Finding Legacy in Simple Acts

I don't necessarily like award shows. But like so many of us I was somewhat compelled last night to watch the music awards to see and hear what the music industry would say in tribute to Whitney Houston. I anticipated that I would hear about her legacy and I expected that there would be moments where I would hear some of her music. I did not stay awake for the entire show and as a result I only heard one tribute. That was the prayer read by LL Cool J. While he seemed to hit the right notes in his brief prayer, what struck me most was his statement where he thanked God for giving us Whitney, and he indicated that he was grateful for the music we would always have to remember her. Today I was having a telephone call with a Cancer survivor. A man that has recently recovered from prostate cancer. He is planning a cruise and we talked about how he saw this cruise as being about legacy. A chance to spend time with loved ones away from cancer treatment and the attendant concerns that may bring. Finally, before writing this I received a call from one of my closest friends telling me that her recent biopsy is benign. She felt relieved and moved with emotion knowing that now she could move forward in her life.


It strikes me that the words of LL, the cancer survivor and my friend all spoke about life and legacy and moving forward. It is no surprise to me that after a tragic death or after surviving a life threatening illness or after we are forced to examine our mortality we might think of legacy. We examine the legacy of those we have lost to tragedy, and when we survive near loss our selves we begin to wonder about our own mortality and perhaps question the legacy we will leave.


In my work I often speak to people about deciding in advance what legacy they want to leave. We talk about the concept advanced by Stephen Covey which reminds us to begin with the end in mind. That same friend with the good news wrote that to me in a text message I received just as I was boarding a flight today. Begin with the end in mind is such a simple concept that it is often forgotten. It speaks to deciding in advance what legacy you will leave. Perhaps it is too much at times for us to think of legacy when we are caught up in the general busyness of our day-to-day. Legacy can seem so far off for us when for now we are just focused on the week. Let's just get the kids to school, go to our own jobs, have a decent meal or two and maybe even find some time to relax before the week ends. That is often times all we are able to focus upon. Frankly, much of the time it is about all we can really handle.


Perhaps when we think of legacy we are thinking too far ahead and as a result it becomes too much to handle. I think we sometimes need something much shorter range to focus upon. Something that we can handle in the thick of our day. I think that often times what will become our legacy is simply thrust upon us by circumstances and our response. Finally, I think that legacy is sometimes a singular act of courage or sacrifice that goes unnoticed but becomes a part of our story.


While I was taking a break between flights in an airport lounge this afternoon I noticed a man that seemed to be intently looking out the window at something happening with one of the airplanes. When he noticed me staring at him he commented that it appeared that a fallen soldier was being boarded on one of the planes. I rose just in time to watch the ceremony as TSA Agents, Baggage Handlers, and an Army Escort paused and then raised their hands in a solemn salute to the flag draped casket of this fallen soldier. I became choked up as I imagined how far this soldier would have flown on his final journey and I wondered how much farther he would have to go. After the casket was loaded on board the aircraft the assembled team slowly lowered their salute and marched away from the plane. The last person to leave was the Army Escort.


As I looked at my watch I realized that I needed to get going to make my own plane on time. I gathered my belongings and took a quick look at the flight status screen to determine which gate my flight to Houston was departing from. I was grateful to learn that I was departing from gate B3 which was right next to the lounge. Realizing that I would not need to go far I relaxed a bit and began to walk to the gate. Upon approaching I noticed a crowd at the gate and realized that the TSA agents I had observed just moments ago were standing there talking. As I worked my way around the crowd I also saw the Army Escort just as he was boarding the plane. I realized then that the body of the fallen soldier was flying to Houston on the final leg of his journey home. I imagined that the escort would be sitting in First Class and that perhaps I would have an opportunity to express my gratitude for his service to our country and to his comrade. Perhaps we would be sitting next to each other and I could tell him how moved I was at watching what had just taken place outside.


When waiting to catch an aircraft I often watch people jostling for position to be among the first to board the plane. Many appear anxious as though the seats are only available on a first come first served basis. I have found myself experiencing that when I have a couple of bags and I am concerned about finding an overhead space to stow them. I admit that I too have at times crept towards the front of the line to board as early as possible. But today I have a First Class seat and only one bag so I hang back knowing that I will not be struggling for overhead space and recognizing that I will be boarding the plane with the first passengers boarding. As I stand back watching the other passengers I see the expressions of other apparent First Class passengers standing at the very edge of the gate. I am often amused at the sizing up that takes place as people try to determine who else will be flying in First and whether you should be standing with them. I always shy away from this as I don't want to be a part of this dance if possible. As I stand aside trying to stay out of the way of wheel chair passengers and others that appear to require pre-boarding I notice the plane's Captain who comes out and somewhat sternly tells the gate agent that he would appreciate it if one of the passengers in First Class would give up their seat for the Escort. Apparently, while it is customary to give the Escort a seat in First Class, today First Class has checked in full. I stand for a moment to see if anyone else heard the Captain but I see no signs of movement. I then decided that I would give up my seat. I just heard that small voice that I sometimes hear telling me that this was what I needed to do. I have learned to listen and obey when I hear that voice.


In order to volunteer my seat I needed to move from my position in the back of the crowd to the front. Actually, I realized that I needed to move to the counter to speak with the agent as soon as she was available. She had just left the counter to board a wheel chair passenger. I had to walk in front of those First Class passengers that had jockeyed for their prime positions. More than one gave me looks of "who do you think you are?" I ignored their stares and stood at the counter waiting for the attendant. When she returned I told her that I wanted to volunteer my seat in First Class for the Escort. She thanked me and told me to board the plane. This meant that I was now boarding before the other First Class passengers. I boarded the plane and located the Escort sitting silently in Coach. I thanked him for his service and for escorting one of our fallen home. I told him that I was giving him my seat in First Class. He seemed surprised and humbled. As we passed each other him taking my seat and me settling into his, one of the flight attendants approached me and thanked me for my gesture and told me that I was going to be treated just as though I was still in First Class. That was followed by one of the airport Supervisors, a man named Danny who said that my record with the airline would be noted for giving up my seat. The other flight attendants each came by to thank me as well all addressing me by name. Finally, the Captain came back to thank me for my generosity. Now it was I who was humbled as I only meant for this to be a personal and private gesture of thanks and gratitude for all that I have and the opportunities that I have been given.


After all of the passengers were aboard the aircraft the Captain made an announcement. He told us that we had on board today Sergeant First Class Harvey, who gave his final measure in an automobile accident in Germany after receiving two Purple Hearts in Iraq. He further told us that Sergeant Harvey was accompanied by his best friend Sergeant First Class Lowers who is the man to whom I gave my seat. The irony of this moment was not lost upon me and again I was brought to tears thankful that I listened to that voice.


We speak of legacy when we talk of people that are famous. Most of us will never be famous or have the notoriety of larger than life celebrities like Whitney Houston. People may never speak of our legacy or perhaps may never know the things that we have done. In many ways we don't really know how we will be remembered. But I know this. Sergeant Harvey's legacy was that he served all of us and ultimately lost his life in that service. His best friend's legacy is that he accompanied his friend on his final journey home. And for me today, the story I will remember is that it is the small things that you and I can do that contribute to our legacy. They may never be spoken about again but we know the things we have done.


Not everyone can become famous. But everyone can become great because greatness is determined by our service. - Martin Luther King

The Word

One of the phrases that often comes to my mind is from a book by Miguel Ruiz titled The Four Agreements.  It is a book I recommend frequently.  The phrase is “Be impeccable with your Word.”  In this phrase I note the capitalization of “Word”.  Word is used here as a proper noun which indicates that the writer intends for us to see this as the name of a person or thing. Ruiz calls this the first agreement and suggests that this singular agreement can change your life.

I had an opportunity to think about this concept yesterday.  Oddly, the thoughts came during a run.  Lately I have not found myself thinking while running but rather just focusing on completing my run which has not left room for many other thoughts.  Yet, this thought came to me powerfully and would not go away.  It occurred to me that the Word that I had been using during my runs was limiting my capacity.  I had been focusing on just getting through the run, often times telling myself that perhaps I could not run as far or as hard as I had planned.  The result of using the Word in this way was that it limited my ability and made many of these runs seem long and difficult.  However, during yesterday’s run the focus shifted.  It seemed that my Word was about strength and speed.  The result was an effortless run that seemed to go by quickly.

How often do we find ourselves telling ourselves limiting thoughts?  Thoughts like “I will never have enough money”, or “I don’t know how I am going to get through this”, or “I could never do that”.  The results of these limiting thoughts, or limiting words expressed as thoughts rarely produce positive results.  Rather, they produce fear, anxiety and often times anger.  These emotions of course rarely serve us well.

When we examine the phrase “Be impeccable with your Word” we begin to understand that Ruiz wants us to use words in a way that do not turn those words against ourselves.  He writes in his book that impeccable is a word derived from a combination of two words.  A Latin word “peccare” which means “to sin”, and the Latin prefix “in” meaning “not”. The combination of these words means means not capable of sinning.

It is fairly easy to see how we might commit a sin with our words and certainly greater minds than mine could discuss this at length.  But there is another approach that I would like to explore.  While we know clearly about the sins we can commit against others with our words, I want to explore the sins we commit against ourselves with our words.  As I indicated above, when I was running I was frequently thinking limiting thoughts.  The results of these thoughts were in fact limiting my abilities.  The result was that I was using my Word against myself.  How often do we do that?  We use words against ourselves to limit, discourage, or promote fear.  We use words to cause ourselves pain.  Is that not a sin against ourselves?

I trust that as you read this you don’t dismiss this as some sort of theological or religious rant.  Rather, I am proposing that we begin to examine our words and the power they hold.  Words are real.  They can be used in powerful ways.  Just turn on your television and watch the national discourse and the words being chosen by all sides of the political spectrum.  Watch a political debate or 30 minutes of what we now call “News”.  You will experience a well of emotions ranging from fear, anger, joy, and excitement.  You will align yourself with certain words.  Particularly those that come from people that you perceive to be just like you.  You will become angry at the words used by those that you see as different from you.  Yet, stepping back we must remember that these are their words.  We don’t know if they are being impeccable when they use them.  We don’t know if they are using the words with an intent to be delivered without harm or pain to another.  We can’t blindly trust the words of those we do not really know because we do not really know their intent.

I don’t have a sufficient audience to begin to change the national discourse.  I don’t have a soapbox to speak from that would permit me to cause us as a nation to become impeccable with our words.  But I can be one voice that begins to say and repeat over and over again “Be Impeccable with your Word.”  Maybe it does not need to start on a national level.  Maybe you can just start in your own head.  Take the time to examine the words you are using right now with just yourself.  Let’s get control over the limiting, painful, and untrue words we permit there.  Once we gain control of our inner world we can begin to have an impact on our outer world.  

I would like to ask anyone reading this today to take a moment before you leave this to just examine the words that you are aware of right now.  Are they advancing you or holding you back?  Are your words hurting another or limiting their potential?  Are your words making you smile or frown?  

Your Word is magical.  When your Word is free from fault or blame watch what happens first in your own mind and then in the world around you.

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD!

      

Taking Time to Ponder

Of course this post must start with the phrase “I was thinking recently about taking time to think”.  Many of our written words quite naturally come from the thoughts and observations we have about ourselves and our daily lives.  But in all actuality, this post comes from the thought about my own overwhelming data obsession.  

My personal observation is that I am without question obsessed with data.  I am not alone in this obsession.  When talking to a close friend yesterday about the weather her comment to me was that she did not have access to “good meteorological data”.  As I watch the habits of my family I notice how in mid conversation we go searching for data.  While talking to one of my sons about a new digital device that tracks our levels of activity during the day (a whole different gadget obsession I have) I noticed that within seconds of our conversation he was pulling up the device on his iPhone, and watching a video about the device.  This was an instantaneous response and of course while doing this he was still talking with me and at the same time consuming data.  

This week I read about the price increase from AT&T for new data plans.  The price increase while talked about in absolute numbers being around $5.00 is really a 25% increase in their price for a data plan.  While I have a grandfathered data plan from said provider and as a result did not really consider this much, it points out to me that for the most part we are so obsessed with data that I doubt that there will be little hue and cry over this hefty price increase.  After all, we need our data!  

I write this from my home office on a day when there is snow on the ground, and I have no appointments.  My children are at school and my spouse is otherwise preoccupied somewhere in our home far from my office.  I have what we might call a moment of peace and quiet.  We all seek these moments.  Yet in my office there are three laptop computers, my iPad, my iPhone, my television and radio, and of course my BlackBerry.  Stop shaking your head I already admitted my data obsession.  But the real point is that in order to write this I had to shut down everything except my Mac.  I wanted time to ponder this idea without interruption.  I wanted space from the data for just enough time to really think this idea through.  What is interesting as I write is that I found myself needing data even in the middle of this piece as I wanted to be sure of my usage of the term “hue and cry” above and so I did a quick Google search on my second screen.  I laughed out loud at myself right after I did that.

Pondering an idea for me means to write out my thoughts to explore what I am thinking about a thing.  This is the way I think and has been the way I have thought for many years.  When I was much younger I would do this with a notepad in front of me or at least a piece of paper.  I have found myself in restaurants alone doing this on a napkin and I can even recall the number of times I thought thorough an idea with friends while writing something down.  I ponder on paper (or at least the electronic equivalent).  But something very interesting happens when I remove myself from the data and actually ponder an idea.  I realize that I have real thoughts.  Lots of them in fact and they flow out quickly and in a fairly coherent fashion.  I have to fight off the temptation to go off on a tangent from time to time but I find that with just a bit of quiet focus I can really think.  It feels good.  It feels rewarding.

I find that I have a tendency to worry, project into the future or be regretful about a prior thought word or action.  If I really think about it much of what I call thinking has really been one of these.  I call these stories.  I will tell myself all kinds of stories if I am not careful.  But this form of thinking, this pondering, is quite different.  It is just focused on the subject at hand.  It is about doing something vastly different and arriving at a conclusion or a sense of direction.  It is fun. 

In our very busy world filled with so much data, so much information, and so many interruptions, pondering will be difficult at best.  But I highly recommend it to anyone that just needs to take time away from the crowd, and escape the data for a few moments.  Try disconnecting and just ponder.  I am making a list.  There are a number of things now that I want to ponder in the coming days.  I can only wonder how many of those will be translated to a post here.

UBU

iOS 5 for Moms and Dads

For starters here is why you want to read this post. Your world is likely divided into three neat little groups. These are those that don't own a smartphone, those that own an iPhone competitor smartphone (Android/BlackBerry), and then there are those that own an iPhone or are getting one this week. I recognize that this is over simplifying the point but this pretty much gets at the heart of the matter. These three groups are going to be impacted in the coming week as a result of the new iPhone 4S and/or the release of iOS 5. This post will get you ready for that release. Now I already know that some of you are thinking that this will have no impact on me. However, I will argue that you are wrong which of course I have to believe or I would not have written this post.

iOS 5 is going to impact your life if you fall into any of the three above groups. If you own an iPhone then your operating system is about to change for the better. If you encounter those that don't own and don't like the iPhone you are going to have to listen to them tell you this week why their device of choice is so much better than the current and new iPhone, and finally since you are likely to talk with people this week this will serve as a grown up primer for the iPhone part of the discussion (and trust me on this you will be somewhere in the next week where someone will either show you how they can talk to their new phone, or you will observe/overhear a discussion about all the new reasons to own an iPhone).

So what follows is what you need to know. First the new iOS is a radical leap for an already radical device. You care about this because it is about to change yet again the way we work and live with mobile devices. This new operating system (save this term to be used sparingly at a party this weekend) brings real voice commands to mobile devices in a way that will seem very futuristic. Or alternatively it will make texting and walking/driving seem like so last week. Your phone is about to become really smart through a software application called Siri (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are much smarter than we all knew). Additionally, the iPhone will now have location based reminder capability. This means that it will know when you are near the grocery store and it will remind you that you need to buy soy milk and tofu (or Oreos if that is more your style). Your calendar is about to become more intuitive, and you will have the exclusive ability to send iMessages to other iPhone users without paying for text messaging (this is bigger than you think given that wireless carriers charge us more for text messages than any other form of data) and this will put pressure on reducing texting fees I hope. Then there is iCloud which will revolutionize device synchronization for those of us that don't work in a corporate office. Add to these improved notifications, draggable email addresses, keyboard shortcuts and computer free updating and you have a whole new bag of tricks.

This likely all sounds very "techie" and I am sure that there are those that are reading this (mostly family friends) that are saying "so what?" So here is the big idea. You don't want to listen all night to that really boring person at your next social gathering talking about how really cool he is with his new phone. You want to be able to shut down that conversation and move on to more relevant and popular topics like Chaz Bono's chances on Dancing with the Stars. So I will equip you with the What and So What of the new iPhone operating system and arm you with the right sounding pithy responses.

Let's start with Siri. Siri is not a new innovation. The application that preceded this was available for iPhone users earlier in the year. What makes this version radical is that it will allow you to use normal voice commands to search and to complete various telephone functions. This will make devices easier to use, more accessible for the elderly and disabled, and is flat out cool. Your party answer to this one is "the technology is not really new, though while very cool it will likely not change telephone users habits in the near term unless we actually begin to use mobile devices in quiet locations where talking to your telephone will not really seem weird." This will surely switch the conversation.

Location Based Reminders. This function is a really significant productivity booster. The backbone of any productivity system is to have a way to keep track of all of the things you need to do. Reminders on the iPhone will give you a place to keep track of all of these things. The added bonus is that now your phone will not only hold your list but it will also know when is the best time to remind you of the items on the list. Think of it like your significant other yelling to you as you go out the door "remember to pick up milk and cookies while you are out" except that this will be more gentle and remind you when you really are near the store. Now that you know this you will sound profound when you say "I am encouraged that smartphones are utilizing the gps capability to do more than check-in on Foursquare."

iMessage is a feature that BlackBerry users have had in a variety of forms for a number of years. This is not so radical except that now the users of the number one selling device will have it too. This feature more likely will serve as yet another nail in RIM's (the maker of the BlackBerry) coffin giving both corporate users and consumers another reason to move to the iPhone.

Keyboard shortcuts is another feature that was available to BlackBerry users for a long time even though most never knew that the feature existed (here you might say that this feature while not new is becoming widely known to the less technical among us and will serve to boost their productivity). Imagine typing OMG on your phone and having the phone convert that to Oh My God. It seems that you will be able to create a series of messages and perhaps even lines of text with just a few key strokes. This will be most useful for messages you send frequently or for those customized responses you will want to create like "Go Away. If I actually wanted to talk to you I would answer the phone." Sorry I just had to get that off my chest.

Notifications are a vast improvement but I am not sure that they will make you more productive. The iPhone will now have options for special sounds and alerts for different types of notifications. This will include everything from email alerts to alarms and reminders. The useful feature here is that notifications will not necessarily distract you when you are using the phone, but my fear is that all the new notifications will actually distract you more when you are not using the phone. You will want to wait and see on this one. Still, here is how you can retort when someone talks about the virtues of notifications "the statistics tell us that we receive an electronic interruption of some kind roughly every eleven minutes. I can't imagine how increasing the probability of receiving even more of these distractions could be deemed to be helpful or productive but then again I am not very technical about these things."

Finally, we have iCloud. This is a significant event. You will now have the ability to have all of your important things in all of your important places. Cloud synchronization will allow non-corporate users to have wireless synchronization of information from your calendar, to your notes, to your tasks. It will be like having the information on the family refrigerator available to everyone no matter where they are located. This will dramatically reduce the chance that you and those closest to you will not be able to stay up to date with the family schedule. It will allow you to put an appointment on your iPhone and have it immediately show up on your laptop or iPad. This is not just cool. Synchronization of information is the key to maintaining your productivity as it moves information as you move. On this one just look up to the heavens when you here someone talk about this and simply raise your hands and say "thank you Steve, I knew you were a genius."

There you have it. You now know in a far less technical way what all of these new iPhone features are about. More importantly, you now have a way to shut down the boring snob that wants to appear to be eloquent about their brand new iPhone. The people at your next social gathering will thank you for turning the conversation to those things we all care about. So how is Chaz really going to win?

My Grandmother Never Sent a Tweet

As I was registering online for a free program this morning I thought it was clever that the organization required that I send a tweet as a part of the registration process.  First of all let me admit right here that the program I registered for is Oprah Winfrey’s Life Class.   I figured I might as well get that out of the way and it can’t hurt to give Oprah a shameless plug on my blog.  What Oprah and her team have long ago figured out is the real power of social media to advance a program, product, or an idea.  That alone was powerful for me.  But somehow right after completing my registration and hoping I would win the sweepstakes prize of attending the live show (I plan to give the prize to my Mom and Mother-In-Law if I win) I began to think of my maternal grandmother.  My first thought was that even though she died in the fall of 1989 she never had an email address.  That was not so unusual in 1989 but I wonder if she were alive today would she have one.

My grandmother was a writer.  She never had her words published but she wrote poetry and stories.  She reached the status in the church I grew up in to be considered a Mother of the church which is a position of status given to older members that were faithful and spiritual.  As a Mother she had many opportunities to speak before the church.  Every time I heard her speak at church she would recite or read one of her poems or stories.  I don’t know if she ever saved her writings and if she did I don’t know what became of them after her death.  Her poems always rhymed and her stories almost always shared an important life lesson and biblical advice.  She loved to share these writings with the public and she referred to them as “pieces.”  She even wrote pieces for me as a child and therein provided my earliest opportunities to speak in public as my pieces were written for me to memorize and read in front of the church on special occasions or during children’s programs.  I learned to speak in the church and I learned the power of story there too.

In addition to writing stories and poems my grandmother wrote letters.  I first became the beneficiary of her letters during my early years in the military.  Later, when I moved away from Philadelphia for work she wrote much more frequently.  I also wrote letters to her.  In fact each year I would buy the best stationary I could find for her so that she could write her letters on “good” paper which was important to her.  She liked to make a good impression on people.  

When I read my grandmother’s letters I always hear her voice.  I have become convinced over the years that her purpose in writing was to pass along lessons and advice that would endure beyond her lifetime.  If that was her purpose she was right as I have read her letters during some of my difficult as well as happy times in my life.  Letters have an enduring power somewhat like the power of a favorite book.  You go back to them to re-read to find a nugget of information, advice or to reinforce something you learned long ago.  

So I have already said that my grandmother did not have an email address and of course she never sent a tweet.  In fact I can imagine that she would have considered the idea to be weird to tweet the sometimes personal details of our lives to complete strangers.  Plus, I don’t think my grandmother would have done well with the 140 character limitation of a tweet.   Although I get a laugh when I imagine grandma writing “Just finished watching General Hospital LMFAO.”  Of course she was a lady that would never have used the term LMFAO but just the thought brought back images for me.  

Today so many of us tweet our thoughts, post intimate details of our lives on Face Book,  blog about our success, failures, thoughts and ideas.  Yet, I wonder how often we just take the time to write a letter.  My experience over these past thirty years is that letters have an enduring power.  Maybe someday we will read email messages posted 30 years ago but somehow I doubt it.  I can’t imagine someone outside of the government keeping an archive of our tweets and saving them for posterity.  I fear my blog post someday will fade into an archive after I die that can’t be accessed without my password thus causing them to be lost forever.  But letters, these won’t just fade away.  When we write a letter I imagine that the reader will save it.  Perhaps they will take the time to read it again and again.  Letters, provide an opportunity for clarity that you can’t have in a tweet, or most email messages.  Letters take far more time than other means of communication.  You write, read, and rewrite to make sure the points are made perfectly.  Some people even hand write their letters then rewrite the handwritten version to make it perfect.  There is something about this process that gives greater depth to a letter.  Our letters will usually be saved and we know that so we try to give our best efforts when we write one.

Next week is my mother’s 75th birthday.  I will call her on her birthday, but today I am going to write a letter to her.  I plan to ask my sons to do the same.  While my mom has a preference for birthday cards I want her to read and to hear the words that we say.  I want her to be able to retain the thoughts so that she can read them years from now.  I want her to hear our separate voices and I want her to connect with the fact that this took time and attention which reflects that we love her.  

If this post impresses you at all would you also write a letter this weekend?  Maybe you have a friend that has not heard from you in a while and a letter would be a welcome surprise.  Perhaps a letter of apology to a damaged relationship or a letter of encouragement to someone that is struggling will make all the difference.  You could also write a love letter this weekend as surely there is someone in the world you love.  It does not need to be very long or even elegant, but you can not beat the power of your words put on paper for just one person to see.  That is probably why my grandmother never sent a tweet.

Push The Green Button

We live in a world where we are exposed to new technology almost daily.  Many of us wait with great expectation (sometimes in long lines that include the Mayor of Philadelphia sitting in a lawn chair) to be among the first to possess that next thing that is going to dramatically change our lives and solve all of our problems that are right now keeping us from getting things done.  After shelling out hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars we finally have that shiny new and ever smaller device in our hands.  This is a very cool moment and yet it is also the moment when your overall productivity just plummeted. 

Have you ever noticed that most devices that we buy today don’t come with an owners manual in the packaging?  Actually, there usually is something of a set of User instructions but of course those are accessible on the internet (which by the way you can’t get to because you don’t know how to configure your new device to get you there).  So instead you just jump in and try to figure out the device.  I mean just how hard can this be?  You have owned other phones, tablets or computers, how different is this?  Actually, you make it through this stage and ultimately (OK many hours later) you have your new device configured, you can access your email and your other files and if you are very lucky someone helped you synchronize your information from your last device and you my friend are back in business.  Here lies the problem.  You acquired this device to make you more productive.  It has all of these new features that you thought were going to be great and this is so much better than anything you have ever had before.  Except you don’t really know how to use the device.

I was recently working with a colleague and helping him to make a few configuration changes to his smartphone.  This was not a new device and in fact because it had been around for a while he was having a couple of problems and most importantly he could not gain access to our company email system.   The IT people told him he had an unsupported device (this really means we don’t know how to work that one).  I was happy to help so while we were together at a three day meeting we got together one night after dinner.  I was able to make a few changes to his phone, get his email working and solved the problem he was having with moving his trackpad.  This took less than half an hour and I was really happy to do that.  But I did not realize until well after the fact that I was actually quite tired when I set his phone up and I made a mistake in one of the configurations.  The next morning he begins using his newly configured phone and he realizes that there is a problem in that I had configured his email to reflect that the sender was named Password.  All of his email messages that he sent out reflected to the recipient that they had just received an email from an unknown source.  Imagine the inconvenience in a world where we are suspicious of odd email messages and the potential for viruses.  I felt terribly when he sent an email to me telling me about the problem and to make matters worse I was about to catch a plane for a 4 hour flight and would be unable to correct the mistake I made in his email.  As a quick fix I shot off an email with instructions to fix the problem at least in case he had to solve that before I got on the ground again.  In his message to me he mentioned another problem.  He said that when he attempted to dial his phone all he got were letters instead of numbers for every button he pushed.  That one stumped me.  I had configured his phone to use several keyboard shortcuts but did not recall doing anything there that would have turned his phone dialer into gibberish.  I thought for a moment and realized that in my haste the night before I told him that after the changes I made that to make phone calls he had to push the green button then dial as normal.  My colleague and new friend now was stranded and could make phone calls only to those people in his address book. 

As I was boarding my aircraft I realized that the phone dialing problem was a minor one and that he had likely forgotten to push the green button prior to initiating a telephone call.  I sent a quick text message reminding him of those instructions and expected that this would solve his problem.  

When my plane landed and I had a free moment I gave my colleague a call.  He said that he had looked and looked but could not find the green button that I wrote about and therefore still had the dialing problem.  I pointed out that this button was literally on the lower left hand corner of his telephone.  From his uttered response I know that at that moment he felt a bit foolish.  However, what I realized at that moment was that prior to the changes I made in his telephone he had likely never had a reason use that green button and he was expecting something special and as a result this rather ordinary button had become invisible to him.

My friend’s challenges are not unlike what many of us face when we really don’t know how to use the technology we purchase or that is provided to us.  While we so often appreciate the cool factor of having something new, most of us don’t take the time to learn how to use our tools.  While this is fine if you just like cool stuff, it is not acceptable for those of us that need and use the devices to help us become more productive at work.  Our technology often rules us or at least confuses the heck out of us.  Or as I am so often reminded by the words of Stephen Covey “Technology and tools are helpful and useful when they are your servant and not your master.” 

It is worth the investment in time and sometimes money to really understand how you can rule your technology.  I have spent countless hours personally learning to master the tools I have all around me.  While this serves my friends and neighbors well, most importantly it has served me well as I can use my technology to make my life simpler, my work faster, and reduce technology overload.  While it might sound trivial to have trouble finding the green button, think about the frustration, loss of energy and loss of productivity that my friend experienced and that you experience when you can’t do something with your new phone, tablet, or computer.  It is time folks to really understand exactly what that little button does when you hit it.

What Do You Do

While listening to an interview recently with actor and singer Harry Connick Jr. the interviewer asked him why he took some of the risks that he took. He said that he took those risks to do different things to serve his art. His specific comment was "I am an artist." Connick has gained fame with his live and recorded music, his appearances in movies and on stage in Broadway plays. He has considerable range and easily could choose to be called an actor or a singer or a musician. When asked though he calls himself an artist and he relates what he does to serving his art.

I have noticed that when asked the question "What do you do?" most people give a long answer. Few seem to be satisfied (this could be the person asking or the person responding) with simple roles such as I am a Dad, or Mom. Even those with significant titles in the corporate world don't just respond by saying I am an executive or a C.O.O. Rather they go on to tell you what type of executive or the name of their company and what the company does. It is almost as though the one word answer is never enough and that perhaps it does not cause them to seem significant.

I also find it interesting that this question of what do you do comes up frequently in social settings where it appears, at least to me, that what you do does not really matter at the time. While attending a picnic this past weekend at the home of a friend I was asked several times by people that I had just met what I did. I decided to try out a number of different answers to see how they would go over. To one person I said I am Max and Alex's dad. To another person while holding a fishing rod in my hand I was very tempted to say "I fish" but felt that the answer would seem like I was being a jerk. This particular person really wanted to know what my job was and in particular I realized that he really wanted to know what I did for the host of the party as many people there were employees of my friend's company. I finally answered his question by saying that I am a consultant. I quickly added that I was a consultant for FranklinCovey which caused him to have a knowing look on his face and he responded as do so many "oh so you work for the planner people." This conversation became even more interesting when he asked my wife what she did. There was a moment of awkwardness until I responded "she is in transition." This answer was accurate from my viewpoint as I believe that Tonyia is at the stage in life where she is transitioning from being a stay at home mother to our twin sons, to a place where she once again finds her independent place in the world doing something that matters to her.

Going back to the Harry Connick interview, at one point Connick was asked what he thought about one of the characters from the reality television show Jersey Shore.  He was asking about Snookie. Connick replied with the question "What does she do?" The interviewer was stumped. After fumbling for a while he replied that she "makes a spectacle of herself." Connick pressed further and asked but what does she do? The point he was making was that sometimes people gain fame and even fortune for essentially doing nothing. Harry Connick said that to perform his art he works very hard, studies and rehearses to perfect the art. He seemed to be wondering while admitting that he does not know Snookie, whether or not she had to work at making a spectacle of herself. He was wondering whether or not getting drunk and into fights required rehearsing. I began to think in that moment that the question what do you do is far more important than we have ever thought.

The answer to the question what do you do is intended to define you. While I admit that often times it is used to rank people and determine your status I would like to think that the answer is more important to you than it is to the person asking. What do you do? The answer permits us to tell others about what matters most in our lives. What do you do? The answer tells me what I am willing to sacrifice for, commit to, and to dedicate my finest energies to achieving.

There is a wonderful opportunity when someone asks us what we do. We should take the time to really know what we do because in knowing what we do we know what matters to us. The answer to what you do is the answer to who you really are. Perhaps the answer requires more than one word. Or maybe your answer is that you are "in transition."

You know as I think about it I think I know what Snookie does. She is Snookie.

If Time Were No Obstacle

We have moments in our lives when we think of things we want to do or wish that we had done.  These moments sometimes come to us after major events.  I experienced one of these moments yesterday after a busy but otherwise normal day my flight home took off down the runway as usual.  However, after gaining speed and just prior to take-off the pilot aborted and quickly brought the plane to a stop.  Apparently there were problems with the instruments and he believed it was prudent to abort the flight.  As the event was happening I really did not think about all of the possible scenarios and ways that this seemingly small event could have played out.  But later as I sat in my seat on the plane we were moved to it occurred to me that this was really a close call.  My gratitude at that moment was overwhelming and remains so even now.  

For me last night made me wonder about what would happen if the pilot was perhaps lesser skilled and did not effectively manage the abort.  Or worse what if we had actually gotten off of the ground and then experienced a problem.  While I don’t have a fear of flying this event brought to mind a host of possibilities that could have had a significant impact in my life and in the lives of those I love so dearly.

So today after processing all of the the things that happened last night I thought of this question that we once posed to our Time Management program participants.  The question is “If time were no obstacle some day I would..”  The purpose of the question was to get the participants to think about all of the things that they would do someday if they had more time.  I would collect the answers on 3 x 5 cards from the participants as they left for lunch.  At the end of the day I would read the anonymous answers aloud to the class.  I saved quite a few of the answers that I collected from the participants over the years and while many of the answers were things like I would spend less time at the office, many more were poignant and thought provoking.  Looking through those cards today I realized that I have never completed a card answering the question for myself.  So what follows are a few of my answers.

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Spend a full day talking to each of the people that have touched my life and let them know how much I appreciate their time and attention

Visit with every one of my old friends and offer my apologies were I may have wronged them 

Been kinder to that special friend that really needed me longer than I knew

Listen just a bit longer to hear what my children, my wife, my mother and siblings were really saying to me

Play more often, sleep more than 6 hours per night, and laugh a lot

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Have spent more time listening to my grandmother tell stories while cooking in the kitchen

Write more letters

Talk to my father about what he thought when he was in his 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and early 60s

Relax my shoulders, loosen my jaw move my head back and smile more

Talk to that person that had the look in their eyes needing some attention

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Sit with my family, in an electronic free zone learning to just be together

Stand up to the injustices I see rather than walking quickly by trying not to get involved

Give more of my time to those that could use it well and spend less time with those that waste my time

Experience time by watching what is happening around me

Write lots of books because I had read lots of books

Eat really well and live a more balanced and healthy life

Own less, give away more, and experience the present without worrying about the future

If time were no obstacle someday I would..

Be kinder, gentler and more forgiving of myself and others

I would actually make the apologies I need to make for never really having enough time

After reading all of these things I remind myself that time is not and has never been an obstacle in my life.  The only obstacle is and has always been me.  The choices I make about how I spend my time have always been in my control.  In fact we have copious amounts of time given to us just as it is given to everyone.  What we choose to do with that time is really where the power of living well exists.  

Converting Energy

I have often thought that people touch the lives of other people in such a way that when the encounters ensue there is a transference of energy.  This transference can be reflected in emotions we feel in the presence of another.  Often times it comes just by being in proximity to another person, or sometimes it comes when we make physical contact such as a high five, a handshake, hug or a gentle touch.  At times it even comes when people are far apart simply when we think of another.  I believe that once we enter into relationships with people that the transference is always there ebbing and flowing much like currents of electricity.  Make no mistake this transference is not always positive.  There are people that do literally ignite us in positive ways with their presence and of course there are those that promote an equal and opposite response.  I think that it is also true that the same person can give us both positive and negative energy depending on the interaction.  The positive interactions can cause us to do so many wonderful things and aids in creating positive connections among people.  However, those negative interactions and the negative transference of energy that at times may accompany those interactions can be quite destructive.  

I want to focus for this post on the negative transference of energy.  I have seen in many people what can happen when there is a negative transference of energy.  I have seen stress, sleeplessness, agitation and even depression as an outcome of these interactions.  I have also seen first hand how the negative transference can distract, debilitate and even destroy a person.  This causes me to wonder whether or not it is possible to use negative energy for positive purposes.  That is to say could we take the negative and literally convert the current to create something positive from those very same feelings.  

A quick look through some of the famous persons in history suggest that perhaps it is not only possible to change the way the energy is used but it might well be that for more than a few of those persons the negative energy in fact inspired their greatness.  One example I often think of is that of Ernest Hemingway.  It is well known that he was a heavy drinker (that is putting it mildly) yet it is also believed that he did some of his best writing if not the majority of his writing while under the influence of alcohol.  Andy Warhol while incredibly creative also lived what some view as a tortured life.  Vincent van Gogh created some of his greatest masterpieces in his dark period succeeding the death of his father and during periods of intense loneliness.  And finally, Albert Einstein discovered and even worked through some of his most challenging thoughts and ideas while estranged from and corresponding with his soon to be ex-wife.  

Each of these people I believe managed to harness the energy that was negative in their lives and channel that energy to some positive result.  While a closer look at these individuals might also suggest that at some point their behaviors were ultimately destructive, we can perhaps see at least for a period of time that they were able to harness those energies and turn them in to something positive, productive and even beautiful.

It seems to me that perhaps how we experience those negative emotions in our lives is subject to what we choose to do.  We can choose to hold the negative and suffer or use what is pure energy and convert that to something which drives a positive result.  Can we take something that on its face seems not to serve us well and use it to inspire our greatness.  Or, like so many do we take the hurts and pains of life and allow them to drag us down.  In so doing perhaps we also then take our own pain and inflict pain upon others.  I think we can make a choice to use the negative to create the positive.  We can take our own pains and create joy.  We can choose not to suffer and instead share light.  To my thinking this would seem like an ideal way to use something that could be harmful and yet create something wonderful.  Like all things in life I believe that it all comes down to the choices we make.

Choose well.

Choosing the Hard Right

While checking my Facebook page this morning I saw a message from a close friend.  I was pleased to see her taking the time to catch up with me and once again I reminded myself that I too needed to be better at that.  Her note quickly caught me up with the big events going on in her life such as her daughter’s wedding this coming weekend.  She also wrote about a leadership course she had taken recently and how a lesson I taught her quite a few years ago proved useful in that class as she talked about her ability to prioritize the priorities in her life.  She recalled a discussion we had over lunch one day that helped her to understand the importance of choosing to spend time and energy on those things that are most important.  

I remember during that lunch that I did something that many of us do when discussing an idea.  To illustrate a point I grabbed a small paper napkin and began to scribble an illustration containing four boxes.  The boxes were an illustration of something I often teach at FranklinCovey about the four dimensions of our lives.  Those dimensions are the Physical, Social/Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.  We talked about how important it is to have regular focus in each of these dimensions and even how sometimes people in our lives have a clear role in some or all of those dimensions.  We also talked about how sometimes our choices keep us from really spending time in those dimensions.  That discussion provided a moment of clarity for me and for my friend as we began to understand how sometimes certain choices, roles and even relationships can be placed at a higher priority than the most important roles we play in our own life and in the lives of others.  I now recall that we coined the phrase Choosing the Hard Right as a way of describing what we must do to make the best or right choice.  

The idea here is that in order to make the optimal choices in our lives we must consider at times things that are really hard to choose.  This could be as fundamental as choosing to actually get up when your alarm goes off in the morning rather than snoozing for “just 10 more minutes.”   Or choosing to give your best to a relationship that is struggling rather than surrendering to the many ways and choices we make in modern society to emotionally or physically abandon someone.  In their own way each of these are hard choices and generally we also know which of the choices in each circumstance is likely right for you at the time.  The difficulty is in making the harder choice.

There are several ways that you can use this idea to help you to consistently make more optimal choices in your life.  First it is important to remember that everything starts with a choice.  Even when we fail to choose we are in fact making a choice.  Second, always remember to protect what really matters to you.  Block time to do the things that you perceive as being the most important or having the highest payoff.  Third, start by making optimal choices with the small things such as fruit over pastry or a salad vs “fries with that.”  And finally, try to limit the distracting noises that can compete with your ability to make good choices.  Your brain really can not effectively handle too many things at once.  When choosing remember to put people first then things.  This small piece of advice has served me well over the years.

Newton’s laws of motion are very helpful here.  He said “to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction.  The ideal action is to choose the hard thing that you know to be right.  The equal and opposite reaction will be better health, improved relationships and greater clarity as you free yourself from fear, worry and doubt.  

A final thought:  Sometimes we have already made a choice without really thinking.  Pause for just a moment longer and try to better understand why you made the choice.  In that moment you may find great clarity in ways to make more optimal choices in the future and also to benefit from improved results.  

I Love You But We Need to See Less of Each Other

I admit to having had an on again and off again love affair with coffee for over 35 years.  The cabinets and closets in our home reflect the many devices or methods that have gone in and out of vogue that have allowed me to enjoy my morning coffee.  So of course today it was not really unusual to begin the morning preparing my daily cup.  Except I became fully aware today about a shift that has been happening for the better part of this year.

At the beginning of this year I began doing research about the ways in which we do things that reduce our overall effectiveness.  This of course led to my becoming aware of the many legal ways we effectively damage our bodies and our brains.  We all know about many of these things such as smoking, alcohol abuse bad foods, too much sun, and yes even too much caffeine.  Yet, honestly so many of us still do many of these things despite evidence of the damage they can cause.  My new understanding of the damage done by the things I was doing in due course led me to work to further improve what I perceived to be a fairly healthy diet and lifestyle.  I reduced my sugar intake even further, tried and failed to reduce my potato chip consumption (still a real problem for me) and even worked harder to consistently get 7 hours of sleep each night.  I went back and forth about caffeine for a few months even experiencing a brief period when I swore off the drink completely.  My daily habits have changed and will continue to get better as I remain focused on these things.  But coffee still maintains a fairly central role in my daily routine.

This week as I began my re-entry to my work routine following our vacation a couple of things about Europe have continued to stay with me.  Most people know about the experience of sitting in a cafe in France, or Italy.  Usually when you speak to people that have spent time there almost everyone will talk about the wonderful experience of sitting in a cafe having their favorite beverage.  Like most people I too visited a number of cafes during our trip.  When I was able to do that in the morning I would have my morning coffee which of course meant an espresso.  In fact most mornings it actually meant having two or perhaps three espressos.  Today it struck me that perhaps I have had this whole thing wrong.  I simply took my American habits overseas with me.  While my home routine typically involves having enough coffee (meaning at least one large cup) to accompany my breakfast, what I saw in Europe was many people having just one espresso (with bread at times) and then going on their way.

For many years when I made coffee I made a pot.  This despite the fact that I am the only person in my home that drinks coffee.  Over time I have reduced this to smaller amounts for my personal consumption but usually I have made no less than four cups (as measured by the coffee maker meaning 32 ounces) even though more often than not I have thrown much of this away.  This year I moved back to making coffee in my Bialetti (remember I have all sorts of coffee making devices).  This is a simple coffee making device used in Italy to make coffee in relatively small amounts.  Still, my own Bialetti is large enough to make about one 12 ounces of coffee at once.  The coffee is quite strong when made in the Bialetti since the device is actually designed to make espresso.  I found myself sometimes pouring more than half of my cup away each day.  

Now I get it.  I think that people in some parts of the world have learned that sometimes we enjoy something best when we enjoy less of that thing.  Espresso cups are small not just because they are cute or sophisticated, but they are small because the suggestion is that you don’t need a lot of espresso (OK sometimes I admit to being slow).  Having two cups in the morning is perhaps more than you need and if you really do need more than one cup it suggests that what you really need is more sleep not more coffee.  

So as my ever evolving relationship with coffee continues we are now at a place where It will be just one espresso for me each morning (I love you coffee but I think we need to see less of each other).  I know that my body will function better with this reduced amount and perhaps I will grow to really enjoy that brief morning interlude.  After all, I do recall that sometimes the briefest of encounters are often times the greatest.  And so it goes for me and my morning drink.  Now if I could just balance out the rest of my day in this manner but I guess that is for yet another post.

Living The Dream

I have a client who when asked how he is doing always responds “I am living the dream.”  This has become a popular response and I hear it often particularly in business circles.  Often times I hear the response a bit sarcastically.  However, I know that this client really means it when he says that he is living the dream.  At least from all outward appearances he is successful financially and has a good family life and healthy productive children.  For most of us I believe that would qualify as living the dream. 

As I was thinking of this phrase this morning I found myself responding to a different client with my client’s response.  When asked how I was doing I responded, “I am living the dream.”  My client laughed and I could tell from their laugh that they thought I was responding in the sarcastic manner I hear so often.  However, the reality is that I was serious.  I really am “Living The Dream.”

Last night I read something that I wrote six years ago on April 20, 2005.  I found the document under a pile of magazines that I was filing.  I was writing about the need to understand who we are and who we want to be.  What I wrote then was that I wanted to be a person that read more, listened to others, and continually practiced self-examination.  I also wrote that I wanted to learn more so that I could positively impact the lives of others.  Finally, I wrote that I recognized that I was not “finished yet” and that I could see myself as a work in progress.  That was what I imagined six years ago and that is what I was dreaming I would become.  Last week as I worked with of small group of just under 20 people I recognized that I was impacting the lives of people almost every day.  The thought caused me to write the following as my revised mission statement:  To give to those whose lives I touch the best that I can be.  This is the shortest version of my personal mission statement that I have written in about seventeen years.  Yet, it really reflects what I was dreaming about six years ago. 

Living the dream for me is not a financial measure.  Neither is it a measure of business success.  Rather, it reflects that every day I have the chance to do something that really does impact the lives of the people closest to me, and that impacts the lives of my colleagues and clients.  It reflects that I have the opportunity to learn new things constantly, and I am learning to really listen to people.  While this last one has not been mastered just yet, I am getting better and I can see that in my interactions. 

What I am learning is that living the dream is by no means easy.  Yet, those that are doing just that are living fulfilled lives.  They are vibrant, they work hard, and they are happy.  One example is another colleague that yesterday completed the Boston Marathon.  He is 46 years old, a lifetime runner and he had a goal to qualify for and complete the Boston Marathon.  He is living the dream.  My colleague will not earn any sponsorship as a result of his performance yesterday.  He won’t make any more money at work as a result of the race, and today he is likely quite sore.  But I can bet with a high degree of certainty that yesterday he managed a smile and perhaps even a sigh of relief as he accomplished something that he hoped for and that a relative few will ever do.  I think this is really what living the dream is all about.  It is about doing what you dream of.  It is about accomplishing goals that you set in your life and doing what really matters. 

So many of us have dreams that we are waiting to begin.  We tell ourselves that we will do it when the time is right.  The fact is that now is the right time.  In fact there may never be a better time.  We need to start living the dream not tomorrow, but we need to start today.  My colleague that ran Boston yesterday began living the dream long before he ran in Boston.  He likely began living the dream before he ran his Boston qualifying time last fall.  I believe that every day that my colleague got up to go out for a run he was living the dream.  When he spent time talking to his son he was living the dream.  While he was doing his job each day he was living the dream.  I am willing to bet that my colleague has been living the dream perhaps even longer than he knows.

If we are waiting to start living the dream we run a tremendous risk.  We risk reaching the day when we look back at our lives and we say we did not do the things that were important to us.  Or we wish that we had done things differently, like take more time for those we love, or pursue a dream that we had when we were younger. 

Commit today to start living the dream.  You will need to say no to some things that have been standing in your way.  You may even need to say no to some of the things that impact those closest to you.  But in saying no you will be saying yes to your dreams.  Start now I mean literally right now.  Put this down and start living your dream.  If you don’t do it now you may some day have to say, “I wish I had lived my dream.”