What Happens When You Find Your V.O.I.C.E.

They were a group of friends, just a small circle of people. Not much is known of the members but we know that they were there. Perhaps they shared something in common, or maybe they lived within the confines of a small community. We may never really know for they played only a small part. Their mention is brief in the recorded history. In fact, if you read their story most people skip right past the part that they played. Most teachers on the subject tend to focus on the actions of the central character in this story. They see the intrigue, the unanswered questions, and the scheming of his enemies. The central character in this story does what he always does. He faces his critics, maintains his focus, and continues to carry out his mission.

This is a story about a few men and the actions they took on one critical day in history. They were ordinary men whose names have never been told. They received only brief recognition for their efforts that day. No awards were handed out, no citations were read, and no bonuses were paid. These men spent the remainder of their lives in obscurity. Their moment of fame was so brief that even historians fail to speak of their actions beyond recounting their story. These men did what they had to do when a friend was in need. What we know of them we learn only by trying to analyze their story. We are left to imagine what their motivation might have been. How could these otherwise ordinary men act in a coordinated fashion to accomplish something so extraordinary? We may never know the rest of their story, but we can guess that these were men that had found their V.O.I.C.E.

The story begins more than two thousand years ago. The world was a different place then. All that we learned we learned from people who went from town to town telling stories. We trusted differently then. We determined the character of a man or woman by the way they lived their lives. We had ideas about fate and the future that we would laugh at today. Most people of the time lived their entire lives never leaving the town of their birth. People were born into a variety of circumstances, and rarely did anyone rise above them. In fact the common belief at the time was that your circumstances were a function of your own past. Perhaps you had committed some wrong years ago. If not your own mistakes, then the mistakes of your parents were the reason for your troubles. In those days if you obeyed the law, worked at your craft, and paid your taxes you were considered an outstanding citizen. Perhaps the world we live in today is not all that different.

But, let us go back to our small group of friends. It is likely that they lived in their town, carried out their work, obeyed the law, and paid their taxes. There is no mention in history of this but we can imagine that they were pretty much like everyone else. In their midst the men apparently had a friend. It seems from reading the story that their friend was different. Based on what we know of the time their friend must have come from the wrong family. Maybe he had not followed the law or committed some other transgression. While we do not know what caused his life to go astray, we know from the story that something in his history left this man unable to walk. We know that his past did this to him because everyone at the time believed that your parents, or your background, or your circumstances dictated what your life was going to be. This man clearly came from the wrong side of the tracks and we know this because he could not walk. There was nothing to be done about this. The common expectation was that this man would and rightly should accept his fate. Perhaps he served as an example for everyone else. Obey the law, go to work, and hope for a proper birthright. Do these things and you will not end up like this man unable to walk and forced to live a miserable life.

We don’t often think that the opportunity for our personal greatness will come in the form of making the life of someone else better. That would be the view of people that have not yet found their V.O.I.C.E. A life without V.O.I.C.E. is lived without making an impact on your surroundings. A life without V.O.I.C.E. conforms to conventional measures of success and happiness. A life without V.O.I.C.E. tells us to seek wealth, beat the competition, avoid the less fortunate, put on the accepted face, and get what you can for you and your family. Our obscure heroes found their V.O.I.C.E. They knew that the life of their friend could be changed by their efforts. Because they had found their V.O.I.C.E. they believed that they could do something that had little benefit for them, but would yield great things for their suffering friend.

I imagine that the plan of our small circle of friends was simple in its beginning. We take our friend to the man that we heard could cure his disease. We take him there, we see the man, he cures our friend, and perhaps later on we can all go out to dinner together. Little did these friends know that in this simple act they would find their V.O.I.C.E.

The plan was going smoothly when the friends set out to see the man that could cure their friend. Because he could not walk the friends placed him on a mat and decided that four of them would carry him. We don’t know how many members of the group went on that fateful day. Perhaps there were eight of them and they took turns carrying the mat. Maybe there were just six men shifting regularly so that two men could always lead the way and rest as they made their journey. As we have said, history does not record much about them on that day.

The friends make their way to the place where the man was rumored to be. When they arrive they learn that they are too late. A huge crowd has gathered blocking their way. There is no way that they will ever get their friend close enough to the man to tell him of his troubles. Everyone in the crowd has a need and a desire to see this man. Everyone viewed their need as greater than his. To the crowd, this man had no greater right to see the man than they did. And remember that conventional wisdom of the day suggested that perhaps he had less need as his condition suggested that he had done wrong somewhere in his past. He did not deserve to be cured. And so, the men and their friend found themselves on the edge of the crowd defeated and unable to do what they set out to do.

If you read the story it seems to me that it was at this precise moment that the men found their V.O.I.C.E. We don’t know whether it was just one of the members of the group, or whether the seeds of an idea germinated among the group. The history does not tell us that they held a meeting or even took a vote. We don’t see the emergence of a heroic leader that inspires the men with a speech. We don’t really know how it happened. What we do know if we read the story is that the men found their V.O.I.C.E.

At the start of this journey we know that these men had compassion for their friend. They had a shared set of Values. Perhaps their value was compassion for their fellow man, or maybe their Value was teamwork. We may never know, but we know from their story that these men were motivated by their Values. These men also had a clear and compelling Objective. The Objective was to get their friend to the man that could cure him. It is unlikely that this was a written Objective, but the Objective was communicated clearly among the group and understood by everyone. These men had Integrity. That was clear in a number of ways. First, when the men arrived and encountered the obstacle of the crowd, the story tells us they did not just give up and head for home. We also know that the men were committed to doing what they said they would do which was to take their friend to be cured. They understood Choices. At the moment when it seemed to these men that they would not complete their objective, they made a Choice. Perhaps they understood the consequences of their Choice. But it is clear that they did not blame the crowd. They made a Choice to take action. Finally, these men displayed their E-cubed, Emotional Energy and Edge. After a long trip carrying their crippled friend, we can assume that the men were tired. It would have been much easier to accept defeat. After all, they had done all that they could do. They had the best of intentions, but it just did not work out as they planned. That is not what happened with our heroes. They had Emotional Energy and Edge. They made a bold choice. They decided that they would break with conventional wisdom and practice. They were going to accomplish their objective, and they were going to see to it that their friend made it to the man that could cure him. Values, clear Objectives, Integrity, Choices, Emotional Energy and Edge. Our heroes in that instant found their V.O.I.C.E.

The story of our heroes is recounted in the book of Mark in the second chapter beginning at the third verse. It is so short that I will tell it here:

Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven”. Later in the story, after confronting the critics in the crowd, Jesus said further to the paralyzed man “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all.

The story ends here. We never again here from the paralyzed man, and there is no celebration for his friends. Because they found their V.O.I.C.E. the world was changed. A man that was paralyzed walked again. Our heroes did not accept convention. They demonstrated Emotional Energy and Edge when they cut a whole in the roof of a building to accomplish their Objective. They were guided by their Values, and Integrity caused them to do what they said they would do.

Why must we find our V.O.I.C.E.? We must do so because each of us has within us the capacity to change our world. Maybe finding your V.O.I.C.E. will cause a great piece of literature to be created that will expand the imagination or lift spirits. Perhaps your V.O.I.C.E. is expressed in poetry. For some, their V.O.I.C.E. will only be clear within the walls of their home as they parent a child who may some day go on to greatness. Maybe your V.O.I.C.E. is to mentor those less fortunate or to teach. Or just perhaps, yours will be the V.O.I.C.E. of a leader. You may lead just one person, a group of six, hundreds, or thousands of people. Having leaders that find their V.O.I.C.E. can have the greatest impact on our world. Whatever your reason, you owe it to yourself and those you lead to find your V.O.I.C.E.

Looking Backwards to Move Forward

Today I want to go back to my favorite analogy for leading and living a balanced life. That is the analogy of seeing our lives as though we are at the center of a compass. Today I want to talk about what it takes to get a true reading of your direction.

I have held a license to drive in the state of Pennsylvania for more than 34 years. In that time despite years of practice, I have finally come to realize that I am not a good driver. This has been pointed out to me many times but I have always turned a deaf ear to the complainer. Like Rain Main, I continue to repeat over and over “I am an excellent driver”. Of course, in that movie Rain Main was only driving in a circle. I think that I can do circles just fine, but I have trouble with the whole left turn, right turn, stay in your lane and don’t get too close thing. I have never once hit a pedestrian or animal, and never in my experience has a passenger in my vehicle been hurt. But I have put fear in the hearts of many. I choose not recount my total driving record here, but suffice it to say that in a one year period I had three accidents in a parking lot. This was the exact same parking lot in which I parked daily for three years. Fortunately, only during one of those accidents were there passengers in the car. Lately, I have been limited to principally driving my Vespa, and it seems for now at least that may be the safest thing that I can do.

I have determined in my infinite wisdom that the problem for me is not that I have a particular difficulty or lack of ability that affects my driving. Rather, my problem is that I am frequently looking backwards when moving forward. Further complicating my problems is that I am often thinking about where I want to go, and not focusing on where I am and how I am going to get there. I have reasoned that these are terrible attributes when it comes to driving and thus my conclusion that I am not a good driver. However, these are most worthy attributes when it comes to viewing our life direction and personal goals.

When I was thinking about this topic I was directed back to the book of Numbers in the Bible. This is a book that I have always had difficulty reading because of the extensive and often times tedious lists that it contains. I struggle my way through this book often times unable to pronounce the myriad names, terms, and places mentioned. Today I took time to read the 33rd chapter which chronicles the stages of Israel’s journey to get to the Promised Land. In this chapter Moses, who for the more visual among us looks exactly like Charlton Heston, is commanded by God to record the stages in their journey. Charlton Heston, I mean Moses, dutifully and copiously records every stage of the Israelites journey. The list of names and places is fairly long, and for me the gymnastics required of my tongue is exhausting. Reading this list a pattern appears. That is that each time a place is named as a stage in the journey, Moses repeats the name of that place as he lists the next destination. This suggest to me that every time the Israelites wanted to move forward towards their goal of reaching the Promised Land, they always first looked backwards.

Often times I find that we live our lives with varying degrees of focus on our goals and desires. Those considered more successful among us are said to have had a keen focus on their goals. We often hear of such people with statements like “she really knows what she wants.” Perhaps this is true when the goals we seek are material. I for one no longer view success by measuring the things we have. In fact, I believe that most of us view real success not by what we have, but by what we want to do or what we want to be. We need only to look back at our list of New Year resolutions to find that this is true. As we mature, who we are or what we do becomes our measure of success.

As we seek to live more balanced or principle centered lives, lives with V.O.I.C.E. we must determine our place in the world. We must take the time to determine where we want to go, and what we want to become. There is a process of looking back that I try to practice weekly. In order to do this you must find quiet time for reflection. This is the equivalent of standing still with your compass to get a true reading. During this time, you must think first about the following: Your passion, focus, perspective, balance, choices and potential for growth.

In thinking about your passion, ask yourself what your heart, mind and spirit tell you that you want to create, develop, preserve or support. Your focus, is where you review the goals you have established for yourself and your life. Next you will think about your perspective. Look at the big picture, not just the pressing emergencies that are clanging for your attention. Here you will determine your schedule for the coming week. When thinking of balance, think about the people and things that are important to you. Are you spending time with all of these people and doing all of these things? What adjustments do you need to make. Review your choices. Have you made decisions that reflect your integrity to do what you said you would do? Have you kept your promises and your commitments? The final area for your quiet review is the potential for growth. Looking back at the past week, you must honestly evaluate where you have been. Perhaps it is time to realign to make sure you are staying on course. Did you accomplish what you set out to do last week? Was what you set out to do realistic? What patterns are you seeing that keep you from achieving your goals? Are there people or other distractions that hinder your progress? Where do these people fit in your life?

Looking backwards to move forward will act as a touchstone for your life. You can through this process determine that your goals are genuine and meaningful. This will force you to quiet your mind and your environment. You must be honest with yourself. Admit where you may be missing the mark. Make course corrections. Find a guide if you are lost. Look backwards weekly and you will move forward daily.

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

McDonalds and Abundance

Nearly ten years ago our family was blessed with the birth of twin boys. The twins, Max and Alex are our only children and they were born when I was forty years old. Prior to the birth of our boys I had never actually imagined myself as a father. One of the early lessons I learned about being a father is that ready or not, here they come. And so at the age of forty I had to learn about being a Dad. I did not know at the time that these boys were going to teach me more about being a person than I could ever learn just learning to be a Dad.

I decided early on that I would spend Saturdays with my boys. Actually, looking back I am not sure if this was a decision that I made independently, or one that was strongly suggested by the woman that spent all of the other days feeding, changing, bathing and otherwise caring for the boys. Well, however the decision came about, Saturday was clearly established early on as the day I would spend time with the boys.

Given my limited experience with children, the early days were tough. I can remember the days when I would lock myself in a room, place the boys on the carpet, and just try to contain them and keep them safe for the two to three hours that my wife would leave us alone. I made sure that the room was free of hazards, and I would bring in to this space all of the things that I could conceive of needing. As the boys grew older, and I grew bolder, we would take trips to the mall. This was really just an expansion of my lock them in a room strategy. The room was bigger of course, but I figured that I could still out run them when they were headed for trouble and we always traveled with the “twin-mobile.” This was a wonderful stroller that had independent suspension, side-by-side dual reclining bucket seats, webbed trunk space and a convertible top. All of this was designed into a sub-compact that was small enough to fit through conventional doors. The stroller was in a fancy looking “British Racing Green” color and was a natural babe magnet. The boys and I were not actually out looking for women, but I recognized early on that twin boys attracted the attention of most women in the mall. There was always some kind soul that would come over to help me out just as things were getting out of control which would happen all too often.

As the boys grew older still, and I felt braver, we would go out into the world taking short walks, without the crutch of the “twin-mobile”. By this time they were only three so our walks took us to whatever we could reach within the confines of our neighborhood. I figured by then that if things got ugly someone would recognize us and help me to get back home. This of course meant that only destinations within three blocks of our home were fair game. In this regard we were pretty fortunate. Within that circumference there is a park, playground and an Aviary. All of these were interesting and fun, but one of the places that my boys loved the most was the McDonalds in the opposite direction. Many a Saturday we would walk to McDonalds for breakfast and then walk home. With two three year old children this outing can take about an hour and a half.

I personally do not like McDonalds. Until my children were born I considered most of their food just plain McNasty. Although I did concede early on that they had the best french fries. I soon learned that french fries are an excellent portable finger food for young children. Until they learn of the existence of ketchup, you can give the children fries and know that when you get home they will not look too bad. Upon having this realization, our trips to McDonalds became a walk around the corner to buy fries and walk home. By this time we had the entire trip mastered and I was confident that we could go round trip without a break for rest or bathrooms if I timed it perfectly.

Having already established that I am not a huge fan of McDonalds, I have to also state that I understand that a forty plus year old man should not regularly consume french fries for all of the obvious health reasons. Here is where children can come in quite handy. I would buy the fries “for the boys”, giving them one small bag each. During the walk home I would usually just reach in and have a few of their fries thereby eliminating the guilt that might come with consuming my own bag. This worked for a while as for the most part the boys hardly noticed.

One day while walking home with our fries I leaned over to Alex and asked him if I could have a couple of his fries. He suddenly pulled the bag to his chest, protecting the crispy contents and said “no.” I was surprised at this move. However, one of the great things about twins is that when you observe negative behavior you can gently correct it by talking with the other child and nicely explaining why they should behave differently. This gives the errant child a chance to externally observe the error of his ways without the need to directly chastise and otherwise embarrass the child. So, I turned to Max and asked nicely if he would like to share his fries with me. To my surprise he too pulled the bag to his chest and said “no.” Of course this also brings up one of the downsides of having twins. Most negative behaviors are also learned by one observing the other.

I have long held that the time we spend with our children provide many opportunities to learn and to teach. This was what I call a “teachable moment.” My boys were for the first observable time displaying an attitude that is common to many children and adults alike. This was the attitude that there could not possibly be enough of something that they valued and so they chose not to share it with me. I decided that I needed to teach them about abundance.

Having only walked a half a block from McDonalds we turned around and walked back. The boys had no idea about what was to come next. Walking through the doors, I stopped at the trash can and threw away their two bags of fries. That is when the tears began to flow. Then, I stepped over to the counter and ordered two super sized boxes of french fries. The super sized fries are too big for a three year old to carry with one hand. Each child had to use both of their hands to carry the fries, and of course this meant that they could not free one hand to then eat the fries. We walked over to a table where I explained in language that I thought they might understand how sharing what we have creates more of what we want. I pointed out to them that in this instance I was the provider of their french fries. Failing to share them with me reflected their lack of an understanding that everything they had came from me. Also, I had the capacity as their father to give them not only what they had, but even more than they could dream of having, even more than they themselves could handle. As their father, I would never see my children lacking in the things that they needed or even wanted as long as it was good for them. I was teaching my boys on that day at McDonalds about abundance.

I have often reflected back on that day and the lesson that my boys were teaching me as I taught them about abundance. I have often referenced this lesson when teaching adults about having an abundance mentality. I find it interesting how so many people I know will quickly tell you that they are a child of God, yet not see the true abundance in that relationship. If God is your father, he would never have you needing or wanting. But first we must learn to let go of our ego, and open our hands and our hearts to receive his gifts.

The simple act of an immature child can teach us all so much about life, and french fries can teach us about abundance.

Saturday Morning Coffee

I slept in this morning. Allowing myself to stay in bed until nearly 7:00 on a Saturday morning is a rare treat. While I was not actually sleeping, I enjoyed just lying in bed listening to the occasional street sound, and letting my thoughts wander.

I enjoy Saturday morning because the pace of the day is so much slower, and I have much more free time to myself. I enjoy using this time to get out into the city to run an errand or two. Sometimes I just go out for a cup of coffee. These days a cup of Starbucks (double tall, non-fat, no foam, latte) coffee is a treat. I allow myself this indulgence no more than twice a week as I move about my routine. Starbucks coffee shops are fairly ubiquitous in our town and it would be easy to find myself drinking there every day. There are at least ten locations within five miles of our home.

On the weekend my cup of coffee is much more about the atmosphere and the experience than it is about the coffee. As much as I love the brew, I have a metabolism that is the equivalent of a gerbil running full tilt on a treadmill every day, all day. Caffeine does not serve as a stimulant for me. I just enjoy getting out in the morning and reading, listening to the music, or casually observing the people that come and go. Not too long ago I could count on a friend to meet me for morning coffee. My favorite location on Saturday is in a popular section of the city that includes other coffee houses, bars and restaurants. This is not a particularly upscale section of the city as there is also a guitar shop; several tattoo parlors, vintage clothing retailers, a popular diner (with the best blueberry pancakes) and a great magic shop. This eclectic little neighborhood is called the South Side.

The Starbucks in this neighborhood includes about twelve tables of various sizes, a brown velour couch, and four of those high back winged chairs grouped in pairs also in the matching brown velour. I am not sure exactly what the designer was going for with the decor here, but I am guessing that someone at Starbucks' corporate offices realized that any color other than brown would not do well for covering coffee stains. Still, the place is pleasant, the coffee is good, the baristas are friendly and they take the time to know what I like to drink.

This particular Starbucks opens at 7:00 AM on Saturday. Most days I am up early enough to be one of the first customers. Today, as I mentioned earlier, I slept in. So after ordering my coffee I became aware that the good seats are already taken. The couch is now occupied by a couple wearing running gear. It seems to me that at some point exercise might be on their schedule, but for now they are sitting close, giggling and displaying affection that appears over the top for this time of day in a public place. I deduce that they are having an affair and that running is their excuse for getting out of the house. The remaining two sets of velour high back wing chairs each have one occupant. In the first set the occupant thinks that Starbucks is merely an indoor telephone booth. He seems to be almost shouting on the telephone. I don’t attempt to follow his conversation but I do notice that he has his possessions sprawled out such that sitting in the opposite chair next to him is not really an option. The second set of wing back chairs are occupied by a guy inconspicuously reading the morning paper. Spying him I have two observations. The first is that I hope he plans to leave the paper behind. The second is that it looks like he is not really settled in as he is wearing his coat. I guess that his seat may soon become available.

I search the remaining seats with a quick visual survey and determine that the best vantage point from which I might observe the unsettled man is a small table with two chairs against the wall. I place my belongings at the table and wait until my coffee order is called. All the while I have my eye on the stranger. Just as my coffee order is called, the stranger puts down the paper and rises to leave. I must now make a strategic decision. In a public setting, which of my belongings am I prepared to separate myself from? Do I walk over and place my coffee on the table thereby holding the seat, or do I grab my other belongings and perch them there leaving my coffee for a second trip. I must act quickly, but this is an important decision. These seats are close to a doorway, and a new customer could easily walk in and snag the prized seats. An additional possibility is that leaving my journal, PDA and Swiss Army messenger bag so close to the door could result in an enterprising thief merely walking by the door and grabbing my stuff.

My decision as to how I should proceed is suddenly obvious to me. Coffee thefts in this neighborhood have dropped dramatically after the severe beating that was given to the one brave soul that last attempted to abscond with a Venti, skim, two equal, no foam latte. I pity the fool that would try this act again.

Having decided on how to proceed I still must work out the logistics. The barista with my coffee is to my left. My coat, and messenger bag are some distance behind me further on the left, and the now vacant chair is to my right and slightly behind me. I must deftly maneuver such that it is clear to other patrons that these two seats are mine. Perhaps the best move might be to first approach the seats, touching them so as to display ownership to the other patrons. Having already shed my coat I have nothing to drop on the chair thus making that clear gesture that says this is my seat. As I swing around I catch the faint glimpse of my wool scarf that I still had hanging around my neck. Perhaps hanging the scarf over the back of the chair will reflect a smooth move signifying both ownership, and a suave devil may care attitude. I walk over placing the scarf on the chair and can hear the hushed awe of the crowd as all eyes are on me. They settle back in their seats knowing that they have been beaten by my graceful move and keen sense of timing. The chair is mine.

Settling in with my coffee, I am now convinced that I can enjoy the comfort of a great seat next to the window. I spread out my notebook, the book I am reading, my pen, and my highlighter prepared to read and have a great cup of coffee. No one would dare to intrude on this moment. Just as I settle back a man walks up asking if the remaining empty chair is taken. I look up, smile, and politely tell him that it is available. At that moment I realize that I so much miss my friend that sometimes joins me on Saturday mornings for coffee and conversation. Life is different now without her. I must develop totally new strategies to preserve the peace. But for today, I share the space with the smiling stranger, who licks his coffee from his cup. Perhaps I should have stayed at home this morning and brewed it myself.

My Deepest Secret

As I become more and more familiar with the phenomenon of web logs, I see a particular pattern. Many times people use their blogs to tell stories about themselves. I have read a number of blogs that tell the deepest secrets. Perhaps the anonymous nature of the internet has led to this sense that you can say anything in a blog, because you don’t have to see the expression on the face of the reader of your story. Or, it could be that we tell the tales of our lives in our blogs in a unilateral “conversation” where there is no interruption. This allows us to get it all out without experiencing shame or recrimination. Or, maybe it is just that we don’t expect that our Mothers would read the blog and be embarrassed by what we have to say. Maybe, just maybe it is all of those reasons or none at all.

Let’s put this whole theory to the test. I have been harboring a deep dark secret that I have hidden for more than forty-five years, and perhaps longer if I could remember the earliest experiences of my youth. This is a dark secret that began with my maternal Grandmother. It was she that introduced me to this shame. I can recall the sly way that she gradually introduced me in the corner of her kitchen when I was not old enough to see the harm it would cause. She would get me alone, just the two of us and while no one else could possibly see it, she would do it. This happened many times during my early youth. I never told my mother of these things as my grandmother always told me not to tell anybody. She said this had to be our little secret.

As I grew older I would often find myself going back to those events in grandmother’s kitchen. They created a yearning in me that I would often satisfy as a young child. I was always hiding it from my sisters, not wanting them to know who I really was. I did not tell my friends about it because I thought that they might laugh at me. I knew by then that I was different. And we all know how cruel children can be when you are different from the rest. When I went to college, I experimented with other things. I tried to move away from my past and try something different. For a while, though actually only a short time, I went the complete opposite. I can admit it now because as I write this you don’t know my face. I admit that I tried as hard as I could to change who I was. I thought that making this change was good. I even liked it for a while. But the urges of my youth kept coming back to me. What I thought was innocent, from my grandmother’s kitchen stuck with me. I could no longer resist and I went back to the same old ways, still hiding it from everyone.

I feel emboldened by the blog. This is a one way conversation that lets me feel free to tell the world just who I am. There is no shame. I am who I am, and I can shout it out loud. I am a laysbian. That’s it; I have said it and all the world can now know. That’s right, I love Lays potato chips. I am sure that you will be surprised to read this. You certainly could not tell from my looks, or the way I dress. Society has forced me to hide this secret for these many years. Unlike some people I was not born this way. My grandmother introduced me to these evil ways when she would sneak the thin morsels to me in the corner of her kitchen. We hid this, she and I because we did not want to share these pleasures with my sisters. We would pass each other sometimes at crowded family gatherings and she would give me that conspiratorial look. The one that said, I have chips in my purse, and as soon as we are alone we will share them.

In college, I tried soft pretzels. The corner vendors in Philadelphia had them everywhere. I thought that perhaps going the other way might cure me. I tried pretzels with mustard. I did enjoy them for a time and I thought that perhaps, just maybe I was not so different after all. But then out of nowhere it came back to me. Once again I realized that my laysbian ways had never left. I was still hooked on Lays potato chips.

I once thought that I was different. I felt the shame of my ways until about three years ago. It was then that I met another laysbian. He too loved Lays potato chips. He is a prominent lawyer with a prestigious firm. We thought that we could help each other. Together we tried to give up our laysbian ways. Together, we gave up on Lays. Cold turkey, we both just quit. He could not make it and just one short month later he was back on the chips. However, I spent an entire year without one single chip. Ah yes, I did substitute Cheez-Its during those days. I ate them by the hands full. My family finally noticed. I would sneak upstairs late at night with my hand full of Cheez-Its, munching and leaving crumbs along the way. Finally, one day I was caught by my children. They accused me of eating all of their snacks for school. I had to confess right then and there that yes, I had eaten the Cheez-Its. Even this confession did not allow me to tell them the real truth. This is the truth that I now tell the world. The truth is I am a laysbian.

One year after I gave up chips, I am once again back to my daily habit. I have chips with my lunch, and I often have them as an afternoon snack. I even have days when I have just a few chips before going to bed. The word is out now. Yes I am different. I am a laysbian, but please don’t’ treat me differently. Just like you I love, have hopes, and even dreams. I would never take your chips; I am discreet in my desires. Yet, when I see your chips the passion burns hot in my bosom.

My name is Harvey, and I am a laysbian.

Clear the Mechanism

Since rising this morning I have already learned of the unfortunate fate of Carly Fiorina, written a long memorandum to a client, complete with attachments, helped with getting my children off to school, and read several blog sites. I have an appointment at 11:00, and at least two letters to write today. I have already spoken by telephone with one of the people I talk with daily. I have also scanned the newspaper (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, and the New York Times) looking for articles that I will read later today. I am writing this at 8:45 in the morning, and while I have been up for a few hours, I would say that this has already been a busy day.

After I completed all of the above, and I had a chance to settle down, I decided that it was time for coffee. When I went to my kitchen this morning I realized that today my wife had done something out of character. Before leaving for school and chapel this morning she turned off all of the lights downstairs. The kitchen television was off and the room was silent. The only light streaming in was that of the windows of our family room which provided sufficient light for moving around in the kitchen. Today is overcast and snowy in Pittsburgh so even that light was not distracting. As I reached for my coffee pot in the dark I decided that I would take advantage of this quiet moment to pray. This was not a standard prayer for public consumption. Rather, this was more of a turning of my thoughts to the spiritual nature within me. As I did this I became aware of an even deeper quieting than I had previously observed in the room. All other noises and senses were instantly tuned out and I was left with just me and my prayer. All of this occurred as I moved about the kitchen preparing to brew my coffee.

The phrase, “Clear the Mechanism” is a quote from a Kevin Costner movie titled “For Love of the Game”. The movie is actually about a self-centered baseball pitcher playing in what appears to be his final game. Suffering from injuries incurred during his 19 year career, our star, Billy Chapel, has flash backs of his life, loves and baseball. As the game progresses Billy Chapel is told by his sidekick catcher that he is pitching a no-hitter. Billy must bring all of his resources, despite his aching hand, to bear to keep the no-hitter going and win the game. During these moments of intense concentration, Billy Chapel says to himself silently, “Clear the Mechanism.” This mantra is what Billy has used consistently to block out all outside interferences. When he “clears the mechanism” during the movie all fan noise is paused and the movie becomes instantly silent. Billy finds himself in total concentration, silence and with clear focus.

Sometimes, we need to “clear the mechanism.” Just the other day I was reading a story about King David who has always been one of my heroes. You have got to admire a guy that can pose “Esquire Magazine” like while yet completely naked. The story is as follows:

When David and his men came to Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. David’s two wives had been captured – Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God. (1 Samuel 30: 3-6 from the Nearly Infallible Version, thanks for letting use that Gone ;) .

Talk about having a bad day at the office! David comes home from work (back then the work consisted mostly of warring, killing, plundering, and apparently having multiple wives) only to find that all of his stuff had been taken. Sort of like a home invasion where the thieves burn all of your stuff and steal your family. Not only were David’s family and stuff gone, but his men also lost all of their stuff and their families too. So, David’s men did what we all do when bad stuff happens. They decide to kill the boss (in your case you might not plot their death, but there demise is clearly on your mind). Isn’t it funny how when stuff happens to us, we just want to blame someone else, rather than deal with the real problem, which as best as I can tell in this case was the Amalekites. My guess is that at this point David was hearing a fair amount of static. Not to mention the distraction of having your bigger guys picking up large rocks and putting them into pouches for the day’s stoning. David really needed to “clear his mechanism.”

David’s problem was not unlike your day. If you are like me you have the ding of your email going off, your cell phone is getting text messages or actual phone calls, your PDA is reminding you of your upcoming appointment, and you are either listening to the radio, television, or music if that is permitted in your work environment. Perhaps no one is talking about stoning you, but you can identify those workmates that would consider this a good option if given the opportunity. Maybe your husband, or wife and children are still at home or school as you read this, but perhaps some “Amalekite” has stolen your self-confidence, or humiliated you publicly. Or maybe someone has completely burned down your morale because of the latest in a string of ongoing injustices. You may not deal with physical attacks on your person, but you are yet feeling beaten up by worry, doubt, and fear. If this sounds like you then you need to “clear the mechanism.”

I write this today not to appeal to any specific set of spiritual beliefs. Yet, I write this with the full awareness that each of us has a spiritual nature as one of our four human dimensions. Those may easily be placed in a box with the four corners being the physical, emotional, mental and the spiritual dimensions. Perhaps on another day I will talk about the other dimensions, but not today. For today, I am simply encouraging you to take the time to “clear the mechanism.” Find a moment where you can be alone and quiet. Most of us are alone at our computers. You don’t need to close your eyes, just shut out the external noises. Turn off your radio, the television or any of the noises that you control. Say to yourself, “Clear the Mechanism.” You may not reach the place of deep concentration on your first try. But, be persistent and practice this. If at first you find it difficult, then go to a quiet place. But try to practice clearing your mechanism.

During the Lenten season many people practice various forms of abstinence. I am advocating that you add something to your life. Find a minute to clear your mechanism and touch base with your spiritual side. The benefits are huge, and if you are lucky, you might just get to enjoy a great cup of coffee as I did today.

Can You Dance?

I grew up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania during the 1960s. Of course this does not mean that I was born in the 60s. When I refer to growing up I am speaking of the age when I was more or less aware of what was going on in my world. The 60s were of course a time when history was being made. As a young child in the 60s I saw race riots, the deaths of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., Medger Evers, and Malcolm X. These events marked the time in a way that I can never forget. Then, there was another regular image in my youth. That was the image of American Bandstand with Dick Clark.

I wonder how many readers of this page actually know of Dick Clark as anything other than the timeless guy that until last year dropped the ball in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I remember Dick Clark as the host of a daily show that we watched in my home. To me, Dick Clark was not an icon, but rather the man that ran the show that my Uncles wanted to get on so that they could be seen dancing on television. They never made it to the show, but we watched, and they hoped anyway.

Dancing was a big part of my youth. As a teen I remember that there was always a new dance to learn, and “steps”, as we called them that were a part of every dance. The music of the time was great and you could actually learn all of the words to the songs. And oh could you dance to the music. There were fast dances, slow dances, and even group dances done in a line. It seemed to me that everyone danced and dancing made you happy. You learned to dance in your living room then, usually in full view of one or more of your parents as you practiced the latest step. If you were lucky, as I was, you had an older sibling or a relative to teach you the latest steps. Every dance required steps and we learned them, in order.

As I have grown older I have watched the changes in dance and I too have often said, though I hate to admit it, that I don’t understand the dances that the kids do today. But, I still love music, and even some of the music that my children listen to will cause me to “bounce.”

Dancing is nothing more than simply following a routine. In fact years ago we called dancing “a dance routine.” As we get older most of us don’t think much about dancing. We still do it at the occasional wedding, or when we get a chance on a night out, but dancing is not an important part of adult life. Or is it? I would like to suggest that each of us dances every day. Perhaps your dance is what my friend John Alston talks about in his book “Stuff Happens (and then you fix it!).” He talks about “The Dance That Mom Taught Us.” That dance goes like this: get up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. John describes this as a simple four step routine. A routine that we do every day, day in and day out, until we wake up one day and find ourselves in a rut. Maybe your dance has five or six or twelve steps, but it is likely that you still do that same dance every day.

It seems to me that we have missed or perhaps forgotten the joy of dancing. When I danced in my teens I learned to put my own unique “twist” to every dance. I never did it the way that everyone else did, I wanted my “dance” to be unique. Yet, we are told as we get older to just “dance” like everyone else. Worse, even a unique dance can wear you down if you do the same dance every day. Make no mistake here, I am a huge fan of consistency, and established routines. In fact I live by them, swear by them, and teach them to anyone that will listen. But the essential point here is that the purpose of teaching the routine or of having a routine is to establish the pattern. Once you learn the pattern you should find ways to vary it and make it your own. Once the pattern is learned, change it often. It is like when some of us started to drive. It was all you could do to shift the gears (look I am no spring chicken OK?), release the clutch with your left foot, push the gas with your right foot, steer the manual steering, and accomplish all of this without having the car stall. But once you learned the pattern, mastered the dance, you could shift the gears, ease off of the clutch, press the gas, steer with one hand, listen to the radio, and still place your right hand on the thigh of that pretty young girl in the passenger seat. You had mastered the routine.

Routines can be your best friend when you find yourself in unfamiliar territory. They are the best way to learn something new. Yet, a routine can make life dull and boring if you stay at it too long. Change the dance. Add a spin, do a dip, or shake what your momma made you. Jump for a change, shout out loud, or raise your hands in the air like you just don’t care! Whatever you do, it is time to look at your routine. Make a change and watch how your blood flows differently. You will find new energy, joy, and if you are lucky, perhaps you will find a smile today. Get up right now wherever you read this and do a dance. No one is looking. Well, perhaps someone is looking, but you can explain later. Think about the guys in the Nextel commercial that are dancing in their office. They know how to take time to dance, and since you are taking a break to read this, you can dance too.

The Leadership Compass

In a previous post I began talking about having values that are based on principles. I used an analogy of a compass always being able to point us north to describe how values that are based on principles are not subjective, but rather no matter which direction you turn, or circumstance you find yourself in, principle based values will always point you in the proper direction, pointing you to true north.

When I think about the role of leaders, I also like the analogy of viewing leadership as a compass. With its 360 degrees, effective leadership touches people in many directions. In this way, we can see that leadership is a North, South, East, and West proposition. However, when looking at this just from a directional point of view, we lose sight of the fact that in every compass there is a distinct center. In fact, the center is the axis for the all important needle of the compass which helps you to define your direction. In my example, leading southwardly would mean leading those that follow you. This could mean leading subordinates, friends, or your children. Northward leadership is leading those above you or those that have authority over you. Normally this means leading your boss. If you don’t have a boss this could mean leading your clients, customers, board members, financiers, or if you are young enough and yet reading this it could mean leading your parents. Leading both East and West means leading your peers. This once again can mean leading those that are equal to you and do not look to you for leadership or direction. This is most often seen in groups where there is no clear leader or when all of the members of the group are led by someone outside of the group.

Classic thinking about leadership in the dynamic of a compass suggest that most of us that lead spend the majority of our time leading those below us (the southward direction). We presume that the very reason we have risen to the level of leader is because those below us need our wisdom and guidance, and they need it most of the time. After all, without us, where would those poor souls be? As for leading those above us, we think mostly that the people above are to be avoided at all costs. We don’t lead those folks we mostly respond to them. If we are lucky, we can just slink by and perhaps they will not notice us. At times we can send C.Y.A. missives, just to let them know that we are doing something, but mostly this is a tactic to further avoid contact. Now, all that is left is our peers. These folks are our buddies aren’t they? We don’t spend anytime actually leading them. In fact with them we can be vocal in our complaints about the folks to the north and south. We can complain about our subordinates or our children, and spend the real meaty discussion time complaining about our boss. Our peers are there to listen and to sympathize with us about just how oppressive our very existence can be.

If I asked you to think about the time you spend in each of the directions on a compass, it is likely that you would project the following: Out of 100 percent of your available time, about sixty percent would be spent leading the people to the south. You might also guess that about ten percent of your time would be spent leading those to the north, and about fifteen percent would be spent leading the east and west. This would leave about fifteen percent of your time to lead yourself. Perhaps you should stop here and think objectively about this for a few moments.

Leading business writer and thinker Dee Hock, the founder of Visa International, suggest that if your numbers are anywhere near what I suggest above, your leadership would be in trouble. In studying this matter, Hock believes that the greatest responsibility of a leader is to lead your self. This means to lead by keeping your integrity, ethics, character, and knowledge in check. Self-leadership would require that you learn to control your temper and the very words you use. Self-leadership requires that you control the way you act and interact. Self-leadership is far more difficult than managing others. Yet, a leader that cannot self-lead is by no means fit for authority over another. Dee Hock believes that fifty percent of our time should be spent leading ourselves. That’s fifty percent focusing on making sure that as a leader you are managing the ethical, moral, spiritual, and physical dimensions of your life. The second greatest responsibility of a leader is to manage those with authority over you. If this is not your boss then it may be a board member, or regulator. We need their support, understanding, and knowledge of what we are doing. Without this support we are unable to establish an environment that is creative and productive for those that we lead. Spending time with the person to your north will enlist their aid when you need it as they will be constantly aware of what you are doing and will become your ally. You need their trust and support and that will come from your demonstration of competence. The third most important area would be the time you spend leading your peers. Twenty percent of your time will be spent leading in this area. These are the people over whom you have no authority, but who also have no authority over you. This group is extensive and includes the majority of the relationships you encounter every day. This group can easily determine whether things will be easy or hard for you. Leading well here yields great dividends.

If you divided your time as outlined above, you would find that you are left with only five percent of your time still available. If you are still thinking with your old leadership mindset, then you must be wondering how you can lead your subordinates with only five percent of your time. This is precisely the point. If you have done a good job of leading yourself, leading those with authority over you, and leading your peers, then all that needs to be left is five percent. This dynamic of leadership requires that those over whom you have authority choose to follow you. It is the dynamic of leader/follower that makes this style of leadership effective. Further, you then teach those that follow you by modeling your leadership style. You introduce them to the concept and encourage that they adopt a similar style.

As a leader you must continually ask yourself whether your leadership is constructive, ethical, open and morally correct. It is easy and sometimes tempting to shift to a style of tyranny and compulsion. To protect against this you must establish a sense of shared principles with everyone in your leadership compass. You should enlist those that follow you in this process by allowing them to help you to know where they choose to be led. Don’t forget your peers. Their assistance is critical to your success. Finally, include those above you as advisors and guides to your leadership. Their support and consent to your leadership not only makes a way for you, but it will ensure the success of those that depend on you for sound leadership.

Football is a Finite Game in a World of Infinite Possibilities

The New England Patriots are the Super Bowl Champions. There is no exclamation point after this statement as in truth I am not a Patriots fan. That is, not in a football fan sense. I write this while sitting in my home in Pittsburgh, the home of the Pittsburgh Steelers, who are the team that the Patriots vanquished on their way to yet another appearance in America’s biggest spectacle in sports. If that is not enough, the city I was born in, and the one I still call home after more than 20 years away is Philadelphia. My Mother still lives in the city of Brotherly Love, and Sisterly Affection. So in the sense of a fan of football, the New England victory for me is a non event. What emotion I have invested in yesterday’s game was probably more a sense of disappointment for my family and friends who remain devoted Eagles Fans.

For me the Super Bowl and football in general provides an opportunity to observe the similarities, analogies, and examples of how much sport mirrors every day life. It seems that everyone that writes about or talks about personal leadership considers football a rich source of analogy, metaphor and comparison. I am no different from my colleagues (so am I calling myself some sort of great thinker here) in this regard.

Most of us that watch football games mark the Super Bowl as the official end of the football season, the final game after seven months of highs and lows. No serious fan considers the Pro Bowl game as anything more than an opportunity to bring well deserved recognition to the standouts in the game. Yet, we don’t count that game as a part of the season. James P. Carse wrote in his book Finite and Infinite Games that there are at least two kinds of games. One could be called finite, the other infinite. A finite game is played for the purpose of winning, an infinite game for the purpose of continuing play. Using Carse’s definition we accept that football is a finite game and as such must have a defined end. In finite games we mark the end when the players in the game come to an agreement that a winner has been declared. The opinions of the fans, the officials and the press are not relevant to making that determination despite what you read in the papers or hear on Sports Center. The players have agreed that the New England Patriots are their champions of the game, and we must console ourselves with the hopes and dreams of next year. That is what happens in a finite game. But what does this game teach us about the far more important infinite game, the game we call life, and trying to live it with integrity, values and balance, living with V.O.I.C.E. Perhaps I can make a few observations that would serve us well.

Having declared my impartiality to the New England Patriots there are a number of observations I want to make about this team. This is a group of guys that could teach us all something about what constitutes a great team. I will not dwell on the fact that many athletes are over paid, immature, and horrible role models. I also don’t want to engage in a discussion of how difficult it is to explain to my nine year old sons why one of the negative side effects of Cialis (the four hour negative side effect) can be a problem. If you are concerned about these things you could always just turn off the television. Still, I will say for the record that the Go-Daddy.com commercial got the biggest laugh out of me. Sorry for my lack of maturity in this regard, but the truth is the truth and the truth will set you free!

The New England Patriots are led by Bill Belichick. Many football observers say he is a genius. With all due respect to the genius of men like Einstein, George Washington Carver, or Jonas Salk, this is a pretty serious accolade. While I don’t know if Belichick is a genius, he has led his team to their third Super Bowl Championship. He has won ten out of eleven playoff games in a league where the teams are equally talented. Is he a genius? Maybe yes, maybe no, but I would take a leader of his caliber in any endeavor I was asked to undertake. Let’s look at some the players. There is Corey Dillon, the supposed malcontent whose moods and attitude made him a disappointment in Cincinnati. This year he ran for over 1,600 yards eclipsing all of his prior seasons and was a significant contributor to the success of this team. Commenting on yesterday’s win his teammates said they were happy for him and wanted this victory as a vindication for him. What does that say of the character of this man when in just his first year on the team his teammates would play a game to give meaning to his career? There is Tedy Bruschi, the veteran linebacker who when described by Mike Vrabel was called intense, passionate, productive, smart, and physical. What would your teammates say about you if you were not in the room? On a personal note, Bruschi recently said that he quit drinking five or six years ago because he wanted to be “the best father he could be.” How are you doing on that one?

Today the sports analysts will be divided on who should have won the MVP award. Deion Branch won the award for his performance in last night’s game. This is a young man that did not have grades good enough to get him into his preferred college (he began his football career at Jones County Junior College). He was picked thirty-third in the draft in 2002, and he is only five foot nine inches tall. When the Patriots drafted him they were criticized for making a bad pick. Last night he caught every ball thrown in his direction (eleven). No fumbles, no excuses just flat out played. When the game has been on the line could you say that you have performed so well? Going back to Mike Vrabel, he is a standout linebacker for this team. Yet, when called upon to perform in the completely different role of tight end (not his job) he has caught two Super Bowl touchdown passes, one of which reflected his athletic abilities and intense concentration. What will you do the next time someone asks you to do something different?

If you talk about football you can not ignore the role of the quarterback as the “field general” for the team. In New England Tom Brady has that role. This twenty-seven year old with only five years experience in the league has now won his third Super Bowl title. Would you trust a “kid” with such an awesome responsibility? Brady is a superstar by any conventional definition. Yet, when talking about their victory he called his team “just a hard working bunch of guys that do their best to win every week”. It is no wonder to me that his head still fits easily into his helmet.

The football season is over, but football is just a finite game. As we all “wait until next year” perhaps we can spend the off-season applying the lessons that this team has taught us to the far more important infinite game of life in which all we really want to do is continue play.

Happy Birthday Rob!

God Does Not Send Email Messages

I was just about to sign off on my computer for the night when I decided to check my email one last time. I admit that I have a certain compulsion that causes me to check my email every night before I go to bed. Now this is Saturday night and I can’t imagine what lonely souls would actually be sitting at their computer sending me email messages on Saturday, but as I said this is a compulsion with me. So I check my messages and as I expected there was nothing new. As I began to walk away from the computer I heard that familiar AOL chime and the words “You’ve Got Mail” coming from the speakers. I was surprised to hear that sound since I have not been an AOL subscriber for years. Yet, there was no mistaking that familiar sound so I turned and walked back to the computer. There in my Outlook Inbox was a new message.

My Outlook Inbox is set up to auto-preview all incoming messages. This allows me to quickly identify the sender of the message as well as see a preview of the actual text. For me this is more efficient than just seeing the subject of the message since unknown senders can often send a message with an intriguing title that then has you clicking on a virus or some other unwanted mail. The auto-preview function saves me loads of time and allows me to filter out unwanted junk messages. Looking at the “From” section of the message I saw that it said “God”. Of course I immediately thought that this must be some sort of a joke, or worse it could be a new virus going around. The last thing in the world that I wanted to do was to open a mail message from God. Still, I checked the subject area and the subject read “I Just Wanted to Speak with you.” Now I thought this had to be a joke so I decided that I might be better off just deleting the message and not falling into some sort of a virus trap so I deleted the unopened message. I figured that if the message was from a friend playing a joke that they would later ask me what I thought or let me in on their feeble attempt at email humor. When I think that something on my computer is a virus I not only delete the message, I also immediately empty my trash folder. While I was moving to the trash folder after deleting the message, the familiar “ding” went off again, and the voice once more said “You’ve Got Mail.” I looked and once more there is this message from God. This time the subject says, “I Really Do Want to Talk to You.” I was more than a bit surprised when I saw the second message, and the new title shook me. The cynic in me figured that someone is playing a fairly sophisticated joke but I admit that I was more than a bit curious. I was also concerned about a virus attack. The computers in our house have been attacked by three viruses this past year. Each time I had to completely reformat the hard drive on the computers and re-establish everyone’s settings. This process can take up to a week of my time and usually something is always lost in the process. Still, I just could not resist so I opened the message.

My Inbox is setup with a small yellow envelope icon on the left side of each message. When the envelope is closed this signifies that the message that follows has not been opened. Also, the “From” line is in black bold print until you open the message. On this message the envelope color was red. Also, the normally black bold type was colored red, as was the preview text which is normally blue. I quickly smiled at this as I was thinking of course this is just like the bible, when God is speaking the text is in red. I momentarily acknowledged to myself that whoever sent this is at least clever and creative. Now I really do want to read the message. The message was as follows:

Harvey:

It really has been some time since we last talked. I wanted to take this time to catch up with you. I have been observing how much time you spend on your computer surfing the net (yes I do know the modern terms), blogging, trolling for traffic, writing, and responding to email. In fact just today I think that you spent well over 12 hours on the computer. I know that you had a project to finish today so I am not being critical of the amount of time you spent. But, I just wonder, is there anything else that you could have done today? Now, please don’t misunderstand, I do admire your work ethic and the amount of energy you put into your work. I also know that today you were honoring a commitment that you made to a client and I have a growing respect for your desire to keep your commitments. Still, I was just wondering if there is anything else that you could have done today with your time.

I have been trying to get your attention lately but you just don’t seem to be hearing me. I know you have had trouble sleeping and that sometimes listening to music at night or an audio book has helped to calm you and put you to sleep. I was glad when my message got through to you that you should remember to talk to me at night before you fall asleep. Thanks for turning off the other distractions and taking time to talk with me. But to be direct, the reason I am sending this message to you tonight is because of something you said to me the other night. Specifically, you said “God, I realize that I have not been talking to you lately and for that I am truly sorry. I am going to try to rekindle our nightly dialogue. Still, it would be helpful to me if you would just talk back to me.” I hope you remember saying those words because, shortly after you fell fast asleep.

You once taught your staff that email messages should be short and to the point. I think you said that you would not read an email message if it was longer than two paragraphs. I hope you are still reading (Not only do I have an excellent memory, I like to poke fun every once in a while). None the less let me get to the point. Since you have rekindled (strange choice of words here) our nightly dialogue and complained that I am not holding up my end of the conversation, I thought that I would respond to you in the manner to which you are most acutely attuned. You love email and you love talking through your computer. You have become an expert at being efficient with your time and you break down all of your important goals into manageable increments. Yet, as important as you say I am in your life, we only have nightly conversations. And even those are far too short. I read what you wrote the other day about how to get more reading done every day and I was inspired to give you some pointers. If you would like to have a two way conversation with me why not try talking to me when you are both quiet and awake. A perfect time would be when you are taking a break from your work, standing in a line, watching the microwave cook, or waiting for your coffee to brew. I am not asking you to close your eyes or make a scene, just direct your thoughts to me. Start slowly Harvey as you develop your “praying muscle” to paraphrase something you said the other day. Think of me as a friend that you want to talk to as you go through the events of the day. You know like those quick phone calls you make from your cell phone to your friend when you just want to share a quick thought or your email messages to your brother when you want to say something quickly. Why not add me to your “address book.” What’s great is that I am totally wireless these days (actually I have always been), and you don’t even need a hotspot. I am instant on with zero wait time and you don’t need an ISP or unique address to get to me. Why not start today and I promise you will hear from me more often.

One last thing Harvey before I close, I don’t send email messages. I place thoughts in your heart, beauty before your eyes or let you hear inspiring words. I impress your friends to call when you are down, or lead you to passages that will uplift you when you need inspiration. I have been “talking” to you every day. I trust that now you will start listening.

God

Reading Is Fundamental

Last year I had a telephone conversation with my friend Raj who coaches High School Football. I was doing some research looking for football metaphors to help me in my training classes. There were many insights that Raj provided, but one in particular stuck with me the most. Each year at the beginning of the practice season, Raj takes every one of his players back to the “fundamentals”. He reminds them of the basics that these guys may well have learned when they were ten years old. His theory is that the very foundation of a good player and a good team rests in their ability to execute the basics. He teaches his players the basics of balance, foot movement, and body position. All of this before they run a single play or catch a pass. My conversation with Raj reminded me of how fundamental reading is to everyone.

You may remember the advertising campaign that was designed to remind us that everyone needed to read. The campaign title was the title of today’s essay, “Reading Is Fundamental”. During that campaign books were provided free of charge to allow children and adults access to reading materials. This was a great idea but I don’t know if it got very far. However, the concept was right on target. Reading really is fundamental to any good system for growth, knowledge, advancement, and balance.

Yesterday I talked about reading Tim Sanders' book, “Love Is The Killer App.” Sanders talks a great deal about reading and the benefits that can be derived from gaining knowledge. In Sanders terms, gaining knowledge is the one of the “Big Thoughts” that you can take away from his book. I am already an avid reader, so reading Sander’s words were very reaffirming to me. Still, like most things sometimes you need to read or hear someone else say something to spark new ideas and Energy.

About six years ago I decided that I needed to learn everything that I could learn about leadership and relating to people. I determined that I was going to put myself on a course of study that within four years would cause me to read one-hundred books on just this topic. At the time I thought that was a lofty goal, but certainly one that I could achieve. In the years leading up to this I had read most of the number one sellers in the business category, but I really never concentrated my efforts. So, I decided that I was going to read twenty-five books every year. I established this goal very methodically. The fist thing I determined was that I needed to read two books every month and also find a way to read one extra book over the period of twelve months. Then, I figured out that the average book was about two hundred pages long. I broke that down to a daily goal of reading fifteen pages. At the time it did not matter to me when I read these pages, it was just important that I read fifteen pages every day. Thinking about this very simply it meant that I would read about two hundred and ten pages every two weeks, and thus no less than two books a month. No matter how fast or slow you read, you can read fifteen pages every day. I know that because I have watched my nine year old boys stubbornly read that many pages. On average this will take you about half an hour every day when you first start because reading is like everything else you do. The more you do it the better you will get at it. The first year that I established my reading program I read twenty-seven books. I know this because I created a simple list on which I wrote down the name of every book I read. Also, because I believe in sharing my goals and aspirations with the people around me that care about me, I experienced an incredible sense of accomplishment and was congratulated by my friends and family. That first year I evangelized to everyone about this simple system and created many new converts. As Tim Sanders would say, this is the classic Lovecat way.

Most of us will say that we don’t have time to read. Another friend of mine felt this way. However, after realigning her values and priorities, she told me just recently that she has found over one and a half hours every day that she never had before. She uses some of this time to read for thirty minutes every day. I can already see the increase in her knowledge simply based on the changes in her conversation, moods and attitude. So, how do you find that first thirty minutes? When I started I read in bed at night. That ended up being a great way for me to fall asleep, but it rarely yielded more than a couple pages of reading. I then looked for other small pockets of time. The first thing you must do is carry a book or two with you everywhere you go. Keep one in your car, and also keep one in whatever form of bag you carry to work. With practice you can even learn to read while riding a stationary bike or walking on a treadmill. I advise that for this you really want to start out slowly. I used to argue with my wife every time our family left our home to go out. Usually, I would be ready to go far in advance of my wife. Instead of arguing during this time I learned that when she said she was “ready” that I had about ten to fifteen minutes left. I began using that time to read. I also carried books to every meeting I attended and used the down time before meetings began. One of the techniques I have developed recently kills two birds with one stone. My twin boys enjoy doing their homework in my office every night. This creates a wonderful bonding opportunity when they are in my office with me and I really enjoy their company while they do their homework. When we began spending this time together I would typically spend the time just surfing the internet waiting for them to ask questions about their homework. Then just the other day I realized that since they were usually reading or writing I could spend my time doing the same. Since homework takes up about one and a half hours, I get lots of time to read just with them every night. Plus, the added bonus is that you get to reinforce a positive impression on your children when they see that even Mom or Dad is still learning every day too. Many of my books spark conversations with my sons and I don’t hesitate to share with them the “Big Idea” that I get from many of my books.

There is a prologue to my goals from six years ago. Last year I read over fifty books on a variety of topics related to the things I love. This year my goal is to read no less than sixty books. Some of those will be for entertainment purposes that I will listen to on my mp3 player or motivational books that I will listen to while driving. I now spend more than a couple thousand dollars each year buying books to read personally or to give away to friends. However, because everyone knows I love to read most of my friends and family give me book seller gift cards as presents. These really do come in handy when I just have to have that particular book right away, like when I bought Tim Sanders' book on Wednesday. Also, if you need a great way to curb your impulse shopping urge, try spending that same time wandering through a book store. You will spend a lot less, and you won’t need to ask the question “does this book make me look fat?”

I have produced a list of tips and tricks I use to get more reading done every year. I will share them with you if you will just send an email message requesting my ideas.

Jesus Christ Was A Lovecat

As I began thinking about today’s title I felt that little feeling we get inside when we do something that is contrary to our nature. Sometimes we get these feelings because we are doing something that we have never done before, or when we feel that we are doing something that we should not do. I was raised in family that takes their “religion” very seriously. Therefore, to write a statement like Jesus Christ was a Lovecat would be considered blasphemous in my family. Secondly, this strikes against my nature because of all my years working in corporate environments. You learn very early that you should never say anything that begins to reveal or sound like you hold particular religious points of view. Despite everything that I clearly know, I decided on this title any way.

As the thousands of readers of this page know (OK there are really only about 10 people that actually read this stuff) I read a lot of books. I often reference them in these pages usually in support of some idea or premise that I am attempting to expound upon. Well there is this book I was reading this morning, that I think one or two of you might have heard of. It’s an old book that has been misquoted and abused for years. The book is called the “Bible”. Perhaps you have heard of it. Reading this book I was struck by a particular passage in the book of Mark where Jesus is asked a question by one of the “teachers of the law”. The teacher asked “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” Jesus answered the question by saying: “The most important one, is this:” “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength”. The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Thus, I have concluded that Jesus was a Lovecat. You might be scratching your head wondering where all of this is going, and it is possible that you don’t know about this term “Lovecat”. That’s OK as long as I have not caused you to lose interest just yet and if you will indulge me I will get back to this in just a short time.

I encountered a fellow blogger the other day that has a tremendous blog called Small Business CEO. The web site is www.sbceo.com. The editor of the site is Steve Rucinski and I am going to give Steve his props here. Steve’s entire site provides information and resources for small business entrepreneurs. I want to tell you that he is a great resource. Now I thought that when I ran across his site while trolling for traffic (bloggers know what I mean here). Usually when you troll for traffic you don’t actually bother to read anything on the site, and frankly most of the sites you see are self-absorbed whining about one issue or another. Sometimes those are funny, but only sometimes. Steve’s site as I have said was different and it caught my attention, so I read some of the information. After reading several of the articles (and they are all much shorter than what I bore you with here) I sent a comment to Steve. One thing I have learned about the blogesphere is that if you write a comment, you will almost always get a response (anyone getting the hint here?). Steve did more than just respond. He sent back an email with great advice, reference information, and even took the time to pay a complement to my work. Wow, what a boost that was. Now, I could have just stopped with the ego boost and gone on my way. But I am really glad that I did not do that. One of the things that Steve provided was a list of books that he thought I might be interested in reading. I had actually read a couple of the books he referenced so I felt sort of good about that. However, one of the books was one that I knew about and had even previewed, but had not purchased and had not read. The book was Love Is The Killer App by Tim Sanders. I immediately went out to buy the book and read it in a day. I highly recommend it to you. I plan to re-read it before the week is out to “cliff” the book.

Sorry that it has taken me over 700 words to get back to my point at the beginning of this essay. The point of all of this is that while normally in a business setting and even in many social settings we don’t talk about the Bible for sure, but even when you mention the Bible, you really don’t want to actually use the name “Jesus Christ”. However, had I started this essay by saying that Tim Sanders says... in his book Love Is The Killer App, you wouldn’t have blinked. For me, it was important to have these two references together. So, here is my take away for today. Everything comes down to LOVE! Even as it relates to finding your V.O.I.C.E., love is a critical ingredient. This ties in for me in another book written by one of Tom Peters’ former colleagues. His name is Steve Farber. Farber wrote a book called The Radical Leap. This is one of those business parable books in the style of Patrick Lencioni, or Spencer Johnson, only this book is far better than those in my opinion. This book is transformational. Farber proposes that Love generates Energy which inspires Audacity, and provides Proof (LEAP). Here is the connection so please pay close attention. If it all comes down to love, and love creates energy, then finding your V.O.I.C.E. requires that you become what Tim Sanders calls a “Lovecat”. OK, now back to the top. Jesus Christ was a Lovecat. In this context love means caring for others, or in the definition used by Sanders, “Love is the selfless promotion of the growth of the other.” Sounds to me just like the work of Jesus, healing the sick, curing the lame, and then dying for everyone. Now, go back to the book of Mark in, yes I am going to say it again, the Bible. The second greatest commandment is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Remember, Love generates energy, and energy is part of “E-cubed” in finding your V.O.I.C.E. I just wish that Jesus the Lovecat had written a book and I could have saved myself a lot of reading.

My advice today after all of this is simple. Jesus Christ says Love your neighbor as yourself. Tim Sanders says be a Lovecat. Steve Farber says that Love generates energy. Harvey Young says Energy is part of finding your V.O.I.C.E. Show some love(selfless promotion of the growth of others) and watch the sparks of energy fly in your life. That's what Steve Rucinski did for me the other day. Love is caring, Love is sharing, and Love is far too scarce. I learned that lesson today and will likely relate that story on another day so please keep reading. By the way, thanks Steve, you too are a Lovecat.

The Edge In Your V.O.I.C.E.

As we have indicated previously, finding your V.O.I.C.E. requires that you develop your E-cubed. We have already talked about the emotional component of E-cubed and have explained why emotional intelligence plays such an important role in finding your V.O.I.C.E. Today I want to talk about “Edge”.

As we have pointed out earlier the term “Edge” in the context we use it here was developed by Jack Welch formerly of GE. Welch believed that leaders had to have the ability to take action and to make decisions when others would not. Edge requires that you move from a victim mentality and accept that action, your action, will be the greatest way to assure positive results. Edge does not require brilliance, although brilliance combined with edge is an excellent quality. However, edge does require that you bring to bear the other qualities of V.O.I.C.E. To have edge you must have the ability to take actions based on your Values and your clear Objectives. Your decisions when made with edge will be based on your Integrity, and your available Choices for those decisions will be values based coming from your positive point of view. Having edge will not lead to increased popularity, and in fact people with edge have often given up their very lives or less dramatically their positions because they pursued a course that reflected their perception of reality that was out of step with the conventional point of view. Some examples of leaders with edge are: Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, and Jesus Christ. More recently in my own city a leader that lost his job because of edge is Dr. John Thompson the Superintendent of the Pittsburgh Public Schools. Dr. Thompson has found his V.O.I.C.E. and he without question has edge. His principle based decisions to close schools and be fiscally responsible have cost him his job, but have not caused him to lose his V.O.I.C.E.

There is a barometer that I like to use to determine whether or not a person, a leader, or an organization does or does not have edge. This is a simple test that you can safely try out for your self. You only need to look for seven little words in the vocabulary of that person, leader, or organization. Those words are: We Have Always Done It This Way. These are the words that I have found are the greatest indicator that there is no edge. Having edge requires you to break from the traditional when your convictions require action.

Edge is the critical difference between winners and losers. Deciding with edge will not always produce success. Rather, edge produces speed and action that will ultimately lead to success more often than failure. The story of Joshua Chamberlain, Commander of the 20th Maine Company of volunteers in the Civil War is an example of a leader with edge. Chamberlain’s unit had a critical mission to hold an area called Little Round Top during the Battle of Gettysburg. Chamberlain’s unit fought to carry out their mission until they were left without ammunition. Conventional wisdom suggests that an army without ammunition should either retreat or surrender. I would bet that you could find that in one of Sun Tzu’s strategies on War. However, Chamberlain, a man of deep character and humility, ordered his troops to “fix bayonets” and he personally led the charge down the hill towards the enemy in a long parallel line. This charge so surprised the Confederate Army that many of their soldiers threw down their weapons and ran allowing Chamberlains troops to accomplish their mission. The military maneuver executed by Chamberlain’s men was called a “right wheel”. The men had never executed this maneuver and it was untested. Also, keep in mind that these men had no bullets. What they did have was a leader who understood the need for sacrifice in the service of others (the rest of the Union Army) that depended on them carrying out their mission. Chamberlain was prepared to sacrifice his own life (something good) for the success of the overall mission in this very critical battle (something better). Chamberlain had edge. He made the yes/no decision that needed to be made without a committee meeting, or checking with his boss. His decision, some say, marked the turning point in the battle of Gettysburg.

We see edge in our every day life when we see a parent that runs into traffic to save a child from an oncoming vehicle. Or when we read about the Firemen on 9/11 that ran into burning buildings to save lives, decisions that ultimately cost them their own life. We see edge when a young girl in a school in Colorado confesses her faith to a gunman who then executes her because of her beliefs. We see edge with our soldiers in Iraq, who may not believe in the war, but believe in duty, honor and service to their fellow soldiers and their country. And in contrast, we saw where edge was missing in the abuse of the prisoners at Abu Grahib prison. When your teen says NO to peer pressure, they are displaying edge. When you do what you know you must do, then you know you have edge. When you have edge, you are finding your V.O.I.C.E.

I know this now. Every man gives his life to what he believes. Every woman gives her life for what she believes. Sometimes people believe in little or nothing, and so they give their lives to little or nothing... – Joan of Arc

Nervous Ervous Finds His V.O.I.C.E.

As we further explore the importance of E-cubed in finding your V.O.I.C.E., I thought it would be helpful to tell the story of Nervous Ervous.

Nervous Ervous is someone that I came to know when I was a teenager growing up in Philadelphia. Only a few of the kids called him that because in truth Nervous, was pretty shy and most people did not really notice him much at all. Still, those that did notice him recognized that Nervous was not very confident. Growing up in the neighborhood he lived in, Nervous had another problem. He was smaller than most of the boys. He was skinny, and not very tall. Nervous had none of the things that are important when you are thirteen years old. He was not particularly athletic, strong, or good looking, and his family did not have enough money to buy him the latest clothes and fashions. Add to that the normal problems of early adolescence like pimples, a squeaky speaking voice and pre-teen body odor and you can imagine that Nervous had more than a few issues, he had a whole subscription.

Nervous was the oldest son of a single mother who at the time was raising three other children. He was bright. Nervous could read and tell time before he entered elementary school. He possessed a photographic memory and could recall written facts verbatim. He used this memory power to recite poems written by his maternal grandmother and this brought him a bit of acceptance and even praise in church on certain Sundays. Yet, even in this arena Nervous had a problem as most of the other kids could sing and participated in the church choir which was where the real action was. Nervous with his squeaky voice could not sing at all and in fact he could not even speak loudly without hurting his already fragile voice. Still, yielding to peer and family pressure Nervous joined the choir anyway.

Nervous was an excellent student in his early years usually earning very high marks and praise from his teachers. He was particularly adaptable to learning foreign languages and did well in those classes. When tested, it was discovered that Nervous had an IQ of 130. But, even in school Nervous had problems. He was not considered creative, could not draw or paint well and didn’t have many friends. Making Nervous’ life worse was the fact that during the early years he was bused to an all white school in a primarily Jewish neighborhood. Nervous’ new classmates were intellectually more like him than anyone else he had ever known, but this was 1968 and whites and blacks did not mix all that well in those turbulent times. Nervous was truly lost as he identified best with his white classmates, but as a young African American boy (not what they were called then), was expected to relate to the other children of color that had also been bused to the school. It was not that Nervous could not get along with the other children from his neighborhood, but rather, Nervous really did not know how to relate to people.

Drawing more and more inward as he grew into his later teens, Nervous fell into a life that reflected no V.O.I.C.E. at all. He floundered for several years, sometimes mixed with the wrong crowd, and began to fail in school which had been the only place where Nervous had ever experienced any sense of success in life. Nervous, with his high IQ dropped out of school and began working as a Janitor.

We all know Nervous Ervous. Any of us can finish his story because it is the story of so many young men of color. We might guess that Nervous falls into drugs and alcohol, commits petty crimes, and ends up in jail or dead. That is not how Nervous’ story ends. Nervous was lucky that he found his V.O.I.C.E. before it was too late. Nervous’ upbringing gave him at least a value to hold on to. Nervous understood that in all of his aloneness he was really not alone. He reached back to his upbringing and found his faith in God. For Nervous, he found his faith when he was at his lowest, far from home, and having nowhere else to go. When Nervous found his faith, he found his foundational value. That faith led Nervous to find his V.O.I.C.E. This did not happen overnight, and Nervous had many fits and starts along the way. He still made mistakes, failed to act with integrity, made bad choices and had an unstable value system. Yet, he did ultimately find his V.O.I.C.E.

How did Nervous make the leap? What changed in his life to take him from a path that has destroyed the lives of so many young men of color? Looking back the answer seems so very simple. Nervous realized that during his lonely times he had become very self-aware although he did not know what that was. His self-awareness always kept him from going too far when he could have gone down the wrong road. His self-awareness kept him from sinking into depression as he could always recognize what he was feeling as he was feeling it. He was self-motivating and became an excellent manager of his emotions and he used these skills to help him to manage the relationships in his life. Nervous went from having just a high IQ to developing his E-cubed and has since experienced life success beyond anything he could have ever imagined. Today he is a husband and father, has run successful businesses, and enjoys deep relationships with family and friends alike. Oh, and before I forget, he is still pretty smart.

What happens to people that do not find their V.O.I.C.E.? Not all will experience the things that Nervous experienced. For many not finding your V.O.I.C.E will simply mean leading a life of continued mediocrity. For some though, failing to find your V.O.I.C.E. leads to failed marriages, broken relationships, and lost children. For employers, employees that don’t find their V.O.I.C.E. are unproductive, have high turnover rates, abuse substances, increase your health care costs, and will not help you to build and run your business. This is why I like what Stephen Covey says about the need for each of us to find our V.O.I.C.E. and to help others to find theirs.