Nervous Ervous Finds His V.O.I.C.E.

As we further explore the importance of E-cubed in finding your V.O.I.C.E., I thought it would be helpful to tell the story of Nervous Ervous.

Nervous Ervous is someone that I came to know when I was a teenager growing up in Philadelphia. Only a few of the kids called him that because in truth Nervous, was pretty shy and most people did not really notice him much at all. Still, those that did notice him recognized that Nervous was not very confident. Growing up in the neighborhood he lived in, Nervous had another problem. He was smaller than most of the boys. He was skinny, and not very tall. Nervous had none of the things that are important when you are thirteen years old. He was not particularly athletic, strong, or good looking, and his family did not have enough money to buy him the latest clothes and fashions. Add to that the normal problems of early adolescence like pimples, a squeaky speaking voice and pre-teen body odor and you can imagine that Nervous had more than a few issues, he had a whole subscription.

Nervous was the oldest son of a single mother who at the time was raising three other children. He was bright. Nervous could read and tell time before he entered elementary school. He possessed a photographic memory and could recall written facts verbatim. He used this memory power to recite poems written by his maternal grandmother and this brought him a bit of acceptance and even praise in church on certain Sundays. Yet, even in this arena Nervous had a problem as most of the other kids could sing and participated in the church choir which was where the real action was. Nervous with his squeaky voice could not sing at all and in fact he could not even speak loudly without hurting his already fragile voice. Still, yielding to peer and family pressure Nervous joined the choir anyway.

Nervous was an excellent student in his early years usually earning very high marks and praise from his teachers. He was particularly adaptable to learning foreign languages and did well in those classes. When tested, it was discovered that Nervous had an IQ of 130. But, even in school Nervous had problems. He was not considered creative, could not draw or paint well and didn’t have many friends. Making Nervous’ life worse was the fact that during the early years he was bused to an all white school in a primarily Jewish neighborhood. Nervous’ new classmates were intellectually more like him than anyone else he had ever known, but this was 1968 and whites and blacks did not mix all that well in those turbulent times. Nervous was truly lost as he identified best with his white classmates, but as a young African American boy (not what they were called then), was expected to relate to the other children of color that had also been bused to the school. It was not that Nervous could not get along with the other children from his neighborhood, but rather, Nervous really did not know how to relate to people.

Drawing more and more inward as he grew into his later teens, Nervous fell into a life that reflected no V.O.I.C.E. at all. He floundered for several years, sometimes mixed with the wrong crowd, and began to fail in school which had been the only place where Nervous had ever experienced any sense of success in life. Nervous, with his high IQ dropped out of school and began working as a Janitor.

We all know Nervous Ervous. Any of us can finish his story because it is the story of so many young men of color. We might guess that Nervous falls into drugs and alcohol, commits petty crimes, and ends up in jail or dead. That is not how Nervous’ story ends. Nervous was lucky that he found his V.O.I.C.E. before it was too late. Nervous’ upbringing gave him at least a value to hold on to. Nervous understood that in all of his aloneness he was really not alone. He reached back to his upbringing and found his faith in God. For Nervous, he found his faith when he was at his lowest, far from home, and having nowhere else to go. When Nervous found his faith, he found his foundational value. That faith led Nervous to find his V.O.I.C.E. This did not happen overnight, and Nervous had many fits and starts along the way. He still made mistakes, failed to act with integrity, made bad choices and had an unstable value system. Yet, he did ultimately find his V.O.I.C.E.

How did Nervous make the leap? What changed in his life to take him from a path that has destroyed the lives of so many young men of color? Looking back the answer seems so very simple. Nervous realized that during his lonely times he had become very self-aware although he did not know what that was. His self-awareness always kept him from going too far when he could have gone down the wrong road. His self-awareness kept him from sinking into depression as he could always recognize what he was feeling as he was feeling it. He was self-motivating and became an excellent manager of his emotions and he used these skills to help him to manage the relationships in his life. Nervous went from having just a high IQ to developing his E-cubed and has since experienced life success beyond anything he could have ever imagined. Today he is a husband and father, has run successful businesses, and enjoys deep relationships with family and friends alike. Oh, and before I forget, he is still pretty smart.

What happens to people that do not find their V.O.I.C.E.? Not all will experience the things that Nervous experienced. For many not finding your V.O.I.C.E will simply mean leading a life of continued mediocrity. For some though, failing to find your V.O.I.C.E. leads to failed marriages, broken relationships, and lost children. For employers, employees that don’t find their V.O.I.C.E. are unproductive, have high turnover rates, abuse substances, increase your health care costs, and will not help you to build and run your business. This is why I like what Stephen Covey says about the need for each of us to find our V.O.I.C.E. and to help others to find theirs.