Who Are These People?

Walking through our neighborhood recently on an unusually warm winter day I happened to notice that a new shop seems to have opened over the winter. This new shop is an antique store of sorts. Walking in to browse around the store I noticed that it was run by two older women who welcomed me in. They seemed to be comfortably sitting on old chairs that I guessed were for sale. I am not sure if all of the items in the store are antiques, but certainly many of the dishes, pots, and odd knick knacks seemed to my eye at least to be old enough to be antiques. But then again, I don’t know much about antiques. What caught my eye in one small section of the store was a case of sorts that was divided into a number of small boxes. There could have been as many as thirty or forty of these boxes, and in many ways it looked like the boxes once used in old hotels to hold the collection of room keys and assorted mail for guests. I examined the case closely and I imagined that this case would be even more interesting if you could put small models of people in each box. These people would represent the many people we meet in our lives and you could fill a room with many of these boxes.

I don’t know much about antiques, but I am a very experienced collector. My collection is not your typical collection and because of the nature of my collection I have no real means of putting it on display. Except for my imaginings of the case in that antique store, I don’t think I ever would have given my collection much thought for you see what I collect are people. Thinking back to that box I was imagining all of the people that I have had the privilege to know in my life time. I am not talking about the people I know of, but rather I am speaking of the people that I have known, and that also knew me. I imagine them as part of an interesting collection. Not necessarily a collection that fits together because of similarities, but more like a disparate group that helps to mark the times, places, and seasons of my life. This is a collection that perhaps has no value to my heirs, but means the world to me.

I wonder why it is at times that we feel such a need to categorize the people in our lives. We call people associates, acquaintances, neighbors, friends or family. Then there are all of the formal names like boss, teacher, pastor, mailman or barber. We know all of these people. Sometimes people cross categories such as when my barber also became a friend. Many years later, that same friend became a member of extended family through marriage, do you then call them a “family friend?” Of course in this case when I lost my hair my friend was clearly no longer my barber or “stylist” as I no longer have anything to style. I just wonder do all of these categories suggest some level or degree of relationships that makes one more or less significant than another.

Someone once told me that a real friend would lend you their dog if you were sick. Now, I have a dog and the last thing that I would do is lend him to someone that was sick. I mean the idea at first blush sounds gracious. However, I know that my dog requires to be let out at least three times every day and tries to consume half of everything I eat. How would that help a sick friend? No, I don’t think this is a good definition of friendship. Then I was thinking that a friend is someone that you can drop in on at any time without notice. Perhaps we could figure out who all of the people are that we would not mind seeing naked, unshaven, or half-dressed, who have not had their coffee yet. If we could create a list of these people then perhaps we could know who our real friends are.

Are our friends the people that we touch base with on a regular basis? I have a client or two that I call routinely. My purpose in making those calls is really to look for work. Still, I do call them often and I try my best to be cordial and not sound solicitous during the call. Are these my friends? What about the people that for their own reasons regularly call me or stop by. These are the people that make a feigned effort to ask about my life but then quickly jump into the real purpose of the call which is to tell me all about their lives. Since they can at times call almost daily, then surely these must be the people that I can consider my friends. Then again there is a religious group that comes by my house every Saturday, and I know that I am not friends with them.

Now, technology has brought a host of new people into my life. There are the people that I meet on eBay exchanging goods. The transactions where I am the seller tend to generate a number of email messages that are urgent and require response. These people even leave feedback for me (which is generally positive) and so if you regularly get messages from a person, and they are kind enough to give you positive feedback, then is this person a friend or family member? The newest experience with the people I meet through technology in my life is this blog. Here there are both passersby as well as loyal readers. There are also a small circle of people that take the time to read what I write and provide comments, offer encouragement, and relate stories. In a short time I have come to look forward to my daily and often times more frequent encounters with these people that I am coming to know. But the question remains, what box do I place these people in?

It seems to me now that perhaps the whole idea of having boxes and categories no longer works. I have heard the analogies of people seeing their world as a village. The little sayings like it takes a village to raise a child come to mind and on their face sound like the right message. I have never in my life spent even an hour in a village. I know nothing of what that would be like. I have enjoyed warm, loving and caring relationships with people that have arrived in my life though many a different station. I have called many of these people friends and later learned that they were not. I have also found myself in need whether it be in need of encouragement, good wishes, money, or just a place to hang out while I got my bearings during difficult periods in life. The people that have come to my aid during these times have been the most surprising. Sometimes family members are there. At other times people that I have known to be a friend have shown up to help see me through. Then there have been those loose acquaintances that have shown up at those critical times and displayed the compassion and kindness that would rival that of any family member or friend.

I guess that in the end I am blessed to have many people in my life. They come from many places, and they wear many different faces in my life. Yet, there are people in every category that have taught me that friendship is really not a label that you hang around the neck of someone. Friendship is a feeling that you experience with people. In some cases you know the faces of the people with whom you share friendship. Other times you experience this gift from people that remain unknown and faceless. Friends are sometimes near and often times far away. At this point in my life a few friends have even passed on. But the feeling that you experienced really never leaves you. You know your friends and they know you. Each of our friends touches our lives in a different way but you know their touch and you are always glad to have experienced their presence.

If you are reading this and find that perhaps I have touched your life in some way, would you leave a comment? Even if you do not, I know you have been here, and I thank you for being a part of my collection.