Choosing the Hard Right

While checking my Facebook page this morning I saw a message from a close friend.  I was pleased to see her taking the time to catch up with me and once again I reminded myself that I too needed to be better at that.  Her note quickly caught me up with the big events going on in her life such as her daughter’s wedding this coming weekend.  She also wrote about a leadership course she had taken recently and how a lesson I taught her quite a few years ago proved useful in that class as she talked about her ability to prioritize the priorities in her life.  She recalled a discussion we had over lunch one day that helped her to understand the importance of choosing to spend time and energy on those things that are most important.  

I remember during that lunch that I did something that many of us do when discussing an idea.  To illustrate a point I grabbed a small paper napkin and began to scribble an illustration containing four boxes.  The boxes were an illustration of something I often teach at FranklinCovey about the four dimensions of our lives.  Those dimensions are the Physical, Social/Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.  We talked about how important it is to have regular focus in each of these dimensions and even how sometimes people in our lives have a clear role in some or all of those dimensions.  We also talked about how sometimes our choices keep us from really spending time in those dimensions.  That discussion provided a moment of clarity for me and for my friend as we began to understand how sometimes certain choices, roles and even relationships can be placed at a higher priority than the most important roles we play in our own life and in the lives of others.  I now recall that we coined the phrase Choosing the Hard Right as a way of describing what we must do to make the best or right choice.  

The idea here is that in order to make the optimal choices in our lives we must consider at times things that are really hard to choose.  This could be as fundamental as choosing to actually get up when your alarm goes off in the morning rather than snoozing for “just 10 more minutes.”   Or choosing to give your best to a relationship that is struggling rather than surrendering to the many ways and choices we make in modern society to emotionally or physically abandon someone.  In their own way each of these are hard choices and generally we also know which of the choices in each circumstance is likely right for you at the time.  The difficulty is in making the harder choice.

There are several ways that you can use this idea to help you to consistently make more optimal choices in your life.  First it is important to remember that everything starts with a choice.  Even when we fail to choose we are in fact making a choice.  Second, always remember to protect what really matters to you.  Block time to do the things that you perceive as being the most important or having the highest payoff.  Third, start by making optimal choices with the small things such as fruit over pastry or a salad vs “fries with that.”  And finally, try to limit the distracting noises that can compete with your ability to make good choices.  Your brain really can not effectively handle too many things at once.  When choosing remember to put people first then things.  This small piece of advice has served me well over the years.

Newton’s laws of motion are very helpful here.  He said “to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction.  The ideal action is to choose the hard thing that you know to be right.  The equal and opposite reaction will be better health, improved relationships and greater clarity as you free yourself from fear, worry and doubt.  

A final thought:  Sometimes we have already made a choice without really thinking.  Pause for just a moment longer and try to better understand why you made the choice.  In that moment you may find great clarity in ways to make more optimal choices in the future and also to benefit from improved results.