I Saw What You Did

In my youth Saturday afternoons were spent at the movies. In those days an afternoon at the movies included at least two features plus cartoons. Kids were dropped off there and generally left unattended except perhaps for being with an older sibling. Of course the result was that spit balls would fly, too much candy would be consumed, and the teenagers in the theater owned the back seats of the theater and much of the balcony.

My recollections of those days more than forty years ago include seeing some of the classic adventure stories, westerns, and of course horror movies. I remember the horror movies best. This may be more related to the nights of lost sleep afterward when I became convinced that some creature, monster, or murderer actually lurked in my home. The really good films would cause me to leave the lights on at night for weeks. The only rating for movies in those days was “X” so generally we would go to see all of the movies that came out. When you consider that the price of these films was just twenty-five cents for the matinee, this was the cheapest form of babysitting available for parents at the time.

During the summer of 1965 there was a popular movie titled “I Saw What You Did.” This movie was a campy low budget film about a couple of teenage girls making prank telephone calls. During one of these calls the girls whisper to the person on the other line “I saw what you did, and I know who you are.” This is all done in good fun except that the receiver of this call is a psychopath that has just murdered his wife. Being psychotic of course our killer is now convinced that there are witnesses to his crime. The rest of the movie involves the connection of the girls to the killer, and includes some much overacted scenes by a drunken and sex starved Joan Crawford.

I admit that it is unfathomable today with the advent of telephone features like Caller ID that prank calls would be very entertaining for modern teenagers. Besides, what can compete with on demand movies, five hundred television channels and the ubiquitous Ipod? But I really enjoyed the idea of the movie. The premise is that people respond differently, at times even murderously, when they believe that someone has seen what they did in private. Of course we would not have a movie premise if your private act was not something as heinous as murdering your wife. I guess that given one of two options, contrition or murder, that murder might easily be a popular choice for a psychotic killer.

This perhaps strange stream of consciousness caused me to think about all of the things that we do in private that are not heinous. The things we do when we think that no one is watching. Eating that second donut, smoking after we told everyone that we quit, or telling your family that the doctor said your cholesterol level is now in the acceptable range (OK a bit too personal on that one). What changes would we make in our behaviors if we knew that someone was actually watching everything that we did?

I have come to believe that the majority of the people we know are good and decent folks. Most of us are generally honest and trustworthy. We seek to do the right thing and avoid temptation. Most of us are consistent in our behavior both in public and in private. I think that this aptly describes most of us but does not accurately describe me. The fact is that I often behave differently in private than I do in public. I have taken the extra donut. I have littered secretly, and I am now not afraid to admit that I once passed gas on a crowded elevator (only once!). These are all things that I did when I thought that no one else would know and I could easily create a much longer list without much effort.

I am like most people. Sometimes I don’t uphold my commitments. There are days when the private me and the public me are out of sync. I struggle with times when I don’t want to do what is best for my health, or I give in to an erosion of my value system. I am not perfect. Recognizing my personal imperfections I have built a system that I find useful. I call it my personal accountability system. The system is simple and very effective. When I make a commitment I try to share that commitment with one or more people that I know. Different commitments require different people, but the list of people is not very long. I also write down my important commitments. I place the written copy in a place that is conspicuous. I tell my children about those lists.

My accountability system works because like you I too want to be understood and accepted. The people that help me to remain accountable are both gentle and sometimes not so gentle reminders of what I have said I want to do. My children quickly point out to me that I am eating something that I said I would not. My friends will ask me about my progress on an important goal as a gentle reminder that progress is expected. My exercise partner checks in regularly to ask about my workout and even calls to make sure I am awake at the time that I am supposed to be working out.

We all need a bit of a reminder from time to time to keep us on track. It is also possible that you are much like me and you could use your own personal accountability system. I encourage you to adopt my system and get other people involved in helping you to make your life what you want it to be. We all need people in our lives with whom we can be completely honest. Ask the people that love you to be willing to accept your honesty without being judgmental. Enlisting people in the accomplishment of your goals, and having someone holding you accountable are the key to ensuring your success.

Ask a friend to call you often and remind you that they know who you are and they saw what you did. As long as you have not committed a crime your reaction should be just enough to keep you honest. Going back to those teenage pranks, they do still involve telephones. Now days teens think that it is funny to use camera phones to capture their assaults on innocent people. What a difference forty years makes.