Finding Legacy in Simple Acts

I don't necessarily like award shows. But like so many of us I was somewhat compelled last night to watch the music awards to see and hear what the music industry would say in tribute to Whitney Houston. I anticipated that I would hear about her legacy and I expected that there would be moments where I would hear some of her music. I did not stay awake for the entire show and as a result I only heard one tribute. That was the prayer read by LL Cool J. While he seemed to hit the right notes in his brief prayer, what struck me most was his statement where he thanked God for giving us Whitney, and he indicated that he was grateful for the music we would always have to remember her. Today I was having a telephone call with a Cancer survivor. A man that has recently recovered from prostate cancer. He is planning a cruise and we talked about how he saw this cruise as being about legacy. A chance to spend time with loved ones away from cancer treatment and the attendant concerns that may bring. Finally, before writing this I received a call from one of my closest friends telling me that her recent biopsy is benign. She felt relieved and moved with emotion knowing that now she could move forward in her life.


It strikes me that the words of LL, the cancer survivor and my friend all spoke about life and legacy and moving forward. It is no surprise to me that after a tragic death or after surviving a life threatening illness or after we are forced to examine our mortality we might think of legacy. We examine the legacy of those we have lost to tragedy, and when we survive near loss our selves we begin to wonder about our own mortality and perhaps question the legacy we will leave.


In my work I often speak to people about deciding in advance what legacy they want to leave. We talk about the concept advanced by Stephen Covey which reminds us to begin with the end in mind. That same friend with the good news wrote that to me in a text message I received just as I was boarding a flight today. Begin with the end in mind is such a simple concept that it is often forgotten. It speaks to deciding in advance what legacy you will leave. Perhaps it is too much at times for us to think of legacy when we are caught up in the general busyness of our day-to-day. Legacy can seem so far off for us when for now we are just focused on the week. Let's just get the kids to school, go to our own jobs, have a decent meal or two and maybe even find some time to relax before the week ends. That is often times all we are able to focus upon. Frankly, much of the time it is about all we can really handle.


Perhaps when we think of legacy we are thinking too far ahead and as a result it becomes too much to handle. I think we sometimes need something much shorter range to focus upon. Something that we can handle in the thick of our day. I think that often times what will become our legacy is simply thrust upon us by circumstances and our response. Finally, I think that legacy is sometimes a singular act of courage or sacrifice that goes unnoticed but becomes a part of our story.


While I was taking a break between flights in an airport lounge this afternoon I noticed a man that seemed to be intently looking out the window at something happening with one of the airplanes. When he noticed me staring at him he commented that it appeared that a fallen soldier was being boarded on one of the planes. I rose just in time to watch the ceremony as TSA Agents, Baggage Handlers, and an Army Escort paused and then raised their hands in a solemn salute to the flag draped casket of this fallen soldier. I became choked up as I imagined how far this soldier would have flown on his final journey and I wondered how much farther he would have to go. After the casket was loaded on board the aircraft the assembled team slowly lowered their salute and marched away from the plane. The last person to leave was the Army Escort.


As I looked at my watch I realized that I needed to get going to make my own plane on time. I gathered my belongings and took a quick look at the flight status screen to determine which gate my flight to Houston was departing from. I was grateful to learn that I was departing from gate B3 which was right next to the lounge. Realizing that I would not need to go far I relaxed a bit and began to walk to the gate. Upon approaching I noticed a crowd at the gate and realized that the TSA agents I had observed just moments ago were standing there talking. As I worked my way around the crowd I also saw the Army Escort just as he was boarding the plane. I realized then that the body of the fallen soldier was flying to Houston on the final leg of his journey home. I imagined that the escort would be sitting in First Class and that perhaps I would have an opportunity to express my gratitude for his service to our country and to his comrade. Perhaps we would be sitting next to each other and I could tell him how moved I was at watching what had just taken place outside.


When waiting to catch an aircraft I often watch people jostling for position to be among the first to board the plane. Many appear anxious as though the seats are only available on a first come first served basis. I have found myself experiencing that when I have a couple of bags and I am concerned about finding an overhead space to stow them. I admit that I too have at times crept towards the front of the line to board as early as possible. But today I have a First Class seat and only one bag so I hang back knowing that I will not be struggling for overhead space and recognizing that I will be boarding the plane with the first passengers boarding. As I stand back watching the other passengers I see the expressions of other apparent First Class passengers standing at the very edge of the gate. I am often amused at the sizing up that takes place as people try to determine who else will be flying in First and whether you should be standing with them. I always shy away from this as I don't want to be a part of this dance if possible. As I stand aside trying to stay out of the way of wheel chair passengers and others that appear to require pre-boarding I notice the plane's Captain who comes out and somewhat sternly tells the gate agent that he would appreciate it if one of the passengers in First Class would give up their seat for the Escort. Apparently, while it is customary to give the Escort a seat in First Class, today First Class has checked in full. I stand for a moment to see if anyone else heard the Captain but I see no signs of movement. I then decided that I would give up my seat. I just heard that small voice that I sometimes hear telling me that this was what I needed to do. I have learned to listen and obey when I hear that voice.


In order to volunteer my seat I needed to move from my position in the back of the crowd to the front. Actually, I realized that I needed to move to the counter to speak with the agent as soon as she was available. She had just left the counter to board a wheel chair passenger. I had to walk in front of those First Class passengers that had jockeyed for their prime positions. More than one gave me looks of "who do you think you are?" I ignored their stares and stood at the counter waiting for the attendant. When she returned I told her that I wanted to volunteer my seat in First Class for the Escort. She thanked me and told me to board the plane. This meant that I was now boarding before the other First Class passengers. I boarded the plane and located the Escort sitting silently in Coach. I thanked him for his service and for escorting one of our fallen home. I told him that I was giving him my seat in First Class. He seemed surprised and humbled. As we passed each other him taking my seat and me settling into his, one of the flight attendants approached me and thanked me for my gesture and told me that I was going to be treated just as though I was still in First Class. That was followed by one of the airport Supervisors, a man named Danny who said that my record with the airline would be noted for giving up my seat. The other flight attendants each came by to thank me as well all addressing me by name. Finally, the Captain came back to thank me for my generosity. Now it was I who was humbled as I only meant for this to be a personal and private gesture of thanks and gratitude for all that I have and the opportunities that I have been given.


After all of the passengers were aboard the aircraft the Captain made an announcement. He told us that we had on board today Sergeant First Class Harvey, who gave his final measure in an automobile accident in Germany after receiving two Purple Hearts in Iraq. He further told us that Sergeant Harvey was accompanied by his best friend Sergeant First Class Lowers who is the man to whom I gave my seat. The irony of this moment was not lost upon me and again I was brought to tears thankful that I listened to that voice.


We speak of legacy when we talk of people that are famous. Most of us will never be famous or have the notoriety of larger than life celebrities like Whitney Houston. People may never speak of our legacy or perhaps may never know the things that we have done. In many ways we don't really know how we will be remembered. But I know this. Sergeant Harvey's legacy was that he served all of us and ultimately lost his life in that service. His best friend's legacy is that he accompanied his friend on his final journey home. And for me today, the story I will remember is that it is the small things that you and I can do that contribute to our legacy. They may never be spoken about again but we know the things we have done.


Not everyone can become famous. But everyone can become great because greatness is determined by our service. - Martin Luther King

The Word

One of the phrases that often comes to my mind is from a book by Miguel Ruiz titled The Four Agreements.  It is a book I recommend frequently.  The phrase is “Be impeccable with your Word.”  In this phrase I note the capitalization of “Word”.  Word is used here as a proper noun which indicates that the writer intends for us to see this as the name of a person or thing. Ruiz calls this the first agreement and suggests that this singular agreement can change your life.

I had an opportunity to think about this concept yesterday.  Oddly, the thoughts came during a run.  Lately I have not found myself thinking while running but rather just focusing on completing my run which has not left room for many other thoughts.  Yet, this thought came to me powerfully and would not go away.  It occurred to me that the Word that I had been using during my runs was limiting my capacity.  I had been focusing on just getting through the run, often times telling myself that perhaps I could not run as far or as hard as I had planned.  The result of using the Word in this way was that it limited my ability and made many of these runs seem long and difficult.  However, during yesterday’s run the focus shifted.  It seemed that my Word was about strength and speed.  The result was an effortless run that seemed to go by quickly.

How often do we find ourselves telling ourselves limiting thoughts?  Thoughts like “I will never have enough money”, or “I don’t know how I am going to get through this”, or “I could never do that”.  The results of these limiting thoughts, or limiting words expressed as thoughts rarely produce positive results.  Rather, they produce fear, anxiety and often times anger.  These emotions of course rarely serve us well.

When we examine the phrase “Be impeccable with your Word” we begin to understand that Ruiz wants us to use words in a way that do not turn those words against ourselves.  He writes in his book that impeccable is a word derived from a combination of two words.  A Latin word “peccare” which means “to sin”, and the Latin prefix “in” meaning “not”. The combination of these words means means not capable of sinning.

It is fairly easy to see how we might commit a sin with our words and certainly greater minds than mine could discuss this at length.  But there is another approach that I would like to explore.  While we know clearly about the sins we can commit against others with our words, I want to explore the sins we commit against ourselves with our words.  As I indicated above, when I was running I was frequently thinking limiting thoughts.  The results of these thoughts were in fact limiting my abilities.  The result was that I was using my Word against myself.  How often do we do that?  We use words against ourselves to limit, discourage, or promote fear.  We use words to cause ourselves pain.  Is that not a sin against ourselves?

I trust that as you read this you don’t dismiss this as some sort of theological or religious rant.  Rather, I am proposing that we begin to examine our words and the power they hold.  Words are real.  They can be used in powerful ways.  Just turn on your television and watch the national discourse and the words being chosen by all sides of the political spectrum.  Watch a political debate or 30 minutes of what we now call “News”.  You will experience a well of emotions ranging from fear, anger, joy, and excitement.  You will align yourself with certain words.  Particularly those that come from people that you perceive to be just like you.  You will become angry at the words used by those that you see as different from you.  Yet, stepping back we must remember that these are their words.  We don’t know if they are being impeccable when they use them.  We don’t know if they are using the words with an intent to be delivered without harm or pain to another.  We can’t blindly trust the words of those we do not really know because we do not really know their intent.

I don’t have a sufficient audience to begin to change the national discourse.  I don’t have a soapbox to speak from that would permit me to cause us as a nation to become impeccable with our words.  But I can be one voice that begins to say and repeat over and over again “Be Impeccable with your Word.”  Maybe it does not need to start on a national level.  Maybe you can just start in your own head.  Take the time to examine the words you are using right now with just yourself.  Let’s get control over the limiting, painful, and untrue words we permit there.  Once we gain control of our inner world we can begin to have an impact on our outer world.  

I would like to ask anyone reading this today to take a moment before you leave this to just examine the words that you are aware of right now.  Are they advancing you or holding you back?  Are your words hurting another or limiting their potential?  Are your words making you smile or frown?  

Your Word is magical.  When your Word is free from fault or blame watch what happens first in your own mind and then in the world around you.

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD!