Last week I had the opportunity to observe a training program that was being conducted by another trainer. The subject of the class is one with which I am fairly familiar, but I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to see someone highly skilled in the course content going through her paces. The instructor was marvelous. She seamlessly conducted the day long session with minimal reference to notes or slides and kept the entire class engaged throughout the day. I sat in the back of the room with a colleague who has observed this particular training session many times. During points when our attention was not required, my colleague and I began to talk about a networking site that he uses as a means of developing business contacts. The site is called LinkedIn. If you would like to check it out, you may do so by following this link.
The idea of business networking is hardly new. Most of us in business for any length of time have participated in networking events, or spent time networking. We attend conferences where our primary purpose at times is to network and make new contacts. We do lunches and dinners to network, and we attend a myriad of other functions for this purpose. There are those that are particularly skilled at networking. Those people are always ready with a business card, are proficient at schmoosing, and can really work a room. They have great contact management systems that they use, and send timely follow-up messages to new contacts. I have tried for most of my career to develop those skills, but I find them difficult to master. At my best I am mediocre at networking.
My work as an independent consultant causes me to spend the majority of my working hours alone in my home office. During the winter months, I am not inclined to spend much time outdoors and as such my contact with people that are not members of my family is limited. Even though my home is located in a city neighborhood, many of my neighbors function similarly. We hibernate in our homes and generally only see each other at neighborhood functions during the winter. As such I don’t get the opportunity to engage many people face to face for about 3 or 4 months out of the year.
Over this past weekend I attended a memorial service for my stepfather. As is often the case these occasions bring together people that have fallen out of touch. I had the opportunity to see relatives and family friends that I have not seen for many years. We shared stories of our youth, showed pictures of our children and families, and caught up on where life has taken us. I will also admit that I spent some time with a critical eye, observing how life has changed the people I knew growing up. Some people really do age well, yet most of us do not.
My stepfather lived in the Philadelphia area. His memorial was held there and so I had plenty of time to think about the weekend as I drove back to Pittsburgh on Sunday afternoon. I had many thoughts about the general fragility of life. I reminded my self about how time passes so quickly and I reflected on those days growing up with my stepfather and my stepbrother and sisters. Recognizing that time distorts many of our memories, I try not to place too much meaning on events in the past. However, one thing kept coming back to me. I wondered why we are so conscious about networking in our professional lives, while we seem to generally not focus on networking in our personal lives. Some of our best contacts are the people we have known for most of our lives. I am not talking about keeping in touch with our brothers and sisters, but making sure that you also keep track of old neighbors and childhood friends. We should keep an updated contact list of the telephone numbers and addresses of cousins, and aunts and uncles. Isn’t it strange that we willingly accept the business card of complete strangers and put them in our contact system as people we want to know, but we probably don’t have the current phone number for a friend’s child that is attending college 30 minutes from your home?
I have dedicated about an hour every day for the next few weeks to working on developing my professional and business contacts. I have vowed to become better at business networking as a means of expanding my business opportunities. I think this is a prudent thing to do. However, I am going to amend that commitment to include becoming much more aggressive about developing and maintaining my personal contacts. I think that each of us should devote time to expand our circle of influence in our personal lives. For me that means calling old friends, cousins, aunts and uncles. For those that like to write you can easily send an email message as a means of keeping in touch. For older friends and relatives that don’t use email, then take a minute to send a short note. You don’t need to buy an expensive greeting card just a note on a sheet of paper would be greatly appreciated.
When I thought about all of this I imagined what it would be like if each one of us reached out to one of us every day. We could reduce the loneliness experienced by people that don’t have friends to talk to. We would no longer find ourselves at funerals promising to “stay in touch.” We would likely enrich the lives of the many people that have touched our lives and in doing so, we might just make a connection that is just as beneficial as those business cards that you keep in your desk drawer just in case you need to reach that guy some day.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Changing the Lens of Our Perspective
There is a Wendy’s restaurant located less than two blocks from my home. Given the standardization of the fast food industry, I would be willing to bet that my neighborhood Wendy’s is much like the one in your neighborhood. In our Wendy’s when you enter by way of one of the side doors, you come face to face with a picture showing a Wendy’s environment. However, as you continue through the doorway and come closer to the picture, you realize that the picture is actually made up of smaller pictures of Wendy’s employees. The point of the photo is to remind people that Wendy’s is made up of Wendy’s people.
I have always been intrigued by photos of this type. They remind me of jigsaw puzzles. Like a puzzle, what you see is impacted by your proximity. Close up a puzzle is just hundreds of distinct pieces. Moving further back, a puzzle is a picture that is clear in its detail. We have all experienced the challenge of putting together the pieces of an intricate puzzle. Up close it is difficult to know where to put each piece. Some pieces can only be placed after an entire section comes together. Other pieces, like the outer edges can be easily placed as they depend very little on the pieces in the middle. I am told by puzzle enthusiasts that they usually start the completion of a puzzle by framing out the edges. Once the edges are formed then they work piece by piece to put together the whole picture.
As a person over 50 I know a great deal more about the impact of changing your perspective. As I have observed the changes in my own eyesight over these past 10 years, I am very aware of how the subtleties of just changing the point of your nose, or squinting, or moving closer to an object can vastly change what you see. Eight or nine years ago when I got my first pair of bifocals, I realized how much my vision had deteriorated. Now I know for certain that what I see through my glasses and what I see without my glasses are two completely different things. When I am aware of the need to make a shift, I can put on or remove my glasses in order to see what is in front of me. However, this only works when I know that I need to change the lens.
As we approach the day-to-day circumstances of our lives there are many times when we are so close to something that we can’t really see it. The problem is that we don’t recognize that we are not really seeing. Rather, we move forward assuming that we are truly seeing things as they are. Our decisions, reactions, and attitude are all impacted by what we believe we see. To our immediate thinking there is no reason to change lenses. We see the path, and we perceive the situation. Now, based on what we see from up close we move forward. Yet I am reminded of a quote by Stephen Covey. He says that “we see the world not as it is, but we see the world as we are.” We need to change the lens of our perspective.
We have all heard the sage advice we often get when we face a problem or difficult challenge. We are told to take a break, put it aside for a moment, or take a step back. That advice is rooted in the perspective that being too close limits your view. When we step away or step back we see the challenge from a whole new perspective. Solutions that did not appear before become clear from a different perspective. We know that this is a prudent way to deal with challenges. We know that when we are too close that we are not seeing clearly.
What do we do however when we don’t know that we are not seeing clearly? We are all to willing to give way to our fears. We don’t step back from them and try to see them from a different point of view. Our brains automatically focus in on the things we fear and refuse to step back. We play out our fears in vast detail and can only see the calamitous end. We even do this with our hopes. We hope or pray for something to change. We search for clarity. We seek answers to our questions. Yet, when the change comes, or when we achieve clarity we react as though we are not sure. This could not be the answer we seek. Or worse, we are so close to the problem that we do not see that the answer is already right in front of us.
What if we could automatically change the lens of our perspective for each and every challenge we face. What if today’s problem was really the path way to a greater opportunity? What if the challenge you are experiencing is really a blessing, but that blessing has not yet become clear to you? What if after hearing no for the 100th time you knocked on one last door?
Einstein said all major advancement in human kind comes from a break from the common perspective.
“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home”
- Ken Olsen – Founder of Digital Equipment Company
The very fact that you can read this blog reflects that the lens of Ken Olsen’s perspective was cloudy at best. Each decision made by this company however reflected this perspective. Digital is no longer a factor in the computing world.
Most of us in America operate from a perspective of a lack of abundance. We believe that there is never enough to go around. Your success is limiting to my opportunity. Your freedom will limit my advancement. You win, I lose. It is time to change the lens of our perspective. We believe that there is a power in the universe that causes the miraculous to happen. We believe that every day that power will cause the sun to rise, the earth to rotate, and the collection of atoms and cells that are you will continue to stay together. But we don’t trust that power to meet our needs. We believe that changes at work will cause us to lose our jobs and will throw us into financial disaster. But we can’t imagine that a greater power has a better plan for our future. We believe that a miracle happens when someone is cured of cancer, but we don’t expect that a miracle has also happened when we just change our attitude.
We need to change the lens of our perspective. When you see something negative, try to also see the positives. When your mind projects your fears to a point of disaster, try to see the possibilities. When you are so close to the forest that you can’t see the trees, take a step back. When you can only conceive of negative consequences, ask yourself this question “What good things might come of this?”
Take a moment to look at your circumstances with a different lens. See the possibilities. See the potential. See the miracles that are about to happen, and be thankful for those that happened without you noticing.
“Man’s capacities have never been measured. Nor are we to judge of what he can do by precedents, so little has been tried.”
- Henry David Thoreau
I have always been intrigued by photos of this type. They remind me of jigsaw puzzles. Like a puzzle, what you see is impacted by your proximity. Close up a puzzle is just hundreds of distinct pieces. Moving further back, a puzzle is a picture that is clear in its detail. We have all experienced the challenge of putting together the pieces of an intricate puzzle. Up close it is difficult to know where to put each piece. Some pieces can only be placed after an entire section comes together. Other pieces, like the outer edges can be easily placed as they depend very little on the pieces in the middle. I am told by puzzle enthusiasts that they usually start the completion of a puzzle by framing out the edges. Once the edges are formed then they work piece by piece to put together the whole picture.
As a person over 50 I know a great deal more about the impact of changing your perspective. As I have observed the changes in my own eyesight over these past 10 years, I am very aware of how the subtleties of just changing the point of your nose, or squinting, or moving closer to an object can vastly change what you see. Eight or nine years ago when I got my first pair of bifocals, I realized how much my vision had deteriorated. Now I know for certain that what I see through my glasses and what I see without my glasses are two completely different things. When I am aware of the need to make a shift, I can put on or remove my glasses in order to see what is in front of me. However, this only works when I know that I need to change the lens.
As we approach the day-to-day circumstances of our lives there are many times when we are so close to something that we can’t really see it. The problem is that we don’t recognize that we are not really seeing. Rather, we move forward assuming that we are truly seeing things as they are. Our decisions, reactions, and attitude are all impacted by what we believe we see. To our immediate thinking there is no reason to change lenses. We see the path, and we perceive the situation. Now, based on what we see from up close we move forward. Yet I am reminded of a quote by Stephen Covey. He says that “we see the world not as it is, but we see the world as we are.” We need to change the lens of our perspective.
We have all heard the sage advice we often get when we face a problem or difficult challenge. We are told to take a break, put it aside for a moment, or take a step back. That advice is rooted in the perspective that being too close limits your view. When we step away or step back we see the challenge from a whole new perspective. Solutions that did not appear before become clear from a different perspective. We know that this is a prudent way to deal with challenges. We know that when we are too close that we are not seeing clearly.
What do we do however when we don’t know that we are not seeing clearly? We are all to willing to give way to our fears. We don’t step back from them and try to see them from a different point of view. Our brains automatically focus in on the things we fear and refuse to step back. We play out our fears in vast detail and can only see the calamitous end. We even do this with our hopes. We hope or pray for something to change. We search for clarity. We seek answers to our questions. Yet, when the change comes, or when we achieve clarity we react as though we are not sure. This could not be the answer we seek. Or worse, we are so close to the problem that we do not see that the answer is already right in front of us.
What if we could automatically change the lens of our perspective for each and every challenge we face. What if today’s problem was really the path way to a greater opportunity? What if the challenge you are experiencing is really a blessing, but that blessing has not yet become clear to you? What if after hearing no for the 100th time you knocked on one last door?
Einstein said all major advancement in human kind comes from a break from the common perspective.
“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home”
- Ken Olsen – Founder of Digital Equipment Company
The very fact that you can read this blog reflects that the lens of Ken Olsen’s perspective was cloudy at best. Each decision made by this company however reflected this perspective. Digital is no longer a factor in the computing world.
Most of us in America operate from a perspective of a lack of abundance. We believe that there is never enough to go around. Your success is limiting to my opportunity. Your freedom will limit my advancement. You win, I lose. It is time to change the lens of our perspective. We believe that there is a power in the universe that causes the miraculous to happen. We believe that every day that power will cause the sun to rise, the earth to rotate, and the collection of atoms and cells that are you will continue to stay together. But we don’t trust that power to meet our needs. We believe that changes at work will cause us to lose our jobs and will throw us into financial disaster. But we can’t imagine that a greater power has a better plan for our future. We believe that a miracle happens when someone is cured of cancer, but we don’t expect that a miracle has also happened when we just change our attitude.
We need to change the lens of our perspective. When you see something negative, try to also see the positives. When your mind projects your fears to a point of disaster, try to see the possibilities. When you are so close to the forest that you can’t see the trees, take a step back. When you can only conceive of negative consequences, ask yourself this question “What good things might come of this?”
Take a moment to look at your circumstances with a different lens. See the possibilities. See the potential. See the miracles that are about to happen, and be thankful for those that happened without you noticing.
“Man’s capacities have never been measured. Nor are we to judge of what he can do by precedents, so little has been tried.”
- Henry David Thoreau
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Swim or Build an Ark
Imagine for a moment that you are Noah. Of course you know Noah don’t you? Now I want you to imagine you are him and you are having this conversation where you hear that God wants you to build an Ark. Psst. Noah! Noah! Yes God. I want to tell you a secret. It is going to rain. It is going to rain? What is rain? Rain is water falling from the sky. But, water does not fall from the sky. I am about to change all of that. It is going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights and everyone and everything on the earth will be destroyed in a flood. You, Noah will be saved from destruction. You and your family and two of all the creatures on the earth will be saved. But, I need you to do something for me first. I need you to build an Ark. Oh, and by the way, that rain I was telling you about, it is not going to come for about 120 years.
Noah had a mission. He had a clear and compelling purpose. Noah was going to build an Ark, and save the remaining creatures of the earth. The problem is that Noah is the only person to “hear” his calling and the rain does not come for 120 years. Noah begins to build a giant boat on dry ground. What will the neighbors think? What do you tell your friends?
Each of us spends time wondering about our purpose. We wonder about our gifts and talents and we wish that we could live with passion and purpose. As we mature we find ourselves looking for our place in the world. We seek the answers to the deeper questions. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Who makes the best Latte? We consider ourselves seekers. We want to find our place and live to higher purposes. Or, we are like Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it gets,” and we “just want to be a better man.”
Our lives are a journey. We make choices. We go along the way and sometimes we find that we are lost. We seek direction, and if we are lucky, we find our way once again. We are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are successful, happy, and well recognized. You have it all. Still, the nagging questions come to you in the middle of the night. What would you do differently? If you had your life to live over again, would you do what you are doing? If money did not matter would you quit your job? Do you wake up in the morning knowing that you love what you do with your day? Do you make a difference?
Now comes the hard part. You have found your place. You need to make a choice. You believe that you should build an Ark. Do you follow your heart? You get a glimpse of your purpose. Do you pursue it? What if your purpose is to serve and you will never be rich? If you had to give up everything would you follow the course? What if only you believed in your calling? Would you abandon your gift?
We ask these questions with a sense that if we find our purpose we will be successful. When we discover our gifts we will be happy. If we could just do what we want to do then we could relax. I wonder….
Throughout history great men and women have heard the voice that defined their calling. They have suffered, lost inheritances, been sold into slavery, and some have died before they achieved the promise. They have been burned at the stake, beheaded, or jailed for many years. Some waited more than 100 years. Still, each of these people did not waver. They faced their fears and suffered adversity, yet they lived to fulfill their purpose.
If you were told to build an Ark in a world where it did not rain would you build it? If you were given a choice between death and denying your calling, would you deny it? If standing up to injustice would cost you a career, would you do it?
These are Questions. These are Choices. You only get one Chance.
We make many tough choices in our lives. We must answer questions that help us to define who we are. When you find the answer, then you get one chance to answer the call. We must choose wisely. When you find your calling, or your purpose you must act. When you hear the voice you must move. There will be doubts. There will be questions, and there will be risks. Still, the reward of living a life that fulfills a promise is a life that honors the higher calling. When we stop looking for success, we find an opportunity to achieve greatness.
There are many roadblocks along the way. There are setbacks. There are detours. And when we find our selves nearing victory, then we experience temptation. There is the temptation to quit. There is the temptation to change course. There is the temptation of the seemingly better deal. That is when we must keep sight of the goal. The fog of indecision can cloud the way. There is the story of a woman swimming the English Channel. After swimming for quite a while, she told her coaches that she could swim no further. They encouraged her to keep swimming. She swam a while longer, only to once again plead with her coach that she could swim no further. Again, they encouraged her to swim on. Finally, as the day wore on and the fog set in she could hardly see in front of her. Once again she pleaded with her coach. This time he gave in and pulled her into the boat. As the boat continued to move towards the shore the fog lifted. It was then that she realized that she had been only within a hundred yards of the shore. She was quoted later as saying “if only I could have seen the shore I would have made it.”
As we pursue our dreams the shore is not always in sight. Keep swimming. The shore is right in front of you. You can’t get there alone, but in order to reach the goal you just have to keep on swimming. Or maybe, you should start to build an Ark.
Noah had a mission. He had a clear and compelling purpose. Noah was going to build an Ark, and save the remaining creatures of the earth. The problem is that Noah is the only person to “hear” his calling and the rain does not come for 120 years. Noah begins to build a giant boat on dry ground. What will the neighbors think? What do you tell your friends?
Each of us spends time wondering about our purpose. We wonder about our gifts and talents and we wish that we could live with passion and purpose. As we mature we find ourselves looking for our place in the world. We seek the answers to the deeper questions. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Who makes the best Latte? We consider ourselves seekers. We want to find our place and live to higher purposes. Or, we are like Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it gets,” and we “just want to be a better man.”
Our lives are a journey. We make choices. We go along the way and sometimes we find that we are lost. We seek direction, and if we are lucky, we find our way once again. We are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are successful, happy, and well recognized. You have it all. Still, the nagging questions come to you in the middle of the night. What would you do differently? If you had your life to live over again, would you do what you are doing? If money did not matter would you quit your job? Do you wake up in the morning knowing that you love what you do with your day? Do you make a difference?
Now comes the hard part. You have found your place. You need to make a choice. You believe that you should build an Ark. Do you follow your heart? You get a glimpse of your purpose. Do you pursue it? What if your purpose is to serve and you will never be rich? If you had to give up everything would you follow the course? What if only you believed in your calling? Would you abandon your gift?
We ask these questions with a sense that if we find our purpose we will be successful. When we discover our gifts we will be happy. If we could just do what we want to do then we could relax. I wonder….
Throughout history great men and women have heard the voice that defined their calling. They have suffered, lost inheritances, been sold into slavery, and some have died before they achieved the promise. They have been burned at the stake, beheaded, or jailed for many years. Some waited more than 100 years. Still, each of these people did not waver. They faced their fears and suffered adversity, yet they lived to fulfill their purpose.
If you were told to build an Ark in a world where it did not rain would you build it? If you were given a choice between death and denying your calling, would you deny it? If standing up to injustice would cost you a career, would you do it?
These are Questions. These are Choices. You only get one Chance.
We make many tough choices in our lives. We must answer questions that help us to define who we are. When you find the answer, then you get one chance to answer the call. We must choose wisely. When you find your calling, or your purpose you must act. When you hear the voice you must move. There will be doubts. There will be questions, and there will be risks. Still, the reward of living a life that fulfills a promise is a life that honors the higher calling. When we stop looking for success, we find an opportunity to achieve greatness.
There are many roadblocks along the way. There are setbacks. There are detours. And when we find our selves nearing victory, then we experience temptation. There is the temptation to quit. There is the temptation to change course. There is the temptation of the seemingly better deal. That is when we must keep sight of the goal. The fog of indecision can cloud the way. There is the story of a woman swimming the English Channel. After swimming for quite a while, she told her coaches that she could swim no further. They encouraged her to keep swimming. She swam a while longer, only to once again plead with her coach that she could swim no further. Again, they encouraged her to swim on. Finally, as the day wore on and the fog set in she could hardly see in front of her. Once again she pleaded with her coach. This time he gave in and pulled her into the boat. As the boat continued to move towards the shore the fog lifted. It was then that she realized that she had been only within a hundred yards of the shore. She was quoted later as saying “if only I could have seen the shore I would have made it.”
As we pursue our dreams the shore is not always in sight. Keep swimming. The shore is right in front of you. You can’t get there alone, but in order to reach the goal you just have to keep on swimming. Or maybe, you should start to build an Ark.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Box Scores
Unless you are an avid Baseball fan you don’t know the name Henry Chadwick. In fact, even an avid fan may not know this name as Mr. Chadwick died in 1908. Henry Chadwick was not a baseball player. He never owned a team. Like many people of his day, Mr. Chadwick was a fan. He was also a writer. He wrote for the newspapers that were the predecessors of the New York Times. He is known as the “Father of Baseball” and made what many consider to be one of the greatest contributions to the game. Mr. Chadwick created the Baseball Box Score.
In the years before the personal computer, before ESPN, even before the widespread broadcast of nationally televised games, a baseball fan read the box scores in the daily newspaper. As a kid growing up I tracked the statistics of my favorite players by checking out the box scores. The box scores are still published in the daily paper, and I am sure you can get them online, but I wonder whether we pay them much attention anymore.
Box scores track individual contributions to their team. The box scores track wins and losses, but they also provide details. The details include Home Runs, RBI’s, Batting Average, ERA, and KO’s. The box scores keep track of the league MVP, will tell you the CY Young Award winner for years past, track the annual Golden Glove Award, and the Rookie of the Year. We pour over these statistics. In the days of my youth a measure of intellect was the extent to which a kid could quote the statistics for a number of players. What was Jim Kaat’s ERA in 1963? Who won the CY Young in 1975? How many Home Runs did Willie Mays hit?
The box score gives credit and pays attention to individual contributions. They give us a chance to look at the game beyond who won and who lost. In a season that lasts more than 160 games, we use the box score to give us something to be excited about during the long season. Only one team wins the World Series. Certainly that is the focus of many teams. However, as we read the box scores we can track the individual achievements of each and every player. We can see by the statistics how much the effort of each individual matters to the success of their team.
I wish that we could measure our personal successes by way of a box score. We might use them to track our individual contributions. We could measure the extent to which we are doing things that really matter. Perhaps our personal box score would track our Home Runs such as winning a major contract, completing that important project, or getting a big promotion. But as in baseball, the Home Runs are few. Our personal Box score might track our sacrifice fly balls when we do something to help someone else succeed. They might track our batting average, which reflects the improvements we are making at learning new skills, or might just reflect our consistency for showing up when the team needs us. Maybe our personal Box score would track our Strike Outs, because we all miss sometimes. But I want my score to also track the singles that I grind out, when I keep working towards a goal. I want my own box score to show the number of times that I take batting practice to improve my skills. I want my personal box score to reflect the fact that I show up for the game of life early, even though I only sit on the bench waiting for a chance to play. I want the box score to reflect that when called upon to pinch hit for a friend, I was warmed up and ready to go.
All of this Baseball analogy won’t make much sense to anyone that is not a fan of the game, and makes even less sense if you have never looked at a box score. So, let me put this into words that don’t require you to be a Baseball fan, or even a reader of newspapers. My point is simply this. Each of us has the chance to make an individual contribution every day. Sometimes the contribution is small like picking up the milk on the way home from work. Others are huge like caring for an aged parent, or raising a disabled child. Most of our contributions will go unnoticed. We will not win awards for what we contribute. For some people, perhaps your contribution will even be criticized by those that don’t understand your motivations. Contribute any way.
In the whole scheme of things while we celebrate wins, and complain about losses, we must remember to recognize that we all share a part. Each of us makes a unique contribution to our teams, to our families, and to our communities. Perhaps as a writer, I can create a measurement like that created by Henry Chadwick. Perhaps I can figure out a way to track the box scores of our lives. Maybe we could post those individual contributions on the internet. Maybe young children will read them and know that you got only one hit in your four at bats yesterday, but that you produced the winning run. Maybe your spouse will read of your sacrifice fly that scored a run for your team even though you were called out. Or maybe your box score will show that you stretched beyond your reach to make every play that came my way. You don’t need to pitch a perfect game. Just make your individual contribution, and at the end of your season, I hope that the history books will show that you mattered. I know that for me personally, I don’t need an award or title, but I do need to make a difference.
In the end I guess that we really don’t need a box score. I guess that even though our contributions will never be tracked by anyone, we should still do all that we can to make our contribution. What will you do?
In the years before the personal computer, before ESPN, even before the widespread broadcast of nationally televised games, a baseball fan read the box scores in the daily newspaper. As a kid growing up I tracked the statistics of my favorite players by checking out the box scores. The box scores are still published in the daily paper, and I am sure you can get them online, but I wonder whether we pay them much attention anymore.
Box scores track individual contributions to their team. The box scores track wins and losses, but they also provide details. The details include Home Runs, RBI’s, Batting Average, ERA, and KO’s. The box scores keep track of the league MVP, will tell you the CY Young Award winner for years past, track the annual Golden Glove Award, and the Rookie of the Year. We pour over these statistics. In the days of my youth a measure of intellect was the extent to which a kid could quote the statistics for a number of players. What was Jim Kaat’s ERA in 1963? Who won the CY Young in 1975? How many Home Runs did Willie Mays hit?
The box score gives credit and pays attention to individual contributions. They give us a chance to look at the game beyond who won and who lost. In a season that lasts more than 160 games, we use the box score to give us something to be excited about during the long season. Only one team wins the World Series. Certainly that is the focus of many teams. However, as we read the box scores we can track the individual achievements of each and every player. We can see by the statistics how much the effort of each individual matters to the success of their team.
I wish that we could measure our personal successes by way of a box score. We might use them to track our individual contributions. We could measure the extent to which we are doing things that really matter. Perhaps our personal box score would track our Home Runs such as winning a major contract, completing that important project, or getting a big promotion. But as in baseball, the Home Runs are few. Our personal Box score might track our sacrifice fly balls when we do something to help someone else succeed. They might track our batting average, which reflects the improvements we are making at learning new skills, or might just reflect our consistency for showing up when the team needs us. Maybe our personal Box score would track our Strike Outs, because we all miss sometimes. But I want my score to also track the singles that I grind out, when I keep working towards a goal. I want my own box score to show the number of times that I take batting practice to improve my skills. I want my personal box score to reflect the fact that I show up for the game of life early, even though I only sit on the bench waiting for a chance to play. I want the box score to reflect that when called upon to pinch hit for a friend, I was warmed up and ready to go.
All of this Baseball analogy won’t make much sense to anyone that is not a fan of the game, and makes even less sense if you have never looked at a box score. So, let me put this into words that don’t require you to be a Baseball fan, or even a reader of newspapers. My point is simply this. Each of us has the chance to make an individual contribution every day. Sometimes the contribution is small like picking up the milk on the way home from work. Others are huge like caring for an aged parent, or raising a disabled child. Most of our contributions will go unnoticed. We will not win awards for what we contribute. For some people, perhaps your contribution will even be criticized by those that don’t understand your motivations. Contribute any way.
In the whole scheme of things while we celebrate wins, and complain about losses, we must remember to recognize that we all share a part. Each of us makes a unique contribution to our teams, to our families, and to our communities. Perhaps as a writer, I can create a measurement like that created by Henry Chadwick. Perhaps I can figure out a way to track the box scores of our lives. Maybe we could post those individual contributions on the internet. Maybe young children will read them and know that you got only one hit in your four at bats yesterday, but that you produced the winning run. Maybe your spouse will read of your sacrifice fly that scored a run for your team even though you were called out. Or maybe your box score will show that you stretched beyond your reach to make every play that came my way. You don’t need to pitch a perfect game. Just make your individual contribution, and at the end of your season, I hope that the history books will show that you mattered. I know that for me personally, I don’t need an award or title, but I do need to make a difference.
In the end I guess that we really don’t need a box score. I guess that even though our contributions will never be tracked by anyone, we should still do all that we can to make our contribution. What will you do?
Friday, March 03, 2006
Silent Morning
At 5:45 this morning it was cold in Pittsburgh. Darkness hid the small patches of ice on the back steps, and I slipped briefly. Catching my balance, I breathe a prayer of thanks recognizing that a bad fall at that time of the morning onto stone steps would have been painful, if not very dangerous. As I open the garage door to walk our dog, I am aware of the stillness of the hour. I don’t need to speak at this hour as Nelson (our nearly 13 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback) knows the routine. He runs down the alley, finds his favorite spot, and is back in a flash. He will save the more time consuming walk to do his business for later in the morning when the sun is up and the temperature rises. For now, it is time for him to eat, and if all goes well, he can be back on his bed in just a few minutes.
I am left alone after we complete our morning ritual. The rest of our house does not begin to awaken until 6:15. I use this time to stretch, practice my morning Yoga, and to pray and meditate. I do this in the darkness. No lights are on in the house. My space is lit by the street lights in the alley street and the glow of the gas fireplace that I light for warmth.
This morning I am aware of the silence. There are very few external sounds. I can hear Nelson eating his food, and lapping his water. I hear the click of his nails as he climbs back up the stairs to return to his bed. I can hear my breathing as I exercise. But generally, what I hear is silence. It is time to meditate.
As I sit on the floor this morning I allow myself to continue with the silence. Rather than letting my mind rush off to the day’s concerns, hopes, and fears, instead I just try to be silent. I just want to hear my thoughts. Today I am the watcher looking in as an observer to the things that are going through my head. I resist all temptation to engage in these thoughts and let them just flow. There is no talking, just listening. As I allow myself to leave this state I realize that more time has passed than usual. It is 6:25 and I don’t hear any movement in my house. It is time to wake everyone up, get breakfast ready, check on the boys and start the next morning routine. This routine is filled with sounds of the morning news, comments from the boys on last night’s college basketball games, urging from me to finish breakfast, put on your shoes, take your vitamins, and keep moving. These are gentle urgings. No yelling, no speeches, just the continual reminder that we need to move through our morning and get ready for the day.
As I write today I am continuing with my theme of silence. The only sounds I hear are the tapping of the keys on my laptop, and the whir of the fan on the small space heater I use to heat my third floor office. I hear the words of this article as I write, and I sit as an observer and scribe, faithfully putting to screen the words I hear in my head. I like this place.
Our days are filled with noise. We listen to the radio, play music, watch the news, and yell at our children, spouse, and pets. We argue with the television, complain about the President, the war, the economy, or the weather forecast. We stop for coffee and listen in on the conversations of those around us. We make judgments, criticize others, and curse at the traffic. We tune in our iPod at the gym, watch TV while on the treadmill, and talk politics or sex in the locker room. We gossip at the office, predict the Academy Award winners, and provide commentary on today’s news, weather, and traffic.
In this season of Lent I know that many of us have made decisions to turn more inward. Some of us are fasting or abstaining from things. Others have made commitments to do more of something. Perhaps we will help those less fortunate. Maybe you commit to exercise, daily prayer, or like my son Max, maybe you give up Oreo cookies. I would like to suggest that we give up noise for a period. I am not suggesting 40 days of silence, or even giving up television or radio. Actually, my proposition is much simpler than that. As you read these words I am asking you to just be aware of how much noise you are exposed to right now. Maybe you just have the radio playing. If you are in an office you likely can hear the conversations of those in your surroundings. Or if you are reading my blog you might just be surfing he internet and exposing yourself to the noise of pictures, pop-ups, email, dings and beeps. Tune it all out. You might even stop reading right here and enjoy a few minutes with your own thoughts.
As I sat in the quiet today this article began to play out in my head. I just listened, and experienced the wonder of watching my thoughts. Maybe you can’t tune out the noise right now. You might be reading this on a Blackberry, or taking a break in your office. You might have multiple meetings today and phone calls to make. Your lunch plans may include others, or maybe you even need to conduct a meeting. I know that the opportunities for silence are few. So, here is a thought. After you finish reading this article, close your eyes and count to 60. Do it slowly. Now, when you are done, write down all of the things you thought about during that brief minute. Try to find two or three more times today to do this exercise again. Each time, write down the things you think about. Compare the lists. While the thoughts might be similar, as you force yourself into periods of silence, the thoughts become fewer. The noise begins to tune down as you turn inward, and you just practice watching.
I want you to make a promise to yourself. Some time this weekend commit to 30 minutes of silence. Sit quietly during the day and just let your thoughts go. Watch what happens. If this helps you I would love to hear about it. But then again, rather than telling me, just use that time for more silence.
I am left alone after we complete our morning ritual. The rest of our house does not begin to awaken until 6:15. I use this time to stretch, practice my morning Yoga, and to pray and meditate. I do this in the darkness. No lights are on in the house. My space is lit by the street lights in the alley street and the glow of the gas fireplace that I light for warmth.
This morning I am aware of the silence. There are very few external sounds. I can hear Nelson eating his food, and lapping his water. I hear the click of his nails as he climbs back up the stairs to return to his bed. I can hear my breathing as I exercise. But generally, what I hear is silence. It is time to meditate.
As I sit on the floor this morning I allow myself to continue with the silence. Rather than letting my mind rush off to the day’s concerns, hopes, and fears, instead I just try to be silent. I just want to hear my thoughts. Today I am the watcher looking in as an observer to the things that are going through my head. I resist all temptation to engage in these thoughts and let them just flow. There is no talking, just listening. As I allow myself to leave this state I realize that more time has passed than usual. It is 6:25 and I don’t hear any movement in my house. It is time to wake everyone up, get breakfast ready, check on the boys and start the next morning routine. This routine is filled with sounds of the morning news, comments from the boys on last night’s college basketball games, urging from me to finish breakfast, put on your shoes, take your vitamins, and keep moving. These are gentle urgings. No yelling, no speeches, just the continual reminder that we need to move through our morning and get ready for the day.
As I write today I am continuing with my theme of silence. The only sounds I hear are the tapping of the keys on my laptop, and the whir of the fan on the small space heater I use to heat my third floor office. I hear the words of this article as I write, and I sit as an observer and scribe, faithfully putting to screen the words I hear in my head. I like this place.
Our days are filled with noise. We listen to the radio, play music, watch the news, and yell at our children, spouse, and pets. We argue with the television, complain about the President, the war, the economy, or the weather forecast. We stop for coffee and listen in on the conversations of those around us. We make judgments, criticize others, and curse at the traffic. We tune in our iPod at the gym, watch TV while on the treadmill, and talk politics or sex in the locker room. We gossip at the office, predict the Academy Award winners, and provide commentary on today’s news, weather, and traffic.
In this season of Lent I know that many of us have made decisions to turn more inward. Some of us are fasting or abstaining from things. Others have made commitments to do more of something. Perhaps we will help those less fortunate. Maybe you commit to exercise, daily prayer, or like my son Max, maybe you give up Oreo cookies. I would like to suggest that we give up noise for a period. I am not suggesting 40 days of silence, or even giving up television or radio. Actually, my proposition is much simpler than that. As you read these words I am asking you to just be aware of how much noise you are exposed to right now. Maybe you just have the radio playing. If you are in an office you likely can hear the conversations of those in your surroundings. Or if you are reading my blog you might just be surfing he internet and exposing yourself to the noise of pictures, pop-ups, email, dings and beeps. Tune it all out. You might even stop reading right here and enjoy a few minutes with your own thoughts.
As I sat in the quiet today this article began to play out in my head. I just listened, and experienced the wonder of watching my thoughts. Maybe you can’t tune out the noise right now. You might be reading this on a Blackberry, or taking a break in your office. You might have multiple meetings today and phone calls to make. Your lunch plans may include others, or maybe you even need to conduct a meeting. I know that the opportunities for silence are few. So, here is a thought. After you finish reading this article, close your eyes and count to 60. Do it slowly. Now, when you are done, write down all of the things you thought about during that brief minute. Try to find two or three more times today to do this exercise again. Each time, write down the things you think about. Compare the lists. While the thoughts might be similar, as you force yourself into periods of silence, the thoughts become fewer. The noise begins to tune down as you turn inward, and you just practice watching.
I want you to make a promise to yourself. Some time this weekend commit to 30 minutes of silence. Sit quietly during the day and just let your thoughts go. Watch what happens. If this helps you I would love to hear about it. But then again, rather than telling me, just use that time for more silence.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Dealing In Values
It seems that over the past couple of weeks I have been involved in a number of discussions that have been focused on values and principles. These discussions are not foreign to my regular experiences as they are a part of most discussions today regarding leadership. We talk about corporate values, principles, vision and mission. I doubt you could find many people working in corporate America today that are not familiar with these statements. In fact, in many organizations mission and vision statements are laminated onto cards that are carried by the employees. I know this to be true as there was a time when I worked for just such a company.
I recognize the importance of establishing values. Every organization, group, community, and even gangs have value systems. These are not always articulated in lofty language, or printed on laminated cards. Yet, observe any group for a period of time and the values become clear. Of course, the values of an organization do not necessarily make them a “good” organization. I am certain that most criminal organizations have values. Even terrorist have values. The point is while every organization has values, the values of that group may not be agreeable to those outside of the organization.
I have had the opportunity of helping organizations establish their vision and value statements. We sit with groups and work through a discovery process that helps them to “discover” their values. This process is effective for organizations as it brings to the surface the norms by which the group operates. As we go through the exercise, our end goal is to develop a succinct value statement that represents the so called “non-negotiable” principles of the organization. I have participated in the roll out of such statements. These can represent a company’s finest hour. The presentations can be powerful. The speeches are heartfelt and are met with cheering and applause from the audience. Of course, after the meetings end, we are left with the value statement on a laminated card. From that day forward everyone that comes in contact with the organization uses these cards as a basis for judging the company. Many times, these judgments will reflect that the organization has failed to live up to their values.
The problem with value statements is that they really become just public pronouncements. We actually believe that having discovered the values, and given the speech, that people are now going to act in accordance with the values we have established. The problem with this perception is that it is based on a flawed assumption of why people do what people do. People do what they do because of their sense that in doing so they will get what they want. What people want of course is to have their own values satisfied. Their own values may be similar to those of the organization, but it is just as likely that they are very different.
The fact is that we don’t really know what people value until we actually ask them. Pronouncements, laminated cards, and value statements don’t create organizational values, people do. The people in your organization, your company, and even your church really do have their own set of values. These values are likely not formalized, but they exist none the less. As your people live their values, others see them as reflective of the organization.
Several years ago I attended a workshop that was conducted by John Maxwell. He handed out a deck of cards to each participant. The deck included approximately 40 cards. Each card had a statement printed on the card. These statements included words like Balance, Simplicity, Recognition, or Integrity. Using the cards in the deck each participant was asked to “deal” the cards selecting out those statements that resonated most with them. The overall objective of the exercise was to ultimately select out about 5 or 10 of the value cards. These cards represented those value statements that you most closely identified with as values that you personally held. The exercise was powerful in that it caused you to choose those values that mattered most to you. The choices required you to eliminate those statements that while they sounded good, did not represent your own honest opinion of what you valued.
I was thinking of this recently while reading the story about the life of Benjamin Franklin. I read that as a young man he went through a similar process. As a young man he decided that he needed to develop for himself a set of governing values. After much contemplation he selected 12 statements that reflected his values. He asked someone to review the statements and give him feedback on the values he had established. The person doing the review suggested that while the statements seemed to be appropriate, they thought that he should adopt a 13th value. The 13th value that Franklin adopted was the value of humility. He described that value by saying that he would “imitate Jesus and Socrates.” Franklin’s plan for practicing his virtues was that he would focus on one of his virtues each week, working through his list over a 13 week period. At the end of the period he would once again repeat the process.
Many years after Franklin established his 13 values he wrote in his memoirs that he had done a fairly good job at living his 12 values. We note from this writing that by the time that he was older, Franklin had reduced his list of 13 values back down to 12. It seems that over time, Franklin had dropped one of his values. The value that he dropped was his value of humility. I find it interesting that Franklin, a man of so many talents would drop the value of humility. However, I realized something in all of this. Franklin did not live his 13th value because it was not a value he had established for himself. The value of humility was a value that was suggested to him by someone else that believed that Franklin should be more humble. Too often in our organizations, we are suggesting the adoption of that 13th value.
I certainly believe in the establishment of values. When I created Finding Your V.O.I.C.E., the “V” stood for “values.” However, we must remember that the values of any organization are not really the values that are placed on a document. The values of an organization are the values that truly matter to its people. If we are to really know what our people value then we need to ask them. Perhaps we need to help them discover their own values to choose what really matters most to them. I don’t know, but my thought is that we must deal our people in to a process of self discovery that will identify what they value. Then and only then can we know what our organization truly values.
I recognize the importance of establishing values. Every organization, group, community, and even gangs have value systems. These are not always articulated in lofty language, or printed on laminated cards. Yet, observe any group for a period of time and the values become clear. Of course, the values of an organization do not necessarily make them a “good” organization. I am certain that most criminal organizations have values. Even terrorist have values. The point is while every organization has values, the values of that group may not be agreeable to those outside of the organization.
I have had the opportunity of helping organizations establish their vision and value statements. We sit with groups and work through a discovery process that helps them to “discover” their values. This process is effective for organizations as it brings to the surface the norms by which the group operates. As we go through the exercise, our end goal is to develop a succinct value statement that represents the so called “non-negotiable” principles of the organization. I have participated in the roll out of such statements. These can represent a company’s finest hour. The presentations can be powerful. The speeches are heartfelt and are met with cheering and applause from the audience. Of course, after the meetings end, we are left with the value statement on a laminated card. From that day forward everyone that comes in contact with the organization uses these cards as a basis for judging the company. Many times, these judgments will reflect that the organization has failed to live up to their values.
The problem with value statements is that they really become just public pronouncements. We actually believe that having discovered the values, and given the speech, that people are now going to act in accordance with the values we have established. The problem with this perception is that it is based on a flawed assumption of why people do what people do. People do what they do because of their sense that in doing so they will get what they want. What people want of course is to have their own values satisfied. Their own values may be similar to those of the organization, but it is just as likely that they are very different.
The fact is that we don’t really know what people value until we actually ask them. Pronouncements, laminated cards, and value statements don’t create organizational values, people do. The people in your organization, your company, and even your church really do have their own set of values. These values are likely not formalized, but they exist none the less. As your people live their values, others see them as reflective of the organization.
Several years ago I attended a workshop that was conducted by John Maxwell. He handed out a deck of cards to each participant. The deck included approximately 40 cards. Each card had a statement printed on the card. These statements included words like Balance, Simplicity, Recognition, or Integrity. Using the cards in the deck each participant was asked to “deal” the cards selecting out those statements that resonated most with them. The overall objective of the exercise was to ultimately select out about 5 or 10 of the value cards. These cards represented those value statements that you most closely identified with as values that you personally held. The exercise was powerful in that it caused you to choose those values that mattered most to you. The choices required you to eliminate those statements that while they sounded good, did not represent your own honest opinion of what you valued.
I was thinking of this recently while reading the story about the life of Benjamin Franklin. I read that as a young man he went through a similar process. As a young man he decided that he needed to develop for himself a set of governing values. After much contemplation he selected 12 statements that reflected his values. He asked someone to review the statements and give him feedback on the values he had established. The person doing the review suggested that while the statements seemed to be appropriate, they thought that he should adopt a 13th value. The 13th value that Franklin adopted was the value of humility. He described that value by saying that he would “imitate Jesus and Socrates.” Franklin’s plan for practicing his virtues was that he would focus on one of his virtues each week, working through his list over a 13 week period. At the end of the period he would once again repeat the process.
Many years after Franklin established his 13 values he wrote in his memoirs that he had done a fairly good job at living his 12 values. We note from this writing that by the time that he was older, Franklin had reduced his list of 13 values back down to 12. It seems that over time, Franklin had dropped one of his values. The value that he dropped was his value of humility. I find it interesting that Franklin, a man of so many talents would drop the value of humility. However, I realized something in all of this. Franklin did not live his 13th value because it was not a value he had established for himself. The value of humility was a value that was suggested to him by someone else that believed that Franklin should be more humble. Too often in our organizations, we are suggesting the adoption of that 13th value.
I certainly believe in the establishment of values. When I created Finding Your V.O.I.C.E., the “V” stood for “values.” However, we must remember that the values of any organization are not really the values that are placed on a document. The values of an organization are the values that truly matter to its people. If we are to really know what our people value then we need to ask them. Perhaps we need to help them discover their own values to choose what really matters most to them. I don’t know, but my thought is that we must deal our people in to a process of self discovery that will identify what they value. Then and only then can we know what our organization truly values.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Owning Our Success
The Vikings are a basketball team that plays in the Youth Basketball League in Sewickley, Pennsylvania. There is nothing particularly outstanding about this team which consists most days of 8 children between the ages of 10 and 12. None of the children on this team are particularly athletic. There is no real star playing on this team even when you take into consideration the one child that scores about 12 points on average in every game he plays. His shooting percentage is about 30%. This team does not have an outstanding defensive set, they are just learning the concept of a fast break, and offensive and defensive rebounding are a foreign concept. The team has a record of 2 wins and 4 losses.
My two sons play for the Vikings. Every Saturday morning our family makes the trip out to the basketball game to watch the boys play. There are many highs and lows that you experience when you watch your children learning to play sports. We are vocal fans, but mostly in that we shout encouragement to the team, and we applaud the successes of each child including the great shots often times scored by the opponents. We are anxious when one of our children is knocked down by bigger or stronger kids, and we are nervous when our sons are shooting from the foul line. Still, we enjoy the games and we even enjoy talking with some of the parents in the stands.
Last week during the game the young woman sitting in front of us turned to us to say “I think that this gets me the award for teacher of the year.” We got a great laugh from the comment because in fact the woman was a former teacher and tutor for our boys. This teacher’s name is Lisa Berger. Lisa was attending the game along with her husband for the sole purpose of watching our boys play. She came of her own initiative because of the bond and the relationship that both she and her husband have to our kids. Lisa teaches third grade at the school that our boys attend. Two years ago she was our son Max’s teacher. For the past two summers she has also tutored both of our son’s.
My children have been fortunate enough to have attended their school since they entered kindergarten. Now in the 5th grade, our boys have been there for almost 6 full years. On the way to school this morning I had a chance to ask the boys which of their teachers thus far had most impacted their lives. This is a tough question for a 10 year old at 7:30 in the morning. Yet, Max immediately spoke up and said that he had two favorites. They were Mrs. Berger, and the teacher they call Coach (Chris Gathagan). When Alex responded he said that his two favorites were Mrs. Ciummo, and also Coach. Had I been asked this question independent of my boys, I would have given the same answer. While they have had many great teachers during their tenure, I believe that these three teachers have taken ownership of my children’s success. I have witnessed the bond that these teachers share with my children. They have shared in their ups and downs, and have nurtured them through their pains. These teachers have a special relationship to our family and view our children not only as students, but as a vital part of the community that is their school.
When I teach or train leaders I focus on a sense of self determinism. I believe that we are responsible for our own actions. I believe that leaders must spend at least 50% of their time in self leadership. I believe and I teach that we lead best when we lead ourselves first. Yet, I cannot ignore that each of us also owns someone’s success. We take responsibility for the success of those we lead, and those we teach. We assume responsibility for the success of those we agree to mentor. We own the success of the people in our lives.
I learned many years ago that each of us is connected one to the other. Success is rarely a solo act. We achieve our success because of the path that was blazed by someone else. Someone opened doors for us. Perhaps a parent made a silent sacrifice deferring their dreams so that you could live yours. Maybe a spouse decided that their career was not as important as yours and decided to let you be out in front. Or maybe your boss took a risk and let you have that coveted project even though the risk of failure was not only great, but would be personally costly. Someone other than you owns your success.
It is not too difficult to find the person or persons that own your success. Just look around. That person has always been there. They have supported you when you were unsure. They listened when you just needed to talk. They told you to go ahead when you were pushing to succeed. Most likely, they never told you how much they wanted to see you be successful. And, I would bet that you have probably never told them how much you appreciate the impact they have had on your life.
I wonder who you would find sitting in the bleachers of your life. Would it be the teacher of the year? Would it be one of your early bosses? Maybe it is your spouse or your parents.
As a parent I would like to think that I own the success of my children. I realize now that I co-own their success with many people, starting with those three teachers I mentioned above. When I see them next I will take a minute to thank them for caring enough to own the success of my children. I also need to thank each person in my own life that has owned my success. Perhaps you could do the same.
My two sons play for the Vikings. Every Saturday morning our family makes the trip out to the basketball game to watch the boys play. There are many highs and lows that you experience when you watch your children learning to play sports. We are vocal fans, but mostly in that we shout encouragement to the team, and we applaud the successes of each child including the great shots often times scored by the opponents. We are anxious when one of our children is knocked down by bigger or stronger kids, and we are nervous when our sons are shooting from the foul line. Still, we enjoy the games and we even enjoy talking with some of the parents in the stands.
Last week during the game the young woman sitting in front of us turned to us to say “I think that this gets me the award for teacher of the year.” We got a great laugh from the comment because in fact the woman was a former teacher and tutor for our boys. This teacher’s name is Lisa Berger. Lisa was attending the game along with her husband for the sole purpose of watching our boys play. She came of her own initiative because of the bond and the relationship that both she and her husband have to our kids. Lisa teaches third grade at the school that our boys attend. Two years ago she was our son Max’s teacher. For the past two summers she has also tutored both of our son’s.
My children have been fortunate enough to have attended their school since they entered kindergarten. Now in the 5th grade, our boys have been there for almost 6 full years. On the way to school this morning I had a chance to ask the boys which of their teachers thus far had most impacted their lives. This is a tough question for a 10 year old at 7:30 in the morning. Yet, Max immediately spoke up and said that he had two favorites. They were Mrs. Berger, and the teacher they call Coach (Chris Gathagan). When Alex responded he said that his two favorites were Mrs. Ciummo, and also Coach. Had I been asked this question independent of my boys, I would have given the same answer. While they have had many great teachers during their tenure, I believe that these three teachers have taken ownership of my children’s success. I have witnessed the bond that these teachers share with my children. They have shared in their ups and downs, and have nurtured them through their pains. These teachers have a special relationship to our family and view our children not only as students, but as a vital part of the community that is their school.
When I teach or train leaders I focus on a sense of self determinism. I believe that we are responsible for our own actions. I believe that leaders must spend at least 50% of their time in self leadership. I believe and I teach that we lead best when we lead ourselves first. Yet, I cannot ignore that each of us also owns someone’s success. We take responsibility for the success of those we lead, and those we teach. We assume responsibility for the success of those we agree to mentor. We own the success of the people in our lives.
I learned many years ago that each of us is connected one to the other. Success is rarely a solo act. We achieve our success because of the path that was blazed by someone else. Someone opened doors for us. Perhaps a parent made a silent sacrifice deferring their dreams so that you could live yours. Maybe a spouse decided that their career was not as important as yours and decided to let you be out in front. Or maybe your boss took a risk and let you have that coveted project even though the risk of failure was not only great, but would be personally costly. Someone other than you owns your success.
It is not too difficult to find the person or persons that own your success. Just look around. That person has always been there. They have supported you when you were unsure. They listened when you just needed to talk. They told you to go ahead when you were pushing to succeed. Most likely, they never told you how much they wanted to see you be successful. And, I would bet that you have probably never told them how much you appreciate the impact they have had on your life.
I wonder who you would find sitting in the bleachers of your life. Would it be the teacher of the year? Would it be one of your early bosses? Maybe it is your spouse or your parents.
As a parent I would like to think that I own the success of my children. I realize now that I co-own their success with many people, starting with those three teachers I mentioned above. When I see them next I will take a minute to thank them for caring enough to own the success of my children. I also need to thank each person in my own life that has owned my success. Perhaps you could do the same.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Kaddywampus
Last week I conducted a series of training classes at a facility in Western Michigan. These sessions were intended to help this particular group focus on the principles and values of their organization, with a focus on what things they could do to positively affect their place of business. I met with groups that averaged about 25 people attending each of the sessions. This allowed for a fair amount of personal interaction giving me an opportunity to engage the groups.
I find that when I am involved in multiple meetings all on the same topic after a while the meetings tend to blend together. It is difficult for me to say with any certainty what persons attended which meeting. This is particularly true when I meet with a large number of people. However, what I always remember is the place in the room where each person sat. I have a distinct recollection for the clothing that a person might have worn if they stood out in some way, or perhaps I will recall a person’s coffee cup, or the way they write their name on their tent card. I enjoy reflecting on these details and the way that the particular patterns stay with me long after I may have forgotten the names of the people involved.
During one of my sessions last week I asked a group to describe their first day at work. I was trying to get the group to express the feelings that they experienced when they were starting out on a new venture. The answers I got back from the group included many responses you might normally expect related to this type of question. Some described their feelings on that first day as anxious. Others described their feelings on their first day as exciting, or even feeling lost. I expected that the responses I would get would represent a range of emotions and experiences. Some of the responses were interesting, like the person who said “I was just happy to be working”, or one man who said he was a bit out of sorts since on his first day he was sent into the basement of the building to work. The most interesting response I got was from a woman that said she experienced a sense of concern after arriving at her cubicle and noticing that things there were all “Kaddywampus.” As she was describing her experience, many of the people in the room nodded their acknowledgement or even agreement with her description of the way things were. However, I found myself instantly curious. I had never heard this word, Kaddywampus before and so I probed to have her explain the term. Essentially, the term is used to describe things that are in disarray, disorganized, or perhaps askew. To use the word in a sentence (as we were trained to do in grade school), one might say the following: I entered the room where the three children were playing and found that everything was Kaddywampus.
I love the sound of this word as it rolls off of the tongue. While I could find no official spelling and therefore no official pronunciation, as I recall the word is pronounced (kad’ ē wom’ pŭs). I recall using this word several times during my training session with this group. We spent about two hours together and I think I managed to fit it in at least three times. I thought that I had forgotten the word until this morning when it came back to mind as I was reflecting on my attitude today.
This morning I woke up in great spirits. It is always a good thing when we can wake up feeling positive about the day. I have developed a couple of rituals over the years that I use to get me charged up when I think I need a bit of a boost, but today, no boost was required. I woke up excited, full of ideas and anxious to get the day started. My feelings today are significant because they are so much the opposite of the feelings I experienced most of the day yesterday. I can now describe my feelings yesterday as “Kaddywampus.” I was out of sorts or off balance. I was easily agitated and perhaps even pensive was the word I heard someone use yesterday. I found myself reacting badly to most situations, either lacking sensitivity when that was called for, or getting far too upset over things that in hindsight were relatively minor. I yelled at the dog a couple of times, snapped at my wife, and responded badly in a telephone call when a friend called me to ask for advice. At one point I just needed to get out and get some air as my wife described it. I am not usually like that (well ok, I am not always like that).
Sometimes we don’t get a chance to actually assess our attitude. In fact for many of us we really only recognize the highs and the lows of our feelings. We have many “middle of the road” days and they tend to go by without mention. We do however notice the highs or the lows. I love the sound in someone’s voice when they say “I am in a great mood today.” They usually follow that statement by saying “I have no idea why.” Few of the people will actually tell you without prompting that they are not in a good mood. Then again, I guess that would not seem normal now that I think about it. Just imagine a co-worker walking up to you and after saying hello telling you “I just wanted to warn you that I am in a bad mood today.” You would likely look at that person as though they are just a bit Kaddywampus.
Now here’s the thing. There have been no changes of note in my life in the past 24 hours that would have changed my attitude. No checks arrived in the mail, I did not win the lottery, and I have had no use for Levitra. I am not Kaddywampus today simply because I chose not to be. I shifted my focus today to reflect on the many things for which I am grateful. I thought back to yesterday and was thankful for each of the wonderful things that happened. I spent time yesterday talking to friends (even though I was not a great conversationalist). I laughed at and with my sons. I enjoyed an exciting basketball game even though our team lost. I enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner even though we did not have company, and dinner was served on a TV tray while watching the game.
I am happy today that I am learning to reach beyond my immediate focus. I am seeing the higher purposes in many of the things that I do, and recognizing the joy in simple pleasures. I have joked with family and friends, petted the dog, and been able to give encouragement. This is not to say that I won’t find myself Kaddywampus again some day soon. But next time I do, I will be able to remind myself that Kaddywampus is a choice. When I am Kaddywampus, from now on I will just choose to be the opposite. I will keep you posted. But do me a favor. If you read this and you find me just a bit out of sorts, would you take a minute to ask me if I am Kaddywampus? Just that key word will shake me out of whatever funk I am in. I will thank you for that and perhaps we will all then just have a better day.
I find that when I am involved in multiple meetings all on the same topic after a while the meetings tend to blend together. It is difficult for me to say with any certainty what persons attended which meeting. This is particularly true when I meet with a large number of people. However, what I always remember is the place in the room where each person sat. I have a distinct recollection for the clothing that a person might have worn if they stood out in some way, or perhaps I will recall a person’s coffee cup, or the way they write their name on their tent card. I enjoy reflecting on these details and the way that the particular patterns stay with me long after I may have forgotten the names of the people involved.
During one of my sessions last week I asked a group to describe their first day at work. I was trying to get the group to express the feelings that they experienced when they were starting out on a new venture. The answers I got back from the group included many responses you might normally expect related to this type of question. Some described their feelings on that first day as anxious. Others described their feelings on their first day as exciting, or even feeling lost. I expected that the responses I would get would represent a range of emotions and experiences. Some of the responses were interesting, like the person who said “I was just happy to be working”, or one man who said he was a bit out of sorts since on his first day he was sent into the basement of the building to work. The most interesting response I got was from a woman that said she experienced a sense of concern after arriving at her cubicle and noticing that things there were all “Kaddywampus.” As she was describing her experience, many of the people in the room nodded their acknowledgement or even agreement with her description of the way things were. However, I found myself instantly curious. I had never heard this word, Kaddywampus before and so I probed to have her explain the term. Essentially, the term is used to describe things that are in disarray, disorganized, or perhaps askew. To use the word in a sentence (as we were trained to do in grade school), one might say the following: I entered the room where the three children were playing and found that everything was Kaddywampus.
I love the sound of this word as it rolls off of the tongue. While I could find no official spelling and therefore no official pronunciation, as I recall the word is pronounced (kad’ ē wom’ pŭs). I recall using this word several times during my training session with this group. We spent about two hours together and I think I managed to fit it in at least three times. I thought that I had forgotten the word until this morning when it came back to mind as I was reflecting on my attitude today.
This morning I woke up in great spirits. It is always a good thing when we can wake up feeling positive about the day. I have developed a couple of rituals over the years that I use to get me charged up when I think I need a bit of a boost, but today, no boost was required. I woke up excited, full of ideas and anxious to get the day started. My feelings today are significant because they are so much the opposite of the feelings I experienced most of the day yesterday. I can now describe my feelings yesterday as “Kaddywampus.” I was out of sorts or off balance. I was easily agitated and perhaps even pensive was the word I heard someone use yesterday. I found myself reacting badly to most situations, either lacking sensitivity when that was called for, or getting far too upset over things that in hindsight were relatively minor. I yelled at the dog a couple of times, snapped at my wife, and responded badly in a telephone call when a friend called me to ask for advice. At one point I just needed to get out and get some air as my wife described it. I am not usually like that (well ok, I am not always like that).
Sometimes we don’t get a chance to actually assess our attitude. In fact for many of us we really only recognize the highs and the lows of our feelings. We have many “middle of the road” days and they tend to go by without mention. We do however notice the highs or the lows. I love the sound in someone’s voice when they say “I am in a great mood today.” They usually follow that statement by saying “I have no idea why.” Few of the people will actually tell you without prompting that they are not in a good mood. Then again, I guess that would not seem normal now that I think about it. Just imagine a co-worker walking up to you and after saying hello telling you “I just wanted to warn you that I am in a bad mood today.” You would likely look at that person as though they are just a bit Kaddywampus.
Now here’s the thing. There have been no changes of note in my life in the past 24 hours that would have changed my attitude. No checks arrived in the mail, I did not win the lottery, and I have had no use for Levitra. I am not Kaddywampus today simply because I chose not to be. I shifted my focus today to reflect on the many things for which I am grateful. I thought back to yesterday and was thankful for each of the wonderful things that happened. I spent time yesterday talking to friends (even though I was not a great conversationalist). I laughed at and with my sons. I enjoyed an exciting basketball game even though our team lost. I enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner even though we did not have company, and dinner was served on a TV tray while watching the game.
I am happy today that I am learning to reach beyond my immediate focus. I am seeing the higher purposes in many of the things that I do, and recognizing the joy in simple pleasures. I have joked with family and friends, petted the dog, and been able to give encouragement. This is not to say that I won’t find myself Kaddywampus again some day soon. But next time I do, I will be able to remind myself that Kaddywampus is a choice. When I am Kaddywampus, from now on I will just choose to be the opposite. I will keep you posted. But do me a favor. If you read this and you find me just a bit out of sorts, would you take a minute to ask me if I am Kaddywampus? Just that key word will shake me out of whatever funk I am in. I will thank you for that and perhaps we will all then just have a better day.
Monday, February 20, 2006
The Power of a Person Convinced
Michael Jordan is by my definition the greatest basketball player of all time. I know that we could have arguments over this statement. Depending upon your own preferences, and your age you may not agree. Yet, for me, this statement represents my truth.
I recall the year when during the NBA finals Michael Jordan was suffering from the flu in game 5 against the Utah Jazz. He had a high fever, and even vomited both before and during the game. He was dehydrated, and weak but still wanted to play in the game. Jordan was convinced that his presence would make a difference. He shot 13-of-27 from the field and played 44 minutes. Jordan shot the tie breaking three-pointer, and the Bulls went on to win game five, giving them a 3 games to 2 advantage over Utah. But, this is not the end of the story. As every basketball fan at that time had come to know, when the game is on the line, you want Michael Jordan to have the ball. With seconds left he has delivered time and time again. He once stated in an interview that if there is one last shot needed to win, he wanted the ball. He was convinced that he could make the winning difference.
In game 6 of the 1997 championship finals, Jordan was once again pivotal in the final seconds of the game. The Bulls needed one final shot to secure the victory and their 5th NBA title. In the final seconds, everyone watching the game, and every player on the floor knew that Michael Jordan would get the ball, and they were convinced that he would take the final shot. That is everyone except Michael Jordan and Steve Kerr. During their final time out the Bull’s coach drew up a play that would get the ball to Jordan. However, Jordan knew that this would result in his being double teamed by John Stockton leaving Steve Kerr unguarded. Jordan asked Kerr if he would be ready to take the shot when this occurred. Kerr assured him that he would be ready and that he would make the shot. Jordan was convinced. The play worked perfectly. Jordan got the ball and Stockton double teamed him. Jordan swings the pass out to Kerr who sinks the long jump shot. The bulls go on to win their 5th championship 90-86. Utah was convinced that Jordan would take the shot. Jordan was convinced that Steve Kerr would make the shot when it counted most. Here again we saw the power of being convinced.
Sports provide us with many analogies of the power of people that are convinced that they can achieve a goal. Yet, every day we see the power of people that are convinced. A child’s first steps show us that power when they stand up on wobbly legs, convinced that they can begin to walk. Parents don’t create this sense of confidence, at best we can reinforce it, but the child must be convinced that they alone can do it. In American History, a group of farmers that had left England in pursuit of religious freedom were convinced that they could defeat the greatest army in the world when they fought against England. In biblical history Moses was convinced that he would lead the people of Israel out of slavery. Gandhi was convinced that he could lead a non-violent revolution to free India from foreign rule. Joan of Arc was convinced that she was called by God to drive the English out of France. There is power in being convinced.
We have allowed our language to be too filled with words that transmit uncertainty. We express our doubts and our fear of failure far more often than we express our confidence. We begin tasks with weak statements that give us a cushion to fall back upon should we fail. We are timid in our approach. We don’t live our lives as though we are convinced that we can not fail.
I have been challenged of late as to the certainty of my own calling. Questions creep into my mind causing doubt. I have seen myself become tentative, and unsure, even unmotivated at times. I have even considered a change of course when the going gets particularly rough. When this happens I am reminded of what it feels like to be convinced. Sometimes we are convinced when someone steps into your life to remind you that your gift is real. At other times, someone is encouraged by you and expresses their belief in you even when you do not believe in yourself. At other times you just get that gentle nudge when you hear a whisper telling you that you can do it. You become convinced. When we are convinced great and wonderful things begin to happen.
Today my brother posed an interesting question to me. He asked, “If you knew that you had the winning cards in your hands, how would you play in a card game?” My answer was that I would play much more aggressively. He then argued that this is the way we all must play the cards that are dealt to us. We must always play as though we have a winning hand. We must be convinced that we will succeed. When I think of it that way I gain a better understanding of what it means to have faith. Believing is being convinced. A long time friend said recently, “You must believe in all that you are.” Those words ring true to me today, and I am convinced.
When we become convinced we become unstoppable. Some of us are lucky enough to convince ourselves that we can not lose. At other times we need someone to convince us that we are on the right path. The affirmation of a loved one can convince us. We need to be convinced of our gifts. We need to be convinced of our faith. When we allow ourselves to be convinced, we tap in to a power that is beyond measure. Believe. Be convinced.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I recall the year when during the NBA finals Michael Jordan was suffering from the flu in game 5 against the Utah Jazz. He had a high fever, and even vomited both before and during the game. He was dehydrated, and weak but still wanted to play in the game. Jordan was convinced that his presence would make a difference. He shot 13-of-27 from the field and played 44 minutes. Jordan shot the tie breaking three-pointer, and the Bulls went on to win game five, giving them a 3 games to 2 advantage over Utah. But, this is not the end of the story. As every basketball fan at that time had come to know, when the game is on the line, you want Michael Jordan to have the ball. With seconds left he has delivered time and time again. He once stated in an interview that if there is one last shot needed to win, he wanted the ball. He was convinced that he could make the winning difference.
In game 6 of the 1997 championship finals, Jordan was once again pivotal in the final seconds of the game. The Bulls needed one final shot to secure the victory and their 5th NBA title. In the final seconds, everyone watching the game, and every player on the floor knew that Michael Jordan would get the ball, and they were convinced that he would take the final shot. That is everyone except Michael Jordan and Steve Kerr. During their final time out the Bull’s coach drew up a play that would get the ball to Jordan. However, Jordan knew that this would result in his being double teamed by John Stockton leaving Steve Kerr unguarded. Jordan asked Kerr if he would be ready to take the shot when this occurred. Kerr assured him that he would be ready and that he would make the shot. Jordan was convinced. The play worked perfectly. Jordan got the ball and Stockton double teamed him. Jordan swings the pass out to Kerr who sinks the long jump shot. The bulls go on to win their 5th championship 90-86. Utah was convinced that Jordan would take the shot. Jordan was convinced that Steve Kerr would make the shot when it counted most. Here again we saw the power of being convinced.
Sports provide us with many analogies of the power of people that are convinced that they can achieve a goal. Yet, every day we see the power of people that are convinced. A child’s first steps show us that power when they stand up on wobbly legs, convinced that they can begin to walk. Parents don’t create this sense of confidence, at best we can reinforce it, but the child must be convinced that they alone can do it. In American History, a group of farmers that had left England in pursuit of religious freedom were convinced that they could defeat the greatest army in the world when they fought against England. In biblical history Moses was convinced that he would lead the people of Israel out of slavery. Gandhi was convinced that he could lead a non-violent revolution to free India from foreign rule. Joan of Arc was convinced that she was called by God to drive the English out of France. There is power in being convinced.
We have allowed our language to be too filled with words that transmit uncertainty. We express our doubts and our fear of failure far more often than we express our confidence. We begin tasks with weak statements that give us a cushion to fall back upon should we fail. We are timid in our approach. We don’t live our lives as though we are convinced that we can not fail.
I have been challenged of late as to the certainty of my own calling. Questions creep into my mind causing doubt. I have seen myself become tentative, and unsure, even unmotivated at times. I have even considered a change of course when the going gets particularly rough. When this happens I am reminded of what it feels like to be convinced. Sometimes we are convinced when someone steps into your life to remind you that your gift is real. At other times, someone is encouraged by you and expresses their belief in you even when you do not believe in yourself. At other times you just get that gentle nudge when you hear a whisper telling you that you can do it. You become convinced. When we are convinced great and wonderful things begin to happen.
Today my brother posed an interesting question to me. He asked, “If you knew that you had the winning cards in your hands, how would you play in a card game?” My answer was that I would play much more aggressively. He then argued that this is the way we all must play the cards that are dealt to us. We must always play as though we have a winning hand. We must be convinced that we will succeed. When I think of it that way I gain a better understanding of what it means to have faith. Believing is being convinced. A long time friend said recently, “You must believe in all that you are.” Those words ring true to me today, and I am convinced.
When we become convinced we become unstoppable. Some of us are lucky enough to convince ourselves that we can not lose. At other times we need someone to convince us that we are on the right path. The affirmation of a loved one can convince us. We need to be convinced of our gifts. We need to be convinced of our faith. When we allow ourselves to be convinced, we tap in to a power that is beyond measure. Believe. Be convinced.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Friday, February 17, 2006
Mug Shots
I have a brand new coffee mug that was given to me as a gift yesterday while I was visiting in my native Philadelphia. Actually, I was on a business trip which ended early enough for me to have time to catch up with an old friend that worked nearby. More and more in my travels I have been trying to take time to see people that I don’t get to see very often. This can at times take me a bit out of the way, or maybe even delay my departure for home, but I find that every time I manage to make time for and with a friend that we are both better off for having made the effort.
Going back to the coffee mug, this was purchased from Starbucks. They have a series of mugs that they sell around the country that are adorned with words and images that are central to the identification of a particular city. My new mug has a Philadelphia theme. If you are familiar with Philadelphia, the images are those that you easily associate with the city. There is a picture of the Liberty Bell, a picture of City Hall which is taken from a ground level looking up at William Penn, a picture of the Philadelphia skyline taken from somewhere on the Schuylkill River, and finally, there is a picture of the “Love” statue which is a popular tourist attraction in the central part of the city. These are all great images that would have meaning to anyone that grew up in Philadelphia, and this is really a great gift to receive when you are like me an expatriate living far from home.
As anyone that reads this page might well suspect, the mug shots on my new coffee mug actually took me to a whole different place beyond just a view of the images of a city I love. Of course, it is also possible that the fact that I spent about four and a half hours driving across the state last night may have also impacted my thoughts and feelings, but I prefer to attribute my leap of association to the fact that I have just been thinking more deeply lately. We all tend to see in things what we choose to see and our perspectives are more related to who we are and how we are rather than what simply is.
Thinking of these mug shots I actually began to think of the other type of mug shots. I am speaking of those shots you see in every post office or what you see in the paper when someone is arrested. These are the shots that we all look at to try to learn what heinous crime a person has committed. We are attracted to these pictures because of a very human sense of curiosity that makes us look at pictures. In fact, we tend to look at almost every picture that is placed in front of us. The most extreme example of this for me is when someone brings their vacation pictures into the office and passes them around so that each person can sift through 20 or 30 pictures. “Here is one of me and Bob standing by the pool bar, “”This is the one of me parasailing right before I crashed,” “who is this guy?” We all look even though we don’t really care about the pictures, we don’t even know Bob, and frankly, I have yet to see 20 or 30 amateur photos that are very interesting. Still we look.
Since we all are so willing to look at photos anyway, I am proposing that we think about a different kind of mug shot. Imagine what your life would be like if you knew that you were being photographed all the time. These photos would be posted at regular intervals on the internet. They would be include photos from first thing in the morning before you shower, shave, mouse, or put on the control top hose. They would include shots of you during work, pictures of what is on our computer screen right now, and close ups of your email messages. They would also show you in the parking lot, in your car, and while you are driving. The pictures would follow you after work, chronicle the places you stop on the way home and include the faces of all of the people you meet. There would be shots at dinner, pictures from the coffee shop, or even the local bar where you are stopping to just get one on the way. They would chronicle the friends you stop to see, and even show pictures of each item you buy, rent, or consume throughout the day.
If we had to live our lives as the subject of continuous mug shots throughout the day, would we alter the things we do? If our lives were truly transparent, what would we do differently? If you knew that your picture was being taken as you drove, would your responses and actions during the drive change? Are there pictures that would be taken of you during the next 24 hours that you would be embarrassed if anyone else saw them? What would your kids, spouse, mother or best friend say if they saw those pictures?
The pictures on my new coffee mug remind me of many fond memories of Philadelphia. Each of them made me smile or feel other emotions as I thought about the locations. The pictures made me see other images around Philadelphia that while not reflected on the mug are images just as clear for me that reflect my life and times growing up there. The pictures made me think of mug shots and caused me to wonder what the photos of my next 24 hours would be like. I would hope that I could live so transparently that if my photos were posted, they would not embarrass my mother, damage my children, or ruin my reputation. That would be a lot to live up to. I am not there yet. But maybe someday I will take a sip from my new coffee mug, and when I see the pictures, I will think that you could post any picture from my life on that mug and I would be honored if anyone saw them. I may never get to that place, but in my mind’s eye that is a really nice picture.
Going back to the coffee mug, this was purchased from Starbucks. They have a series of mugs that they sell around the country that are adorned with words and images that are central to the identification of a particular city. My new mug has a Philadelphia theme. If you are familiar with Philadelphia, the images are those that you easily associate with the city. There is a picture of the Liberty Bell, a picture of City Hall which is taken from a ground level looking up at William Penn, a picture of the Philadelphia skyline taken from somewhere on the Schuylkill River, and finally, there is a picture of the “Love” statue which is a popular tourist attraction in the central part of the city. These are all great images that would have meaning to anyone that grew up in Philadelphia, and this is really a great gift to receive when you are like me an expatriate living far from home.
As anyone that reads this page might well suspect, the mug shots on my new coffee mug actually took me to a whole different place beyond just a view of the images of a city I love. Of course, it is also possible that the fact that I spent about four and a half hours driving across the state last night may have also impacted my thoughts and feelings, but I prefer to attribute my leap of association to the fact that I have just been thinking more deeply lately. We all tend to see in things what we choose to see and our perspectives are more related to who we are and how we are rather than what simply is.
Thinking of these mug shots I actually began to think of the other type of mug shots. I am speaking of those shots you see in every post office or what you see in the paper when someone is arrested. These are the shots that we all look at to try to learn what heinous crime a person has committed. We are attracted to these pictures because of a very human sense of curiosity that makes us look at pictures. In fact, we tend to look at almost every picture that is placed in front of us. The most extreme example of this for me is when someone brings their vacation pictures into the office and passes them around so that each person can sift through 20 or 30 pictures. “Here is one of me and Bob standing by the pool bar, “”This is the one of me parasailing right before I crashed,” “who is this guy?” We all look even though we don’t really care about the pictures, we don’t even know Bob, and frankly, I have yet to see 20 or 30 amateur photos that are very interesting. Still we look.
Since we all are so willing to look at photos anyway, I am proposing that we think about a different kind of mug shot. Imagine what your life would be like if you knew that you were being photographed all the time. These photos would be posted at regular intervals on the internet. They would be include photos from first thing in the morning before you shower, shave, mouse, or put on the control top hose. They would include shots of you during work, pictures of what is on our computer screen right now, and close ups of your email messages. They would also show you in the parking lot, in your car, and while you are driving. The pictures would follow you after work, chronicle the places you stop on the way home and include the faces of all of the people you meet. There would be shots at dinner, pictures from the coffee shop, or even the local bar where you are stopping to just get one on the way. They would chronicle the friends you stop to see, and even show pictures of each item you buy, rent, or consume throughout the day.
If we had to live our lives as the subject of continuous mug shots throughout the day, would we alter the things we do? If our lives were truly transparent, what would we do differently? If you knew that your picture was being taken as you drove, would your responses and actions during the drive change? Are there pictures that would be taken of you during the next 24 hours that you would be embarrassed if anyone else saw them? What would your kids, spouse, mother or best friend say if they saw those pictures?
The pictures on my new coffee mug remind me of many fond memories of Philadelphia. Each of them made me smile or feel other emotions as I thought about the locations. The pictures made me see other images around Philadelphia that while not reflected on the mug are images just as clear for me that reflect my life and times growing up there. The pictures made me think of mug shots and caused me to wonder what the photos of my next 24 hours would be like. I would hope that I could live so transparently that if my photos were posted, they would not embarrass my mother, damage my children, or ruin my reputation. That would be a lot to live up to. I am not there yet. But maybe someday I will take a sip from my new coffee mug, and when I see the pictures, I will think that you could post any picture from my life on that mug and I would be honored if anyone saw them. I may never get to that place, but in my mind’s eye that is a really nice picture.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Roles We Play
Just the other day I saw a trailer for a new film starring Pierce Brosnan. The movie is called “The Matador.” I have not seen the film and have no real plans to watch it except should I catch it on cable someday. What caught my interest in this film at all is the fact that the star is Pierce Brosnan. If you are a fan of James Bond movies (I am), then for the past few years you likely associate Brosnan with his role as James Bond. Not to offend Bond purist here, I will comment that Brosnan is not my favorite Bond, but certainly a likeable one for me since after all, what man in his 50’s wouldn’t want to play along side Halley Berry? You have to admire him for that if nothing else.
To my point here, Pierce Brosnan is now playing in a role that is very anti-Bond. His character in his latest movie is an assassin who drinks too much, is a womanizer, and calls himself “a facilitator of fatalities.” Hmm, that gives new meaning to the role of facilitator, but then that would be a digression not worth taking for now. Before this movie, to my thinking, Pierce Brosnan was James Bond. It is a role to which he is well suited. He is suave, good looking, and of course, he has a great British accent even though he was born in Ireland. Yet, let’s not forget that Brosnan is after all just playing a role.
While very few of us have genuine acting talent, we are all called upon to play roles. Not just those that you did at school (my most famous role was as the Yield Sign in elementary school). But rather, the roles that we are asked to play in the lives of those that matter most to us. Of course the roles do vary. Some of us play the role of Mom or Dad. Others are Wives or Husbands (speaking of which, those in the role of husband had better get their gift on as today is one that can land you in the dog house if you screw up). There is the role that many of us have as employee, or boss, or manager, or student. Having a clear understanding of our roles can help us to live them well. While I have a number of roles that I play in life, the one that I was thinking of today is the role of friend.
Friendship is something that I think can be often taken too lightly. We are quick to call people a friend. We have work friends, school friends, girl friends, and boy friends. Just the fact that there are so many types of friends suggests that the label is used too loosely. I have read that friends can come for a reason or a season. While that sounds reasonable, can you really imagine being a friend for a “limited time only?” People do pass through our lives and we do all have memories of that friend from our teenage years, or that friend from college. The fact is that these people have not really passed from your life, but rather, these are friends that you have lost touch with. I think this can happen when we don’t really live in the role of friend.
If you don’t suffer from a social disorder you probably have a broad base of relationships. You may have friends from your work place, friends from your neighborhood, friends from church, and even friends from your gym. But have you ever stopped to think about what your friendships mean to you? Also, have you ever wondered if those that you consider as friends consider you in the same light? What defines a friend? How do you make friends? And, how do you lose a friend?
I think that the bond of friendship is built upon trust. Friends are the people who know you well, and even after that still like you. Friends share our secrets and when necessary, hold our hearts. Friends are loyal to us even when we are absent. Friends care. Friends feel your hurts and pains, and friends love you even when you are likely least deserving. Friends ask the question “how are you?” and then actually wait for the answer. Friends give you constructive feedback not because they had to tell you, but because they care about your development.
In my life I have had the good fortune to have many friends. As I have gotten older I am very sparing in my use of that label. While I do still meet new friends, it is more likely that now I just get to know very good people. My reasoning for this is that friendship is a role that I now play. I take the role very seriously. There was a time when I could easily discard a friend. Perhaps they hurt my feelings, or maybe they failed to live up to my expectations. I can remember losing friends when they simply failed to call me. I have grown since those days. Now, my friends are friends for life. We go through our ups and downs together. I call it “doing life together.”
I love my role as a friend. I am getting better at it. I am learning to nurture those I care about. I am becoming a better listener. I work on being attentive, and I strive to stay in touch through phone calls, lunches, meetings, and email. I am not a perfect friend. I still have the occasional misstep. I also still fail at times. What is new for me though is that when I fail I come back and earnestly let my friends know that I was wrong.
Being a friend is a complicated role. It takes some thought and not just a bit of skill. Yet, it is a role that I relish, and I so much enjoy those that play that role in my life as well.
Now, let’s go back to Pierce Brosnan. He recently lost his role as James Bond. He has moved on to new acting roles. However, like an old friend, Brosnan will always be Bond for me because you see when you play a role well, you really don’t lose it. Brosnan will always be Bond, and to my friends I will always be a friend.
To my point here, Pierce Brosnan is now playing in a role that is very anti-Bond. His character in his latest movie is an assassin who drinks too much, is a womanizer, and calls himself “a facilitator of fatalities.” Hmm, that gives new meaning to the role of facilitator, but then that would be a digression not worth taking for now. Before this movie, to my thinking, Pierce Brosnan was James Bond. It is a role to which he is well suited. He is suave, good looking, and of course, he has a great British accent even though he was born in Ireland. Yet, let’s not forget that Brosnan is after all just playing a role.
While very few of us have genuine acting talent, we are all called upon to play roles. Not just those that you did at school (my most famous role was as the Yield Sign in elementary school). But rather, the roles that we are asked to play in the lives of those that matter most to us. Of course the roles do vary. Some of us play the role of Mom or Dad. Others are Wives or Husbands (speaking of which, those in the role of husband had better get their gift on as today is one that can land you in the dog house if you screw up). There is the role that many of us have as employee, or boss, or manager, or student. Having a clear understanding of our roles can help us to live them well. While I have a number of roles that I play in life, the one that I was thinking of today is the role of friend.
Friendship is something that I think can be often taken too lightly. We are quick to call people a friend. We have work friends, school friends, girl friends, and boy friends. Just the fact that there are so many types of friends suggests that the label is used too loosely. I have read that friends can come for a reason or a season. While that sounds reasonable, can you really imagine being a friend for a “limited time only?” People do pass through our lives and we do all have memories of that friend from our teenage years, or that friend from college. The fact is that these people have not really passed from your life, but rather, these are friends that you have lost touch with. I think this can happen when we don’t really live in the role of friend.
If you don’t suffer from a social disorder you probably have a broad base of relationships. You may have friends from your work place, friends from your neighborhood, friends from church, and even friends from your gym. But have you ever stopped to think about what your friendships mean to you? Also, have you ever wondered if those that you consider as friends consider you in the same light? What defines a friend? How do you make friends? And, how do you lose a friend?
I think that the bond of friendship is built upon trust. Friends are the people who know you well, and even after that still like you. Friends share our secrets and when necessary, hold our hearts. Friends are loyal to us even when we are absent. Friends care. Friends feel your hurts and pains, and friends love you even when you are likely least deserving. Friends ask the question “how are you?” and then actually wait for the answer. Friends give you constructive feedback not because they had to tell you, but because they care about your development.
In my life I have had the good fortune to have many friends. As I have gotten older I am very sparing in my use of that label. While I do still meet new friends, it is more likely that now I just get to know very good people. My reasoning for this is that friendship is a role that I now play. I take the role very seriously. There was a time when I could easily discard a friend. Perhaps they hurt my feelings, or maybe they failed to live up to my expectations. I can remember losing friends when they simply failed to call me. I have grown since those days. Now, my friends are friends for life. We go through our ups and downs together. I call it “doing life together.”
I love my role as a friend. I am getting better at it. I am learning to nurture those I care about. I am becoming a better listener. I work on being attentive, and I strive to stay in touch through phone calls, lunches, meetings, and email. I am not a perfect friend. I still have the occasional misstep. I also still fail at times. What is new for me though is that when I fail I come back and earnestly let my friends know that I was wrong.
Being a friend is a complicated role. It takes some thought and not just a bit of skill. Yet, it is a role that I relish, and I so much enjoy those that play that role in my life as well.
Now, let’s go back to Pierce Brosnan. He recently lost his role as James Bond. He has moved on to new acting roles. However, like an old friend, Brosnan will always be Bond for me because you see when you play a role well, you really don’t lose it. Brosnan will always be Bond, and to my friends I will always be a friend.
Monday, February 13, 2006
The Kind of Guy I Am
One of the things that I have learned in my life is that we should never label people. This is particularly true when we make decisions about a person simply based on the way that they look or the clothes they wear. Such labels presume to prejudge us. Despite this knowledge, most of us do still label others. In fact, many times we even label ourselves. Generally, when we label ourselves the intent is not to be negative. Our personal labels tend to be used to explain some feature or personal attribute. “I am big boned,” “I have always been skinny,” “I am just very observant,” to list but a few of the labels we give to our selves.
I am guilty at times of placing labels on people. I work against this and most times I am successful in forestalling any judgment until I really get to know a person. While I have gotten better at not labeling others, I do still place labels on myself. One label that I have placed on myself is that I am a “Hat Guy.” I have not always been a hat guy. As best as I can tell I became a hat guy fairly late in my thirties, or certainly by the time I was in my early forties. For me, becoming a hat guy was really more a matter of my evolution. As my hair became thinner, I seemed to notice that I began to wear hats.
Some people are born hat guys. My twin boys are that way. Their very first pictures, taken minutes after their birth, shows them sporting those hospital beanie caps that are typically blue for boys or pink for girls. The boys are ten now and even this morning as they left the house for school they both were wearing hats (Steelers Super Bowl Championship cap for Alex, and a Roots Toque in matching Pitt Basketball colors for Max). They are still hat guys.
There are guys that consider themselves jeans guys. These guys swear that all they ever wear are jeans. Then there are sneaker guys, the guys that own ten or twelve pairs of sneakers. If you are a Seinfeld fan you may recall that Jerry Seinfeld is a sneaker guy. There are sweater guys. Imagine seeing Bobby Knight without a sweater. Bobby is a sweater guy. But me, I am just a hat guy.
I have noticed lately that there are a number of us hat guys. Some of us are pretty famous. Who can’t envision Samuel L. Jackson, the famous actor wearing his Kangol hat backwards (with the kangaroo visible) he is one cool looking hat guy. Then there is country singing star Tim McGraw (you know Faith Hill’s husband). He is a hat guy. He is always seen wearing his cowboy hat (I think they have gotten bigger over the years). Just recently I saw him and his wife on a television show (alright the truth is that it was Oprah and now one of my other secrets is out) cooking together, and there he was wearing a hat, in the kitchen! You really have to be a hat guy to wear a hat when you are cooking, unless perhaps he has some other motive for wearing his hat all the time in public?
I have a large collection of hats. My current favorite is a bright yellow one that most of my friends say doesn’t look good on me. My wife has not commented on this hat and whether or not the color is right for me, but then she is probably so busy working on my many other foibles that the hat issue can for now at least wait a while. Then there is the friend who commented on my hat “is this hat thing new with you?”
My hat collection includes a black Starbucks Barista hat that my brother managed to get for me one Christmas. At the time, you had to actually work at Starbucks to have one of those. Now, you can get them on eBay for about $50.00 bucks. I think mine was purchased for less than $10. That hat caused a woman in Arizona to stop me in a grocery store to ask if I was an owner of a Starbucks. That was a strange question to ask a guy with a basket of groceries just because he was wearing a hat. Then again, perhaps it suggests that maybe I don’t look so goofy after all when wearing a hat.
There are guys that look cool no matter what hat they are wearing. My brother in law has a black ski hat he wears that looks like the equivalent of a thick stocking turned upside down with a knot tied in the top. Like most things he wears, he makes the hat look cool. Of course, he also used to wear his Pennsylvania State Trooper hat before he retired, and managed to make that pointy top hat look pretty cool too.
I am not cool. My hats don’t make me look cool, mysterious, or even hide my identity. I wear hats because my head is bald. The hat keeps me warm in the winter, and keeps me from getting sunburned in the summer. I don’t wear hats when I cook or when I am indoors so I am not hiding under mine like a certain country singing sensation. I do however wear hats at night (another secret let out). Before you laugh at that just remember the line from The Night before Christmas which goes “and Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap.”
I think that being a hat guy has made me stand out lately. I was working in Canada two weeks ago when the weather was cold, snowy, and just plain nasty. All of the guys that I was with that week did not wear hats. So each day as we left the building, I would don my hat while the other guys would just walk out into the snow. I don’t know but maybe the guys in Canada just have a much stronger constitution than me. Or maybe, just maybe, no one ever told them about just how cool it would look for them to pick out their own personal hat and wear it all the time.
Come to think of it, my wearing a hat is just a part of my personal leadership. I wear hats because they make sense to me. It is not about style, fashion, or even good looks. I am just a hat guy, and beyond how they help me to stay well I don’t think I ever thought much about them. I guess this is one label that is going to have to stick. I am just a hat guy. It is part of who I am.
I am guilty at times of placing labels on people. I work against this and most times I am successful in forestalling any judgment until I really get to know a person. While I have gotten better at not labeling others, I do still place labels on myself. One label that I have placed on myself is that I am a “Hat Guy.” I have not always been a hat guy. As best as I can tell I became a hat guy fairly late in my thirties, or certainly by the time I was in my early forties. For me, becoming a hat guy was really more a matter of my evolution. As my hair became thinner, I seemed to notice that I began to wear hats.
Some people are born hat guys. My twin boys are that way. Their very first pictures, taken minutes after their birth, shows them sporting those hospital beanie caps that are typically blue for boys or pink for girls. The boys are ten now and even this morning as they left the house for school they both were wearing hats (Steelers Super Bowl Championship cap for Alex, and a Roots Toque in matching Pitt Basketball colors for Max). They are still hat guys.
There are guys that consider themselves jeans guys. These guys swear that all they ever wear are jeans. Then there are sneaker guys, the guys that own ten or twelve pairs of sneakers. If you are a Seinfeld fan you may recall that Jerry Seinfeld is a sneaker guy. There are sweater guys. Imagine seeing Bobby Knight without a sweater. Bobby is a sweater guy. But me, I am just a hat guy.
I have noticed lately that there are a number of us hat guys. Some of us are pretty famous. Who can’t envision Samuel L. Jackson, the famous actor wearing his Kangol hat backwards (with the kangaroo visible) he is one cool looking hat guy. Then there is country singing star Tim McGraw (you know Faith Hill’s husband). He is a hat guy. He is always seen wearing his cowboy hat (I think they have gotten bigger over the years). Just recently I saw him and his wife on a television show (alright the truth is that it was Oprah and now one of my other secrets is out) cooking together, and there he was wearing a hat, in the kitchen! You really have to be a hat guy to wear a hat when you are cooking, unless perhaps he has some other motive for wearing his hat all the time in public?
I have a large collection of hats. My current favorite is a bright yellow one that most of my friends say doesn’t look good on me. My wife has not commented on this hat and whether or not the color is right for me, but then she is probably so busy working on my many other foibles that the hat issue can for now at least wait a while. Then there is the friend who commented on my hat “is this hat thing new with you?”
My hat collection includes a black Starbucks Barista hat that my brother managed to get for me one Christmas. At the time, you had to actually work at Starbucks to have one of those. Now, you can get them on eBay for about $50.00 bucks. I think mine was purchased for less than $10. That hat caused a woman in Arizona to stop me in a grocery store to ask if I was an owner of a Starbucks. That was a strange question to ask a guy with a basket of groceries just because he was wearing a hat. Then again, perhaps it suggests that maybe I don’t look so goofy after all when wearing a hat.
There are guys that look cool no matter what hat they are wearing. My brother in law has a black ski hat he wears that looks like the equivalent of a thick stocking turned upside down with a knot tied in the top. Like most things he wears, he makes the hat look cool. Of course, he also used to wear his Pennsylvania State Trooper hat before he retired, and managed to make that pointy top hat look pretty cool too.
I am not cool. My hats don’t make me look cool, mysterious, or even hide my identity. I wear hats because my head is bald. The hat keeps me warm in the winter, and keeps me from getting sunburned in the summer. I don’t wear hats when I cook or when I am indoors so I am not hiding under mine like a certain country singing sensation. I do however wear hats at night (another secret let out). Before you laugh at that just remember the line from The Night before Christmas which goes “and Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap.”
I think that being a hat guy has made me stand out lately. I was working in Canada two weeks ago when the weather was cold, snowy, and just plain nasty. All of the guys that I was with that week did not wear hats. So each day as we left the building, I would don my hat while the other guys would just walk out into the snow. I don’t know but maybe the guys in Canada just have a much stronger constitution than me. Or maybe, just maybe, no one ever told them about just how cool it would look for them to pick out their own personal hat and wear it all the time.
Come to think of it, my wearing a hat is just a part of my personal leadership. I wear hats because they make sense to me. It is not about style, fashion, or even good looks. I am just a hat guy, and beyond how they help me to stay well I don’t think I ever thought much about them. I guess this is one label that is going to have to stick. I am just a hat guy. It is part of who I am.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Technology Overload
Inventory:
Three Remote Control devices
Ipod with portable speakers
Logitech Mini Cam
Electronic Calculator
Blackberry Cell phone
Blue Tooth Headset
Wireless Mouse
Laptop Computer
7 port USB hub (5 ports in use)
Iomega Zip 250 Drive
1 Gigabyte Pen Drive
These are all of the electronic devices on my desk at this moment. I took this inventory when I realized that I was taking leave of my senses. That is to say that I was feeling as though the basics such as tactile senses, or using my memory, or even getting up from my desk chair was beginning to seem foreign. From my desk I control my laptop (which is wirelessly connected to the internet), my television which tunes me in to C-Span right now, my radio, which I use to listen to certain NPR shows as the day goes on, and I can control my Ipod as I change the music to meet the mood or tasks at hand. Then of course, let’s not forget the Blackberry which I check without thinking every few minutes as there may be some earth shattering email requiring my attention (even though Outlook is also running on the laptop).
I mention all of this today not to impress you, but to call your attention to a problem that I experienced and a new awareness that I have come to. For a brief moment today my cell phone stopped working. Actually, it seems that the email component was not working. I immediately felt uneasiness in the pit of my stomach as my connection to the world seemed to have been severed. I quickly contacted my wireless provider to see if I could resolve this now very important problem. The automated voice mail attendant announced that my wait time would be approximately 2 minutes. The panic began to rise. What could be the problem? I did pay the bill, is there something else? How will I work around this? Maybe the Blackberry lawsuit has somehow caused my service to be terminated. What will I do now?
Less than 2 minutes goes by and a very friendly and helpful Customer Service Representative assures me that all is well with my account. He instructs me to shut off my phone for about 30 seconds while he resends activation instructions to my telephone. When I turn the phone back on, messages begin to come through and my connection to the world is restored. All of this is completed in the space of less than 5 minutes from the time of my call. I can feel the racing of my heart begin to slow. I am still wet from the perspiration, but I know that will go away as soon as I dry off. I thank the representative for his helpful assistance, and then just to be sure I call my home telephone number from my cell phone. Making doubly sure I also call a friend long distance so that I know that too is working. It works! The world will not have to solve its problems today without my input. Email messages will arrive on my Blackberry at the rate of at least two or three per hour and I can feel productive sending and receiving messages throughout the day.
While this is my true story of my working reality, I don’t think that this is how it should be. Two weeks ago I began to experiment with moving myself down the technology chain and going back to my pen and paper planning system. I thought that perhaps I should develop a means to integrate the old fashioned system of actually writing down my tasks, appointments, and daily notes on (hold on to your seats) an actual piece of paper. I have now for the past two weeks even tracked my Work Compass (a planning tool I use) on paper rather than electronically. My daily notes are once again being written on paper and filed in my planner. I will admit that I am still putting certain key notes in the computer under the theory that that makes them “searchable.”
There is something about the sensory response of using pen and paper. My tasks as an example are right there in front of me all day. I am happily checking off the things I plan to do for the day and I feel a great sense of accomplishment as I work through the list. Even though I have yet to clear the day’s list and each day I write a new list, just knowing that I can see what is in front of me has reduced my dread and feeling of being overwhelmed. My hand written notes on my daily notes sheets are now a great way to reflect on my day and bring me a sense of what I have yet to do in a reassuring way. Each reminder is there, the telephone numbers that I get in a phone call, even the note reminding me of my boy’s activities (tonight is movie night at school) are right there in front of me.
We move up the technology chain with the idea that each new device or gadget we buy will simplify our existence. Our offices become command centers where we sit at the center of our world in command of all we see. These are very tempting illusions. I find that the reality is that all of these devices end up controlling us and really limiting our time. Setting up the remotes, configuring the Blackberry, synching up the Blue Tooth device, (making sure it works properly while not draining the telephone battery). Doing all of this takes up huge amounts of our available mental space.
I will be the first to admit that I am a techno geek. I love to have the latest and greatest devices and gadgets. I am a certified early adopter and I continually look for new ways to increase my effectiveness. Yet, today I have been reminded of the simplicity of pen and paper. There is a beauty in being able to see forward and backward by just reading a note, or checking my schedule on the calendar. There is satisfaction in checking off one more of those “A” items on my task list. Of course, I am writing this on my laptop and will soon send a copy wirelessly to the printer. I will transmit this to my blog site on the internet, and I will email it to my friends (and a copy will arrive on my Blackberry). Still, I am once again learning to celebrate the simplicity of pen and paper. Going forward I am now sure that I will integrate the two much more consistently.
I have to go now. One of my “A” items today was writing this blog, and now I am done. One more check mark with my pen on the task list. What a great feeling!
Three Remote Control devices
Ipod with portable speakers
Logitech Mini Cam
Electronic Calculator
Blackberry Cell phone
Blue Tooth Headset
Wireless Mouse
Laptop Computer
7 port USB hub (5 ports in use)
Iomega Zip 250 Drive
1 Gigabyte Pen Drive
These are all of the electronic devices on my desk at this moment. I took this inventory when I realized that I was taking leave of my senses. That is to say that I was feeling as though the basics such as tactile senses, or using my memory, or even getting up from my desk chair was beginning to seem foreign. From my desk I control my laptop (which is wirelessly connected to the internet), my television which tunes me in to C-Span right now, my radio, which I use to listen to certain NPR shows as the day goes on, and I can control my Ipod as I change the music to meet the mood or tasks at hand. Then of course, let’s not forget the Blackberry which I check without thinking every few minutes as there may be some earth shattering email requiring my attention (even though Outlook is also running on the laptop).
I mention all of this today not to impress you, but to call your attention to a problem that I experienced and a new awareness that I have come to. For a brief moment today my cell phone stopped working. Actually, it seems that the email component was not working. I immediately felt uneasiness in the pit of my stomach as my connection to the world seemed to have been severed. I quickly contacted my wireless provider to see if I could resolve this now very important problem. The automated voice mail attendant announced that my wait time would be approximately 2 minutes. The panic began to rise. What could be the problem? I did pay the bill, is there something else? How will I work around this? Maybe the Blackberry lawsuit has somehow caused my service to be terminated. What will I do now?
Less than 2 minutes goes by and a very friendly and helpful Customer Service Representative assures me that all is well with my account. He instructs me to shut off my phone for about 30 seconds while he resends activation instructions to my telephone. When I turn the phone back on, messages begin to come through and my connection to the world is restored. All of this is completed in the space of less than 5 minutes from the time of my call. I can feel the racing of my heart begin to slow. I am still wet from the perspiration, but I know that will go away as soon as I dry off. I thank the representative for his helpful assistance, and then just to be sure I call my home telephone number from my cell phone. Making doubly sure I also call a friend long distance so that I know that too is working. It works! The world will not have to solve its problems today without my input. Email messages will arrive on my Blackberry at the rate of at least two or three per hour and I can feel productive sending and receiving messages throughout the day.
While this is my true story of my working reality, I don’t think that this is how it should be. Two weeks ago I began to experiment with moving myself down the technology chain and going back to my pen and paper planning system. I thought that perhaps I should develop a means to integrate the old fashioned system of actually writing down my tasks, appointments, and daily notes on (hold on to your seats) an actual piece of paper. I have now for the past two weeks even tracked my Work Compass (a planning tool I use) on paper rather than electronically. My daily notes are once again being written on paper and filed in my planner. I will admit that I am still putting certain key notes in the computer under the theory that that makes them “searchable.”
There is something about the sensory response of using pen and paper. My tasks as an example are right there in front of me all day. I am happily checking off the things I plan to do for the day and I feel a great sense of accomplishment as I work through the list. Even though I have yet to clear the day’s list and each day I write a new list, just knowing that I can see what is in front of me has reduced my dread and feeling of being overwhelmed. My hand written notes on my daily notes sheets are now a great way to reflect on my day and bring me a sense of what I have yet to do in a reassuring way. Each reminder is there, the telephone numbers that I get in a phone call, even the note reminding me of my boy’s activities (tonight is movie night at school) are right there in front of me.
We move up the technology chain with the idea that each new device or gadget we buy will simplify our existence. Our offices become command centers where we sit at the center of our world in command of all we see. These are very tempting illusions. I find that the reality is that all of these devices end up controlling us and really limiting our time. Setting up the remotes, configuring the Blackberry, synching up the Blue Tooth device, (making sure it works properly while not draining the telephone battery). Doing all of this takes up huge amounts of our available mental space.
I will be the first to admit that I am a techno geek. I love to have the latest and greatest devices and gadgets. I am a certified early adopter and I continually look for new ways to increase my effectiveness. Yet, today I have been reminded of the simplicity of pen and paper. There is a beauty in being able to see forward and backward by just reading a note, or checking my schedule on the calendar. There is satisfaction in checking off one more of those “A” items on my task list. Of course, I am writing this on my laptop and will soon send a copy wirelessly to the printer. I will transmit this to my blog site on the internet, and I will email it to my friends (and a copy will arrive on my Blackberry). Still, I am once again learning to celebrate the simplicity of pen and paper. Going forward I am now sure that I will integrate the two much more consistently.
I have to go now. One of my “A” items today was writing this blog, and now I am done. One more check mark with my pen on the task list. What a great feeling!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
What I Believe
I have noticed a trend among my friends and business associates. It seems that in the regular telephone calls that I both make and receive, at some point in the conversation one of us will ask the other “What does your day look like?” The intent of the question is to gain a sense as to just how busy a person might be that day. The answer to that question will of course vary with each person that I talk to, but generally, the answers will revolve around a review of the schedule for that day. Some times the schedule is very busy and then at other times not. Yet, every person seems to focus only on the tasks that are directly in front of them. It is as though we are living sort of a day to day existence. I believe that life should be much more than that, and that there is a way to live a fuller life.
I was thinking of all of this in the context of something that I listened to on Public Radio the other day. Each week my local station airs a feature titled “This I Believe.” The brief segments feature both famous and not so famous people reading brief statements about their personal beliefs. Funny, but as I write these words it has occurred to me for the first time that not once in listening to these features have I heard a person talking about their religion. This is funny to me because to my normal way of thinking a statement of belief generally runs to our personal faith or religious credo. Rather, the weekly “This I Believe” segments are about the basic beliefs on life and living from the perspective of ordinary people. Some of the statements are extraordinary and have moved me to tears with their depth and emotion. Others reflect a perspective perhaps gained from a life of service or sacrifice. Some of the statements have been funny and make you think. This led me to ponder about what we believe. Questions such as if asked, what would the people I know say that they believe in? Not the heavy duty questions like do you believe in God, but instead questions that would focus on the deeply held truths that really do impact our thinking and our actions.
Thinking of what others might say to some of my questions of course then caused me to wonder about my own answers. Of course I then immediately fancied myself reading on NPR my profound statement of what I believe. I imagined that I would write something that would be moving and inspiring and would generate comments from listeners anxious to hear more from this great thinker. Before I could go off too deeply on that particular fantasy, I realized that I had not ever really thought about what I believe deep down in my very soul. Before I could imagine writing something profound, I had to first really think about what I believed. This has been on my mind for about a month now. What I have learned is that just the thought of telling anyone what I really believe is very frightening. What if someone actually knew what I believed? Would people think less of me? What if my beliefs were in conflict with those that I love or respect? Will I lose friends? How would my statement of beliefs impact my business relationships? Is the whole idea just foolishness?
My experience has been that when I have a chance to really get to know someone, I always have a sense of what they stand for. I get to know those things in their life that are the “non-negotiable” principles. I get to know what they believe. Even when I don’t agree, I am always struck by the fact that there are still people in this world that have things that they stand for. I often come away saying that I want to be just like that. Not that I want to have their principles, but rather, I want to make clear my own. That has led me to create my own statement. My version of what I believe. A word of caution is appropriate here as what I believe may offend some of the people that I work with, and may offend my friends. I also know that articulating what I believe may forever hurt my job prospects if a potential employer or client does an internet search on me. Right here in black and white I could well doom my chances for future employment. Yet, the very boldness of this prospect is interesting to me. So, if you intend to read further, I ask only one thing. Whatever you think about what I believe, take the time to tell me. You can write to me, or call me, but tell me at least before you tell another human being.
I believe in God. This is not just an intellectual acceptance that there is a supreme being that exists in control of everything, but for me, this means that I believe that I am one of his children. Actually, this is my most foundational belief and frames for me much of everything I believe.
I believe in laughter. I laugh often at myself and I enjoy making others laugh. I mention this right after my belief in God because I also believe that God has a great sense of humor, and as his son, I just carry on the traits of my father. I believe the world is a very simple place. We are the ones that make it difficult.
I believe that everything we do, feel, and experience is a matter of choice. I believe that the wiser our choices, the better the life we live. I believe that there are only a few things in the world that I can control. I believe in focusing on those things, and through that focus I find that my influence has grown.
I believe that I am a leader. However, unlike many leaders, I spend most of my time just leading myself. I believe that we could all do a better job in that area.
I believe that I have been given incredible opportunities in my lifetime and I am grateful that I have been so fortunate. I believe that I have something to share in my point of view and I believe that I can teach others how to live life more successfully.
I believe that not much matters more to me than my family and those that I love. I believe that “stuff” can get in the way of what is really important and we should be careful not to have too much.
I believe that we don’t talk to people enough, and when we do we are generally not honest. I believe that when we are honest with people we usually are being self-serving.
I believe that each of us plays an important role in the life of someone that we hardly notice. I believe that we ought to seek out that person and decide to make a real difference in their life.
I believe that each of us is truly powerful beyond measure (see my first belief to bear this out) and that we must stop living small insignificant lives and really live up to the gifts we each have been given. I believe that I have greatness in my heredity. I believe that I will live up to that heritage as I help others to recognize their own greatness.
Finally, I believe that really thinking about what you believe helps to focus our lives on what really matters, and in that we can find relief from our stress, and a renewed focus that will give clear and compelling direction in our lives.
This is what I believe.
I was thinking of all of this in the context of something that I listened to on Public Radio the other day. Each week my local station airs a feature titled “This I Believe.” The brief segments feature both famous and not so famous people reading brief statements about their personal beliefs. Funny, but as I write these words it has occurred to me for the first time that not once in listening to these features have I heard a person talking about their religion. This is funny to me because to my normal way of thinking a statement of belief generally runs to our personal faith or religious credo. Rather, the weekly “This I Believe” segments are about the basic beliefs on life and living from the perspective of ordinary people. Some of the statements are extraordinary and have moved me to tears with their depth and emotion. Others reflect a perspective perhaps gained from a life of service or sacrifice. Some of the statements have been funny and make you think. This led me to ponder about what we believe. Questions such as if asked, what would the people I know say that they believe in? Not the heavy duty questions like do you believe in God, but instead questions that would focus on the deeply held truths that really do impact our thinking and our actions.
Thinking of what others might say to some of my questions of course then caused me to wonder about my own answers. Of course I then immediately fancied myself reading on NPR my profound statement of what I believe. I imagined that I would write something that would be moving and inspiring and would generate comments from listeners anxious to hear more from this great thinker. Before I could go off too deeply on that particular fantasy, I realized that I had not ever really thought about what I believe deep down in my very soul. Before I could imagine writing something profound, I had to first really think about what I believed. This has been on my mind for about a month now. What I have learned is that just the thought of telling anyone what I really believe is very frightening. What if someone actually knew what I believed? Would people think less of me? What if my beliefs were in conflict with those that I love or respect? Will I lose friends? How would my statement of beliefs impact my business relationships? Is the whole idea just foolishness?
My experience has been that when I have a chance to really get to know someone, I always have a sense of what they stand for. I get to know those things in their life that are the “non-negotiable” principles. I get to know what they believe. Even when I don’t agree, I am always struck by the fact that there are still people in this world that have things that they stand for. I often come away saying that I want to be just like that. Not that I want to have their principles, but rather, I want to make clear my own. That has led me to create my own statement. My version of what I believe. A word of caution is appropriate here as what I believe may offend some of the people that I work with, and may offend my friends. I also know that articulating what I believe may forever hurt my job prospects if a potential employer or client does an internet search on me. Right here in black and white I could well doom my chances for future employment. Yet, the very boldness of this prospect is interesting to me. So, if you intend to read further, I ask only one thing. Whatever you think about what I believe, take the time to tell me. You can write to me, or call me, but tell me at least before you tell another human being.
I believe in God. This is not just an intellectual acceptance that there is a supreme being that exists in control of everything, but for me, this means that I believe that I am one of his children. Actually, this is my most foundational belief and frames for me much of everything I believe.
I believe in laughter. I laugh often at myself and I enjoy making others laugh. I mention this right after my belief in God because I also believe that God has a great sense of humor, and as his son, I just carry on the traits of my father. I believe the world is a very simple place. We are the ones that make it difficult.
I believe that everything we do, feel, and experience is a matter of choice. I believe that the wiser our choices, the better the life we live. I believe that there are only a few things in the world that I can control. I believe in focusing on those things, and through that focus I find that my influence has grown.
I believe that I am a leader. However, unlike many leaders, I spend most of my time just leading myself. I believe that we could all do a better job in that area.
I believe that I have been given incredible opportunities in my lifetime and I am grateful that I have been so fortunate. I believe that I have something to share in my point of view and I believe that I can teach others how to live life more successfully.
I believe that not much matters more to me than my family and those that I love. I believe that “stuff” can get in the way of what is really important and we should be careful not to have too much.
I believe that we don’t talk to people enough, and when we do we are generally not honest. I believe that when we are honest with people we usually are being self-serving.
I believe that each of us plays an important role in the life of someone that we hardly notice. I believe that we ought to seek out that person and decide to make a real difference in their life.
I believe that each of us is truly powerful beyond measure (see my first belief to bear this out) and that we must stop living small insignificant lives and really live up to the gifts we each have been given. I believe that I have greatness in my heredity. I believe that I will live up to that heritage as I help others to recognize their own greatness.
Finally, I believe that really thinking about what you believe helps to focus our lives on what really matters, and in that we can find relief from our stress, and a renewed focus that will give clear and compelling direction in our lives.
This is what I believe.
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