Last week I conducted a series of training classes at a facility in Western Michigan. These sessions were intended to help this particular group focus on the principles and values of their organization, with a focus on what things they could do to positively affect their place of business. I met with groups that averaged about 25 people attending each of the sessions. This allowed for a fair amount of personal interaction giving me an opportunity to engage the groups.
I find that when I am involved in multiple meetings all on the same topic after a while the meetings tend to blend together. It is difficult for me to say with any certainty what persons attended which meeting. This is particularly true when I meet with a large number of people. However, what I always remember is the place in the room where each person sat. I have a distinct recollection for the clothing that a person might have worn if they stood out in some way, or perhaps I will recall a person’s coffee cup, or the way they write their name on their tent card. I enjoy reflecting on these details and the way that the particular patterns stay with me long after I may have forgotten the names of the people involved.
During one of my sessions last week I asked a group to describe their first day at work. I was trying to get the group to express the feelings that they experienced when they were starting out on a new venture. The answers I got back from the group included many responses you might normally expect related to this type of question. Some described their feelings on that first day as anxious. Others described their feelings on their first day as exciting, or even feeling lost. I expected that the responses I would get would represent a range of emotions and experiences. Some of the responses were interesting, like the person who said “I was just happy to be working”, or one man who said he was a bit out of sorts since on his first day he was sent into the basement of the building to work. The most interesting response I got was from a woman that said she experienced a sense of concern after arriving at her cubicle and noticing that things there were all “Kaddywampus.” As she was describing her experience, many of the people in the room nodded their acknowledgement or even agreement with her description of the way things were. However, I found myself instantly curious. I had never heard this word, Kaddywampus before and so I probed to have her explain the term. Essentially, the term is used to describe things that are in disarray, disorganized, or perhaps askew. To use the word in a sentence (as we were trained to do in grade school), one might say the following: I entered the room where the three children were playing and found that everything was Kaddywampus.
I love the sound of this word as it rolls off of the tongue. While I could find no official spelling and therefore no official pronunciation, as I recall the word is pronounced (kad’ ē wom’ pŭs). I recall using this word several times during my training session with this group. We spent about two hours together and I think I managed to fit it in at least three times. I thought that I had forgotten the word until this morning when it came back to mind as I was reflecting on my attitude today.
This morning I woke up in great spirits. It is always a good thing when we can wake up feeling positive about the day. I have developed a couple of rituals over the years that I use to get me charged up when I think I need a bit of a boost, but today, no boost was required. I woke up excited, full of ideas and anxious to get the day started. My feelings today are significant because they are so much the opposite of the feelings I experienced most of the day yesterday. I can now describe my feelings yesterday as “Kaddywampus.” I was out of sorts or off balance. I was easily agitated and perhaps even pensive was the word I heard someone use yesterday. I found myself reacting badly to most situations, either lacking sensitivity when that was called for, or getting far too upset over things that in hindsight were relatively minor. I yelled at the dog a couple of times, snapped at my wife, and responded badly in a telephone call when a friend called me to ask for advice. At one point I just needed to get out and get some air as my wife described it. I am not usually like that (well ok, I am not always like that).
Sometimes we don’t get a chance to actually assess our attitude. In fact for many of us we really only recognize the highs and the lows of our feelings. We have many “middle of the road” days and they tend to go by without mention. We do however notice the highs or the lows. I love the sound in someone’s voice when they say “I am in a great mood today.” They usually follow that statement by saying “I have no idea why.” Few of the people will actually tell you without prompting that they are not in a good mood. Then again, I guess that would not seem normal now that I think about it. Just imagine a co-worker walking up to you and after saying hello telling you “I just wanted to warn you that I am in a bad mood today.” You would likely look at that person as though they are just a bit Kaddywampus.
Now here’s the thing. There have been no changes of note in my life in the past 24 hours that would have changed my attitude. No checks arrived in the mail, I did not win the lottery, and I have had no use for Levitra. I am not Kaddywampus today simply because I chose not to be. I shifted my focus today to reflect on the many things for which I am grateful. I thought back to yesterday and was thankful for each of the wonderful things that happened. I spent time yesterday talking to friends (even though I was not a great conversationalist). I laughed at and with my sons. I enjoyed an exciting basketball game even though our team lost. I enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner even though we did not have company, and dinner was served on a TV tray while watching the game.
I am happy today that I am learning to reach beyond my immediate focus. I am seeing the higher purposes in many of the things that I do, and recognizing the joy in simple pleasures. I have joked with family and friends, petted the dog, and been able to give encouragement. This is not to say that I won’t find myself Kaddywampus again some day soon. But next time I do, I will be able to remind myself that Kaddywampus is a choice. When I am Kaddywampus, from now on I will just choose to be the opposite. I will keep you posted. But do me a favor. If you read this and you find me just a bit out of sorts, would you take a minute to ask me if I am Kaddywampus? Just that key word will shake me out of whatever funk I am in. I will thank you for that and perhaps we will all then just have a better day.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
The Power of a Person Convinced
Michael Jordan is by my definition the greatest basketball player of all time. I know that we could have arguments over this statement. Depending upon your own preferences, and your age you may not agree. Yet, for me, this statement represents my truth.
I recall the year when during the NBA finals Michael Jordan was suffering from the flu in game 5 against the Utah Jazz. He had a high fever, and even vomited both before and during the game. He was dehydrated, and weak but still wanted to play in the game. Jordan was convinced that his presence would make a difference. He shot 13-of-27 from the field and played 44 minutes. Jordan shot the tie breaking three-pointer, and the Bulls went on to win game five, giving them a 3 games to 2 advantage over Utah. But, this is not the end of the story. As every basketball fan at that time had come to know, when the game is on the line, you want Michael Jordan to have the ball. With seconds left he has delivered time and time again. He once stated in an interview that if there is one last shot needed to win, he wanted the ball. He was convinced that he could make the winning difference.
In game 6 of the 1997 championship finals, Jordan was once again pivotal in the final seconds of the game. The Bulls needed one final shot to secure the victory and their 5th NBA title. In the final seconds, everyone watching the game, and every player on the floor knew that Michael Jordan would get the ball, and they were convinced that he would take the final shot. That is everyone except Michael Jordan and Steve Kerr. During their final time out the Bull’s coach drew up a play that would get the ball to Jordan. However, Jordan knew that this would result in his being double teamed by John Stockton leaving Steve Kerr unguarded. Jordan asked Kerr if he would be ready to take the shot when this occurred. Kerr assured him that he would be ready and that he would make the shot. Jordan was convinced. The play worked perfectly. Jordan got the ball and Stockton double teamed him. Jordan swings the pass out to Kerr who sinks the long jump shot. The bulls go on to win their 5th championship 90-86. Utah was convinced that Jordan would take the shot. Jordan was convinced that Steve Kerr would make the shot when it counted most. Here again we saw the power of being convinced.
Sports provide us with many analogies of the power of people that are convinced that they can achieve a goal. Yet, every day we see the power of people that are convinced. A child’s first steps show us that power when they stand up on wobbly legs, convinced that they can begin to walk. Parents don’t create this sense of confidence, at best we can reinforce it, but the child must be convinced that they alone can do it. In American History, a group of farmers that had left England in pursuit of religious freedom were convinced that they could defeat the greatest army in the world when they fought against England. In biblical history Moses was convinced that he would lead the people of Israel out of slavery. Gandhi was convinced that he could lead a non-violent revolution to free India from foreign rule. Joan of Arc was convinced that she was called by God to drive the English out of France. There is power in being convinced.
We have allowed our language to be too filled with words that transmit uncertainty. We express our doubts and our fear of failure far more often than we express our confidence. We begin tasks with weak statements that give us a cushion to fall back upon should we fail. We are timid in our approach. We don’t live our lives as though we are convinced that we can not fail.
I have been challenged of late as to the certainty of my own calling. Questions creep into my mind causing doubt. I have seen myself become tentative, and unsure, even unmotivated at times. I have even considered a change of course when the going gets particularly rough. When this happens I am reminded of what it feels like to be convinced. Sometimes we are convinced when someone steps into your life to remind you that your gift is real. At other times, someone is encouraged by you and expresses their belief in you even when you do not believe in yourself. At other times you just get that gentle nudge when you hear a whisper telling you that you can do it. You become convinced. When we are convinced great and wonderful things begin to happen.
Today my brother posed an interesting question to me. He asked, “If you knew that you had the winning cards in your hands, how would you play in a card game?” My answer was that I would play much more aggressively. He then argued that this is the way we all must play the cards that are dealt to us. We must always play as though we have a winning hand. We must be convinced that we will succeed. When I think of it that way I gain a better understanding of what it means to have faith. Believing is being convinced. A long time friend said recently, “You must believe in all that you are.” Those words ring true to me today, and I am convinced.
When we become convinced we become unstoppable. Some of us are lucky enough to convince ourselves that we can not lose. At other times we need someone to convince us that we are on the right path. The affirmation of a loved one can convince us. We need to be convinced of our gifts. We need to be convinced of our faith. When we allow ourselves to be convinced, we tap in to a power that is beyond measure. Believe. Be convinced.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I recall the year when during the NBA finals Michael Jordan was suffering from the flu in game 5 against the Utah Jazz. He had a high fever, and even vomited both before and during the game. He was dehydrated, and weak but still wanted to play in the game. Jordan was convinced that his presence would make a difference. He shot 13-of-27 from the field and played 44 minutes. Jordan shot the tie breaking three-pointer, and the Bulls went on to win game five, giving them a 3 games to 2 advantage over Utah. But, this is not the end of the story. As every basketball fan at that time had come to know, when the game is on the line, you want Michael Jordan to have the ball. With seconds left he has delivered time and time again. He once stated in an interview that if there is one last shot needed to win, he wanted the ball. He was convinced that he could make the winning difference.
In game 6 of the 1997 championship finals, Jordan was once again pivotal in the final seconds of the game. The Bulls needed one final shot to secure the victory and their 5th NBA title. In the final seconds, everyone watching the game, and every player on the floor knew that Michael Jordan would get the ball, and they were convinced that he would take the final shot. That is everyone except Michael Jordan and Steve Kerr. During their final time out the Bull’s coach drew up a play that would get the ball to Jordan. However, Jordan knew that this would result in his being double teamed by John Stockton leaving Steve Kerr unguarded. Jordan asked Kerr if he would be ready to take the shot when this occurred. Kerr assured him that he would be ready and that he would make the shot. Jordan was convinced. The play worked perfectly. Jordan got the ball and Stockton double teamed him. Jordan swings the pass out to Kerr who sinks the long jump shot. The bulls go on to win their 5th championship 90-86. Utah was convinced that Jordan would take the shot. Jordan was convinced that Steve Kerr would make the shot when it counted most. Here again we saw the power of being convinced.
Sports provide us with many analogies of the power of people that are convinced that they can achieve a goal. Yet, every day we see the power of people that are convinced. A child’s first steps show us that power when they stand up on wobbly legs, convinced that they can begin to walk. Parents don’t create this sense of confidence, at best we can reinforce it, but the child must be convinced that they alone can do it. In American History, a group of farmers that had left England in pursuit of religious freedom were convinced that they could defeat the greatest army in the world when they fought against England. In biblical history Moses was convinced that he would lead the people of Israel out of slavery. Gandhi was convinced that he could lead a non-violent revolution to free India from foreign rule. Joan of Arc was convinced that she was called by God to drive the English out of France. There is power in being convinced.
We have allowed our language to be too filled with words that transmit uncertainty. We express our doubts and our fear of failure far more often than we express our confidence. We begin tasks with weak statements that give us a cushion to fall back upon should we fail. We are timid in our approach. We don’t live our lives as though we are convinced that we can not fail.
I have been challenged of late as to the certainty of my own calling. Questions creep into my mind causing doubt. I have seen myself become tentative, and unsure, even unmotivated at times. I have even considered a change of course when the going gets particularly rough. When this happens I am reminded of what it feels like to be convinced. Sometimes we are convinced when someone steps into your life to remind you that your gift is real. At other times, someone is encouraged by you and expresses their belief in you even when you do not believe in yourself. At other times you just get that gentle nudge when you hear a whisper telling you that you can do it. You become convinced. When we are convinced great and wonderful things begin to happen.
Today my brother posed an interesting question to me. He asked, “If you knew that you had the winning cards in your hands, how would you play in a card game?” My answer was that I would play much more aggressively. He then argued that this is the way we all must play the cards that are dealt to us. We must always play as though we have a winning hand. We must be convinced that we will succeed. When I think of it that way I gain a better understanding of what it means to have faith. Believing is being convinced. A long time friend said recently, “You must believe in all that you are.” Those words ring true to me today, and I am convinced.
When we become convinced we become unstoppable. Some of us are lucky enough to convince ourselves that we can not lose. At other times we need someone to convince us that we are on the right path. The affirmation of a loved one can convince us. We need to be convinced of our gifts. We need to be convinced of our faith. When we allow ourselves to be convinced, we tap in to a power that is beyond measure. Believe. Be convinced.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Friday, February 17, 2006
Mug Shots
I have a brand new coffee mug that was given to me as a gift yesterday while I was visiting in my native Philadelphia. Actually, I was on a business trip which ended early enough for me to have time to catch up with an old friend that worked nearby. More and more in my travels I have been trying to take time to see people that I don’t get to see very often. This can at times take me a bit out of the way, or maybe even delay my departure for home, but I find that every time I manage to make time for and with a friend that we are both better off for having made the effort.
Going back to the coffee mug, this was purchased from Starbucks. They have a series of mugs that they sell around the country that are adorned with words and images that are central to the identification of a particular city. My new mug has a Philadelphia theme. If you are familiar with Philadelphia, the images are those that you easily associate with the city. There is a picture of the Liberty Bell, a picture of City Hall which is taken from a ground level looking up at William Penn, a picture of the Philadelphia skyline taken from somewhere on the Schuylkill River, and finally, there is a picture of the “Love” statue which is a popular tourist attraction in the central part of the city. These are all great images that would have meaning to anyone that grew up in Philadelphia, and this is really a great gift to receive when you are like me an expatriate living far from home.
As anyone that reads this page might well suspect, the mug shots on my new coffee mug actually took me to a whole different place beyond just a view of the images of a city I love. Of course, it is also possible that the fact that I spent about four and a half hours driving across the state last night may have also impacted my thoughts and feelings, but I prefer to attribute my leap of association to the fact that I have just been thinking more deeply lately. We all tend to see in things what we choose to see and our perspectives are more related to who we are and how we are rather than what simply is.
Thinking of these mug shots I actually began to think of the other type of mug shots. I am speaking of those shots you see in every post office or what you see in the paper when someone is arrested. These are the shots that we all look at to try to learn what heinous crime a person has committed. We are attracted to these pictures because of a very human sense of curiosity that makes us look at pictures. In fact, we tend to look at almost every picture that is placed in front of us. The most extreme example of this for me is when someone brings their vacation pictures into the office and passes them around so that each person can sift through 20 or 30 pictures. “Here is one of me and Bob standing by the pool bar, “”This is the one of me parasailing right before I crashed,” “who is this guy?” We all look even though we don’t really care about the pictures, we don’t even know Bob, and frankly, I have yet to see 20 or 30 amateur photos that are very interesting. Still we look.
Since we all are so willing to look at photos anyway, I am proposing that we think about a different kind of mug shot. Imagine what your life would be like if you knew that you were being photographed all the time. These photos would be posted at regular intervals on the internet. They would be include photos from first thing in the morning before you shower, shave, mouse, or put on the control top hose. They would include shots of you during work, pictures of what is on our computer screen right now, and close ups of your email messages. They would also show you in the parking lot, in your car, and while you are driving. The pictures would follow you after work, chronicle the places you stop on the way home and include the faces of all of the people you meet. There would be shots at dinner, pictures from the coffee shop, or even the local bar where you are stopping to just get one on the way. They would chronicle the friends you stop to see, and even show pictures of each item you buy, rent, or consume throughout the day.
If we had to live our lives as the subject of continuous mug shots throughout the day, would we alter the things we do? If our lives were truly transparent, what would we do differently? If you knew that your picture was being taken as you drove, would your responses and actions during the drive change? Are there pictures that would be taken of you during the next 24 hours that you would be embarrassed if anyone else saw them? What would your kids, spouse, mother or best friend say if they saw those pictures?
The pictures on my new coffee mug remind me of many fond memories of Philadelphia. Each of them made me smile or feel other emotions as I thought about the locations. The pictures made me see other images around Philadelphia that while not reflected on the mug are images just as clear for me that reflect my life and times growing up there. The pictures made me think of mug shots and caused me to wonder what the photos of my next 24 hours would be like. I would hope that I could live so transparently that if my photos were posted, they would not embarrass my mother, damage my children, or ruin my reputation. That would be a lot to live up to. I am not there yet. But maybe someday I will take a sip from my new coffee mug, and when I see the pictures, I will think that you could post any picture from my life on that mug and I would be honored if anyone saw them. I may never get to that place, but in my mind’s eye that is a really nice picture.
Going back to the coffee mug, this was purchased from Starbucks. They have a series of mugs that they sell around the country that are adorned with words and images that are central to the identification of a particular city. My new mug has a Philadelphia theme. If you are familiar with Philadelphia, the images are those that you easily associate with the city. There is a picture of the Liberty Bell, a picture of City Hall which is taken from a ground level looking up at William Penn, a picture of the Philadelphia skyline taken from somewhere on the Schuylkill River, and finally, there is a picture of the “Love” statue which is a popular tourist attraction in the central part of the city. These are all great images that would have meaning to anyone that grew up in Philadelphia, and this is really a great gift to receive when you are like me an expatriate living far from home.
As anyone that reads this page might well suspect, the mug shots on my new coffee mug actually took me to a whole different place beyond just a view of the images of a city I love. Of course, it is also possible that the fact that I spent about four and a half hours driving across the state last night may have also impacted my thoughts and feelings, but I prefer to attribute my leap of association to the fact that I have just been thinking more deeply lately. We all tend to see in things what we choose to see and our perspectives are more related to who we are and how we are rather than what simply is.
Thinking of these mug shots I actually began to think of the other type of mug shots. I am speaking of those shots you see in every post office or what you see in the paper when someone is arrested. These are the shots that we all look at to try to learn what heinous crime a person has committed. We are attracted to these pictures because of a very human sense of curiosity that makes us look at pictures. In fact, we tend to look at almost every picture that is placed in front of us. The most extreme example of this for me is when someone brings their vacation pictures into the office and passes them around so that each person can sift through 20 or 30 pictures. “Here is one of me and Bob standing by the pool bar, “”This is the one of me parasailing right before I crashed,” “who is this guy?” We all look even though we don’t really care about the pictures, we don’t even know Bob, and frankly, I have yet to see 20 or 30 amateur photos that are very interesting. Still we look.
Since we all are so willing to look at photos anyway, I am proposing that we think about a different kind of mug shot. Imagine what your life would be like if you knew that you were being photographed all the time. These photos would be posted at regular intervals on the internet. They would be include photos from first thing in the morning before you shower, shave, mouse, or put on the control top hose. They would include shots of you during work, pictures of what is on our computer screen right now, and close ups of your email messages. They would also show you in the parking lot, in your car, and while you are driving. The pictures would follow you after work, chronicle the places you stop on the way home and include the faces of all of the people you meet. There would be shots at dinner, pictures from the coffee shop, or even the local bar where you are stopping to just get one on the way. They would chronicle the friends you stop to see, and even show pictures of each item you buy, rent, or consume throughout the day.
If we had to live our lives as the subject of continuous mug shots throughout the day, would we alter the things we do? If our lives were truly transparent, what would we do differently? If you knew that your picture was being taken as you drove, would your responses and actions during the drive change? Are there pictures that would be taken of you during the next 24 hours that you would be embarrassed if anyone else saw them? What would your kids, spouse, mother or best friend say if they saw those pictures?
The pictures on my new coffee mug remind me of many fond memories of Philadelphia. Each of them made me smile or feel other emotions as I thought about the locations. The pictures made me see other images around Philadelphia that while not reflected on the mug are images just as clear for me that reflect my life and times growing up there. The pictures made me think of mug shots and caused me to wonder what the photos of my next 24 hours would be like. I would hope that I could live so transparently that if my photos were posted, they would not embarrass my mother, damage my children, or ruin my reputation. That would be a lot to live up to. I am not there yet. But maybe someday I will take a sip from my new coffee mug, and when I see the pictures, I will think that you could post any picture from my life on that mug and I would be honored if anyone saw them. I may never get to that place, but in my mind’s eye that is a really nice picture.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Roles We Play
Just the other day I saw a trailer for a new film starring Pierce Brosnan. The movie is called “The Matador.” I have not seen the film and have no real plans to watch it except should I catch it on cable someday. What caught my interest in this film at all is the fact that the star is Pierce Brosnan. If you are a fan of James Bond movies (I am), then for the past few years you likely associate Brosnan with his role as James Bond. Not to offend Bond purist here, I will comment that Brosnan is not my favorite Bond, but certainly a likeable one for me since after all, what man in his 50’s wouldn’t want to play along side Halley Berry? You have to admire him for that if nothing else.
To my point here, Pierce Brosnan is now playing in a role that is very anti-Bond. His character in his latest movie is an assassin who drinks too much, is a womanizer, and calls himself “a facilitator of fatalities.” Hmm, that gives new meaning to the role of facilitator, but then that would be a digression not worth taking for now. Before this movie, to my thinking, Pierce Brosnan was James Bond. It is a role to which he is well suited. He is suave, good looking, and of course, he has a great British accent even though he was born in Ireland. Yet, let’s not forget that Brosnan is after all just playing a role.
While very few of us have genuine acting talent, we are all called upon to play roles. Not just those that you did at school (my most famous role was as the Yield Sign in elementary school). But rather, the roles that we are asked to play in the lives of those that matter most to us. Of course the roles do vary. Some of us play the role of Mom or Dad. Others are Wives or Husbands (speaking of which, those in the role of husband had better get their gift on as today is one that can land you in the dog house if you screw up). There is the role that many of us have as employee, or boss, or manager, or student. Having a clear understanding of our roles can help us to live them well. While I have a number of roles that I play in life, the one that I was thinking of today is the role of friend.
Friendship is something that I think can be often taken too lightly. We are quick to call people a friend. We have work friends, school friends, girl friends, and boy friends. Just the fact that there are so many types of friends suggests that the label is used too loosely. I have read that friends can come for a reason or a season. While that sounds reasonable, can you really imagine being a friend for a “limited time only?” People do pass through our lives and we do all have memories of that friend from our teenage years, or that friend from college. The fact is that these people have not really passed from your life, but rather, these are friends that you have lost touch with. I think this can happen when we don’t really live in the role of friend.
If you don’t suffer from a social disorder you probably have a broad base of relationships. You may have friends from your work place, friends from your neighborhood, friends from church, and even friends from your gym. But have you ever stopped to think about what your friendships mean to you? Also, have you ever wondered if those that you consider as friends consider you in the same light? What defines a friend? How do you make friends? And, how do you lose a friend?
I think that the bond of friendship is built upon trust. Friends are the people who know you well, and even after that still like you. Friends share our secrets and when necessary, hold our hearts. Friends are loyal to us even when we are absent. Friends care. Friends feel your hurts and pains, and friends love you even when you are likely least deserving. Friends ask the question “how are you?” and then actually wait for the answer. Friends give you constructive feedback not because they had to tell you, but because they care about your development.
In my life I have had the good fortune to have many friends. As I have gotten older I am very sparing in my use of that label. While I do still meet new friends, it is more likely that now I just get to know very good people. My reasoning for this is that friendship is a role that I now play. I take the role very seriously. There was a time when I could easily discard a friend. Perhaps they hurt my feelings, or maybe they failed to live up to my expectations. I can remember losing friends when they simply failed to call me. I have grown since those days. Now, my friends are friends for life. We go through our ups and downs together. I call it “doing life together.”
I love my role as a friend. I am getting better at it. I am learning to nurture those I care about. I am becoming a better listener. I work on being attentive, and I strive to stay in touch through phone calls, lunches, meetings, and email. I am not a perfect friend. I still have the occasional misstep. I also still fail at times. What is new for me though is that when I fail I come back and earnestly let my friends know that I was wrong.
Being a friend is a complicated role. It takes some thought and not just a bit of skill. Yet, it is a role that I relish, and I so much enjoy those that play that role in my life as well.
Now, let’s go back to Pierce Brosnan. He recently lost his role as James Bond. He has moved on to new acting roles. However, like an old friend, Brosnan will always be Bond for me because you see when you play a role well, you really don’t lose it. Brosnan will always be Bond, and to my friends I will always be a friend.
To my point here, Pierce Brosnan is now playing in a role that is very anti-Bond. His character in his latest movie is an assassin who drinks too much, is a womanizer, and calls himself “a facilitator of fatalities.” Hmm, that gives new meaning to the role of facilitator, but then that would be a digression not worth taking for now. Before this movie, to my thinking, Pierce Brosnan was James Bond. It is a role to which he is well suited. He is suave, good looking, and of course, he has a great British accent even though he was born in Ireland. Yet, let’s not forget that Brosnan is after all just playing a role.
While very few of us have genuine acting talent, we are all called upon to play roles. Not just those that you did at school (my most famous role was as the Yield Sign in elementary school). But rather, the roles that we are asked to play in the lives of those that matter most to us. Of course the roles do vary. Some of us play the role of Mom or Dad. Others are Wives or Husbands (speaking of which, those in the role of husband had better get their gift on as today is one that can land you in the dog house if you screw up). There is the role that many of us have as employee, or boss, or manager, or student. Having a clear understanding of our roles can help us to live them well. While I have a number of roles that I play in life, the one that I was thinking of today is the role of friend.
Friendship is something that I think can be often taken too lightly. We are quick to call people a friend. We have work friends, school friends, girl friends, and boy friends. Just the fact that there are so many types of friends suggests that the label is used too loosely. I have read that friends can come for a reason or a season. While that sounds reasonable, can you really imagine being a friend for a “limited time only?” People do pass through our lives and we do all have memories of that friend from our teenage years, or that friend from college. The fact is that these people have not really passed from your life, but rather, these are friends that you have lost touch with. I think this can happen when we don’t really live in the role of friend.
If you don’t suffer from a social disorder you probably have a broad base of relationships. You may have friends from your work place, friends from your neighborhood, friends from church, and even friends from your gym. But have you ever stopped to think about what your friendships mean to you? Also, have you ever wondered if those that you consider as friends consider you in the same light? What defines a friend? How do you make friends? And, how do you lose a friend?
I think that the bond of friendship is built upon trust. Friends are the people who know you well, and even after that still like you. Friends share our secrets and when necessary, hold our hearts. Friends are loyal to us even when we are absent. Friends care. Friends feel your hurts and pains, and friends love you even when you are likely least deserving. Friends ask the question “how are you?” and then actually wait for the answer. Friends give you constructive feedback not because they had to tell you, but because they care about your development.
In my life I have had the good fortune to have many friends. As I have gotten older I am very sparing in my use of that label. While I do still meet new friends, it is more likely that now I just get to know very good people. My reasoning for this is that friendship is a role that I now play. I take the role very seriously. There was a time when I could easily discard a friend. Perhaps they hurt my feelings, or maybe they failed to live up to my expectations. I can remember losing friends when they simply failed to call me. I have grown since those days. Now, my friends are friends for life. We go through our ups and downs together. I call it “doing life together.”
I love my role as a friend. I am getting better at it. I am learning to nurture those I care about. I am becoming a better listener. I work on being attentive, and I strive to stay in touch through phone calls, lunches, meetings, and email. I am not a perfect friend. I still have the occasional misstep. I also still fail at times. What is new for me though is that when I fail I come back and earnestly let my friends know that I was wrong.
Being a friend is a complicated role. It takes some thought and not just a bit of skill. Yet, it is a role that I relish, and I so much enjoy those that play that role in my life as well.
Now, let’s go back to Pierce Brosnan. He recently lost his role as James Bond. He has moved on to new acting roles. However, like an old friend, Brosnan will always be Bond for me because you see when you play a role well, you really don’t lose it. Brosnan will always be Bond, and to my friends I will always be a friend.
Monday, February 13, 2006
The Kind of Guy I Am
One of the things that I have learned in my life is that we should never label people. This is particularly true when we make decisions about a person simply based on the way that they look or the clothes they wear. Such labels presume to prejudge us. Despite this knowledge, most of us do still label others. In fact, many times we even label ourselves. Generally, when we label ourselves the intent is not to be negative. Our personal labels tend to be used to explain some feature or personal attribute. “I am big boned,” “I have always been skinny,” “I am just very observant,” to list but a few of the labels we give to our selves.
I am guilty at times of placing labels on people. I work against this and most times I am successful in forestalling any judgment until I really get to know a person. While I have gotten better at not labeling others, I do still place labels on myself. One label that I have placed on myself is that I am a “Hat Guy.” I have not always been a hat guy. As best as I can tell I became a hat guy fairly late in my thirties, or certainly by the time I was in my early forties. For me, becoming a hat guy was really more a matter of my evolution. As my hair became thinner, I seemed to notice that I began to wear hats.
Some people are born hat guys. My twin boys are that way. Their very first pictures, taken minutes after their birth, shows them sporting those hospital beanie caps that are typically blue for boys or pink for girls. The boys are ten now and even this morning as they left the house for school they both were wearing hats (Steelers Super Bowl Championship cap for Alex, and a Roots Toque in matching Pitt Basketball colors for Max). They are still hat guys.
There are guys that consider themselves jeans guys. These guys swear that all they ever wear are jeans. Then there are sneaker guys, the guys that own ten or twelve pairs of sneakers. If you are a Seinfeld fan you may recall that Jerry Seinfeld is a sneaker guy. There are sweater guys. Imagine seeing Bobby Knight without a sweater. Bobby is a sweater guy. But me, I am just a hat guy.
I have noticed lately that there are a number of us hat guys. Some of us are pretty famous. Who can’t envision Samuel L. Jackson, the famous actor wearing his Kangol hat backwards (with the kangaroo visible) he is one cool looking hat guy. Then there is country singing star Tim McGraw (you know Faith Hill’s husband). He is a hat guy. He is always seen wearing his cowboy hat (I think they have gotten bigger over the years). Just recently I saw him and his wife on a television show (alright the truth is that it was Oprah and now one of my other secrets is out) cooking together, and there he was wearing a hat, in the kitchen! You really have to be a hat guy to wear a hat when you are cooking, unless perhaps he has some other motive for wearing his hat all the time in public?
I have a large collection of hats. My current favorite is a bright yellow one that most of my friends say doesn’t look good on me. My wife has not commented on this hat and whether or not the color is right for me, but then she is probably so busy working on my many other foibles that the hat issue can for now at least wait a while. Then there is the friend who commented on my hat “is this hat thing new with you?”
My hat collection includes a black Starbucks Barista hat that my brother managed to get for me one Christmas. At the time, you had to actually work at Starbucks to have one of those. Now, you can get them on eBay for about $50.00 bucks. I think mine was purchased for less than $10. That hat caused a woman in Arizona to stop me in a grocery store to ask if I was an owner of a Starbucks. That was a strange question to ask a guy with a basket of groceries just because he was wearing a hat. Then again, perhaps it suggests that maybe I don’t look so goofy after all when wearing a hat.
There are guys that look cool no matter what hat they are wearing. My brother in law has a black ski hat he wears that looks like the equivalent of a thick stocking turned upside down with a knot tied in the top. Like most things he wears, he makes the hat look cool. Of course, he also used to wear his Pennsylvania State Trooper hat before he retired, and managed to make that pointy top hat look pretty cool too.
I am not cool. My hats don’t make me look cool, mysterious, or even hide my identity. I wear hats because my head is bald. The hat keeps me warm in the winter, and keeps me from getting sunburned in the summer. I don’t wear hats when I cook or when I am indoors so I am not hiding under mine like a certain country singing sensation. I do however wear hats at night (another secret let out). Before you laugh at that just remember the line from The Night before Christmas which goes “and Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap.”
I think that being a hat guy has made me stand out lately. I was working in Canada two weeks ago when the weather was cold, snowy, and just plain nasty. All of the guys that I was with that week did not wear hats. So each day as we left the building, I would don my hat while the other guys would just walk out into the snow. I don’t know but maybe the guys in Canada just have a much stronger constitution than me. Or maybe, just maybe, no one ever told them about just how cool it would look for them to pick out their own personal hat and wear it all the time.
Come to think of it, my wearing a hat is just a part of my personal leadership. I wear hats because they make sense to me. It is not about style, fashion, or even good looks. I am just a hat guy, and beyond how they help me to stay well I don’t think I ever thought much about them. I guess this is one label that is going to have to stick. I am just a hat guy. It is part of who I am.
I am guilty at times of placing labels on people. I work against this and most times I am successful in forestalling any judgment until I really get to know a person. While I have gotten better at not labeling others, I do still place labels on myself. One label that I have placed on myself is that I am a “Hat Guy.” I have not always been a hat guy. As best as I can tell I became a hat guy fairly late in my thirties, or certainly by the time I was in my early forties. For me, becoming a hat guy was really more a matter of my evolution. As my hair became thinner, I seemed to notice that I began to wear hats.
Some people are born hat guys. My twin boys are that way. Their very first pictures, taken minutes after their birth, shows them sporting those hospital beanie caps that are typically blue for boys or pink for girls. The boys are ten now and even this morning as they left the house for school they both were wearing hats (Steelers Super Bowl Championship cap for Alex, and a Roots Toque in matching Pitt Basketball colors for Max). They are still hat guys.
There are guys that consider themselves jeans guys. These guys swear that all they ever wear are jeans. Then there are sneaker guys, the guys that own ten or twelve pairs of sneakers. If you are a Seinfeld fan you may recall that Jerry Seinfeld is a sneaker guy. There are sweater guys. Imagine seeing Bobby Knight without a sweater. Bobby is a sweater guy. But me, I am just a hat guy.
I have noticed lately that there are a number of us hat guys. Some of us are pretty famous. Who can’t envision Samuel L. Jackson, the famous actor wearing his Kangol hat backwards (with the kangaroo visible) he is one cool looking hat guy. Then there is country singing star Tim McGraw (you know Faith Hill’s husband). He is a hat guy. He is always seen wearing his cowboy hat (I think they have gotten bigger over the years). Just recently I saw him and his wife on a television show (alright the truth is that it was Oprah and now one of my other secrets is out) cooking together, and there he was wearing a hat, in the kitchen! You really have to be a hat guy to wear a hat when you are cooking, unless perhaps he has some other motive for wearing his hat all the time in public?
I have a large collection of hats. My current favorite is a bright yellow one that most of my friends say doesn’t look good on me. My wife has not commented on this hat and whether or not the color is right for me, but then she is probably so busy working on my many other foibles that the hat issue can for now at least wait a while. Then there is the friend who commented on my hat “is this hat thing new with you?”
My hat collection includes a black Starbucks Barista hat that my brother managed to get for me one Christmas. At the time, you had to actually work at Starbucks to have one of those. Now, you can get them on eBay for about $50.00 bucks. I think mine was purchased for less than $10. That hat caused a woman in Arizona to stop me in a grocery store to ask if I was an owner of a Starbucks. That was a strange question to ask a guy with a basket of groceries just because he was wearing a hat. Then again, perhaps it suggests that maybe I don’t look so goofy after all when wearing a hat.
There are guys that look cool no matter what hat they are wearing. My brother in law has a black ski hat he wears that looks like the equivalent of a thick stocking turned upside down with a knot tied in the top. Like most things he wears, he makes the hat look cool. Of course, he also used to wear his Pennsylvania State Trooper hat before he retired, and managed to make that pointy top hat look pretty cool too.
I am not cool. My hats don’t make me look cool, mysterious, or even hide my identity. I wear hats because my head is bald. The hat keeps me warm in the winter, and keeps me from getting sunburned in the summer. I don’t wear hats when I cook or when I am indoors so I am not hiding under mine like a certain country singing sensation. I do however wear hats at night (another secret let out). Before you laugh at that just remember the line from The Night before Christmas which goes “and Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap.”
I think that being a hat guy has made me stand out lately. I was working in Canada two weeks ago when the weather was cold, snowy, and just plain nasty. All of the guys that I was with that week did not wear hats. So each day as we left the building, I would don my hat while the other guys would just walk out into the snow. I don’t know but maybe the guys in Canada just have a much stronger constitution than me. Or maybe, just maybe, no one ever told them about just how cool it would look for them to pick out their own personal hat and wear it all the time.
Come to think of it, my wearing a hat is just a part of my personal leadership. I wear hats because they make sense to me. It is not about style, fashion, or even good looks. I am just a hat guy, and beyond how they help me to stay well I don’t think I ever thought much about them. I guess this is one label that is going to have to stick. I am just a hat guy. It is part of who I am.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Technology Overload
Inventory:
Three Remote Control devices
Ipod with portable speakers
Logitech Mini Cam
Electronic Calculator
Blackberry Cell phone
Blue Tooth Headset
Wireless Mouse
Laptop Computer
7 port USB hub (5 ports in use)
Iomega Zip 250 Drive
1 Gigabyte Pen Drive
These are all of the electronic devices on my desk at this moment. I took this inventory when I realized that I was taking leave of my senses. That is to say that I was feeling as though the basics such as tactile senses, or using my memory, or even getting up from my desk chair was beginning to seem foreign. From my desk I control my laptop (which is wirelessly connected to the internet), my television which tunes me in to C-Span right now, my radio, which I use to listen to certain NPR shows as the day goes on, and I can control my Ipod as I change the music to meet the mood or tasks at hand. Then of course, let’s not forget the Blackberry which I check without thinking every few minutes as there may be some earth shattering email requiring my attention (even though Outlook is also running on the laptop).
I mention all of this today not to impress you, but to call your attention to a problem that I experienced and a new awareness that I have come to. For a brief moment today my cell phone stopped working. Actually, it seems that the email component was not working. I immediately felt uneasiness in the pit of my stomach as my connection to the world seemed to have been severed. I quickly contacted my wireless provider to see if I could resolve this now very important problem. The automated voice mail attendant announced that my wait time would be approximately 2 minutes. The panic began to rise. What could be the problem? I did pay the bill, is there something else? How will I work around this? Maybe the Blackberry lawsuit has somehow caused my service to be terminated. What will I do now?
Less than 2 minutes goes by and a very friendly and helpful Customer Service Representative assures me that all is well with my account. He instructs me to shut off my phone for about 30 seconds while he resends activation instructions to my telephone. When I turn the phone back on, messages begin to come through and my connection to the world is restored. All of this is completed in the space of less than 5 minutes from the time of my call. I can feel the racing of my heart begin to slow. I am still wet from the perspiration, but I know that will go away as soon as I dry off. I thank the representative for his helpful assistance, and then just to be sure I call my home telephone number from my cell phone. Making doubly sure I also call a friend long distance so that I know that too is working. It works! The world will not have to solve its problems today without my input. Email messages will arrive on my Blackberry at the rate of at least two or three per hour and I can feel productive sending and receiving messages throughout the day.
While this is my true story of my working reality, I don’t think that this is how it should be. Two weeks ago I began to experiment with moving myself down the technology chain and going back to my pen and paper planning system. I thought that perhaps I should develop a means to integrate the old fashioned system of actually writing down my tasks, appointments, and daily notes on (hold on to your seats) an actual piece of paper. I have now for the past two weeks even tracked my Work Compass (a planning tool I use) on paper rather than electronically. My daily notes are once again being written on paper and filed in my planner. I will admit that I am still putting certain key notes in the computer under the theory that that makes them “searchable.”
There is something about the sensory response of using pen and paper. My tasks as an example are right there in front of me all day. I am happily checking off the things I plan to do for the day and I feel a great sense of accomplishment as I work through the list. Even though I have yet to clear the day’s list and each day I write a new list, just knowing that I can see what is in front of me has reduced my dread and feeling of being overwhelmed. My hand written notes on my daily notes sheets are now a great way to reflect on my day and bring me a sense of what I have yet to do in a reassuring way. Each reminder is there, the telephone numbers that I get in a phone call, even the note reminding me of my boy’s activities (tonight is movie night at school) are right there in front of me.
We move up the technology chain with the idea that each new device or gadget we buy will simplify our existence. Our offices become command centers where we sit at the center of our world in command of all we see. These are very tempting illusions. I find that the reality is that all of these devices end up controlling us and really limiting our time. Setting up the remotes, configuring the Blackberry, synching up the Blue Tooth device, (making sure it works properly while not draining the telephone battery). Doing all of this takes up huge amounts of our available mental space.
I will be the first to admit that I am a techno geek. I love to have the latest and greatest devices and gadgets. I am a certified early adopter and I continually look for new ways to increase my effectiveness. Yet, today I have been reminded of the simplicity of pen and paper. There is a beauty in being able to see forward and backward by just reading a note, or checking my schedule on the calendar. There is satisfaction in checking off one more of those “A” items on my task list. Of course, I am writing this on my laptop and will soon send a copy wirelessly to the printer. I will transmit this to my blog site on the internet, and I will email it to my friends (and a copy will arrive on my Blackberry). Still, I am once again learning to celebrate the simplicity of pen and paper. Going forward I am now sure that I will integrate the two much more consistently.
I have to go now. One of my “A” items today was writing this blog, and now I am done. One more check mark with my pen on the task list. What a great feeling!
Three Remote Control devices
Ipod with portable speakers
Logitech Mini Cam
Electronic Calculator
Blackberry Cell phone
Blue Tooth Headset
Wireless Mouse
Laptop Computer
7 port USB hub (5 ports in use)
Iomega Zip 250 Drive
1 Gigabyte Pen Drive
These are all of the electronic devices on my desk at this moment. I took this inventory when I realized that I was taking leave of my senses. That is to say that I was feeling as though the basics such as tactile senses, or using my memory, or even getting up from my desk chair was beginning to seem foreign. From my desk I control my laptop (which is wirelessly connected to the internet), my television which tunes me in to C-Span right now, my radio, which I use to listen to certain NPR shows as the day goes on, and I can control my Ipod as I change the music to meet the mood or tasks at hand. Then of course, let’s not forget the Blackberry which I check without thinking every few minutes as there may be some earth shattering email requiring my attention (even though Outlook is also running on the laptop).
I mention all of this today not to impress you, but to call your attention to a problem that I experienced and a new awareness that I have come to. For a brief moment today my cell phone stopped working. Actually, it seems that the email component was not working. I immediately felt uneasiness in the pit of my stomach as my connection to the world seemed to have been severed. I quickly contacted my wireless provider to see if I could resolve this now very important problem. The automated voice mail attendant announced that my wait time would be approximately 2 minutes. The panic began to rise. What could be the problem? I did pay the bill, is there something else? How will I work around this? Maybe the Blackberry lawsuit has somehow caused my service to be terminated. What will I do now?
Less than 2 minutes goes by and a very friendly and helpful Customer Service Representative assures me that all is well with my account. He instructs me to shut off my phone for about 30 seconds while he resends activation instructions to my telephone. When I turn the phone back on, messages begin to come through and my connection to the world is restored. All of this is completed in the space of less than 5 minutes from the time of my call. I can feel the racing of my heart begin to slow. I am still wet from the perspiration, but I know that will go away as soon as I dry off. I thank the representative for his helpful assistance, and then just to be sure I call my home telephone number from my cell phone. Making doubly sure I also call a friend long distance so that I know that too is working. It works! The world will not have to solve its problems today without my input. Email messages will arrive on my Blackberry at the rate of at least two or three per hour and I can feel productive sending and receiving messages throughout the day.
While this is my true story of my working reality, I don’t think that this is how it should be. Two weeks ago I began to experiment with moving myself down the technology chain and going back to my pen and paper planning system. I thought that perhaps I should develop a means to integrate the old fashioned system of actually writing down my tasks, appointments, and daily notes on (hold on to your seats) an actual piece of paper. I have now for the past two weeks even tracked my Work Compass (a planning tool I use) on paper rather than electronically. My daily notes are once again being written on paper and filed in my planner. I will admit that I am still putting certain key notes in the computer under the theory that that makes them “searchable.”
There is something about the sensory response of using pen and paper. My tasks as an example are right there in front of me all day. I am happily checking off the things I plan to do for the day and I feel a great sense of accomplishment as I work through the list. Even though I have yet to clear the day’s list and each day I write a new list, just knowing that I can see what is in front of me has reduced my dread and feeling of being overwhelmed. My hand written notes on my daily notes sheets are now a great way to reflect on my day and bring me a sense of what I have yet to do in a reassuring way. Each reminder is there, the telephone numbers that I get in a phone call, even the note reminding me of my boy’s activities (tonight is movie night at school) are right there in front of me.
We move up the technology chain with the idea that each new device or gadget we buy will simplify our existence. Our offices become command centers where we sit at the center of our world in command of all we see. These are very tempting illusions. I find that the reality is that all of these devices end up controlling us and really limiting our time. Setting up the remotes, configuring the Blackberry, synching up the Blue Tooth device, (making sure it works properly while not draining the telephone battery). Doing all of this takes up huge amounts of our available mental space.
I will be the first to admit that I am a techno geek. I love to have the latest and greatest devices and gadgets. I am a certified early adopter and I continually look for new ways to increase my effectiveness. Yet, today I have been reminded of the simplicity of pen and paper. There is a beauty in being able to see forward and backward by just reading a note, or checking my schedule on the calendar. There is satisfaction in checking off one more of those “A” items on my task list. Of course, I am writing this on my laptop and will soon send a copy wirelessly to the printer. I will transmit this to my blog site on the internet, and I will email it to my friends (and a copy will arrive on my Blackberry). Still, I am once again learning to celebrate the simplicity of pen and paper. Going forward I am now sure that I will integrate the two much more consistently.
I have to go now. One of my “A” items today was writing this blog, and now I am done. One more check mark with my pen on the task list. What a great feeling!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
What I Believe
I have noticed a trend among my friends and business associates. It seems that in the regular telephone calls that I both make and receive, at some point in the conversation one of us will ask the other “What does your day look like?” The intent of the question is to gain a sense as to just how busy a person might be that day. The answer to that question will of course vary with each person that I talk to, but generally, the answers will revolve around a review of the schedule for that day. Some times the schedule is very busy and then at other times not. Yet, every person seems to focus only on the tasks that are directly in front of them. It is as though we are living sort of a day to day existence. I believe that life should be much more than that, and that there is a way to live a fuller life.
I was thinking of all of this in the context of something that I listened to on Public Radio the other day. Each week my local station airs a feature titled “This I Believe.” The brief segments feature both famous and not so famous people reading brief statements about their personal beliefs. Funny, but as I write these words it has occurred to me for the first time that not once in listening to these features have I heard a person talking about their religion. This is funny to me because to my normal way of thinking a statement of belief generally runs to our personal faith or religious credo. Rather, the weekly “This I Believe” segments are about the basic beliefs on life and living from the perspective of ordinary people. Some of the statements are extraordinary and have moved me to tears with their depth and emotion. Others reflect a perspective perhaps gained from a life of service or sacrifice. Some of the statements have been funny and make you think. This led me to ponder about what we believe. Questions such as if asked, what would the people I know say that they believe in? Not the heavy duty questions like do you believe in God, but instead questions that would focus on the deeply held truths that really do impact our thinking and our actions.
Thinking of what others might say to some of my questions of course then caused me to wonder about my own answers. Of course I then immediately fancied myself reading on NPR my profound statement of what I believe. I imagined that I would write something that would be moving and inspiring and would generate comments from listeners anxious to hear more from this great thinker. Before I could go off too deeply on that particular fantasy, I realized that I had not ever really thought about what I believe deep down in my very soul. Before I could imagine writing something profound, I had to first really think about what I believed. This has been on my mind for about a month now. What I have learned is that just the thought of telling anyone what I really believe is very frightening. What if someone actually knew what I believed? Would people think less of me? What if my beliefs were in conflict with those that I love or respect? Will I lose friends? How would my statement of beliefs impact my business relationships? Is the whole idea just foolishness?
My experience has been that when I have a chance to really get to know someone, I always have a sense of what they stand for. I get to know those things in their life that are the “non-negotiable” principles. I get to know what they believe. Even when I don’t agree, I am always struck by the fact that there are still people in this world that have things that they stand for. I often come away saying that I want to be just like that. Not that I want to have their principles, but rather, I want to make clear my own. That has led me to create my own statement. My version of what I believe. A word of caution is appropriate here as what I believe may offend some of the people that I work with, and may offend my friends. I also know that articulating what I believe may forever hurt my job prospects if a potential employer or client does an internet search on me. Right here in black and white I could well doom my chances for future employment. Yet, the very boldness of this prospect is interesting to me. So, if you intend to read further, I ask only one thing. Whatever you think about what I believe, take the time to tell me. You can write to me, or call me, but tell me at least before you tell another human being.
I believe in God. This is not just an intellectual acceptance that there is a supreme being that exists in control of everything, but for me, this means that I believe that I am one of his children. Actually, this is my most foundational belief and frames for me much of everything I believe.
I believe in laughter. I laugh often at myself and I enjoy making others laugh. I mention this right after my belief in God because I also believe that God has a great sense of humor, and as his son, I just carry on the traits of my father. I believe the world is a very simple place. We are the ones that make it difficult.
I believe that everything we do, feel, and experience is a matter of choice. I believe that the wiser our choices, the better the life we live. I believe that there are only a few things in the world that I can control. I believe in focusing on those things, and through that focus I find that my influence has grown.
I believe that I am a leader. However, unlike many leaders, I spend most of my time just leading myself. I believe that we could all do a better job in that area.
I believe that I have been given incredible opportunities in my lifetime and I am grateful that I have been so fortunate. I believe that I have something to share in my point of view and I believe that I can teach others how to live life more successfully.
I believe that not much matters more to me than my family and those that I love. I believe that “stuff” can get in the way of what is really important and we should be careful not to have too much.
I believe that we don’t talk to people enough, and when we do we are generally not honest. I believe that when we are honest with people we usually are being self-serving.
I believe that each of us plays an important role in the life of someone that we hardly notice. I believe that we ought to seek out that person and decide to make a real difference in their life.
I believe that each of us is truly powerful beyond measure (see my first belief to bear this out) and that we must stop living small insignificant lives and really live up to the gifts we each have been given. I believe that I have greatness in my heredity. I believe that I will live up to that heritage as I help others to recognize their own greatness.
Finally, I believe that really thinking about what you believe helps to focus our lives on what really matters, and in that we can find relief from our stress, and a renewed focus that will give clear and compelling direction in our lives.
This is what I believe.
I was thinking of all of this in the context of something that I listened to on Public Radio the other day. Each week my local station airs a feature titled “This I Believe.” The brief segments feature both famous and not so famous people reading brief statements about their personal beliefs. Funny, but as I write these words it has occurred to me for the first time that not once in listening to these features have I heard a person talking about their religion. This is funny to me because to my normal way of thinking a statement of belief generally runs to our personal faith or religious credo. Rather, the weekly “This I Believe” segments are about the basic beliefs on life and living from the perspective of ordinary people. Some of the statements are extraordinary and have moved me to tears with their depth and emotion. Others reflect a perspective perhaps gained from a life of service or sacrifice. Some of the statements have been funny and make you think. This led me to ponder about what we believe. Questions such as if asked, what would the people I know say that they believe in? Not the heavy duty questions like do you believe in God, but instead questions that would focus on the deeply held truths that really do impact our thinking and our actions.
Thinking of what others might say to some of my questions of course then caused me to wonder about my own answers. Of course I then immediately fancied myself reading on NPR my profound statement of what I believe. I imagined that I would write something that would be moving and inspiring and would generate comments from listeners anxious to hear more from this great thinker. Before I could go off too deeply on that particular fantasy, I realized that I had not ever really thought about what I believe deep down in my very soul. Before I could imagine writing something profound, I had to first really think about what I believed. This has been on my mind for about a month now. What I have learned is that just the thought of telling anyone what I really believe is very frightening. What if someone actually knew what I believed? Would people think less of me? What if my beliefs were in conflict with those that I love or respect? Will I lose friends? How would my statement of beliefs impact my business relationships? Is the whole idea just foolishness?
My experience has been that when I have a chance to really get to know someone, I always have a sense of what they stand for. I get to know those things in their life that are the “non-negotiable” principles. I get to know what they believe. Even when I don’t agree, I am always struck by the fact that there are still people in this world that have things that they stand for. I often come away saying that I want to be just like that. Not that I want to have their principles, but rather, I want to make clear my own. That has led me to create my own statement. My version of what I believe. A word of caution is appropriate here as what I believe may offend some of the people that I work with, and may offend my friends. I also know that articulating what I believe may forever hurt my job prospects if a potential employer or client does an internet search on me. Right here in black and white I could well doom my chances for future employment. Yet, the very boldness of this prospect is interesting to me. So, if you intend to read further, I ask only one thing. Whatever you think about what I believe, take the time to tell me. You can write to me, or call me, but tell me at least before you tell another human being.
I believe in God. This is not just an intellectual acceptance that there is a supreme being that exists in control of everything, but for me, this means that I believe that I am one of his children. Actually, this is my most foundational belief and frames for me much of everything I believe.
I believe in laughter. I laugh often at myself and I enjoy making others laugh. I mention this right after my belief in God because I also believe that God has a great sense of humor, and as his son, I just carry on the traits of my father. I believe the world is a very simple place. We are the ones that make it difficult.
I believe that everything we do, feel, and experience is a matter of choice. I believe that the wiser our choices, the better the life we live. I believe that there are only a few things in the world that I can control. I believe in focusing on those things, and through that focus I find that my influence has grown.
I believe that I am a leader. However, unlike many leaders, I spend most of my time just leading myself. I believe that we could all do a better job in that area.
I believe that I have been given incredible opportunities in my lifetime and I am grateful that I have been so fortunate. I believe that I have something to share in my point of view and I believe that I can teach others how to live life more successfully.
I believe that not much matters more to me than my family and those that I love. I believe that “stuff” can get in the way of what is really important and we should be careful not to have too much.
I believe that we don’t talk to people enough, and when we do we are generally not honest. I believe that when we are honest with people we usually are being self-serving.
I believe that each of us plays an important role in the life of someone that we hardly notice. I believe that we ought to seek out that person and decide to make a real difference in their life.
I believe that each of us is truly powerful beyond measure (see my first belief to bear this out) and that we must stop living small insignificant lives and really live up to the gifts we each have been given. I believe that I have greatness in my heredity. I believe that I will live up to that heritage as I help others to recognize their own greatness.
Finally, I believe that really thinking about what you believe helps to focus our lives on what really matters, and in that we can find relief from our stress, and a renewed focus that will give clear and compelling direction in our lives.
This is what I believe.
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