime we find that we just can not do anything that we desire we experience pain. Boundaries require self discipline and sacrifice. But more importantly, they require definition. We define our boundaries when we can say what we believe in and what we stand for. The boundaries are then created by those things that our outside of what we believe, or that do not agree with what we stand for. You can not establish boundaries on the fly. Social groups establish boundaries in advance so that everyone in the group knows what can and can not be done. Families establish boundaries when they establish what is and is not acceptable in the family. It is then up to each and every member to honor the established boundary.

The issue in Florida is tragic indeed. What is even more tragic still is that we will not stop and ask ourselves when should we establish clear limits so that we can know that there are things that we will not do? What has been lost in our culture in America is a sense that there is anything that we are willing to stand for such that we would die for what we believe. For me the ultimate in establishing boundaries is the creation of lines in our society that we can all agree we will never cross no matter the consequences. How can we expect our five year old children to have control when we as adults live lives where control over self is no longer a requirement? When anyone in our society can justify the arrest and handcuffing of our youngest children, then we should stand back and take notice that we are living in a world where there are no limits and the result can only then be chaos.