Hey, How You Doin?

As a writer and speaker I am always encouraged when I receive positive comments to something that I have written, or when someone comes up to me after a presentation to tell me how much they enjoyed my talk. When I teach I readily handout feedback forms to my audience. I generally limit the request to answering specific questions about the content, amount of information provided, and their perception as to my grasp of the particular subject or the amount of information provided. I find this to be helpful as I continually develop my material, and if I have done a good job I get a bit of a boost from the comments I receive. As you might expect, not all of the comments are positive, and sometimes they are downright brutal. I am learning to look more closely at the negative comments as usually there is some ring of truth in them. I try not to dwell on the negative, but it is important for me to know that not everyone likes what I have to say.

It seems that in the world of seminar facilitation, and certain types of academic teaching that soliciting feedback is a common and accepted practice. Yet, in many other areas of our lives the solicitation of feedback is actually frowned upon. We tend to view a request for feedback as a shameless solicitation for praise. The result is that for the most part we receive very little feedback in most areas of our lives. This leaves us to make decisions based on our own internal feedback monitor, which without some fine tuning can often lead us in the wrong direction. I once read that a jet aircraft has a number of systems and controls that act as a constant feedback loop system. This is necessary because the aircraft is constantly off course. In order to arrive at the planned destination the pilot makes a number of minor course corrections every several seconds. These seemingly minor corrections keep the plane on course and are the result of constant feedback.

Ed Koch was Mayor of New York City for twelve consecutive years. He is responsible for a number of accomplishments of note. Not the least of which is that he was able to balance the budget for the city and introduced Generally Accepted Accounting Practices to the fiscal management system. Koch also built over one hundred and fifty thousand units of affordable housing during his tenure increasing a much needed resource in the city. He is a flamboyant political character, and remains active and relevant even today at the age of eighty. Koch believes in keeping at it. His most recent book title “I’m Not Done Yet!: Keeping at it, Remaining Relevant, and Having the Time of My Life” is a testament to his abiding philosophy. How does a character like Ed Koch remain relevant? It is hard for many of us to imagine today that a man born in 1924 could have much to say that anyone would care to listen to. Yet, Koch writes reviews for three New York newspapers, still has a regular radio program, speaks internationally, and writes opinion columns that appear across the country on an almost weekly basis. How does he do it? Koch uses a feedback loop system.

One of the phrases that have made former Mayor Koch famous is “How Am I Doing?” This is Koch’s feedback loop system. When Koch was Mayor he was constantly seen asking the crowds at public gatherings “How Am I Doing?”. I am sure that in a city like New York where you can get an opinion by simply bumping against someone on a crowded subway (this would be negative feedback), Koch sometimes did not find himself in a position of receiving praise. Yet, to this day Koch has not stopped asking the question.

I think that it is time for more of us to take up Koch’s mantle and begin to ask the question “How Am I Doing?” We need to seek feedback both positive and negative in our lives. Generally the people around us don’t provide feedback unless we ask. My best test of this hypothesis is this blog where there are regular comments, but the ratio of those that comment to those that read is probably less than one commenter for every five readers. Perhaps that ratio is acceptable for a blog, but it is not acceptable for your life. You need regular feedback to let you know how you are doing. You need to have an instrument system that allows you to make course corrections when necessary. Not only do you need this, but those around you need it too. Feedback can come in the form of encouragement. Like when you congratulate a spouse or friend for keeping to their diet or exercise program. Maybe they have not yet reached their goal, but your feedback will resonate with them and provide encouragement that they are doing the right thing, and staying on course. You can even use your feedback loop system to provide negative feedback, but still leave a positive message. This can be done by talking about behavior you love to see, when perhaps the behavior being displayed is negative. Finally, use your feedback loop system to regularly seek comments and direction from those around you. Start asking “How Am I Doing?”

Why not make it a goal today to ask three people how you are doing. I recommend that you ask your spouse, ask your children, and ask a close friend. People that care about you will provide honest answers that may surprise you. Most of them will affirm that you are doing just fine. But make sure you listen to comments that don’t sing your praises. I am going to practice my feedback loop system today. I actually want the opinions of more than three people. You can start by commenting on this blog. So, what do you think? How Am I Doing?