Last week I had the opportunity to observe a training program that was being conducted by another trainer. The subject of the class is one with which I am fairly familiar, but I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to see someone highly skilled in the course content going through her paces. The instructor was marvelous. She seamlessly conducted the day long session with minimal reference to notes or slides and kept the entire class engaged throughout the day. I sat in the back of the room with a colleague who has observed this particular training session many times. During points when our attention was not required, my colleague and I began to talk about a networking site that he uses as a means of developing business contacts. The site is called LinkedIn. If you would like to check it out, you may do so by following this link.
The idea of business networking is hardly new. Most of us in business for any length of time have participated in networking events, or spent time networking. We attend conferences where our primary purpose at times is to network and make new contacts. We do lunches and dinners to network, and we attend a myriad of other functions for this purpose. There are those that are particularly skilled at networking. Those people are always ready with a business card, are proficient at schmoosing, and can really work a room. They have great contact management systems that they use, and send timely follow-up messages to new contacts. I have tried for most of my career to develop those skills, but I find them difficult to master. At my best I am mediocre at networking.
My work as an independent consultant causes me to spend the majority of my working hours alone in my home office. During the winter months, I am not inclined to spend much time outdoors and as such my contact with people that are not members of my family is limited. Even though my home is located in a city neighborhood, many of my neighbors function similarly. We hibernate in our homes and generally only see each other at neighborhood functions during the winter. As such I don’t get the opportunity to engage many people face to face for about 3 or 4 months out of the year.
Over this past weekend I attended a memorial service for my stepfather. As is often the case these occasions bring together people that have fallen out of touch. I had the opportunity to see relatives and family friends that I have not seen for many years. We shared stories of our youth, showed pictures of our children and families, and caught up on where life has taken us. I will also admit that I spent some time with a critical eye, observing how life has changed the people I knew growing up. Some people really do age well, yet most of us do not.
My stepfather lived in the Philadelphia area. His memorial was held there and so I had plenty of time to think about the weekend as I drove back to Pittsburgh on Sunday afternoon. I had many thoughts about the general fragility of life. I reminded my self about how time passes so quickly and I reflected on those days growing up with my stepfather and my stepbrother and sisters. Recognizing that time distorts many of our memories, I try not to place too much meaning on events in the past. However, one thing kept coming back to me. I wondered why we are so conscious about networking in our professional lives, while we seem to generally not focus on networking in our personal lives. Some of our best contacts are the people we have known for most of our lives. I am not talking about keeping in touch with our brothers and sisters, but making sure that you also keep track of old neighbors and childhood friends. We should keep an updated contact list of the telephone numbers and addresses of cousins, and aunts and uncles. Isn’t it strange that we willingly accept the business card of complete strangers and put them in our contact system as people we want to know, but we probably don’t have the current phone number for a friend’s child that is attending college 30 minutes from your home?
I have dedicated about an hour every day for the next few weeks to working on developing my professional and business contacts. I have vowed to become better at business networking as a means of expanding my business opportunities. I think this is a prudent thing to do. However, I am going to amend that commitment to include becoming much more aggressive about developing and maintaining my personal contacts. I think that each of us should devote time to expand our circle of influence in our personal lives. For me that means calling old friends, cousins, aunts and uncles. For those that like to write you can easily send an email message as a means of keeping in touch. For older friends and relatives that don’t use email, then take a minute to send a short note. You don’t need to buy an expensive greeting card just a note on a sheet of paper would be greatly appreciated.
When I thought about all of this I imagined what it would be like if each one of us reached out to one of us every day. We could reduce the loneliness experienced by people that don’t have friends to talk to. We would no longer find ourselves at funerals promising to “stay in touch.” We would likely enrich the lives of the many people that have touched our lives and in doing so, we might just make a connection that is just as beneficial as those business cards that you keep in your desk drawer just in case you need to reach that guy some day.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Changing the Lens of Our Perspective
There is a Wendy’s restaurant located less than two blocks from my home. Given the standardization of the fast food industry, I would be willing to bet that my neighborhood Wendy’s is much like the one in your neighborhood. In our Wendy’s when you enter by way of one of the side doors, you come face to face with a picture showing a Wendy’s environment. However, as you continue through the doorway and come closer to the picture, you realize that the picture is actually made up of smaller pictures of Wendy’s employees. The point of the photo is to remind people that Wendy’s is made up of Wendy’s people.
I have always been intrigued by photos of this type. They remind me of jigsaw puzzles. Like a puzzle, what you see is impacted by your proximity. Close up a puzzle is just hundreds of distinct pieces. Moving further back, a puzzle is a picture that is clear in its detail. We have all experienced the challenge of putting together the pieces of an intricate puzzle. Up close it is difficult to know where to put each piece. Some pieces can only be placed after an entire section comes together. Other pieces, like the outer edges can be easily placed as they depend very little on the pieces in the middle. I am told by puzzle enthusiasts that they usually start the completion of a puzzle by framing out the edges. Once the edges are formed then they work piece by piece to put together the whole picture.
As a person over 50 I know a great deal more about the impact of changing your perspective. As I have observed the changes in my own eyesight over these past 10 years, I am very aware of how the subtleties of just changing the point of your nose, or squinting, or moving closer to an object can vastly change what you see. Eight or nine years ago when I got my first pair of bifocals, I realized how much my vision had deteriorated. Now I know for certain that what I see through my glasses and what I see without my glasses are two completely different things. When I am aware of the need to make a shift, I can put on or remove my glasses in order to see what is in front of me. However, this only works when I know that I need to change the lens.
As we approach the day-to-day circumstances of our lives there are many times when we are so close to something that we can’t really see it. The problem is that we don’t recognize that we are not really seeing. Rather, we move forward assuming that we are truly seeing things as they are. Our decisions, reactions, and attitude are all impacted by what we believe we see. To our immediate thinking there is no reason to change lenses. We see the path, and we perceive the situation. Now, based on what we see from up close we move forward. Yet I am reminded of a quote by Stephen Covey. He says that “we see the world not as it is, but we see the world as we are.” We need to change the lens of our perspective.
We have all heard the sage advice we often get when we face a problem or difficult challenge. We are told to take a break, put it aside for a moment, or take a step back. That advice is rooted in the perspective that being too close limits your view. When we step away or step back we see the challenge from a whole new perspective. Solutions that did not appear before become clear from a different perspective. We know that this is a prudent way to deal with challenges. We know that when we are too close that we are not seeing clearly.
What do we do however when we don’t know that we are not seeing clearly? We are all to willing to give way to our fears. We don’t step back from them and try to see them from a different point of view. Our brains automatically focus in on the things we fear and refuse to step back. We play out our fears in vast detail and can only see the calamitous end. We even do this with our hopes. We hope or pray for something to change. We search for clarity. We seek answers to our questions. Yet, when the change comes, or when we achieve clarity we react as though we are not sure. This could not be the answer we seek. Or worse, we are so close to the problem that we do not see that the answer is already right in front of us.
What if we could automatically change the lens of our perspective for each and every challenge we face. What if today’s problem was really the path way to a greater opportunity? What if the challenge you are experiencing is really a blessing, but that blessing has not yet become clear to you? What if after hearing no for the 100th time you knocked on one last door?
Einstein said all major advancement in human kind comes from a break from the common perspective.
“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home”
- Ken Olsen – Founder of Digital Equipment Company
The very fact that you can read this blog reflects that the lens of Ken Olsen’s perspective was cloudy at best. Each decision made by this company however reflected this perspective. Digital is no longer a factor in the computing world.
Most of us in America operate from a perspective of a lack of abundance. We believe that there is never enough to go around. Your success is limiting to my opportunity. Your freedom will limit my advancement. You win, I lose. It is time to change the lens of our perspective. We believe that there is a power in the universe that causes the miraculous to happen. We believe that every day that power will cause the sun to rise, the earth to rotate, and the collection of atoms and cells that are you will continue to stay together. But we don’t trust that power to meet our needs. We believe that changes at work will cause us to lose our jobs and will throw us into financial disaster. But we can’t imagine that a greater power has a better plan for our future. We believe that a miracle happens when someone is cured of cancer, but we don’t expect that a miracle has also happened when we just change our attitude.
We need to change the lens of our perspective. When you see something negative, try to also see the positives. When your mind projects your fears to a point of disaster, try to see the possibilities. When you are so close to the forest that you can’t see the trees, take a step back. When you can only conceive of negative consequences, ask yourself this question “What good things might come of this?”
Take a moment to look at your circumstances with a different lens. See the possibilities. See the potential. See the miracles that are about to happen, and be thankful for those that happened without you noticing.
“Man’s capacities have never been measured. Nor are we to judge of what he can do by precedents, so little has been tried.”
- Henry David Thoreau
I have always been intrigued by photos of this type. They remind me of jigsaw puzzles. Like a puzzle, what you see is impacted by your proximity. Close up a puzzle is just hundreds of distinct pieces. Moving further back, a puzzle is a picture that is clear in its detail. We have all experienced the challenge of putting together the pieces of an intricate puzzle. Up close it is difficult to know where to put each piece. Some pieces can only be placed after an entire section comes together. Other pieces, like the outer edges can be easily placed as they depend very little on the pieces in the middle. I am told by puzzle enthusiasts that they usually start the completion of a puzzle by framing out the edges. Once the edges are formed then they work piece by piece to put together the whole picture.
As a person over 50 I know a great deal more about the impact of changing your perspective. As I have observed the changes in my own eyesight over these past 10 years, I am very aware of how the subtleties of just changing the point of your nose, or squinting, or moving closer to an object can vastly change what you see. Eight or nine years ago when I got my first pair of bifocals, I realized how much my vision had deteriorated. Now I know for certain that what I see through my glasses and what I see without my glasses are two completely different things. When I am aware of the need to make a shift, I can put on or remove my glasses in order to see what is in front of me. However, this only works when I know that I need to change the lens.
As we approach the day-to-day circumstances of our lives there are many times when we are so close to something that we can’t really see it. The problem is that we don’t recognize that we are not really seeing. Rather, we move forward assuming that we are truly seeing things as they are. Our decisions, reactions, and attitude are all impacted by what we believe we see. To our immediate thinking there is no reason to change lenses. We see the path, and we perceive the situation. Now, based on what we see from up close we move forward. Yet I am reminded of a quote by Stephen Covey. He says that “we see the world not as it is, but we see the world as we are.” We need to change the lens of our perspective.
We have all heard the sage advice we often get when we face a problem or difficult challenge. We are told to take a break, put it aside for a moment, or take a step back. That advice is rooted in the perspective that being too close limits your view. When we step away or step back we see the challenge from a whole new perspective. Solutions that did not appear before become clear from a different perspective. We know that this is a prudent way to deal with challenges. We know that when we are too close that we are not seeing clearly.
What do we do however when we don’t know that we are not seeing clearly? We are all to willing to give way to our fears. We don’t step back from them and try to see them from a different point of view. Our brains automatically focus in on the things we fear and refuse to step back. We play out our fears in vast detail and can only see the calamitous end. We even do this with our hopes. We hope or pray for something to change. We search for clarity. We seek answers to our questions. Yet, when the change comes, or when we achieve clarity we react as though we are not sure. This could not be the answer we seek. Or worse, we are so close to the problem that we do not see that the answer is already right in front of us.
What if we could automatically change the lens of our perspective for each and every challenge we face. What if today’s problem was really the path way to a greater opportunity? What if the challenge you are experiencing is really a blessing, but that blessing has not yet become clear to you? What if after hearing no for the 100th time you knocked on one last door?
Einstein said all major advancement in human kind comes from a break from the common perspective.
“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home”
- Ken Olsen – Founder of Digital Equipment Company
The very fact that you can read this blog reflects that the lens of Ken Olsen’s perspective was cloudy at best. Each decision made by this company however reflected this perspective. Digital is no longer a factor in the computing world.
Most of us in America operate from a perspective of a lack of abundance. We believe that there is never enough to go around. Your success is limiting to my opportunity. Your freedom will limit my advancement. You win, I lose. It is time to change the lens of our perspective. We believe that there is a power in the universe that causes the miraculous to happen. We believe that every day that power will cause the sun to rise, the earth to rotate, and the collection of atoms and cells that are you will continue to stay together. But we don’t trust that power to meet our needs. We believe that changes at work will cause us to lose our jobs and will throw us into financial disaster. But we can’t imagine that a greater power has a better plan for our future. We believe that a miracle happens when someone is cured of cancer, but we don’t expect that a miracle has also happened when we just change our attitude.
We need to change the lens of our perspective. When you see something negative, try to also see the positives. When your mind projects your fears to a point of disaster, try to see the possibilities. When you are so close to the forest that you can’t see the trees, take a step back. When you can only conceive of negative consequences, ask yourself this question “What good things might come of this?”
Take a moment to look at your circumstances with a different lens. See the possibilities. See the potential. See the miracles that are about to happen, and be thankful for those that happened without you noticing.
“Man’s capacities have never been measured. Nor are we to judge of what he can do by precedents, so little has been tried.”
- Henry David Thoreau
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Swim or Build an Ark
Imagine for a moment that you are Noah. Of course you know Noah don’t you? Now I want you to imagine you are him and you are having this conversation where you hear that God wants you to build an Ark. Psst. Noah! Noah! Yes God. I want to tell you a secret. It is going to rain. It is going to rain? What is rain? Rain is water falling from the sky. But, water does not fall from the sky. I am about to change all of that. It is going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights and everyone and everything on the earth will be destroyed in a flood. You, Noah will be saved from destruction. You and your family and two of all the creatures on the earth will be saved. But, I need you to do something for me first. I need you to build an Ark. Oh, and by the way, that rain I was telling you about, it is not going to come for about 120 years.
Noah had a mission. He had a clear and compelling purpose. Noah was going to build an Ark, and save the remaining creatures of the earth. The problem is that Noah is the only person to “hear” his calling and the rain does not come for 120 years. Noah begins to build a giant boat on dry ground. What will the neighbors think? What do you tell your friends?
Each of us spends time wondering about our purpose. We wonder about our gifts and talents and we wish that we could live with passion and purpose. As we mature we find ourselves looking for our place in the world. We seek the answers to the deeper questions. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Who makes the best Latte? We consider ourselves seekers. We want to find our place and live to higher purposes. Or, we are like Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it gets,” and we “just want to be a better man.”
Our lives are a journey. We make choices. We go along the way and sometimes we find that we are lost. We seek direction, and if we are lucky, we find our way once again. We are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are successful, happy, and well recognized. You have it all. Still, the nagging questions come to you in the middle of the night. What would you do differently? If you had your life to live over again, would you do what you are doing? If money did not matter would you quit your job? Do you wake up in the morning knowing that you love what you do with your day? Do you make a difference?
Now comes the hard part. You have found your place. You need to make a choice. You believe that you should build an Ark. Do you follow your heart? You get a glimpse of your purpose. Do you pursue it? What if your purpose is to serve and you will never be rich? If you had to give up everything would you follow the course? What if only you believed in your calling? Would you abandon your gift?
We ask these questions with a sense that if we find our purpose we will be successful. When we discover our gifts we will be happy. If we could just do what we want to do then we could relax. I wonder….
Throughout history great men and women have heard the voice that defined their calling. They have suffered, lost inheritances, been sold into slavery, and some have died before they achieved the promise. They have been burned at the stake, beheaded, or jailed for many years. Some waited more than 100 years. Still, each of these people did not waver. They faced their fears and suffered adversity, yet they lived to fulfill their purpose.
If you were told to build an Ark in a world where it did not rain would you build it? If you were given a choice between death and denying your calling, would you deny it? If standing up to injustice would cost you a career, would you do it?
These are Questions. These are Choices. You only get one Chance.
We make many tough choices in our lives. We must answer questions that help us to define who we are. When you find the answer, then you get one chance to answer the call. We must choose wisely. When you find your calling, or your purpose you must act. When you hear the voice you must move. There will be doubts. There will be questions, and there will be risks. Still, the reward of living a life that fulfills a promise is a life that honors the higher calling. When we stop looking for success, we find an opportunity to achieve greatness.
There are many roadblocks along the way. There are setbacks. There are detours. And when we find our selves nearing victory, then we experience temptation. There is the temptation to quit. There is the temptation to change course. There is the temptation of the seemingly better deal. That is when we must keep sight of the goal. The fog of indecision can cloud the way. There is the story of a woman swimming the English Channel. After swimming for quite a while, she told her coaches that she could swim no further. They encouraged her to keep swimming. She swam a while longer, only to once again plead with her coach that she could swim no further. Again, they encouraged her to swim on. Finally, as the day wore on and the fog set in she could hardly see in front of her. Once again she pleaded with her coach. This time he gave in and pulled her into the boat. As the boat continued to move towards the shore the fog lifted. It was then that she realized that she had been only within a hundred yards of the shore. She was quoted later as saying “if only I could have seen the shore I would have made it.”
As we pursue our dreams the shore is not always in sight. Keep swimming. The shore is right in front of you. You can’t get there alone, but in order to reach the goal you just have to keep on swimming. Or maybe, you should start to build an Ark.
Noah had a mission. He had a clear and compelling purpose. Noah was going to build an Ark, and save the remaining creatures of the earth. The problem is that Noah is the only person to “hear” his calling and the rain does not come for 120 years. Noah begins to build a giant boat on dry ground. What will the neighbors think? What do you tell your friends?
Each of us spends time wondering about our purpose. We wonder about our gifts and talents and we wish that we could live with passion and purpose. As we mature we find ourselves looking for our place in the world. We seek the answers to the deeper questions. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Who makes the best Latte? We consider ourselves seekers. We want to find our place and live to higher purposes. Or, we are like Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it gets,” and we “just want to be a better man.”
Our lives are a journey. We make choices. We go along the way and sometimes we find that we are lost. We seek direction, and if we are lucky, we find our way once again. We are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are successful, happy, and well recognized. You have it all. Still, the nagging questions come to you in the middle of the night. What would you do differently? If you had your life to live over again, would you do what you are doing? If money did not matter would you quit your job? Do you wake up in the morning knowing that you love what you do with your day? Do you make a difference?
Now comes the hard part. You have found your place. You need to make a choice. You believe that you should build an Ark. Do you follow your heart? You get a glimpse of your purpose. Do you pursue it? What if your purpose is to serve and you will never be rich? If you had to give up everything would you follow the course? What if only you believed in your calling? Would you abandon your gift?
We ask these questions with a sense that if we find our purpose we will be successful. When we discover our gifts we will be happy. If we could just do what we want to do then we could relax. I wonder….
Throughout history great men and women have heard the voice that defined their calling. They have suffered, lost inheritances, been sold into slavery, and some have died before they achieved the promise. They have been burned at the stake, beheaded, or jailed for many years. Some waited more than 100 years. Still, each of these people did not waver. They faced their fears and suffered adversity, yet they lived to fulfill their purpose.
If you were told to build an Ark in a world where it did not rain would you build it? If you were given a choice between death and denying your calling, would you deny it? If standing up to injustice would cost you a career, would you do it?
These are Questions. These are Choices. You only get one Chance.
We make many tough choices in our lives. We must answer questions that help us to define who we are. When you find the answer, then you get one chance to answer the call. We must choose wisely. When you find your calling, or your purpose you must act. When you hear the voice you must move. There will be doubts. There will be questions, and there will be risks. Still, the reward of living a life that fulfills a promise is a life that honors the higher calling. When we stop looking for success, we find an opportunity to achieve greatness.
There are many roadblocks along the way. There are setbacks. There are detours. And when we find our selves nearing victory, then we experience temptation. There is the temptation to quit. There is the temptation to change course. There is the temptation of the seemingly better deal. That is when we must keep sight of the goal. The fog of indecision can cloud the way. There is the story of a woman swimming the English Channel. After swimming for quite a while, she told her coaches that she could swim no further. They encouraged her to keep swimming. She swam a while longer, only to once again plead with her coach that she could swim no further. Again, they encouraged her to swim on. Finally, as the day wore on and the fog set in she could hardly see in front of her. Once again she pleaded with her coach. This time he gave in and pulled her into the boat. As the boat continued to move towards the shore the fog lifted. It was then that she realized that she had been only within a hundred yards of the shore. She was quoted later as saying “if only I could have seen the shore I would have made it.”
As we pursue our dreams the shore is not always in sight. Keep swimming. The shore is right in front of you. You can’t get there alone, but in order to reach the goal you just have to keep on swimming. Or maybe, you should start to build an Ark.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Box Scores
Unless you are an avid Baseball fan you don’t know the name Henry Chadwick. In fact, even an avid fan may not know this name as Mr. Chadwick died in 1908. Henry Chadwick was not a baseball player. He never owned a team. Like many people of his day, Mr. Chadwick was a fan. He was also a writer. He wrote for the newspapers that were the predecessors of the New York Times. He is known as the “Father of Baseball” and made what many consider to be one of the greatest contributions to the game. Mr. Chadwick created the Baseball Box Score.
In the years before the personal computer, before ESPN, even before the widespread broadcast of nationally televised games, a baseball fan read the box scores in the daily newspaper. As a kid growing up I tracked the statistics of my favorite players by checking out the box scores. The box scores are still published in the daily paper, and I am sure you can get them online, but I wonder whether we pay them much attention anymore.
Box scores track individual contributions to their team. The box scores track wins and losses, but they also provide details. The details include Home Runs, RBI’s, Batting Average, ERA, and KO’s. The box scores keep track of the league MVP, will tell you the CY Young Award winner for years past, track the annual Golden Glove Award, and the Rookie of the Year. We pour over these statistics. In the days of my youth a measure of intellect was the extent to which a kid could quote the statistics for a number of players. What was Jim Kaat’s ERA in 1963? Who won the CY Young in 1975? How many Home Runs did Willie Mays hit?
The box score gives credit and pays attention to individual contributions. They give us a chance to look at the game beyond who won and who lost. In a season that lasts more than 160 games, we use the box score to give us something to be excited about during the long season. Only one team wins the World Series. Certainly that is the focus of many teams. However, as we read the box scores we can track the individual achievements of each and every player. We can see by the statistics how much the effort of each individual matters to the success of their team.
I wish that we could measure our personal successes by way of a box score. We might use them to track our individual contributions. We could measure the extent to which we are doing things that really matter. Perhaps our personal box score would track our Home Runs such as winning a major contract, completing that important project, or getting a big promotion. But as in baseball, the Home Runs are few. Our personal Box score might track our sacrifice fly balls when we do something to help someone else succeed. They might track our batting average, which reflects the improvements we are making at learning new skills, or might just reflect our consistency for showing up when the team needs us. Maybe our personal Box score would track our Strike Outs, because we all miss sometimes. But I want my score to also track the singles that I grind out, when I keep working towards a goal. I want my own box score to show the number of times that I take batting practice to improve my skills. I want my personal box score to reflect the fact that I show up for the game of life early, even though I only sit on the bench waiting for a chance to play. I want the box score to reflect that when called upon to pinch hit for a friend, I was warmed up and ready to go.
All of this Baseball analogy won’t make much sense to anyone that is not a fan of the game, and makes even less sense if you have never looked at a box score. So, let me put this into words that don’t require you to be a Baseball fan, or even a reader of newspapers. My point is simply this. Each of us has the chance to make an individual contribution every day. Sometimes the contribution is small like picking up the milk on the way home from work. Others are huge like caring for an aged parent, or raising a disabled child. Most of our contributions will go unnoticed. We will not win awards for what we contribute. For some people, perhaps your contribution will even be criticized by those that don’t understand your motivations. Contribute any way.
In the whole scheme of things while we celebrate wins, and complain about losses, we must remember to recognize that we all share a part. Each of us makes a unique contribution to our teams, to our families, and to our communities. Perhaps as a writer, I can create a measurement like that created by Henry Chadwick. Perhaps I can figure out a way to track the box scores of our lives. Maybe we could post those individual contributions on the internet. Maybe young children will read them and know that you got only one hit in your four at bats yesterday, but that you produced the winning run. Maybe your spouse will read of your sacrifice fly that scored a run for your team even though you were called out. Or maybe your box score will show that you stretched beyond your reach to make every play that came my way. You don’t need to pitch a perfect game. Just make your individual contribution, and at the end of your season, I hope that the history books will show that you mattered. I know that for me personally, I don’t need an award or title, but I do need to make a difference.
In the end I guess that we really don’t need a box score. I guess that even though our contributions will never be tracked by anyone, we should still do all that we can to make our contribution. What will you do?
In the years before the personal computer, before ESPN, even before the widespread broadcast of nationally televised games, a baseball fan read the box scores in the daily newspaper. As a kid growing up I tracked the statistics of my favorite players by checking out the box scores. The box scores are still published in the daily paper, and I am sure you can get them online, but I wonder whether we pay them much attention anymore.
Box scores track individual contributions to their team. The box scores track wins and losses, but they also provide details. The details include Home Runs, RBI’s, Batting Average, ERA, and KO’s. The box scores keep track of the league MVP, will tell you the CY Young Award winner for years past, track the annual Golden Glove Award, and the Rookie of the Year. We pour over these statistics. In the days of my youth a measure of intellect was the extent to which a kid could quote the statistics for a number of players. What was Jim Kaat’s ERA in 1963? Who won the CY Young in 1975? How many Home Runs did Willie Mays hit?
The box score gives credit and pays attention to individual contributions. They give us a chance to look at the game beyond who won and who lost. In a season that lasts more than 160 games, we use the box score to give us something to be excited about during the long season. Only one team wins the World Series. Certainly that is the focus of many teams. However, as we read the box scores we can track the individual achievements of each and every player. We can see by the statistics how much the effort of each individual matters to the success of their team.
I wish that we could measure our personal successes by way of a box score. We might use them to track our individual contributions. We could measure the extent to which we are doing things that really matter. Perhaps our personal box score would track our Home Runs such as winning a major contract, completing that important project, or getting a big promotion. But as in baseball, the Home Runs are few. Our personal Box score might track our sacrifice fly balls when we do something to help someone else succeed. They might track our batting average, which reflects the improvements we are making at learning new skills, or might just reflect our consistency for showing up when the team needs us. Maybe our personal Box score would track our Strike Outs, because we all miss sometimes. But I want my score to also track the singles that I grind out, when I keep working towards a goal. I want my own box score to show the number of times that I take batting practice to improve my skills. I want my personal box score to reflect the fact that I show up for the game of life early, even though I only sit on the bench waiting for a chance to play. I want the box score to reflect that when called upon to pinch hit for a friend, I was warmed up and ready to go.
All of this Baseball analogy won’t make much sense to anyone that is not a fan of the game, and makes even less sense if you have never looked at a box score. So, let me put this into words that don’t require you to be a Baseball fan, or even a reader of newspapers. My point is simply this. Each of us has the chance to make an individual contribution every day. Sometimes the contribution is small like picking up the milk on the way home from work. Others are huge like caring for an aged parent, or raising a disabled child. Most of our contributions will go unnoticed. We will not win awards for what we contribute. For some people, perhaps your contribution will even be criticized by those that don’t understand your motivations. Contribute any way.
In the whole scheme of things while we celebrate wins, and complain about losses, we must remember to recognize that we all share a part. Each of us makes a unique contribution to our teams, to our families, and to our communities. Perhaps as a writer, I can create a measurement like that created by Henry Chadwick. Perhaps I can figure out a way to track the box scores of our lives. Maybe we could post those individual contributions on the internet. Maybe young children will read them and know that you got only one hit in your four at bats yesterday, but that you produced the winning run. Maybe your spouse will read of your sacrifice fly that scored a run for your team even though you were called out. Or maybe your box score will show that you stretched beyond your reach to make every play that came my way. You don’t need to pitch a perfect game. Just make your individual contribution, and at the end of your season, I hope that the history books will show that you mattered. I know that for me personally, I don’t need an award or title, but I do need to make a difference.
In the end I guess that we really don’t need a box score. I guess that even though our contributions will never be tracked by anyone, we should still do all that we can to make our contribution. What will you do?
Friday, March 03, 2006
Silent Morning
At 5:45 this morning it was cold in Pittsburgh. Darkness hid the small patches of ice on the back steps, and I slipped briefly. Catching my balance, I breathe a prayer of thanks recognizing that a bad fall at that time of the morning onto stone steps would have been painful, if not very dangerous. As I open the garage door to walk our dog, I am aware of the stillness of the hour. I don’t need to speak at this hour as Nelson (our nearly 13 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback) knows the routine. He runs down the alley, finds his favorite spot, and is back in a flash. He will save the more time consuming walk to do his business for later in the morning when the sun is up and the temperature rises. For now, it is time for him to eat, and if all goes well, he can be back on his bed in just a few minutes.
I am left alone after we complete our morning ritual. The rest of our house does not begin to awaken until 6:15. I use this time to stretch, practice my morning Yoga, and to pray and meditate. I do this in the darkness. No lights are on in the house. My space is lit by the street lights in the alley street and the glow of the gas fireplace that I light for warmth.
This morning I am aware of the silence. There are very few external sounds. I can hear Nelson eating his food, and lapping his water. I hear the click of his nails as he climbs back up the stairs to return to his bed. I can hear my breathing as I exercise. But generally, what I hear is silence. It is time to meditate.
As I sit on the floor this morning I allow myself to continue with the silence. Rather than letting my mind rush off to the day’s concerns, hopes, and fears, instead I just try to be silent. I just want to hear my thoughts. Today I am the watcher looking in as an observer to the things that are going through my head. I resist all temptation to engage in these thoughts and let them just flow. There is no talking, just listening. As I allow myself to leave this state I realize that more time has passed than usual. It is 6:25 and I don’t hear any movement in my house. It is time to wake everyone up, get breakfast ready, check on the boys and start the next morning routine. This routine is filled with sounds of the morning news, comments from the boys on last night’s college basketball games, urging from me to finish breakfast, put on your shoes, take your vitamins, and keep moving. These are gentle urgings. No yelling, no speeches, just the continual reminder that we need to move through our morning and get ready for the day.
As I write today I am continuing with my theme of silence. The only sounds I hear are the tapping of the keys on my laptop, and the whir of the fan on the small space heater I use to heat my third floor office. I hear the words of this article as I write, and I sit as an observer and scribe, faithfully putting to screen the words I hear in my head. I like this place.
Our days are filled with noise. We listen to the radio, play music, watch the news, and yell at our children, spouse, and pets. We argue with the television, complain about the President, the war, the economy, or the weather forecast. We stop for coffee and listen in on the conversations of those around us. We make judgments, criticize others, and curse at the traffic. We tune in our iPod at the gym, watch TV while on the treadmill, and talk politics or sex in the locker room. We gossip at the office, predict the Academy Award winners, and provide commentary on today’s news, weather, and traffic.
In this season of Lent I know that many of us have made decisions to turn more inward. Some of us are fasting or abstaining from things. Others have made commitments to do more of something. Perhaps we will help those less fortunate. Maybe you commit to exercise, daily prayer, or like my son Max, maybe you give up Oreo cookies. I would like to suggest that we give up noise for a period. I am not suggesting 40 days of silence, or even giving up television or radio. Actually, my proposition is much simpler than that. As you read these words I am asking you to just be aware of how much noise you are exposed to right now. Maybe you just have the radio playing. If you are in an office you likely can hear the conversations of those in your surroundings. Or if you are reading my blog you might just be surfing he internet and exposing yourself to the noise of pictures, pop-ups, email, dings and beeps. Tune it all out. You might even stop reading right here and enjoy a few minutes with your own thoughts.
As I sat in the quiet today this article began to play out in my head. I just listened, and experienced the wonder of watching my thoughts. Maybe you can’t tune out the noise right now. You might be reading this on a Blackberry, or taking a break in your office. You might have multiple meetings today and phone calls to make. Your lunch plans may include others, or maybe you even need to conduct a meeting. I know that the opportunities for silence are few. So, here is a thought. After you finish reading this article, close your eyes and count to 60. Do it slowly. Now, when you are done, write down all of the things you thought about during that brief minute. Try to find two or three more times today to do this exercise again. Each time, write down the things you think about. Compare the lists. While the thoughts might be similar, as you force yourself into periods of silence, the thoughts become fewer. The noise begins to tune down as you turn inward, and you just practice watching.
I want you to make a promise to yourself. Some time this weekend commit to 30 minutes of silence. Sit quietly during the day and just let your thoughts go. Watch what happens. If this helps you I would love to hear about it. But then again, rather than telling me, just use that time for more silence.
I am left alone after we complete our morning ritual. The rest of our house does not begin to awaken until 6:15. I use this time to stretch, practice my morning Yoga, and to pray and meditate. I do this in the darkness. No lights are on in the house. My space is lit by the street lights in the alley street and the glow of the gas fireplace that I light for warmth.
This morning I am aware of the silence. There are very few external sounds. I can hear Nelson eating his food, and lapping his water. I hear the click of his nails as he climbs back up the stairs to return to his bed. I can hear my breathing as I exercise. But generally, what I hear is silence. It is time to meditate.
As I sit on the floor this morning I allow myself to continue with the silence. Rather than letting my mind rush off to the day’s concerns, hopes, and fears, instead I just try to be silent. I just want to hear my thoughts. Today I am the watcher looking in as an observer to the things that are going through my head. I resist all temptation to engage in these thoughts and let them just flow. There is no talking, just listening. As I allow myself to leave this state I realize that more time has passed than usual. It is 6:25 and I don’t hear any movement in my house. It is time to wake everyone up, get breakfast ready, check on the boys and start the next morning routine. This routine is filled with sounds of the morning news, comments from the boys on last night’s college basketball games, urging from me to finish breakfast, put on your shoes, take your vitamins, and keep moving. These are gentle urgings. No yelling, no speeches, just the continual reminder that we need to move through our morning and get ready for the day.
As I write today I am continuing with my theme of silence. The only sounds I hear are the tapping of the keys on my laptop, and the whir of the fan on the small space heater I use to heat my third floor office. I hear the words of this article as I write, and I sit as an observer and scribe, faithfully putting to screen the words I hear in my head. I like this place.
Our days are filled with noise. We listen to the radio, play music, watch the news, and yell at our children, spouse, and pets. We argue with the television, complain about the President, the war, the economy, or the weather forecast. We stop for coffee and listen in on the conversations of those around us. We make judgments, criticize others, and curse at the traffic. We tune in our iPod at the gym, watch TV while on the treadmill, and talk politics or sex in the locker room. We gossip at the office, predict the Academy Award winners, and provide commentary on today’s news, weather, and traffic.
In this season of Lent I know that many of us have made decisions to turn more inward. Some of us are fasting or abstaining from things. Others have made commitments to do more of something. Perhaps we will help those less fortunate. Maybe you commit to exercise, daily prayer, or like my son Max, maybe you give up Oreo cookies. I would like to suggest that we give up noise for a period. I am not suggesting 40 days of silence, or even giving up television or radio. Actually, my proposition is much simpler than that. As you read these words I am asking you to just be aware of how much noise you are exposed to right now. Maybe you just have the radio playing. If you are in an office you likely can hear the conversations of those in your surroundings. Or if you are reading my blog you might just be surfing he internet and exposing yourself to the noise of pictures, pop-ups, email, dings and beeps. Tune it all out. You might even stop reading right here and enjoy a few minutes with your own thoughts.
As I sat in the quiet today this article began to play out in my head. I just listened, and experienced the wonder of watching my thoughts. Maybe you can’t tune out the noise right now. You might be reading this on a Blackberry, or taking a break in your office. You might have multiple meetings today and phone calls to make. Your lunch plans may include others, or maybe you even need to conduct a meeting. I know that the opportunities for silence are few. So, here is a thought. After you finish reading this article, close your eyes and count to 60. Do it slowly. Now, when you are done, write down all of the things you thought about during that brief minute. Try to find two or three more times today to do this exercise again. Each time, write down the things you think about. Compare the lists. While the thoughts might be similar, as you force yourself into periods of silence, the thoughts become fewer. The noise begins to tune down as you turn inward, and you just practice watching.
I want you to make a promise to yourself. Some time this weekend commit to 30 minutes of silence. Sit quietly during the day and just let your thoughts go. Watch what happens. If this helps you I would love to hear about it. But then again, rather than telling me, just use that time for more silence.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Dealing In Values
It seems that over the past couple of weeks I have been involved in a number of discussions that have been focused on values and principles. These discussions are not foreign to my regular experiences as they are a part of most discussions today regarding leadership. We talk about corporate values, principles, vision and mission. I doubt you could find many people working in corporate America today that are not familiar with these statements. In fact, in many organizations mission and vision statements are laminated onto cards that are carried by the employees. I know this to be true as there was a time when I worked for just such a company.
I recognize the importance of establishing values. Every organization, group, community, and even gangs have value systems. These are not always articulated in lofty language, or printed on laminated cards. Yet, observe any group for a period of time and the values become clear. Of course, the values of an organization do not necessarily make them a “good” organization. I am certain that most criminal organizations have values. Even terrorist have values. The point is while every organization has values, the values of that group may not be agreeable to those outside of the organization.
I have had the opportunity of helping organizations establish their vision and value statements. We sit with groups and work through a discovery process that helps them to “discover” their values. This process is effective for organizations as it brings to the surface the norms by which the group operates. As we go through the exercise, our end goal is to develop a succinct value statement that represents the so called “non-negotiable” principles of the organization. I have participated in the roll out of such statements. These can represent a company’s finest hour. The presentations can be powerful. The speeches are heartfelt and are met with cheering and applause from the audience. Of course, after the meetings end, we are left with the value statement on a laminated card. From that day forward everyone that comes in contact with the organization uses these cards as a basis for judging the company. Many times, these judgments will reflect that the organization has failed to live up to their values.
The problem with value statements is that they really become just public pronouncements. We actually believe that having discovered the values, and given the speech, that people are now going to act in accordance with the values we have established. The problem with this perception is that it is based on a flawed assumption of why people do what people do. People do what they do because of their sense that in doing so they will get what they want. What people want of course is to have their own values satisfied. Their own values may be similar to those of the organization, but it is just as likely that they are very different.
The fact is that we don’t really know what people value until we actually ask them. Pronouncements, laminated cards, and value statements don’t create organizational values, people do. The people in your organization, your company, and even your church really do have their own set of values. These values are likely not formalized, but they exist none the less. As your people live their values, others see them as reflective of the organization.
Several years ago I attended a workshop that was conducted by John Maxwell. He handed out a deck of cards to each participant. The deck included approximately 40 cards. Each card had a statement printed on the card. These statements included words like Balance, Simplicity, Recognition, or Integrity. Using the cards in the deck each participant was asked to “deal” the cards selecting out those statements that resonated most with them. The overall objective of the exercise was to ultimately select out about 5 or 10 of the value cards. These cards represented those value statements that you most closely identified with as values that you personally held. The exercise was powerful in that it caused you to choose those values that mattered most to you. The choices required you to eliminate those statements that while they sounded good, did not represent your own honest opinion of what you valued.
I was thinking of this recently while reading the story about the life of Benjamin Franklin. I read that as a young man he went through a similar process. As a young man he decided that he needed to develop for himself a set of governing values. After much contemplation he selected 12 statements that reflected his values. He asked someone to review the statements and give him feedback on the values he had established. The person doing the review suggested that while the statements seemed to be appropriate, they thought that he should adopt a 13th value. The 13th value that Franklin adopted was the value of humility. He described that value by saying that he would “imitate Jesus and Socrates.” Franklin’s plan for practicing his virtues was that he would focus on one of his virtues each week, working through his list over a 13 week period. At the end of the period he would once again repeat the process.
Many years after Franklin established his 13 values he wrote in his memoirs that he had done a fairly good job at living his 12 values. We note from this writing that by the time that he was older, Franklin had reduced his list of 13 values back down to 12. It seems that over time, Franklin had dropped one of his values. The value that he dropped was his value of humility. I find it interesting that Franklin, a man of so many talents would drop the value of humility. However, I realized something in all of this. Franklin did not live his 13th value because it was not a value he had established for himself. The value of humility was a value that was suggested to him by someone else that believed that Franklin should be more humble. Too often in our organizations, we are suggesting the adoption of that 13th value.
I certainly believe in the establishment of values. When I created Finding Your V.O.I.C.E., the “V” stood for “values.” However, we must remember that the values of any organization are not really the values that are placed on a document. The values of an organization are the values that truly matter to its people. If we are to really know what our people value then we need to ask them. Perhaps we need to help them discover their own values to choose what really matters most to them. I don’t know, but my thought is that we must deal our people in to a process of self discovery that will identify what they value. Then and only then can we know what our organization truly values.
I recognize the importance of establishing values. Every organization, group, community, and even gangs have value systems. These are not always articulated in lofty language, or printed on laminated cards. Yet, observe any group for a period of time and the values become clear. Of course, the values of an organization do not necessarily make them a “good” organization. I am certain that most criminal organizations have values. Even terrorist have values. The point is while every organization has values, the values of that group may not be agreeable to those outside of the organization.
I have had the opportunity of helping organizations establish their vision and value statements. We sit with groups and work through a discovery process that helps them to “discover” their values. This process is effective for organizations as it brings to the surface the norms by which the group operates. As we go through the exercise, our end goal is to develop a succinct value statement that represents the so called “non-negotiable” principles of the organization. I have participated in the roll out of such statements. These can represent a company’s finest hour. The presentations can be powerful. The speeches are heartfelt and are met with cheering and applause from the audience. Of course, after the meetings end, we are left with the value statement on a laminated card. From that day forward everyone that comes in contact with the organization uses these cards as a basis for judging the company. Many times, these judgments will reflect that the organization has failed to live up to their values.
The problem with value statements is that they really become just public pronouncements. We actually believe that having discovered the values, and given the speech, that people are now going to act in accordance with the values we have established. The problem with this perception is that it is based on a flawed assumption of why people do what people do. People do what they do because of their sense that in doing so they will get what they want. What people want of course is to have their own values satisfied. Their own values may be similar to those of the organization, but it is just as likely that they are very different.
The fact is that we don’t really know what people value until we actually ask them. Pronouncements, laminated cards, and value statements don’t create organizational values, people do. The people in your organization, your company, and even your church really do have their own set of values. These values are likely not formalized, but they exist none the less. As your people live their values, others see them as reflective of the organization.
Several years ago I attended a workshop that was conducted by John Maxwell. He handed out a deck of cards to each participant. The deck included approximately 40 cards. Each card had a statement printed on the card. These statements included words like Balance, Simplicity, Recognition, or Integrity. Using the cards in the deck each participant was asked to “deal” the cards selecting out those statements that resonated most with them. The overall objective of the exercise was to ultimately select out about 5 or 10 of the value cards. These cards represented those value statements that you most closely identified with as values that you personally held. The exercise was powerful in that it caused you to choose those values that mattered most to you. The choices required you to eliminate those statements that while they sounded good, did not represent your own honest opinion of what you valued.
I was thinking of this recently while reading the story about the life of Benjamin Franklin. I read that as a young man he went through a similar process. As a young man he decided that he needed to develop for himself a set of governing values. After much contemplation he selected 12 statements that reflected his values. He asked someone to review the statements and give him feedback on the values he had established. The person doing the review suggested that while the statements seemed to be appropriate, they thought that he should adopt a 13th value. The 13th value that Franklin adopted was the value of humility. He described that value by saying that he would “imitate Jesus and Socrates.” Franklin’s plan for practicing his virtues was that he would focus on one of his virtues each week, working through his list over a 13 week period. At the end of the period he would once again repeat the process.
Many years after Franklin established his 13 values he wrote in his memoirs that he had done a fairly good job at living his 12 values. We note from this writing that by the time that he was older, Franklin had reduced his list of 13 values back down to 12. It seems that over time, Franklin had dropped one of his values. The value that he dropped was his value of humility. I find it interesting that Franklin, a man of so many talents would drop the value of humility. However, I realized something in all of this. Franklin did not live his 13th value because it was not a value he had established for himself. The value of humility was a value that was suggested to him by someone else that believed that Franklin should be more humble. Too often in our organizations, we are suggesting the adoption of that 13th value.
I certainly believe in the establishment of values. When I created Finding Your V.O.I.C.E., the “V” stood for “values.” However, we must remember that the values of any organization are not really the values that are placed on a document. The values of an organization are the values that truly matter to its people. If we are to really know what our people value then we need to ask them. Perhaps we need to help them discover their own values to choose what really matters most to them. I don’t know, but my thought is that we must deal our people in to a process of self discovery that will identify what they value. Then and only then can we know what our organization truly values.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Owning Our Success
The Vikings are a basketball team that plays in the Youth Basketball League in Sewickley, Pennsylvania. There is nothing particularly outstanding about this team which consists most days of 8 children between the ages of 10 and 12. None of the children on this team are particularly athletic. There is no real star playing on this team even when you take into consideration the one child that scores about 12 points on average in every game he plays. His shooting percentage is about 30%. This team does not have an outstanding defensive set, they are just learning the concept of a fast break, and offensive and defensive rebounding are a foreign concept. The team has a record of 2 wins and 4 losses.
My two sons play for the Vikings. Every Saturday morning our family makes the trip out to the basketball game to watch the boys play. There are many highs and lows that you experience when you watch your children learning to play sports. We are vocal fans, but mostly in that we shout encouragement to the team, and we applaud the successes of each child including the great shots often times scored by the opponents. We are anxious when one of our children is knocked down by bigger or stronger kids, and we are nervous when our sons are shooting from the foul line. Still, we enjoy the games and we even enjoy talking with some of the parents in the stands.
Last week during the game the young woman sitting in front of us turned to us to say “I think that this gets me the award for teacher of the year.” We got a great laugh from the comment because in fact the woman was a former teacher and tutor for our boys. This teacher’s name is Lisa Berger. Lisa was attending the game along with her husband for the sole purpose of watching our boys play. She came of her own initiative because of the bond and the relationship that both she and her husband have to our kids. Lisa teaches third grade at the school that our boys attend. Two years ago she was our son Max’s teacher. For the past two summers she has also tutored both of our son’s.
My children have been fortunate enough to have attended their school since they entered kindergarten. Now in the 5th grade, our boys have been there for almost 6 full years. On the way to school this morning I had a chance to ask the boys which of their teachers thus far had most impacted their lives. This is a tough question for a 10 year old at 7:30 in the morning. Yet, Max immediately spoke up and said that he had two favorites. They were Mrs. Berger, and the teacher they call Coach (Chris Gathagan). When Alex responded he said that his two favorites were Mrs. Ciummo, and also Coach. Had I been asked this question independent of my boys, I would have given the same answer. While they have had many great teachers during their tenure, I believe that these three teachers have taken ownership of my children’s success. I have witnessed the bond that these teachers share with my children. They have shared in their ups and downs, and have nurtured them through their pains. These teachers have a special relationship to our family and view our children not only as students, but as a vital part of the community that is their school.
When I teach or train leaders I focus on a sense of self determinism. I believe that we are responsible for our own actions. I believe that leaders must spend at least 50% of their time in self leadership. I believe and I teach that we lead best when we lead ourselves first. Yet, I cannot ignore that each of us also owns someone’s success. We take responsibility for the success of those we lead, and those we teach. We assume responsibility for the success of those we agree to mentor. We own the success of the people in our lives.
I learned many years ago that each of us is connected one to the other. Success is rarely a solo act. We achieve our success because of the path that was blazed by someone else. Someone opened doors for us. Perhaps a parent made a silent sacrifice deferring their dreams so that you could live yours. Maybe a spouse decided that their career was not as important as yours and decided to let you be out in front. Or maybe your boss took a risk and let you have that coveted project even though the risk of failure was not only great, but would be personally costly. Someone other than you owns your success.
It is not too difficult to find the person or persons that own your success. Just look around. That person has always been there. They have supported you when you were unsure. They listened when you just needed to talk. They told you to go ahead when you were pushing to succeed. Most likely, they never told you how much they wanted to see you be successful. And, I would bet that you have probably never told them how much you appreciate the impact they have had on your life.
I wonder who you would find sitting in the bleachers of your life. Would it be the teacher of the year? Would it be one of your early bosses? Maybe it is your spouse or your parents.
As a parent I would like to think that I own the success of my children. I realize now that I co-own their success with many people, starting with those three teachers I mentioned above. When I see them next I will take a minute to thank them for caring enough to own the success of my children. I also need to thank each person in my own life that has owned my success. Perhaps you could do the same.
My two sons play for the Vikings. Every Saturday morning our family makes the trip out to the basketball game to watch the boys play. There are many highs and lows that you experience when you watch your children learning to play sports. We are vocal fans, but mostly in that we shout encouragement to the team, and we applaud the successes of each child including the great shots often times scored by the opponents. We are anxious when one of our children is knocked down by bigger or stronger kids, and we are nervous when our sons are shooting from the foul line. Still, we enjoy the games and we even enjoy talking with some of the parents in the stands.
Last week during the game the young woman sitting in front of us turned to us to say “I think that this gets me the award for teacher of the year.” We got a great laugh from the comment because in fact the woman was a former teacher and tutor for our boys. This teacher’s name is Lisa Berger. Lisa was attending the game along with her husband for the sole purpose of watching our boys play. She came of her own initiative because of the bond and the relationship that both she and her husband have to our kids. Lisa teaches third grade at the school that our boys attend. Two years ago she was our son Max’s teacher. For the past two summers she has also tutored both of our son’s.
My children have been fortunate enough to have attended their school since they entered kindergarten. Now in the 5th grade, our boys have been there for almost 6 full years. On the way to school this morning I had a chance to ask the boys which of their teachers thus far had most impacted their lives. This is a tough question for a 10 year old at 7:30 in the morning. Yet, Max immediately spoke up and said that he had two favorites. They were Mrs. Berger, and the teacher they call Coach (Chris Gathagan). When Alex responded he said that his two favorites were Mrs. Ciummo, and also Coach. Had I been asked this question independent of my boys, I would have given the same answer. While they have had many great teachers during their tenure, I believe that these three teachers have taken ownership of my children’s success. I have witnessed the bond that these teachers share with my children. They have shared in their ups and downs, and have nurtured them through their pains. These teachers have a special relationship to our family and view our children not only as students, but as a vital part of the community that is their school.
When I teach or train leaders I focus on a sense of self determinism. I believe that we are responsible for our own actions. I believe that leaders must spend at least 50% of their time in self leadership. I believe and I teach that we lead best when we lead ourselves first. Yet, I cannot ignore that each of us also owns someone’s success. We take responsibility for the success of those we lead, and those we teach. We assume responsibility for the success of those we agree to mentor. We own the success of the people in our lives.
I learned many years ago that each of us is connected one to the other. Success is rarely a solo act. We achieve our success because of the path that was blazed by someone else. Someone opened doors for us. Perhaps a parent made a silent sacrifice deferring their dreams so that you could live yours. Maybe a spouse decided that their career was not as important as yours and decided to let you be out in front. Or maybe your boss took a risk and let you have that coveted project even though the risk of failure was not only great, but would be personally costly. Someone other than you owns your success.
It is not too difficult to find the person or persons that own your success. Just look around. That person has always been there. They have supported you when you were unsure. They listened when you just needed to talk. They told you to go ahead when you were pushing to succeed. Most likely, they never told you how much they wanted to see you be successful. And, I would bet that you have probably never told them how much you appreciate the impact they have had on your life.
I wonder who you would find sitting in the bleachers of your life. Would it be the teacher of the year? Would it be one of your early bosses? Maybe it is your spouse or your parents.
As a parent I would like to think that I own the success of my children. I realize now that I co-own their success with many people, starting with those three teachers I mentioned above. When I see them next I will take a minute to thank them for caring enough to own the success of my children. I also need to thank each person in my own life that has owned my success. Perhaps you could do the same.
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